GETRICH-QUICK 
WALLINGFORD 


THE  LIBRARY 

OF 

THE  UNIVERSITY 
OF  CALIFORNIA 

LOS  ANGELES 

IN  MEMORY  OF 
EDWIN  CORLE 

PRESENTED  BY 
JEAN  CORLE 


"AND  THE  BATHROOM  MUST  HAVE  A  LARGE   TUB" 


GET-RICH-QUICK 
WALLINGFORD 


A  cheerful  account  of  the  rise  and  fall  of 
an  American  Business  Buccaneer 


By  GEORGE  RANDOLPH    CHESTER 

Author  of 

"  The  Making  of  Bobby  Burnit,"  "  The  Cash  Intrigue," 
Etc. 


WITH  FOUR  ILLUSTRATIONS 


A.  L.  BURT  COMPANY 
PUBLISHERS  NEW  YORK 


Copyright,  1907,  by  the  Curtis  Publishing  Company 
Copyright,  1908,  by  the  Curtis  Publishing  Compw* 
Copyright,  1908,  by  Howard  E.  Altemus 

Published  April,  1908 


TO    THE   LIVE    BUSINESS    MEN    OF    AMERICA — THOSE 

WHO  HAVE  BEEN  " STUNG"  AND  THOSE  WHO 

HAVE  YET  TO  UNDERGO   THAT  PAINFUL 

EXPERIENCE THIS  LITTLE  TALE  IS 

SYMPATHETICALLY  DEDICATED 


2037970 


Contents 


CHAPTER  I.     In  Which  J.  Rufus  Wallingford 

Conceives  a  Brilliant  Invention 9 

CHAPTER  II.  Wherein  Edward  Lamb  Beholds 
the  Amazing  Profits  of  the  Carpet-tack 
Industry  21 

CHAPTER  III.  Mr.  Wallingford 's  Lamb  Is  Care- 
fully Inspired  with  a  Flash  of  Creative 
Genius  33 

CHAPTER  IV.     J.  Rufus  Accepts  a  Temporary 

Accommodation  and  Buys  an  Automobile. .     45 

CHAPTER  V.    The  Universal  Covered  Carpet  Tack 

Company  Forms  Amid  Great  Enthusiasm. .     58 

CHAPTER  VI.  In  Which  an  Astounding  Revela- 
tion Is  Made  Concerning  J.  Rufus 71 

8 


CONTENTS 

CHAPTER  VII.  Wherein  the  Great  Taek  In- 
ventor Suddenly  Decides  to  Change  His 
Location  93 

CHAPTER  VIII.     Mr.  Wallingford  Takes  a  Dose 

of  His  Own  Bitter  Medicine Ill 

CHAPTER  IX.  Mr.  Wallingf ord  Shows  Mr.  Clover 
How  to  Do  the  Widows  and  Orphans  Good. .  129 

CHAPTER  X.  An  Amazing  Combination  of  Phil- 
anthropy and  Profit  is  Inaugurated 140 

CHAPTER  XI.  Neil  Takes  a  Sudden  Interest  in 
the  Business,  and  Wallingf  ord  Lets  Go ....  155 

CHAPTER  XII.  Fate  Arranges  for  J.  Rufus  an 
Opportunity  to  Manufacture  Sales  Recorders  171 

CHAPTER  XIII.  Mr.  Wallingf  ord  Offers  Unlim- 
ited Financial  Backing  to  a  New  Enterprise  187 

CHAPTER  XIV.  Showing  How  Five  Hundred 
Dollars  May  Do  the  Work  of  Five  Thousand  202 

CHAPTER  XV.  Wallingford  Generously  Loans 
The  Pneumatic  Company  Some  of  Its  Own 

Money   215 

6 


CONTENTS 

CHAPTER  XVI.     The  Financier  Takes  a  Flying 

Trip  to  Europe  on  an  Affair  of  the  Heart . . .  232 

CHAPTER  XVII.    Wherein  a  Good  Stomach  for 

Strong  Drink  is  Worth  Thousands  of  Dollars  246 

CHAPTER  XVIII.  The  Town  of  Battlesburg 
Finds  a  Private  Railroad  Car  in  Its  Midst!  256 

CHAPTER  XIX.  Mr.  Wallingford  Wins  the  Town 
of  Battlesburg  by  the  Toss  of  a  Coin 273 

CHAPTER  XX.     Battlesburg  Smells  Money  and 

Plunges  into  a  Mad  Orgie  of  Speculation . . .  293 

CHAPTER  XXI.  In  Which  the  Sheep  Are 
Sheared  and  Skinned  and  Their  Hides 
Tanned  310 

CHAPTER  XXII.    J.  Rufus  Prefers  Farming  in 

America  to  Promoting  in  Europe 330 

CHAPTER  XXIII.  A  Corner  on  Farmers  is 
Formed  and  It  Beholds  a  Most  Wonderful 
Vision  347 

CHAPTER  XXIV.  The  Farmers'  Commercial 
Association  Does  Terrific  Things  to  the 
Board  of  Trade  365 

7 


CONTENTS 

CHAPTER  XXV.  Mr.  Fox  Solves  His  Great 
Problem  and  Mr.  Wallingford  Falls  "With  a 
Thud  383 

CHAPTER  XXVI.    J.  Rufus  Scents  a  Fortune  in 

Smoke  and  Lets  Mr.  Nickel  See  the  Flames  399 

CHAPTER  XXVII.  Mr.  Wallingford  Gambles  a 
Bit  and  Picks  Up  an  Unsolicited  Partner. .  414 

CHAPTER  XXVIII.  Wherein  Mr.  Wallingford 
Joins  the  Largest  Club  in  the  World 431 


GET-RICH-QJJICK 
WALLINGFORD 


CHAPTEE   I 

IN    WHICH    J.    BUFUS    WALLINGFOBD    eONOEIVES    A 
BRILLIANT  INVENTION 

THE  mud  was  black  and  oily  where  it 
spread  thinly  at  the  edges  of  the  as- 
phalt, and  wherever  it  touched  it  left 
a  stain;  it  was  upon  the  leather  of 
every  pedestrian,  even  the  most  fastidious,  and 
it  bordered  with  almost  laughable  conspicuous- 
ness  the  higher  marking  of  yellow  clay  upon 
the  heavy  shoes  of  David  Jasper,  where  he 
stood  at  the  curb  in  front  of  the  big  hotel  with 
his  young  friend,  Edward  Lamb.  Absorbed  in 
''lodge,"  talk,  neither  of  the  oddly  assorted 
cronies  cared  much  for  drizzle  overhead  or 
mire  underfoot;  but  a  splash  of  black  mud  in 
the  face  must  necessarily  command  some  at- 
tention. This  surprise  came  suddenly  to  both 
from  the  circumstance  of  a  cab  having  dashed 

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GET-EICH-QUICK 

up  just  beside  them.  Their  resentment,  bub- 
bling hot  for  a  moment,  was  quickly  chilled, 
however,  as  the  cab  door  opened  and  out  of  it 
stepped  one  of  those  impressive  beings  for 
whom  the  best  things  of  this  world  have  been 
especially  made  and  provided.  He  was  a  large 
gentleman,  a  suave  gentleman,  a  gentleman 
whose  clothes  not  merely  fit  him  but  distin- 
guished him,  a  gentleman  of  rare  good  living, 
even  though  one  of  the  sort  whose  faces  turn 
red  when  they  eat;  and  the  dignity  of  his 
worldly  prosperousness  surrounded  him  like  a 
blessed  aura.  Without  a  glance  at  the  two 
plain  citizens  who  stood  mopping  the  mud  from 
their  faces,  he  strode  majestically  into  the  hotel, 
leaving  Mr.  David  Jasper  and  Mr.  Edward 
Lamb  out  in  the  rain. 

The  clerk  kowtowed  to  the  signature,  though 
he  had  never  seen  nor  heard  of  it  before — "  J. 
Kufus  Wallingford,  Boston. "  His  eyes,  how- 
ever, had  noted  a  few  things:  traveling  suit, 
scarf  pin,  watch  guard,  ring,  hatbox,  suit  case, 
bag,  all  expensive  and  of  the  finest  grade. 

" Sitting  room  and  bedroom;  outside!"  di- 
rected Mr.  Wallingford.  "And  the  bathroom 
must  have  a  large  tub." 

The  clerk  ventured  a  comprehending  smile  as 
he  noted  the  bulk  before  him. 

10 


WALLINGFORD 

"Certainly,  Mr.  Wallingford.  Boy,  key  for 
44- A.  Anything  else,  Mr.  Wallingford?" 

"Send  up  a  waiter  and  a  valet." 

Once  more  the  clerk  permitted  himself  a 
slight  smile,  but  this  time  it  was  as  his  large 
guest  turned  away.  He  had  not  the  slightest 
doubt  that  Mr.  Wallingford 's  bill  would  be 
princely,  he  was  positive  that  it  would  be  paid ; 
but  a  vague  wonder  had  crossed  his  mind  as 
to  who  would  regrettingly  pay  it.  His  pene- 
tration was  excellent,  for  at  this  very  moment 
the  new  arrival's  entire  capitalized  worth  was 
represented  by  the  less  than  one  hundred  dol- 
lars he  carried  in  his  pocket,  nor  had  Mr.  Wal- 
lingford the  slightest  idea  of  where  he  was  to 
get  more.  This  latter  circumstance  did  not  dis- 
tress him,  however ;  he  knew  that  there  was  still 
plenty  of  money  in  the  world  and  that  none  of 
it  was  soldered  on,  and  a  reflection  of  this  com- 
fortable philosophy  was  in  his  whole  bearing. 
As  he  strode  in  pomp  across  the  lobby,  a  score 
of  bellboys,  with  a  carefully  trained  scent  for 
tips,  envied  the  cheerfully  grinning  servitor 
who  followed  him  to  the  elevator  with  his 
luggage. 

Just  as  the  bellboy  was  inserting  the  key  in 
the  lock  of  44-A,  a  tall,  slightly  built  man 
in  a  glove-fitting  black  frock  suit,  a  quite 

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ministerial-looking  man,  indeed,  had  it  not 
been  for  the  startling  effect  of  his  extrava- 
gantly curled  black  mustache  and  his  pierc- 
ing black  eyes,  came  down  the  hallway,  so 
abstracted  that  he  had  almost  passed  Mr. 
Wallingford.  The  latter,  however,  had  eyes 
for  everything. 

"What's  the  hurry,  Blackie?"  he  inquired 
affably. 

The  other  wheeled  instantly,  with  the  snappy 
alertness  of  a  man  who  has  grown  of  habit  to 
hold  himself  in  readiness  against  sudden  sur- 
prises from  any  quarter. 

"Hello,  J.  Bufus!"  he  exclaimed,  and  shook 
hands.  "Boston  squeezed  dry?" 

Mr.  Wallingford  chuckled  with  a  cumbrous 
heaving  of  his  shoulders. 

"Just  threw  the  rind  away,'*  he  confessed. 
"Come  in." 

Mr.  Daw,  known  as  "Blackie"  to  a  small  but 
select  circle  of  gentlemen  who  make  it  their 
business  to  rescue  and  put  carefully  hoarded 
money  back  into  rapid  circulation,  dropped 
moodily  into  a  chair  and  sat  considering  his 
well-manicured  finger-nails  in  glum  silence, 
while  his  masterful  host  disposed  of  the  bell- 
boy and  the  valet. 

"Had  your  dinner?"  inquired  Mr.  Walling- 

12 


WALLINGFOED 

ford  as  he  donned  the  last  few  garments  of  a 
fresh  suit. 

"Not  yet,"  growled  the  other.  "I've  got 
such  a  grouch  against  myself  I  won't  even  feed 
right,  for  fear  I'd  enjoy  it.  On  the  cheaps  for 
the  last  day,  too." 

Mr.  Wallingf ord  laughed  and  shook  his  head. 

"I'm  clean  myself,"  he  hastened  to  inform 
his  friend.  "If  I  have  a  hundred  I'm  a  mil- 
lionaire, but  I'm  coming  and  you're  going,  and 
we  don't  look  at  that  settle-up  ceremony  the 
same  way.  What's  the  matter?" 

"I'm  the  goat!"  responded  Blackie  moodily. 
"The  original  goat!  Came  clear  out  here  to 
trim  a  sucker  that  looked  good  by  mail,  and 
have  swallowed  so  much  of  that  citric  fruit  that 
if  I  scrape  myself  my  skin  spurts  lemon  juice. 
Say,  do  I  look  like  a  come-on?" 

"If  you  only  had  the  shaving-brush  goatee, 
Blackie,  I'd  try  to  make  you  bet  on  the  loca- 
tion of  the  little  pea,"  gravely  responded  his 
friend. 

"That's  right;  rub  it  in!"  exclaimed  the  dis- 
gruntled one.  "Massage  me  with  it!  Jimmy, 
if  I  could  take  off  my  legs,  I'd  kick  myself 
with  them  from  here  to  Boston  and  never  lose 
a  stroke.  And  me  wise!" 

"But  where >s  the  fire?"   asked  J.   Eufus, 

13 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

bringing  the  end  of  his  collar  to  place  with  a 
dexterous  jerk. 

"This  lamb  I  came  out  to  shear — rot  him 
and  burn  him  and  scatter  his  ashes !  Before  I 
went  dippy  over  two  letter-heads  and  a  nice 
round  signature,  I  ordered  an  extra  safety- 
deposit  vault  back  home  and  came  on  to  take 
his  bank  roll  and  house  and  lot,  and  make  him 
a  present  of  his  clothes  if  he  behaved.  But  not 
so!  Not — so!  Jimmy,  this  whole  town  blew 
right  over  from  out  of  the  middle  of  Missouri 
in  the  last  cyclone.  You've  got  to  show 
everybody,  and  then  turn  it  over  and  let 
'em  see  the  other  side,  and  I  haven't  met 
the  man  yet  that  you  could  separate  from  a 
dollar  without  chloroform  and  an  ax.  Let 
me  tell  you  what  to  do  with  that  hundred, 
J.  Rufe.  Just  get  on  the  train  and  give  it 
to  the  conductor,  and  tell  him  to  take  you 
as  far  ay-way  from  here  as  the  money  will 
reach!'* 

Mr.  Wallingford  settled  his  cravat  tastefully 
and  smiled  at  himself  in  the  glass. 

"I  like  the  place,"  he  observed.  "They 
have  tall  buildings  here,  and  I  smell  soft  money. 
This  town  will  listen  to  a  legitimate  business 
proposition.  What?" 

"Like  the  milk-stopper  industry?"  inquired 

14 


WALLINGFORD 

Mr.  Daw,  grinning  appreciatively.  "How  is 
your  Boston  corporation  coming  on,  anyhow?" 

"It  has  even  quit  holding  the  bag,"  re- 
sponded the  other,  "because  there  isn't  any- 
thing left  of  the  bag.  The  last  I  saw  of  them, 
the  thin  and  feeble  stockholders  were  chasing 
themselves  around  in  circles,  so  I  faded  away. ' ' 

"You're  a  wonder,"  complimented  the  black- 
haired  man  with  genuine  admiration.  "You 
never  take  a  chance,  yet  get  away  with  every- 
thing in  sight,  and  you  never  leave  'em  an  open- 
ing to  put  the  funny  clothes  on  you." 

"I  deal  in  nothing  but  straight  commercial 
propositions  that  are  strictly  within  the  pale  of 
the  law,"  said  J.  Eufus  without  a  wink;  "and 
even  at  that  they  can't  say  I  took  anything 
away  from  Boston." 

"Don't  blame  Boston.  You  never  cleaned 
up  a  cent  less  than  five  thousand  a  month  while 
you  were  there,  and  if  you  spent  it,  that  was 
your  lookout." 

"I  had  to  live." 

"So  do  the  suckers,"  sagely  observed  Mr. 
Daw,  "but  they  manage  it  on  four  cents'  worth 
of  prunes  a  day,  and  save  up  their  money  for 
good  people.  How  is  Mrs.  Wallingf ord  ? " 

"All  others  are  base  imitations,"  boasted  the 
large  man,  pausing  to  critically  consider  the 

15 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

flavor  of  his  champagne.  "Just  now,  Fanny's 
in  New  York,  eating  up  her  diamonds.  She 
was  swallowing  the  last  of  the  brooch  when  I 
left  her,  and  this  morning  she  was  to  begin  on 
the  necklace.  That  ought  to  last  her  quite  some 
days,  and  by  that  time  J.  Rufus  expects  to  be 
on  earth  again." 

A  waiter  came  to  the  door  with  a  menu  card, 
and  Mr.  Wallingford  ordered,  to  be  ready  to 
serve  in  three  quarters  of  an  hour,  at  a  choice 
table  near  the  music,  a  dinner  for  two  that 
would  gladden  the  heart  of  any  tip-hunter. 

"How  soon  are  you  going  back  to  Boston, 
Blackie?" 

"To-night!"  snapped  the  other.  "I  was  go- 
ing to  take  a  train  that  makes  it  in  nineteen 
hours,  but  I  found  there  is  one  that  makes  it 
in  eighteen  and  a  half,  so  I'm  going  to  take 
that;  and  when  I  get  back  where  the  police  are 
satisfied  with  half,  I'm  not  going  out  after  the 
emerald  paper  any  more.  I'm  going  to  make 
them  bring  it  to  me.  It's  always  the  best  way. 
I  never  went  after  money  yet  that  they  didn't 
ask  me  why  I  wanted  it." 

The  large  man  laughed  with  his  eyes  closed. 

"Honestly,  Blackie,  you  ought  to  go  into  le- 
gitimate business  enterprises.  That's  the  only 
game.  You  can  get  anybody  to  buy  stock  when 

16 


WALLINGFORD 

you  make  them  print  it  themselves,  if  you'll 
only  bait  up  with  some  little  staple  article  that 
people  use  and  throw  away  every  day,  like  ice- 
cream pails,  or  corks,  or  cigar  bands,  or — or — 
or  carpet  tacks."  Having  sought  about  the 
room  for  this  last  illustration,  Mr.  Walling- 
ford  became  suddenly  inspired,  and,  arising, 
went  over  to  the  edge  of  the  carpet,  where  he 
gazed  down  meditatively  for  a  moment.  ' l  Now, 
look  at  this,  for  instance!"  he  said  with  final 
enthusiasm.  "See  this  swell  red  carpet  fas- 
tened down  with  rusty  tacks'?  There's  the 
chance.  Suppose  those  tacks  were  covered 
with  red  cloth  to  match  the  carpet.  Blackie, 
that's  my  next  invention." 

"Maybe  there  are  covered  carpet  tacks,"  ob- 
served his  friend,  with  but  languid  interest. 

"What  do  I  care?"  rejoined  Mr.  Walling- 
ford.  "A  man  can  always  get  a  patent,  and 
that's  all  I  need,  even  if  it's  one  you  can  throw 
a  cat  through.  The  company  can  fight  the  pat- 
ent after  I'm  out  of  it.  You  wouldn't  expect 
me  to  fasten  myself  down  to  the  grease-cov- 
ered details  of  an  actual  manufacturing  busi- 
ness, would  you?" 

"Not  any!"  rejoined  the  dark  one  emphat- 
ically. "You're  all  right,  J.  Eufus.  I'd  go 
into  your  business  myself  if  I  wasn't  honest. 

a—Wallingford  17 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

But,  on  the  level,  what  do  you  expect  to 
do  here?" 

"  Organize  the  Universal  Covered  Carpet 
Tack  Company.  I'll  begin  to-morrow  morning. 
Give  me  the  list  you  couldn't  use." 

"Don't  get  in  bad  from  the  start,"  warned 
Mr.  Daw.  "Tackle  fresh  ones.  The  particular 
piece  of  Roquefort,  though,  that  fooled  me  into 
a  Pullman  compartment  and  kept  me  grinning 
like  a  drunken  hyena  all  the  way  here,  was  a 
pinhead  by  the  name  of  Edward  Lamb.  When 
Eddy  fell  for  an  inquiry  about  Billion  Strike 
gold  stock,  he  wrote  on  the  firm's  stationery, 
all  printed  in  seventeen  colors  and  embossed 
so  it  made  holes  in  the  envelopes  when  the  can- 
cellation stamp  came  down.  From  the  tone  of 
Eddy's  letter  I  thought  he  was  about  ready  to 
mortgage  father's  business  to  buy  Billion 
Strike,  and  I  came  on  to  help  him  do  it.  Hon- 
est, J.  Bufus,  wouldn't  it  strike  you  that  Lamb 
was  a  good  name  ?  Couldn  't  you  hear  it  bleat  I ' ' 

Mr.  Wallingford  shook  silently,  the  more  so 
that  there  was  no  answering  gleam  of  mirth  in 
Mr.  Daw's  savage  visage. 

"Say,  do  you  know  what  I  found  when  I  got 
here!"  went  on  BlacMe  still  more  ferociously. 
"I  found  he  was  a  piker  bookkeeper,  but  with 
five  thousand  dollars  that  he'd  wrenched  out 

18 


WALLINGFOED 

of  his  own  pay  envelope,  a  pinch  at  a  clip ;  and 
every  time  he  takes  a  dollar  out  of  his  pocket 
his  fingers  creak.  His  whole  push  is  like  him, 
too,  but  I  never  got  any  further  than  Eddy. 
He's  not  merely  Johnny  Wise — he's  the  whole 
Wise  family,  and  it's  only  due  to  my  Christian 
bringing  up  that  I  didn't  swat  him  with  a  brick 
during  our  last  little  chatter  when  I  saw  it  all 
fade  away.  Do  you  know  what  he  wanted  me 
to  do?  He  wanted  me  to  prove  to  him  that 
there  actually  was  a  Billion  Strike  mine,  and 
that  gold  had  been  found  in  it!" 

Mr.  Wallingford  had  ceased  to  laugh.  He 
was  soberly  contemplating. 

"Your  Lamb  is  my  mutton,"  he  finally  con- 
cluded, pressing  his  finger  tips  together. 
"He'll  listen  to  a  legitimate  business  proposi- 
tion." 

"Don't  make  me  fuss  with  you,  J.  Bufus," 
admonished  Mr.  Daw.  "Remember,  I'm  go- 
ing away  to-night,"  and  he  arose. 

Mr.  Wallingford  arose  with  him.  "By  the 
way,  of  course  I'll  want  to  refer  to  you;  how 
many  addresses  have  you  besides  the  Billion 
Strike?  A  mention  of  that  would  probably  get 
me  arrested." 

"Four:  the  Mexican  and  Eio  Grande  Eubber 
Company,  Tremont  Building;  the  St.  John's 

19 


GET-KICH-QUICK 

Blood  Orange  Plantation  Company,  643  Third 
Street ;  the  Los  Pocos  Lead  Development  Com- 
pany, 868  Schuttle  Avenue,  and  the  Sierra  Cin- 
nabar Grant,  Schuttle  Square,  all  of  which  ad- 
dresses will  reach  me  at  my  little  old  desk-room 
corner  in  1126  Tremont  Building,  Third  and 
Schuttle  Avenues;  and  I'll  answer  letters  of 
inquiry  on  four  different  letter-heads.  If  you 
need  more  I'll  post  Billy  Riggs  over  in  the 
Cloud  Block  and  fix  it  for  another  four  or 
five." 

"I'll  write  Billy  a  letter  myself,'*  observed 
J.  Eufus.  "I'll  need  all  the  references  I  can 
get  when  I  come  to  organize  the  Universal  Cov- 
ered Carpet  Tack  Company." 

"Quit  kidding,"  retorted  Mr.  Daw. 

"It's  on  the  level,"  insisted  J.  Rufus  seri- 
ously. "Let's  go  down  to  dinner." 


20 


J 


CHAPTER  II 

WHEREIN     EDWARD    LAMB    BEHOLDS    THE    AMAZING 
PROFITS    OF    THE    CARPET-TACK    INDUSTRY 

THERE  were  twenty-four  applicants  for 
the  position  before  Edward  Lamb  ap- 
peared, the  second  day  after  the  initial 
insertion  of  the  advertisement  which 
had  been  designed  to  meet  his  eye  alone.    David 
Jasper,  who  read  his  paper  advertisements  and 
all,  in  order  to  get  the  full  worth  of  his  money 
out  of  it,  telephoned  to  his  friend  Edward  about 
the  glittering  chance. 

Yes,  Mr.  Wallingford  was  in  his  suite. 
Would  the  gentleman  give  his  name?  Mr. 
Lamb  produced  a  card,  printed  in  careful  imi- 
tation of  engraving,  and  it  gained  him  admis- 
sion to  the  august  presence,  where  he  created 
some  surprise  by  a  sudden  burst  of  laughter. 
"Ex-cuse  me!"  he  exclaimed.  "But  you're 
the  man  that  splashed  mud  on  me  the  other 
night  I " 

When  the  circumstance  was  related,  Mr. 
Wallingford  laughed  with  great  gusto  and 
shook  hands  for  the  second  time  with  his  vis- 

21 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

itor.  The  incident  helped  them  to  get  upon  a 
most  cordial  footing  at  once.  It  did  not  occur 
to  either  of  them,  at  the  time,  how  appropriate 
it  was  that  Mr.  Wallingford  should  splash  mud 
upon  Mr.  Lamb  at  their  very  first  meeting. 

"What  can  I  do  for  you,  Mr.  Lamb?"  in- 
quired the  large  man. 

"You  advertised "  began  the  caller. 

"Oh,  you  came  about  that  position,"  depre- 
cated Mr.  Wallingford,  with  a  nicely  shaded 
tone  of  courteous  disappointment  in  his  voice. 
"I  am  afraid  that  I  am  already  fairly  well 
suited,  although  I  have  made  no  final  choice  as 
yet.  What  are  your  qualifications'?" 

"There  will  be  no  trouble  about  that,"  re- 
turned Mr.  Lamb,  straightening  visibly.  "I 
can  satisfy  anybody."  And  Mr.  Wallingford 
had  the  keynote  for  which  he  was  seeking. 

He  knew  at  once  that  Mr.  Lamb  prided  him- 
self upon  his  independence,  upon  his  local 
standing,  upon  his  efficiency,  upon  his  business 
astuteness.  The  observer  had  also  the  experi- 
ence of  Mr.  Daw  to  guide  him,  and,  moreover, 
better  than  all,  here  was  Mr.  Lamb  himself.  He 
was  a  broad-shouldered  young  man,  who  stood 
well  upon  his  two  feet ;  he  dressed  with  a  proper 
and  decent  pride  in  his  prosperity,  and  wore 
looped  upon  his  vest  a  watch  chain  that  by  its 

22 


WALLINGFORD 

very  weight  bespoke  the  wearer's  solid  worth. 
The  young  man  was  an  open  book,  whereof  the 
pages  were  embossed  in  large  type. 

"Now  you're  talking  like  the  right  man," 
said  the  prospective  employer.  "Sit  down. 
You'll  understand,  Mr.  Lamb,  that  my  question 
was  only  a  natural  one,  for  I  am  quite  particular 
about  this  position,  which  is  the  most  important 
one  I  have  to  fill.  Our  business  is  to  be  a  large 
one.  We  are  to  conduct  an  immense  plant  in 
this  city,  and  I  want  the  office  work  organized 
with  a  thorough  system  from  the  beginning. 
The  duties,  consequently,  would  begin  at  once. 
The  man  who  would  become  secretary  of  the 
Universal  Covered  Carpet  Tack  Company, 
would  need  to  know  all  about  the  concern  from 
its  very  inception,  and  until  I  have  secured 
that  exact  man  I  shall  take  no  steps  toward 
organization. ' ' 

Word  by  word,  Mr.  Wallingford  watched  the 
face  of  Edward  Lamb  and  could  see  that  he  was 
succumbing  to  the  mental  chloroform.  How- 
ever, a  man  who  at  thirty  has  accumulated  five 
thousand  is  not  apt  to  be  numbed  without 
struggling. 

"Before  we  go  any  further,"  interposed  the 
patient,  with  deep,  deep  shrewdness,  "it  must 
be  understood  that  I  have  no  money  to  invest." 

23 


GET-EICH-QUICK 

"Exactly,"  agreed  Mr.  Wallingford.  "I 
stated  that  in  my  advertisement.  To  become 
secretary  it  will  be  necessary  to  hold  one  share 
of  stock,  but  that  share  I  shall  give  to  the  right 
applicant.  I  do  not  care  for  Mm  to  have  any 
investment  in  the  company.  What  I  want  is 
the  services  of  the  best  man  in  the  city,  and 
to  that  end  I  advertised  for  one  who  had  been 
an  expert  bookkeeper  and  who  knew  all  the  of- 
fice routine  of  conducting  a  large  business, 
agreeing  to  start  such  a  man  with  a  salary  of 
two  hundred  dollars  a  month.  That  advertise- 
ment stated  in  full  all  that  I  expect  from  the 
one  who  secures  this  position — his  expert  serv- 
ices. I  may  say  that  you  are  only  the  second 
candidate  who  has  had  the  outward  appearance 
of  being  able  to  fulfill  the  requirements.  Actual 
efficiency  would  naturally  have  to  be  shown." 

Mr.  Wallingford  was  now  quite  coldly  insist- 
ent. The  proper  sleep  had  been  induced. 

"For  fifteen  years,"  Mr.  Lamb  now  hastened 
to  advise  him,  "I  have  been  employed  by  the 
A.  J.  Dorman  Manufacturing  Company,  and  can 
refer  you  to  them  for  everything  you  wish  to 
know.  I  can  give  you  other  references  as  to 
reliability  if  you  like." 

Mr.  Wallingford  was  instant  warmth. 

"The  A.  J.  Dorman  Company,  indeed!"  he 

24 


WALLINGFORD 

exclaimed,  though  he  had  never  heard  of  that 
concern.  "The  name  itself  is  guarantee 
enough,  at  least  to  defer  such  matters  for  a  bit 
while  I  show  you  the  industry  that  is  to  be 
built  in  your  city. ' '  From  his  dresser  Mr.  Wal- 
lingford  produced  a  handful  of  tacks,  the  head 
of  each  one  covered  with  a  bit  of  different- 
colored  bright  cloth.  "You  have  only  to  look 
at  these,"  he  continued,  holding  them  forth, 
and  with  the  thumb  and  forefinger  of  the  other 
hand  turning  one  red-topped  tack  about  in 
front  of  Mr.  Lamb 's  eyes,  ' '  to  appreciate  to  the 
full  what  a  wonderful  business  certainty  I  am 
preparing  to  launch.  Just  hold  these  tacks  a 
moment,"  and  he  turned  the  handful  into  Mr. 
Lamb's  outstretched  palm.  "Now  come  over 
to  the  edge  of  this  carpet.  I  have  selected  here 
a  tack  which  matches  this  floor  covering.  You 
see  those  rusty  heads?  Imagine  the  difference 
if  they  were  replaced  by  this!" 

Mr.  Lamb  looked  and  saw,  but  it  was  neces- 
sary to  display  his  business  acumen. 

"Looks  like  a  good,  thing,"  he  commented; 
"but  the  cost?" 

"The  cost  is  comparatively  nothing  over  the 
old  steel  tack,  although  we  can  easily  get  ten 
cents  a  paper  as  against  five  for  the  common 
ones,  leaving  us  a  much  wider  margin  of  profit 

25 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

than  the  manufacturers  of  the  straight  tack  ob- 
tain. There  is  no  family  so  poor  that  will  use 
the  old,  rusty  tinned  or  bronze  tack  when  these 
are  made  known  to  the  trade,  and  you  can  easily 
compute  for  yourself  how  many  millions  of 
packages  are  used  every  year.  Why,  the 
Eureka  Tack  Company,  which  practically  has 
a  monopoly  of  the  carpet-tack  business,  oper- 
ates a  manufacturing  plant  covering  twenty 
solid  acres,  and  a  loaded  freight  car  leaves  its 
warehouse  doors  on  an  average  of  every  seven 
minutes!  You  cannot  buy  a  share  of  stock  in 
the  Eureka  Carpet  Tack  Company  at  any  price. 
It  yields  sixteen  per  cent,  a  year  dividends, 
with  over  eighteen  million  dollars  of  undivided 
surplus — and  that  business  was  built  on  carpet 
tacks  alone!  Why,  sir,  if  we  wished  to  do  so, 
within  two  months  after  we  had  started  our 
factory  wheels  rolling  we  could  sell  out  to  the 
Eureka  Company  for  two  million  dollars;  or 
a  profit  of  more  than  one  thousand  per  cent,  on 
the  investment  that  we  are  to  make.'* 

For  once  Mr.  Lamb  was  overwhelmed.  Only 
three  days  before  he  had  been  beset  by  Mr.  Daw, 
but  that  gentleman  had  grown  hoarsely  elo- 
quent over  vast  possessions  that  were  beyond 
thousands  of  miles  of  circumambient  space, 
across  vast  barren  reaches  where  desert  sands 

26 


WALLINGFORD 

sent  up  constant  streams  of  superheated  atmos- 
phere, with  the  "hot  air"  distinctly  to  be  traced 
throughout  the  conversation;  but  here  was 
something  to  be  seen  and  felt.  The  points  of  the 
very  tacks  that  he  held  pricked  his  palm,  and 
his  eyes  were  still  glued  upon  the  red-topped 
one  which  Mr.  Wallingford  held  hypnotically 
before  him. 

"Who  composes  your  company?"  he  man- 
aged to  ask. 

"So  far,  I  do,"  replied  Mr.  Wallingford  with 
quiet  pride.  * '  I  have  not  organized  the  company. 
That  is  a  minor  detail.  When  I  go  searching 
for  capital  I  shall  know  where  to  secure  it.  I 
have  chosen  this  city  on  account  of  its  manu- 
facturing facilities,  and  for  its  splendid  geo- 
graphical position  as  a  distributing  center." 

"The  stock  is  not  yet  placed,  then,"  mused 
aloud  Mr.  Lamb,  upon  whose  vision  there  al- 
ready glowed  a  pleasing  picture  of  immense 
profits. 

Why,  the  thing  was  startling  in  the  magnifi- 
cence of  its  opportunity!  Simple  little  trick, 
millions  and  millions  used,  better  than  anything 
of  its  kind  ever  put  upon  the  market,  cheaply 
manufactured,  it  was  marked  for  success  from 
the  first! 

"Stock   placed?     Not   at   all,"   stated   Mr. 

27 


GET-KICH-QUICK 

Wallingford.  "My  plans  only  contemplate  in- 
corporating for  a  quarter  of  a  million,  and  I 
mean  to  avoid  small  stockholders.  I  shall  try 
to  divide  the  stock  into,  say,  about  ten  holdings 
of  twenty-five  thousand  each. ' ' 

Mr.  Lamb  was  visibly  disappointed. 

"It  looks  like  a  fine  thing,"  he  declared  with 
a  note  of  regret. 

"Fine?  My  boy,  I'm  not  much  older  than 
you  are,  but  I  have  been  connected  with  several 
large  enterprises  in  Boston  and  elsewhere — if 
any  one  were  to  care  to  inquire  about  me  they 
might  drop  a  line  to  the  Mexican  and  Eio 
Grande  Eubber  Company,  the  St.  John's  Blood 
Orange  Plantation  Company,  the  Los  Pocos 
Lead  Development  Company,  the  Sierra  Cinna- 
bar Grant,  and  a  number  of  others,  the  addresses 
of  which  I  could  supply — and  I  never  have  seen 
anything  so  good  as  this.  I  am  staking  my 
entire  business  judgment  upon  it,  and,  of 
course,  I  shall  retain  the  majority  of  stock 
myself,  inasmuch  as  the  article  is  my  in- 
vention." 

This  being  the  psychological  moment,  Mr. 
Wallingford  put  forth  his  hand  and  had  Mr. 
Lamb  dump  the  tacks  back  into  the  large  palm 
that  had  at  first  held  them.  He  left  them  open 
to  view,  however,  and  presently  Mr.  Lamb 


WALLINGFORD 

picked  out  one  of  them  for  examination.  This 
particular  tack  was  of  an  exquisite  apple-green 
color,  the  covering  for  which  had  been  clipped 
from  one  of  Mr.  Wallingf  ord 's  own  expensive 
ties,  glued  to  its  place  and  carefully  trimmed 
by  Mr.  Wallingf  ord 's  own  hands.  Mr.  Lamb 
took  it  to  the  window  for  closer  admiration, 
and  the  promoter,  left  to  himself  for  a  moment, 
stood  before  the  glass  to  mop  his  face  and  head 
and  neck.  He  had  been  working  until  he  had 
perspired;  but,  looking  into  the  glass  at  Mr. 
Lamb's  rigid  back,  he  perceived  that  the  work 
was  well  done.  Mr.  Lamb  was  profoundly  con- 
vinced that  the  Universal  Covered  Carpet  Tack 
Company  was  an  entity  to  be  respected;  nay, 
to  be  revered!  Mr.  Lamb  could  already  see 
the  smoke  belching  from  the  tall  chimneys  of 
its  factory,  the  bright  lights  gleaming  out  from 
its  myriad  windows  where  it  was  working  over- 
time, the  thousands  of  workmen  streaming  in 
at  its  broad  gates,  the  loaded  freight  cars  leav- 
ing every  seven  minutes! 

"You're  not  going  home  to  dinner,  are  you, 
Mr.  Lamb?"  asked  Mr.  Wallingf  ord  suddenly. 
"I  owe  you  one  for  the  splash,  you  know." 
"Why — I'm  expected  home." 
"Telephone  them  you're  not  coming." 
"We — we  haven't  a  telephone  in  the  house." 

29 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

"Telephone  to  the  nearest  drug  store  and 
send  a  messenger  over." 

Mr.  Lamb  looked  down  at  himself.  He  was 
always  neatly  dressed,  but  he  did  not  feel  equal 
to  the  glitter  of  the  big  dining  room  downstairs. 

"I  am  not — cleaned  up,"  he  objected. 

"Nonsense!  However,  as  far  as  that  goes, 
we'll  have  'em  bring  a  table  right  here."  And, 
taking  the  matter  into  his  own  hands,  Mr.  Wal- 
lingford  telephoned  for  a  waiter. 

From  that  moment  Mr.  Lamb  strove  not  to 
show  his  wonder  at  the  heights  to  which  human 
comfort  and  luxury  can  attain,  but  it  was  a  vain 
attempt;  for  from  the  time  the  two  uniformed 
attendants  brought  in  the  table  with  its  snowy 
cloth  and  began  to  place  upon  it  the  shining 
silver  and  cut-glass  service,  with  the  center- 
piece of  red  carnations,  he  began  to  grasp  at  a 
new  world — and  it  was  about  this  time  that  he 
wished  he  had  on  his  best  black  suit.  In  the 
bathroom  Mr.  Wallingford  came  upon  him  as 
he  held  his  collar  ruefully  in  his  hand,  and 
needed  no  explanation. 

"I  say,  old  man,  we  can't  keep  'em  clean, 
can  we?  We'll  fix  that." 

The  bellboys  were  anxious  to  answer  summons 
from  44-A  by  this  time.  Mr.  Wallingford  never 
used  money  in  a  hotel  except  for  tips.  It  was 

so 


WALLINGFORD 

scarcely  a  minute  until  a  boy  had  that  collar, 
with  instructions  to  get  another  just  like  it. 

"How  are  the  cuffs?  Attached,  old  man? 
All  right.  What  size  shirt  do  you  wear?" 

Mr.  Lamb  gave  up.  He  was  now  past  the 
point  of  protest.  He  told  Mr.  Wallingford  the 
number  of  his  shirt.  In  five  minutes  more  he 
was  completely  outfitted  with  clean  linen,  and 
when,  washed  and  refreshed  and  spotless  as  to 
high  lights,  he  stepped  forth  into  what  was 
now  a  perfectly  appointed  private  dining 
room,  he  felt  himself  gradually  rising  to  Mr. 
Wallingford 's  own  height  and  able  to  be 
supercilious  to  the  waiters,  under  whose  gaze, 
while  his  collar  was  soiled,  he  had  quailed. 

It  was  said  by  those  who  made  a  business  of 
dining  that  Mr.  Wallingford  could  order  a 
dinner  worth  while,  except  for  the  one  trifling 
fault  of  over-plenty;  but  then,  Mr.  Wallingford 
himself  was  a  large  man,  and  it  took  much  food 
and  drink  to  sustain  that  largeness.  What- 
ever other  critics  might  have  said,  Mr.  Lamb 
could  have  but  one  opinion  as  they 'sipped  their 
champagne,  toward  the  end  of  the  meal,  and 
this  opinion  was  that  Mr.  Wallingford  was  a 
genius,  a  prince  of  entertainers,  a  master  of 
finance,  a  gentleman  to  be  imitated  in  every 
particular,  and  that  a  man  should  especially 

31 


GET-EICH-QUICK 

blush  to  question  his  financial  standing  or  in- 
tegrity. 

They  went  to  the  theater  after  dinner — box 
seats — and  after  the  theater  they  had  a  little 
cold  snack,  amounting  to  about  eleven  dollars, 
including  wine  and  cigars.  Moreover,  Mr. 
Lamb  had  gratefully  accepted  the  secretary- 
ship of  the  Universal  Covered  Carpet  Tack 
Company. 


CHAPTEE  rn 

MB.  WALLINGFOBD'S  LAMB  is  CAREFULLY  INSPIBED 

WITH  A  FLASH  OF  CBEATIVE  GENIUS 

r  I  "^HE  next  morning,  in  spite  of  protests 
and  warnings  from  his  employer,  Mr. 
Lamb  resigned  his  position  with  the 
A.  J.  Dorman  Company,  and,  jumping 
on  a  car,  rode  out  to  the  far  North  Side,  where 
he  called  at  David  Jasper 's  tumble-down  frame 
house.  On  either  side  of  this  were  three  neat 
houses  that  David  had  built,  one  at  a  time,  on 
land  he  had  bought  for  a  song  in  his  younger 
days ;  but  these  were  for  renting  purposes. 
David  lived  in  the  old  one  for  exactly  the  same 
reason  that  he  wore  the  frayed  overcoat  and 
slouch  hat  that  had  done  him  duty  for  many 
years — they  made  him  as  comfortable  as  new 
ones,  and  appearances  fed  no  one  nor  kept 
anybody  warm. 

Wholesome  Ella  Jasper  met  the  caller  at  the 

door  with  an  inward  cordiality  entirely  out  of 

proportion  to  even  a  close  friend  of  the  family, 

but  her  greeting  was  commonplaceness  itself. 

"Father's  just  over  to  Kriegler's,  getting  his 

3—Wallingfard  33 


GET-EICH-QUICK 

glass  of  beer  and  his  lunch,"  she  observed  as 
he  shook  hands  warmly  with  her.  Sometimes 
she  wished  that  he  were  not  quite  so  meaning- 
lessly  cordial;  that  he  could  be  either  a  bit 
more  shy  or  a  bit  more  bold  in  his  greeting 
of  her. 

"I  might  have  known  that,"  he  laughed, 
looking  at  his  watch.  "Half -past  ten.  I'll 
hurry  right  over  there,"  and  he  was  gone. 

Ella  stood  in  the  doorway  and  looked  after 
him  until  he  had  turned  the  corner  of  the  house; 
then  she  sighed  and  went  back  to  her  baking. 
A  moment  later  she  was  singing  cheerfully. 

It  was  a  sort  of  morning  lunch  club  of  elderly 
men,  all  of  the  one  lodge,  the  one  building  as- 
sociation, the  one  manner  of  life,  which  met 
over  at  Kriegler's,  and  "Eddy"  was  compelled 
to  sit  with  them  for  nearly  an  hour  of  slow 
beer,  while  politics,  municipal,  state  and 
national,  was  thoroughly  thrashed  out,  before 
he  could  get  his  friend  David  to  himself. 

"Well,  what  brings  you  out  so  early,  Eddy?" 
asked  the  old  harness  maker  on  the  walk  home. 
"Got  a  new  gold-mining  scheme  again  to  put 
us  all  in  the  poorhouse?" 

Eddy  laughed. 

"You  don't  remember  of  the  kid-glove  miner 
taking  anybody's  money  away,  do  you?"  he 

34 


WALLINGFORD 

demanded.  "I  guess  your  old  chum  Eddy  saw 
through  the  grindstone  that  time,  eh?" 

Mr.  Jasper  laughed  and  pounded  him  a 
sledge-hammer  blow  upon  the  shoulder.  It 
was  intended  as  a  mere  pat  of  approval. 

''You're  all  right,  Eddy.  The  only  trouble 
with  you  is  that  you  don't  get  married.  You'll 
be  an  old  bachelor  before  you  know  it." 

"So  you've  said  before,"  laughed  Eddy, 
"but  I  can't  find  the  girl  that  will  have  me." 

"I'll  speak  to  Ella  for  you." 

The  younger  man  laughed  lightly  again. 

"She's  my  sister,"  he  said  gayly.  "I 
wouldn't  lose  my  sister  for  anything." 

David  frowned  a  little  and  shook  his  head  to 
himself,  but  he  said  nothing  more,  though  the 
wish  was  close  to  his  heart.  He  thought  he 
was  tactful. 

"No,  I've  got  that  new  job,"  went  on  young 
Lamb.  "Another  man  from  Boston,  too.  I'm 
in  charge  of  the  complete  office  organization  of 
a  brand-new  manufacturing  business  that's  to 
start  up  here.  Two  hundred  dollars  a  month  to 
begin.  How's  that!" 

"Fine,"  said  David.  "Enough  to  marry  on. 
But  it  sounds  too  good.  Is  he  a  sharper,  too?" 

"He  don't  need  to  be.  He  seems  to  have 
plenty  of  money,  and  the  article  he's  going  to 

35 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

start  manufacturing  is  so  good  that  it  will  pay 
him  better  to  be  honest  than  to  be  crooked.  I 
don't  see  where  the  man  could  go  wrong.  Why, 
look  here ! ' '  and  from  his  vest  pocket  he  pulled 
an  orange-headed  tack.  ''Carpet  tack — 
covered  with  any  color  you  want — same  color 
as  your  carpet  so  the  tacks  don't  show — only 
cost  a  little  bit  more  than  the  cheap  ones.  Don't 
you  think  it's  a  good  thing?" 

David  stopped  in  the  middle  of  the  sidewalk 
and  put  on  his  spectacles  to  examine  the  trifle 
critically. 

"Is  that  all  he's  going  to  make — just  tacks?" 

"Just  tacks!"  exclaimed  the  younger  man. 
"Why,  Dave,  the  Eureka  Tack  Company,  that 
has  a  practical  monopoly  now  of  the  tack  busi- 
ness in  this  country,  occupies  a  plant  covering 
twenty  acres.  It  employs  thousands  of  men. 
It  makes  sixteen  per  cent,  a  year  dividends, 
and  has  millions  of  dollars  surplus  in  its 
treasury — undivided  profits!  Long  freight 
trains  leave  its  warehouses  every  day,  loaded 
down  with  nothing  but  tacks;  and  that's 
all  they  make  —  just  tacks!  Why,  think, 
Dave,  of  how  many  millions  of  tacks  are 
pulled  out  of  carpets  and  thrown  away  every 
spring ! ' ' 

Mr.  Jasper  was  still  examining  the  tack  from 

36 


WALLINGFORD 

head  to  point  with  deep  interest.  Now  he 
drew  a  long  breath  and  handed  it  back. 

"It's  a  big  thing,  even  if  it  is  little,"  he  ad- 
mitted. "Watch  out  for  the  man,  though. 
Does  he  want  any  money?" 

"Not  a  cent.  Why,  any  money  I've  got  he'd 
laugh  at.  I  couldn't  give  him  any.  He's  a 
rich  man,  and  able  to  start  his  own  factory. 
He's  going  to  organize  a  quarter  of  a  million 
stock  company  and  keep  the  majority  of  the 
stock  himself." 

' '  It  might  be  pretty  good  stock  to  buy,  if  you 
could  get  some  of  it, ' '  decided  Dave  after  some 
slow  pondering. 

"I  wish  I  could,  but  there  is  no  chance. 
What  stock  he  issues  is  only  to  be  put  out  in 
twenty-five-thousand-dollar  lots. ' ' 

Again  David  Jasper  sighed.  Sixteen  per 
cent,  a  year!  He  was  thinking  now  of  what  a 
small  margin  of  profit  his  houses  left  him  after 
repairs  and  taxes  were  paid. 

"It  looks  to  me  like  you'd  struck  it  rich,  my 
boy.  Well,  you  deserve  it.  You  have  worked 
hard  and  saved  your  money.  You  know,  when 
I  got  married  I  had  nothing  but  a  set  of  harness 
tools  and  the  girl,  and  we  got  along." 

"Look  here,  Dave,"  laughed  his  younger 
friend,  whose  thirty  years  were  unbelievable  in 

37 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

that  he  still  looked  so  much  like  a  boy,  "some 
of  these  days  I  will  hunt  up  a  girl  and  get  mar- 
ried, just  to  make  you  keep  still  about  it,  and 
if  I  have  any  trouble  I'll  throw  it  up  to  you  as 
long  as  you  live.  But  what  do  you  think  of 
this  chance  of  mine?  That's  what  I  came  out 
for — to  get  your  opinion  on  it." 

"Well,"  drawled  Dave,  cautious  now  that 
the  final  judgment  was  to  be  pronounced,  "you 
want  to  remember  that  you're  giving  up  a  good 
job  that  has  got  better  and  better  every  year 
and  that  will  most  likely  get  still  better  every 
year;  but,  if  you  can  start  at  two  hundred  a 
month,  and  are  sure  you're  going  to  get  it,  and 
the  man  don't  want  any  money,  and  he  isn't  a 
sharper,  why,  it  looks  like  it  was  too  good  to 
miss." 

"That's  what  I  think,"  rejoined  Mr.  Lamb 
enthusiastically.  "Well,  I  must  go  now.  I 
want  to  see  Mr.  Lewis  and  John  Nolting  and 
one  or  two  of  the  others,  and  get  their  advice, ' ' 
and  he  swung  jubilantly  on  a  car. 

It  was  a  pleasant  figment  this,  Eddy  Lamb's 
plan  of  consulting  his  older  friends.  He  always 
went  to  them  most  scrupulously  to  get  their  ad- 
vice, and  afterward  did  as  he  pleased.  He  was 
too  near  the  soil,  however — only  one  generation 
away — to  make  many  mistakes  in  the  matter 

38 


WALLINGFORD 

of  caution,  and  so  far  lie  had  swung  his  little 
financial  ventures  with  such  great  success  that 
he  had  begun  to  be  conceited. 

He  found  Mr.  Wallingford  at  the  hotel,  but 
not  waiting  for  him  by  any  means.  Mr.  Wal- 
lingford was  very  busy  with  correspondence 
which,  since  part  of  it  was  to  his  wife  and  to 
"Blackie"  Daw,  was  entirely  too  personal  to  be 
trusted  to  a  public  stenographer,  and  he  frown- 
ingly  placed  his  caller  near  the  window  with 
some  new  samples  of  tacks  he  had  made  that 
morning;  then,  for  fifteen  minutes,  he  silently 
wrote  straight  on,  a  course  which  allowed  Mr. 
Lamb  the  opportunity  to  reflect  that  he  was, 
after  all,  not  entitled  to  have  worn  that  air  of 
affable  familiarity  with  which  he  had  come  into 
the  room.  In  closing  his  letter  to  Mr.  Daw  the 
writer  added  a  postscript :  ' l  The  Lamb  is  here, 
and  I  am  now  sharpening  the  shears. ' ' 

His  letters  finished  and  a  swift  boy  called  to 
despatch  them,  Mr.  Wallingford  drew  a  chair 
soberly  to  the  opposite  side  of  the  little  table 
at  which  he  had  seated  Mr.  Laanb.  Like  every 
great  captain  of  finance,  he  turned  his  back  to 
the  window  so  that  his  features  were  in  shadow, 
while  the  wide-set,  open  eyes  of  Mr.  Lamb, 
under  their  good,  broad  brow,  blinked  into  the 
full  light  of  day,  which  revealed  for  minute 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

stndy  every  wrinkle  of  expression  in  his  fea- 
tures. 

"I  forgot  to  warn  you  of  one  thing  last  night, 
and  I  hope  you  have  not  talked  too  much," 
Mr.  Wallingford  hegan  with  great  seriousness. 
"I  reposed  such  confidence  in  you  that  I  did  not 
think  of  caution,  a  confidence  that  was  justified, 
for  from  such  inquiries  as  I  have  made  this 
morning  I  am  perfectly  satisfied  with  your 
record — and,  by  the  way,  Mr.  Lamb,  while  we 
are  upon  this  subject,  here  is  a  list  of  refer- 
ences to  some  of  whom  I  must  insist  that  you 
write,  for  my  own  satisfaction  if  not  for  yours. 
But  now  to  the  main  point.  The  thing  I  omit- 
ted to  warn  you  about  is  this,"  and  here  he 
sank  his  voice  to  a  quite  confidential  tone:  "I 
have  not  yet  applied  for  letters  patent  upon 
this  device." 

"You  have  not?"  exclaimed  Mr.  Lamb  in 
surprise.  The  revelation  rather  altered  his  es- 
timate of  Mr.  Wallingford 's  great  business 
ability. 

"No,"  confessed  the  latter.  "You  can  see 
how  much  I  trust  you,  to  tell  you  this,  because, 
if  you  did  not  know,  you  would  naturally  sup- 
pose that  the  patent  was  at  least  under  way, 
and  I  would  be  in  no  danger  whatever;  but  I 
am  not  yet  satisfied  on  one  point,  and  I  want 

40 


WALLINGFOBD 

the  device  perfect  before  I  make  application. 
It  has  worried  me  quite  a  bit.  You  see,  the 
heads  of  these  tacks  are  too  smooth  to  retain 
the  cloth.  It  is  very  difficult  to  glue  cloth  to 
a  smooth  metal  surface,  and  if  we  send  out 
our  tacks  in  such  condition  that  a  hammer  will 
pound  the  cloth  tops  off,  it  will  ruin  our  busi- 
ness the  first  season.  I  have  experimented  with 
every  sort  of  glue  I  can  get,  and  have  pounded 
thousands  of  tacks  into  boards,  but  the  cloth 
covering  still  comes  off  in  such  large  percentage 
that  I  am  afraid  to  go  ahead.  Of  course,  the 
thing  can  be  solved — it  is  merely  a  question  of 
time — but  there  is  no  time  now  to  be  lost." 

From  out  the  drawer  of  the  table  he  drew  a 
board  into  which  had  been  driven  some  dozens 
of  tacks.  From  at  least  twenty-five  per  cent, 
of  them  the  cloth  covering  had  been  knocked 
off. 

"I  see,"  observed  the  Lamb,  and  he  ex- 
amined the  board  thoughtfully;  then  he  looked 
out  of  the  window  at  the  passing  traffic  in  the 
street. 

Mr.  Wallingford  tilted  back  his  chair  and 
lit  a  fat,  black  cigar,  the  barest  twinkle  of  a 
smile  playing  about  his  eyes.  He  laid  a  mate 
to  the  cigar  in  front  of  the  bookkeeper,  but  the 
latter  paid  no  attention  whatever  to  it.  He 

41 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

was  perfectly  absorbed,  and  the  twinkles 
aronnd  the  large  man's  eyes  deepened. 

"I  say!"  suddenly  exclaimed  Mr.  Lamb,  turn- 
ing from  the  window  to  the  capitalist  and 
throwing  open  his  coat  impatiently,  as  if  to 
get  away  from  anything  that  encumbered  his 
free  expression,  "  why  wouldn't  it  do  to  roughen 
the  heads  of  the  tacks?" 

His  eyes  fairly  gleamed  with  the  enthusiasm 
of  creation.  He  had  found  the  answer  to  one 
of  those  difficult  problems  like:  "What  bright 
genius  can  supply  the  missing  letters  to  make 
up  the  name  of  this  great  American  martyr, 
who  was  also  a  President  and  freed  the  slaves? 
L-NC-LN.  $100.00  in  GOLD  to  be  divided 
among  the  four  million  successful  solvers! 
Send  no  money  until  afterwards!" 

Mr.  Wallingford  brought  down  the  legs  of 
his  chair  with  a  thump. 

"By  George!"  he  ejaculated.  "I'm  glad  I 
found  you.  You're  a  man  of  remarkable  re- 
source, and  I  must  be  a  dumbhead.  Here  I 
have  been  puzzling  and  puzzling  with  this 
problem,  and  it  never  occurred  to  me  to 
roughen  those  tacks!" 

It  was  now  Mr.  Lamb's  turn  to  find  the  fat, 
black  cigar,  to  light  it,  to  lean  back  comfort- 
ably and  to  contemplate  Mr,  Wallingford  with 


WALLINGFOED 

triumphantly  smiling  eyes.  The  latter  gentle- 
man, however,  was  in  no  contemplative  mood. 
He  was  a  man  all  of  energy.  He  had  two  bell- 
boys at  the  door  in  another  minute.  One  he 
sent  for  a  quart  of  wine  and  the  other  to  the 
hardware  store  with  a  list  of  necessities,  which 
were  breathlessly  bought  and  delivered:  a 
small  table- vise,  a  heavy  hammer,  two  or  three 
patterns  of  flat  files  and  several  papers  of 
tacks.  Already  in  one  corner  of  Mr.  Walling- 
ford's  room  stood  a  rough  serving  table  which 
he  had  been  using  as  a  work  bench,  and  Mr. 
Lamb  could  not  but  reflect  how  everything 
needed  came  quickly  to  this  man's  bidding,  as 
if  he  had  possessed  the  magic  lamp  of  Aladdin. 
He  was  forced  to  admire,  too,  the  dexterity  with 
which  this  genius  screwed  the  small  vise  to  the 
table,  placed  in  its  jaws  a  row  of  tacks,  and, 
pressing  upon  them  the  flat  side  of  one  of  the 
files,  pounded  this  vigorously  until,  upon  lifting 
it  up,  the  fine,  indented  pattern  was  found  re- 
peated in  the  hard  heads  of  the  tacks.  The 
master  magician  went  through  this  operation 
until  he  had  a  whole  paper  of  them  with  rough- 
ened heads;  then,  glowing  with  fervid  en- 
thusiasm which  was  quickly  communicated  to 
his  helper,  he  set  Mr.  Lamb  to  gluing  bits  of 
cloth  upon  these  heads,  to  be  trimmed  later 


GET-EICH-QUICK 

with  delicate  scissors,  an  extra  pair  of  which 
Mr.  "Wallingford  sent  out  to  get.  When  the 
tacks  were  all  set  aside  to  dry  the  coworkers 
addressed  themselves  to  the  contents  of  the  ioe 
pail;  but,  as  the  host  was  pulling  the  cork  from 
the  bottle,  and  while  both  of  them  were  perspir- 
ing and  glowing  with  anticipated  triumph  in 
the  experiment,  Mr.  "Wallingford 's  face  grew 
suddenly  troubled. 

"By  George,  Eddy" — and  Mr.  Lamb  beamed 
over  this  early  adoption  of  his  familiar  first 
name — "if  this  experiment  succeeds  it  makes 
you  part  inventor  with  me!" 

Eddy  sat  down  to  gasp. 


CHAPTER  IV 

J.   BUFTTS   ACCEPTS   A   TEMPORARY   ACCOMMODATION 
AND   BUYS   AN   AUTOMOBILE 

THE  experiment  was  a  success.  Im- 
mediately after  lunch  they  secured 
a  fresh  pine  board  and  pounded  all 
the  tacks  into  it.  Not  one  top  came 
off.  The  fact,  however,  that  Mr.  Lamb  was 
part  inventor,  made  a  vast  difference  in  the 
proposition. 

* '  Now,  we  '11  talk  cold  business  on  this, ' '  said 
Mr.  Wallingf  ord.  '  *  Of  course,  the  main  idea  is 
mine,  but  the  patent  must  be  applied  for  by  both 
as  joint  inventors.  Under  the  circumstances, 
I  should  say  that  about  one  fourth  of  the  value 
of  the  patent,  which  we  shall  sell  to  the  com- 
pany for  at  least  sixty  thousand  dollars,  would 
be  pretty  good  for  your  few  minutes  of  thought, 
eh?" 

Mr.  Lamb,  his  head  swimming,  agreed  with 
him  thoroughly. 

"Very  well,  then,  we'll  go  right  out  to  a 
lawyer  and  have  a  contract  drawn  up;  then 
we'll  go  to  a  patent  attorney  and  get  the  thing 

45 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

under  way  at  once.  Do  you  know  of  a  good 
lawyer?'* 

Mr.  Lamb  did.  There  was  a  young  one,  thor- 
oughly good,  who  belonged  to  Mr.  Lamb 's  lodge, 
and  they  went  over  to  see  him.  There  is  no 
expressing  the  angle  at  which  Mr.  Lamb  held 
his  head  as  he  passed  out  through  the  lobby  of 
the  best  hotel  in  his  city.  If  his  well-to-do 
townsmen  having  business  there  wished  to  take 
notice  of  him,  well  and  good;  if  they  did  not, 
well  and  good  also.  He  needed  nothing  of 
them. 

It  was  with  the  same  shoulder-squared  self- 
gratification  that  he  ushered  his  affluent  friend 
into  Carwin 's  office.  Carwin  was  in.  Unfor- 
tunately, he  was  always  in.  Practice  had  not 
yet  begun  for  him,  but  Lamb  was  bringing  for- 
tune in  his  hand  and  was  correspondingly 
elated.  He  intended  to  make  Carwin  the  law- 
yer for  the  corporation.  Mr.  Carwin  drew  up 
for  them  articles  of  agreement,  in  which  it  was 
set  forth,  with  many  a  whereas  and  wherein, 
that  the  said  party  of  the  first  part  and  the 
said  party  of  the  second  part  were  joint  in- 
ventors of  a  herein  described  new  and  im- 
proved carpet  tack,  the  full  and  total  benefits 
of  which  were  to  accrue  to  the  said  parties  of 
the  first  part  and  the  second  part,  and  to  their 

46 


WALLINGFORD 

heirs  and  assigns  forever  and  ever,  in  the  pro- 
portion of  one  fourth  to  the  said  party  of  the 
first  part  and  three  fourths  to  the  said  party 
of  the  second  part. 

Mr.  Carwin,  as  he  saw  them  walk  out  with 
the  precious  agreement,  duly  signed,  attested 
and  sealed,  was  too  timid  to  hint  about  his  fee, 
and  Mr.  Lamb  could  scarcely  be  so  indelicate 
as  to  call  attention  to  the  trifle,  even  though  he 
knew  that  Mr.  Carwin  was  gasping  for  it  at 
that  present  moment.  The  latter  had  hidden  his 
shoes  carefully  under  his  desk  throughout  the 
consultation,  and  had  kept  tucking  his  cuffs 
back  out  of  sight  during  the  entire  time. 
There  were  reasons,  however,  why  Mr.  Wal- 
lingford  did  not  pay  the  fee.  In  spite  of  the 
fact  that  everything  was  charged  at  his  hotel, 
it  did  take  some  cash  for  the  bare  necessities 
of  existence,  and,  in  the  past  three  days,  he 
had  spent  over  fifty  dollars  in  mere  incidentals, 
aside  from  his  living  expenses. 

Mr.  Lamb  did  not  know  a  patent  lawyer, 
but  he  had  seen  the  sign  of  one,  and  he  knew 
where  to  go  right  to  him.  The  patent  lawyer 
demanded  a  preliminary  fee  of  twenty-five  dol- 
lars. Mr.  Lamb  was  sorry  that  Mr.  Christo- 
pher had  made  such  an  unfortunate  "  break, " 
for  he  felt  that  the  man  would  get  no  more  of 

47 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

Mr.  Wallingford 's  business.  The  latter  drew 
out  a  roll  of  bills,  however,  paid  the  man  on 
the  spot  and  took  his  receipt. 

"Will  a  ten-dollar  bill  help  hurry  matters 
any!"  he  asked. 

"It  might,"  admitted  the  patent  lawyer  with 
a  cheerful  smile. 

His  office  was  in  a  ramshackle  old  building 
that  had  no  elevator,  and  they  had  been  com- 
pelled to  climb  two  flights  of  stairs  to  reach  it. 
Mr.  Wallingford  handed  him  the  ten  dollars. 

"Have  the  drawings  and  the  application 
ready  by  to-morrow.  If  the  thing  can  be  ex- 
pedited we  shall  want  you  to  go  on  to  "Wash- 
ington with  the  papers." 

Mr.  Christopher  glowed  within  him.  Wher- 
ever this  man  Wallingford  went  he  left  behind 
him  a  trail  of  high  hopes,  a  glimpse  of  a  bet- 
ter day  to  dawn.  He  was  a  public  benefactor, 
a  boon  to  humanity.  His  very  presence  radi- 
ated good  cheer  and  golden  prospects. 

As  they  entered  the  hotel,  said  Mr.  Walling- 
ford: 

"Just  get  the  key  and  go  right  on  up  to  the 
room,  Eddy.  You  know  where  it  is.  Make 
yourself  at  home.  Take  your  knife  and  try  the 
covering  on  those  last  tacks  we  put  in.  I'll  be 
up  in  five  or  ten  minutes." 

48 


WALLINGFORD 

When  Mr.  Wallingford  came  in  Mr.  Lamb 
was  testing  the  tack  covers  with  great  gratifi- 
cation. They  were  all  solid,  and  they  could 
scarcely  be  dug  off  with  a  knife.  He  looked  up 
to  communicate  this  fact  with  glee,  and  saw  a 
frowning  countenance  upon  his  senior  partner. 
Mr.  J.  Eufus  Wallingford  was  distinctly  vexed. 

"Nice  thing!"  he  growled.  "Just  got  a 
notice  that  there  is  an  overdraft  in  my  bank. 
Now,  I'll  have  to  order  some  bonds  sold  at  a 
loss,  with  the  market  down  all  around;  but 
that  will  take  a  couple  of  days  and  here  I  am 
without  cash — without  cash!  Look  at  that! 
Less  than  five  dollars!" 

He  threw  off  his  coat  and  hat  in  disgust  and 
loosened  his  vest.  He  mopped  his  face  and 
brow  and  neck.  Mr.  Wallingford  was  extremely 
vexed.  He  ordered  a  quart  of  champagne  in  a 
tone  which  must  have  made  the  telephone  clerk 
feel  that  the  princely  guest  was  dissatisfied  with 
the  house.  "Frappe,  too!"  he  demanded. 
"The  last  I  had  was  as  warm  as  tea!" 

Mr.  Lamb,  within  the  past  day,  had  himself 
begun  the  rise  to  dizzy  heights ;  he  had  breathed 
the  atmosphere  of  small  birds  and  cold  bottles 
into  his  nostrils  until  that  vapor  seemed  the 
normal  air  of  heaven;  the  ordinary  dollar  had 
gradually  shrunk  from  its  normal  dimensions 

4— Wallingford  49 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

of  a  peck  measure  to  the  size  of  a  mere  dot, 
and,  moreover,  he  considered  how  necessary 
pocket  money  was  to  a  man  of  J.  Rufus  Wal- 
lingford's  rich  relationship  with  the  world. 

"I  have  a  little  ready  cash  I  could  help  you 
out  with,  if  you  will  let  me  offer  it,"  he  ven- 
tured, embarrassed  to  find  slight  alternate 
waves  of  heat  flushing  his  face.  The  borrow- 
ing and  the  lending  of  money  were  not  un- 
known by  any  means  in  Mr.  Lamb 's  set.  They 
asked  each  other  for  fifty  dollars  with  perfect 
nonchalance,  got  it  and  paid  it  back  with  equal 
unconcern,  and  no  man  among  them  had  been 
known  to  forget.  Mr.  Wallingford  accepted 
quite  gracefully. 

"Really,  if  you  don't  mind,"  said  he,  "five 
hundred  or  so  would  be  quite  an  accommoda- 
tion for  a  couple  of  days." 

Mr.  Lamb  gulped,  but  it  was  only  a  sort  of 
growing  pain  that  he  had.  It  was  difficult 
tcr  him  to  keep  up  with  his  own  financial 
expansion. 

"Certainly,"  he  stammered.  "1*11  go  right 
down  and  get  it  for  you.  The  bank  closes  at 
three.  I  have  only  a  half  hour  to  make  it." 

"I'll  go  right  with  you,"  said  Mr.  Walling- 
ford, asking  no  questions,  but  rightly  divining 
that  his  Lamb  kept  no  open  account.  "Wait  a 

M 


WALLINGFORD 

minute.  I'll  make  you  out  a  note  —  just  so 
there'll  be  something  to  show  for  it,  you 
know. ' ' 

He  hurriedly  drew  a  blank  from  hi*  pocket, 
filled  it  in  and  arose  from  the  table. 

"I  made  it  out  for  thirty  days,  merely  as  a 
matter  of  business  form,"  stated  Mr.  Walling- 
ford  as  they  walked  to  the  elevator,  "but,  as 
soon  as  I  put  those  bonds  on  the  market,  I'll 
take  up  the  note,  of  course.  I  left  the  interest 
in  at  six  per  cent. ' ' 

"Oh,  that  was  not  necessary  at  all,"  pro- 
tested Mr.  Lamb. 

The  sum  had  been  at  first  rather  a  stagger- 
ing one,  but  it  only  took  him  a  moment  or  two 
to  get  his  new  bearings,  and,  if  possible,  he 
held  his  head  a  trifle  higher  than  ever  as  he 
walked  out  through  the  lobby.  On  the  way  to 
the  bank  the  capitalist  passed  the  note  over  to 
his  friend. 

"I  believe  that's  the  right  date;  the  twenty- 
fifth,  isn't  it!" 

"The  twenty-fifth  is  right,"  Mr.  Lamb  re- 
plied, and  perfunctorily  opened  the  note.  Then 
he  stopped  walking.  "Hello!"  he  said. 
"You've  made  a  mistake.  This  is  for  a  thou- 
sand. ' ' 

"Is  that  so?    I  declare!    I  so  seldom  draw 

51 


GET-EICH-QUICK 

less  than  that.  Well,  suppose  we  let  it  go  at 
a  thousand. " 

Time  for  gulping  was  passed. 

"All  right,"  said  the  younger  man,  but  he 
could  not  make  the  assent  as  sprightly  as  he 
could  have  wished.  In  spite  of  himself  the 
words  drawled. 

Nevertheless,  at  his  bank  he  handed  in  his 
savings-book  and  the  check,  and,  thoroughly 
permeated  by  the  atmosphere  in  which  he  was 
now  moving,  he  had  made  out  the  order  for 
eleven  hundred  dollars. 

"I  needed  a  little  loose  change  myself,"  he 
explained,  as  he  put  a  hundred  into  his  own 
pocket  and  passed  the  thousand  over  to  Mr. 
Wallingford. 

Events  moved  rapidly  now.  Mr.  Walling- 
ford that  night  sent  off  one  hundred  and  fifty 
dollars  to  his  wife. 

"Cheer  up,  little  girl,"  he  wrote  her. 
"Blackie  came  here  and  reported  that  this  was 
a  grouch  town.  I've  been  here  three  days  and 
dug  up  a  thousand,  and  there's  more  in  sight. 
I've  been  inquiring  around  this  morning. 
There  is  a  swell  little  ten-thousand-dollar  house 
out  in  the  rich  end  of  the  burg  that  I'm  going 
to  buy  to  put  up  a  front,  and  you  know  how  I'll 
buy  it.  Also  I'm  going  over  to-morrow  and 

52 


WALLINGFOED 

pick  out  an  automobile.  I  need  it  in  my  busi- 
ness. You  ought  to  see  what  long,  silky  wool 
the  sheep  grow  here." 

The  next  morning  was  devoted  entirely  to 
pleasure.  They  visited  three  automobile  firms 
and  took  spins  in  four  machines,  and  at  last  Mr. 
Wallingford  picked  out  a  five-thousand-dollar 
car  that  about  suited  him. 

"I  shall  try  this  for  two  weeks,"  he  told  the 
proprietor  of  the  establishment.  "Keep  it  here 
in  your  garage  at  my  call,  and,  by  that  time,  if 
I  decide  to  buy  it,  I  shall  have  my  own  garage 
under  way.  I  have  my  eye  on  a  very  nice  lit- 
tle place  out  in  Gildendale,  and  if  they  don't 
want  too  much  for  it  I'll  bring  on  Mrs.  Wal- 
lingford from  Boston." 

"With  pleasure,  Mr.  Wallingford,"  said  the 
proprietor. 

Mr.  Lamb  walked  away  with  a  new  valuation 
of  things.  Not  a  penny  of  deposit  had  been 
asked,  for  the  mere  appearance  of  Mr.  Wal- 
lingford and  his  air  of  owning  the  entire  ga- 
rage were  sumcient.  In  the  room  at  the  hotel 
that  afternoon  they  made  some  further  experi- 
ments on  tacks,  and  Mr.  Wallingford  gave 
his  young  partner  some  further  statistics 
concerning  the  Eureka  Company:  its  out- 
put, the  number  of  men  it  employed,  the 

53 


GET-BICH-QUICK 

number  of  machines  it  had  in  operation, 
the  small  start  it  had,  the  immense  profits 
it  made. 

"We've  got  them  all  beat,"  Mr.  Lamb  en- 
thusiastically summed  up  for  him.  "We're 
starting  much  better  than  they  did,  and  with, 
I  believe,  the  best  manufacturing  proposition 
that  was  ever  put  before  the  public." 

It  was  not  necessary  to  supply  him  with  any 
further  enthusiasm.  He  had  been  inoculated 
with  the  yeast  of  it,  and  from  that  point  on- 
ward would  be  self-raising. 

"The  only  thing  I  am  afraid  of,"  worried 
Mr.  Wallingford,  "is  that  the  Eureka  Com- 
pany will  want  to  buy  us  out  before  we  get 
fairly  started,  and,  if  they  offer  us  a  good  price, 
the  stockholders  will  want  to  stampede.  Now, 
you  and  I  must  vote  down  any  proposition  the 
Eureka  Company  make  us,  no  matter  what  the 
other  stockholders  want,  because,  if  they  buy 
us  out  before  we  have  actually  begun  to  en- 
croach upon  their  business,  they  will  not  give 
us  one  fifth  of  the  price  we  could  get  after  giv- 
ing them  a  good  scare.  Between  us,  Eddy, 
we'll  hold  six  tenths  of  the  stock  and  we  must 
stand  firm." 

Eddy  stuck  his  thumbs  in  his  vest  pocket 
and  with  great  complacency  tapped  himself  al- 

54 


WALLINGFOED 

ternately  upon  his  recent  luncheon  with  the 
finger  tips  of  his  two  hands. 

"Certainly  we  will,"  he  admitted.  "But 
say;  I  have  some  friends  that  I'd  like  to  bring 
into  this  thing.  They're  not  able  to  buy  blocks 
of  stock  as  large  as  you  suggested,  but,  maybe, 
we  could  split  up  one  lot  so  as  to  let  them  in." 

"I  don't  like  the  idea  of  small  stockhold- 
ers," Mr.  Wallingford  objected,  frowning. 
"They  are  too  hard  to  handle.  Your  larger 
investors  are  business  men  who  understand  all 
the  details  and  are  not  raising  eternal  ques- 
tions about  the  little  things  that  turn  up;  but 
since  we  have  this  tack  so  perfect  I've  changed 
my  plan  of  incorporation,  and  consequently 
there  is  a  way  in  which  your  friends  can  get  in. 
We  don't  want  to  attract  any  attention  to  our- 
selves from  the  Eureka  people  just  now,  so  we 
will  only  incorporate  at  first  for  one  thousand 
dollars,  in  ten  shares  of  one  hundred  dollars 
each — sort  of  a  dummy  corporation  in  which 
my  name  will  not  appear  at  all.  If  you  can 
find  four  friends  who  will  buy  one  share  of 
stock  each  you  will  then  subscribe  for  the  other 
six  shares,  for  which  I  will  pay  you,  giving  you 
one  share,  as  I  promised.  These  four  friends 
of  yours  then,  if  they  wish,  may  take  up  one 
block  of  twenty-five  thousand  when  we  make 

55 


GET-EICH-QUICK 

the  final  corporation,  which  we  will  do  by  in- 
creasing our  capital  stock  as  soon  as  we  get 
our  corporation  papers.  These  friends  of 
yours  would,  necessarily,  be  on  our  first  board 
of  directors,  too,  which  will  hold  for  one  year, 
and  it  will  be  an  exceptional  opportunity  for 
them." 

"I  don't  quite  understand,"  said  Mr.  Lamb. 

"We  incorporate  for  one  thousand  only," 
explained  Mr.  Wallingford,  slowly  and  pa- 
tiently, "ten  shares  of  one  hundred  dollars 
each,  all  fully  paid  in.  The  Eureka  Company 
will  pay  no  attention  to  a  one-thousand-dollar 
company.  As  soon  as  we  get  our  corporation 
papers,  we  original  incorporators  will,  of 
course,  form  the  officers  and  board  of  direc- 
tors, and  we  will  immediately  vote  to  increase 
our  capitalization  to  one  hundred  thousand 
dollars,  in  one  thousand  shares  of  one  hun- 
dred dollars  each.  We  will  vote  to  pay  you 
and  I  as  inventors  sixty  thousand  dollars  or  six 
hundred  shares  of  stock  for  our  patents — ap- 
plied for  and  to  be  applied  for  during  a  pe- 
riod of  five  years  to  come — in  carpet-tack  im- 
provements and  machinery  for  making  the 
same.  We  will  offer  the  balance  of  the  forty 
thousand  dollars  stock  for  sale,  to  carry  us 
through  the  experimental  stage — that  is,  until 

56 


we  get  our  machinery  all  in  working  order. 
Then  we  will  need  one  hundred  thousand  dol- 
lars to  start  our  factory.  To  get  that,  we  will 
reincorporate  for  a  three-hundred-thousand 
capital,  taking  up  all  the  outstanding  stock 
and  giving  to  each  stockholder  two  shares  at 
par  for  each  share  he  then  holds.  That  will 
take  up  two  hundred  thousand  dollars  of  the 
stock  and  leave  one  hundred  thousand  for  sale 
at  par.  You,  in  place  of  fifteen  thousand  dol- 
lars' worth  of  stock  as  your  share  for  the 
patent  rights,  will  have  thirty  thousand  dollars' 
worth,  or  three  hundred  shares,  and  if,  after 
we  have  started  operating,  the  Eureka  Com- 
pany should  buy  us  out  at  only  a  million,  you 
would  have  a  hundred  thousand  dollars  net 
profit." 

A  long,  long  sigh  was  the  answer.  Mr  Lamb 
saw.  Here  was  real  financiering. 

"Let's  get  outside,"  he  said,  needing  fresh 
air  in  his  lungs  after  this.  " Let's  go  up  and 
see  my  friend,  Mr.  Jasper." 

In  ten  minutes  the  automobile  had  reported. 
Each  man,  before  he  left  the  room,  slipped  a 
handful  of  covered  carpet  tacks  into  his  coat 
pocket 


57 


CHAPTEE  V 

THE    UNIVERSAL    COVERED    CARPET    TACK    COMPANY 
FORMS   AMID  GREAT  ENTHUSIASM 

THE  intense  democracy  of  J.  Rufus  Wal- 
lingford  could  not  but  charm  David 
Jasper,  even  though  he  disapproved 
of  diamond  stick-pins  and  red-leather- 
padded  automobiles  as  a  matter  of  principle. 
The  manner  in  which  the  gentleman  from  Bos- 
ton acknowledged  the  introduction,  the  fine  mix- 
ture of  deference  due  Mr.  Jasper's  age  and  of 
cordiality  due  his  easily  discernible  qualities  of 
good  fellowship,  would  have  charmed  the  heart 
out  of  a  cabbage. 

"Get  in,  Dave;  we  want  to  take  you  a  ride," 
demanded  Mr.  Lamb. 

David  shook  his  head  at  the  big  machine,  and 
laughed. 

"I  don't  carry  enough  insurance,"  he  ob- 
jected. 

Mr.  Wallingford  had  caught  sight  of  a  little 
bronze  button  in  the  lapel  of  Mr.  Jasper's 
faded  and  threadbare  coat. 

"A  man  who  went  through  the  battle   of 

58 


WALLINGFOED 

Bull  Bun  ought  to  face  anything/'  he  laughed 
back. 

The  shot  went  home.  Mr.  Jasper  had  ac- 
quitted himself  with  honor  in  the  battle  of  Bull 
Run,  and  without  further  ado  he  got  into  the 
invitingly  open  door  of  the  tonneau,  to  sink 
back  among  the  padded  cushions  with  his  friend 
Lamb.  As  the  door  slammed  shut,  Ella  Jasper 
waved  them  adieu,  and  it  was  fully  three  min- 
utes after  the  machine  drove  away  before  she 
began  humming  about  her  work.  Somehow  or 
other,  she  did  not  like  to  see  her  father's  friend 
so  intimately  associated  with  rich  people. 

They  had  gone  but  a  couple  of  blocks,  and 
Mr.  Lamb  was  in  the  early  stages  of  the  enthu- 
siasm attendant  upon  describing  the  wonderful 
events  of  the  past  two  days  —  especially  his 
own  share  in  the  invention,  and  the  hundred 
thousand  dollars  that  it  was  to  make  him 
within  the  year — when  Mr.  Wallingford  sud- 
denly halted  the  machine. 

"You're  not  going  to  get  home  to  dinner, 
you  know,  Mr.  Jasper,"  he  declared. 

"Oh,  we  have  to!  This  is  lodge  night,  and 
I  am  a  patriarch.  I  haven't  missed  a  night 
for  twenty  years,  and  Eddy,  here,  has  an  of- 
fice, too — his  first  one.  We've  got  ten  candi- 
dates to-night." 

59 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

"I  see,"  said  Mr.  Wallingford  gravely.  ''It 
is  more  or  less  in  the  line  of  a  sacred  duty. 
Nevertheless,  we  will  not  go  home  to  dinner. 
I  '11  get  you  at  the  lodge  door  at  half  past  eight. 
Will  that  be  early  enough?" 

Mr.  Jasper  put  his  hands  upon  his  knees  and 
turned  to  his  friend. 

"I  guess  we  can  work  our  way  in,  can't 
we,  Eddy?"  he  chuckled,  and  Eddy,  with 
equally  simple  pleasure,  replied  that  they 
could. 

"Very  well.  Back  to  the  house,  chauffeur." 
And,  in  a  moment  more,  they  were  sailing  back 
to  the  decrepit  little  cottage,  where  Lamb 
jumped  out  to  carry  the  news  to  Ella.  She 
was  just  coming  out  of  the  kitchen  door  in  her 
sunbonnet  to  run  over  to  the  grocery  store  as 
Edward  came  up  the  steps.  He  grabbed  her 
by  both  shoulders  and  dragged  her  out. 

"Come  on;  we're  going  to  take  you  along!" 
he  threatened,  and  she  did  not  know  why,  but, 
at  the  touch  of  his  hands,  she  paled  slightly. 
Her  eyes  never  faltered,  however,  as  she 
laughed  and  jerked  herself  away. 

"Not  much,  you  don't!  I'm  worried  enough 
as  it  is  with  father  in  there  —  and  you,  of 
course." 

He  told  her  that  they  would  not  be  home  to 

60 


WALLINGFOKD 

supper,  and,  for  a  second  time,  she  wistfully 
saw  them  driving  away  in  the  big  red  machine. 
Mr.  Wallingford  talked  with  the  chauffeur 
for  a  few  moments,  and  then  the  machine  leaped 
forward  with  definiteness.  Once  or  twice  Mr. 
Wallingford  looked  back.  The  two  in  the  ton- 
neau  were  examining  the  cloth-topped  tacks, 
and  both  were  talking  volubly.  Mile  after  mile 
they  were  still  at  it,  and  the  rich  man  felt  re- 
lieved of  all  responsibility.  The  less  he  said  in 
the  matter  the  better;  he  had  learned  the  in- 
valuable lesson  of  when  not  to  talk.  So  far 
as  he  was  concerned,  the  Universal  Covered 
Carpet  Tack  Company  was  launched,  and  he 
was  able  to  turn  his  attention  to  the  science 
of  running  the  car,  a  matter  which,  by  the  time 
they  had  reached  their  stopping  point,  he  had 
picked  up  to  the  great  admiration  of  the  expert 
driver.  For  the  last  five  miles  the  big  man  ran 
the  machine  himself,  with  the  help  of  a  guiding 
word  or  two,  and  when  they  finally  stopped  in 
front  of  the  one  pretentious  hotel  in  the  small 
town  they  had  reached,  he  was  so  completely 
absorbed  in  the  new  toy  that  he  was  actually 
as  nonchalant  about  the  new  company  as  he 
would  have  wished  to  appear.  His  passengers 
were  surprised  when  they  found  that  they  had 
come  twenty  miles,  and  Mr.  Wallingford 

61 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

showed  them  what  a  man  who  knows  how  to 
dine  can  do  in  a  minor  hotel.  He  had  every- 
body busy,  from  the  proprietor  down.  The 
snap  of  his  fingers  was  as  potent  here  as  the 
clarion  call  of  the  trumpet  in  battle,  and  David 
Jasper,  though  he  strove  to  disapprove,  after 
sixty  years  of  somnolence  woke  up  and  actually 
enjoyed  pretentious  luxury. 

There  were  but  five  minutes  of  real  business 
conversation  following  the  meal,  but  five  min- 
utes were  enough.  David  Jasper  had  called 
his  friend  Eddy  aside  for  one  brief  moment. 

"Did  he  give  you  any  references?**  he  asked, 
the  habit  of  caution  asserting  itself. 

"Sure;  more  than  half  a  dozen  of  them." 

"Have  you  written  to  them!'* 

"I  wrote  this  morning." 

"I  guess  he  wouldn't  give  them  to  you  if  he 
wasn't  all  right." 

"We  don't  need  the  references,"  urged 
Lamb.  "The  man  himself  is  reference  enough. 
You  see  that  automobile?  He  bought  it  this 
morning  and  didn't  pay  a  cent  on  it.  They 
didn't  ask  him  to." 

It  was  a  greater  recommendation  than  if  the 
man  had  paid  cash  down  for  the  machine;  for 
credit  is  mightier  than  cash,  everywhere. 

"I  think  we'll  go  in,"  said  Dave. 

62 


WALLINGFORD 

Think  he  would  go  in!  It  was  only  his 
servative  way  of  expressing  himself,  for  he  was 
already  in  with  his  whole  heart  and  soul.  In 
the  five  minutes  of  conversation  between  the 
three  that  ensued,  David  Jasper  agreed  to  be 
one  of  the  original  incorporators,  to  go  on  the 
first  board  of  directors,  and  to  provide  three 
other  solid  men  to  serve  in  a  like  capacity,  the 
preliminary  meeting  being  arranged  for  the 
next  morning.  Mr.  Wallingford  passed  around 
his  black  cigars  and  lit  one  in  huge  content  as 
he  climbed  into  the  front  seat  with  the  chauf- 
feur, to  begin  his  task  of  urging  driver  and  ma- 
chine back  through  the  night  in  the  time  that 
he  had  promised. 

That  was  a  wonderful  ride  to  the  novices. 
Nothing  but  darkness  ahead,  with  a  single 
stream  of  white  light  spreading  out  upon  the 
roadway,  which,  like  a  fast  descending  curtain, 
lowered  always  before  them;  a  rut  here,  a  rock 
there,  angle  and  curve  and  dip  and  rise  all 
springing  out  of  the  night  with  startling  swift- 
ness, to  disappear  behind  them  before  they  had 
given  even  a  gasp  of  comprehension  for  the  pos- 
sible danger  they  had  confronted  but  that  was 
now  past.  Unconsciously  they  found  them- 
selves gripping  tightly  the  sides  of  the  car,  and 
yet,  even  to  the  old  man,  there  was  a  strange 

63 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

sense  of  exhilaration,  aided  perhaps  by  wine, 
that  made  them,  after  the  first  breathless  five 
miles,  begin  to  jest  in  voices  lond  enough  to 
carry  against  the  wind,  to  laugh  boisterously, 
and  even  to  sing,  by-and-by,  a  nonsensical  song 
started  by  Lamb  and  caught  up  by  Wallingford 
and  joined  by  the  still  firm  voice  of  David  Jas- 
per. The  chauffeur,  the  while  bent  grimly  over 
his  wheel,  peered  with  iron-nerved  intensity 
out  into  that  mysterious  way  where  the  fatal 
snag  might  rise  up  at  any  second  and  smite 
them  into  lifeless  clay,  for  they  were  going  at 
a  terrific  pace.  The  hoarse  horn  kept  con- 
stantly hooting,  and  every  now  and  then  they 
flashed  by  trembling  horses  drawn  up  at  the 
side  of  the  road  and  attached  to  "rigs,"  the 
occupants  of  which  appeared  only  as  one  or 
two  or  three  fish-white  faces  in  the  one  instant 
that  the  glow  of  the  headlight  gleamed  upon 
them.  Once  there  was  a  quick  swerve  out  of 
the  road  and  back  into  it  again,  where  the  rear 
wheel  hovered  for  a  fraction  of  a  second  over 
a  steep  gully,  and  not  until  they  had  passed 
on  did  the  realization  come  to  them  that  there 
had  been  one  horse  that  had  refused,  either 
through  stubbornness  or  fright,  to  get  out  of 
the  road  fast  enough.  But  what  is  a  danger 
past  when  a  myriad  lie  before,  and  what  are 

64 


WALLINGFOED 

dangers  ahead  when  a  myriad  have  been  passed 
safely  by?  The  exhilaration  became  almost  an 
intoxication,  for,  in  spite  of  those  few  moments 
when  mirth  and  gayety  were  checked  by  that 
sudden  throb  of  what  might  have  been,  the 
songs  burst  forth  again  as  soon  as  a  level 
track  stretched  ahead  once  more. 

"Five  minutes  before  the  time  I  promised 
you!"  exclaimed  Mr.  Wallingford  in  jovial 
triumph,  jumping  from  his  seat  and  opening 
the  door  of  the  tonneau  for  his  passengers  just 
in  front  of  the  stairway  that  led  to  their  lodge- 
rooms. 

They  climbed  out,  stiff  and  breathless  and 
still  tingling  with  the  inexplicable  thrill  of  it 
all. 

"Eleven  o'clock  in  the  morning,  remember, 
at  Carwin's,"  he  reminded  them  as  they  left 
him,  and  afterward  they  wondered  why  such  a 
simple  exertion  as  the  climbing  of  one  flight  of 
stairs  should  make  their  hearts  beat  so  high 
and  their  breath  come  so  deep  and  harsh.  It 
would  have  been  curious,  later  that  night,  to 
see  Edward  Lamb  buying  a  quart  of  champagne 
for  his  friends,  and  protesting  that  it  was  not 
cold  enough! 

Mr.  Wallingford  stepped  back  to  the  chauf- 
feur. 

S-WaWngford  65 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

"What's  your  first  name?"  he  inquired. 

"Frank,  sir." 

"Well,  Frank,  when  you  go  back  to  the  shop 
you  tell  them  that  you're  to  drive  my  machine 
hereafter  when  I  call  for  it,  and  when  I  get 
settled  down  here  I  want  you  to  work  for  me. 
Drive  to  the  hotel  now  and  wait." 

Before  climbing  into  the  luxury  of  the  ton- 
neau  he  handed  the  chauffeur  a  five-dollar  bill. 

"All  right,  sir,"  said  Frank. 

At  the  hotel,  the  man  of  means  walked  up  to 
the  clerk  and  opened  his  pocketbook. 

"I  have  a  little  more  cash  than  I  care  to 
carry  around.  Just  put  this  to  my  credit,  will 
you?"  and  he  counted  out  six  one-hundred- 
dollar  bills. 

As  he  turned  away  the  clerk  permitted  him- 
self that  faint  trace  of  a  smile  once  more.  His 
confidence  was  justified.  He  had  known  that 
somebody  would  pay  Mr.  Wallingf ord 's  acro- 
batic bill.  His  interesting  guest  strode  out  to 
the  big  red  automobile.  The  chauffeur  was  out 
in  a  second  and  had  the  tonneau  open  before 
the  stately  but  earnestly  willing  doorman  of 
the  hotel  could  perform  the  duty. 

"Now,  show  us  the  town,"  said  Wallingf  ord 
as  the  door  closed  upon  him,  and  when  he  came 
in  late  that  night  his  eyes  were  red  and  his 

66 


WALLINGFORD 

speech  was  thick;  but  there  were  plenty  of 
eager  hands  to  see  safely  to  bed  the  prince  who 
had  landed  in  their  midst  with  less  than  a 
hundred  dollars  in  his  possession. 

He  was  up  bright  and  vigorous  the  next 
morning,  however.  A  cold  bath,  a  hearty 
breakfast  in  his  room,  a  half  hour  with  the 
barber  and  a  spin  in  the  automobile  made  him 
elastic  and  bounding  again,  so  that  at  eleven 
o'clock  he  was  easily  the  freshest  man  among 
the  six  who  gathered  in  Mr.  Carwin's  office. 
The  incorporators  noted  with  admiration,  which 
with  wiser  men  might  have  turned  to  suspicion, 
that  Mr.  Wallingford  was  better  posted  on  cor- 
poration law  than  Mr.  Carwin  himself,  and  that 
he  engineered  the  preliminary  proceedings 
through  in  a  jiffy.  With  the  exception  of 
Lamb,  they  were  all  men  past  forty,  and  not 
one  of  them  had  known  experience  of  this 
nature.  They  had  been  engaged  in  minor  oc- 
cupations or  in  minor  business  throughout  their 
lives,  and  had  gathered  their  few  thousands 
together  dollar  by  dollar.  To  them  this  new 
realm  that  was  opened  up  was  a  fairyland,  and 
the  simple  trick  of  watering  stock  that  had 
been  carefully  explained  to  them,  one  by  one, 
pleased  them  as  no  toy  ever  pleased  a  child. 
They  had  heard  of  such  things  as  being  vague 

67 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

and  mysterious  operations  in  the  realms  of 
finance  and  had  condemned  them,  taking  their 
tone  from  the  columns  of  editorials  they  had 
read  upon  such  practices;  but,  now  that  they 
were  themselves  to  reap  the  fruits  of  it,  they 
looked  through  different  spectacles.  It  was 
a  just  proceeding  which  this  genius  of  com- 
merce proposed;  for  they  who  stood  the  first 
brunt  of  launching  the  ship  were  entitled  to 
greater  rewards  than  they  who  came  in  upon  an 
assured  certainty  of  profits,  having  waited  only 
for  the  golden  cargo  to  be  in  the  harbor. 

As  a  sort  of  sealing  of  their  compact  and  to 
show  that  this  was  to  be  a  corporation  upon  a 
friendly  basis,  rather  than  a  cold,  grasping  busi- 
ness proposition,  Mr.  Wallingford  took  them  all 
over  to  a  simple  lunch  in  a  private  dining  room 
at  his  hotel.  He  was  careful  not  to  make  it  too 
elaborate,  but  careful,  too,  that  the  luncheon 
should  be  notable,  and  they  all  went  away  talk- 
ing about  him:  what  a  wonderful  man  he  was, 
what  a  wonderful  business  proposition  he  had 
permitted  them  to  enter  upon,  what  wonderful 
resources  he  must  have  at  his  command,  what 
wonderful  genius  was  his  in  manipulation,  in 
invention,  in  every  way. 

There  was  a  week  now  in  which  to  act,  and 
Mr.  Wallingford  wasted  no  time.  He  picked  out 

68 


WALLINGFORD 

his  house  in  the  exclusive  part  of  Gildendale, 
and  when  it  came  to  paying  the  thousand  dol- 
lars down,  Mr.  Wallingford  quietly  made  out  a 
sixty-day  note  for  the  amount. 

"I  beg  your  pardon,"  hesitated  the  agent, 
"the  first  payment  is  supposed  to  be  in  cash." 

"Oh,  I  know  that  it  is  supposed  to  be," 
laughed  Mr.  Wallingford,  "but  we  understand 
how  these  things  are.  I  guess  the  house  itself 
will  secure  the  note  for  that  length  of  time.  I 
am  going  to  be  under  pretty  heavy  expense  in 
fitting  up  the  place,  and  a  man  with  any  regard 
for  the  earning  power  of  money  does  not  keep 
much  cash  lying  loose.  Do  you  want  this  note 
or  not ! ' '  and  his  final  tone  was  peremptory. 

"Oh,  why,  certainly;  that's  all  right,"  said 
the  agent,  and  took  it. 

Upon  the  court  records  appeared  the  sale, 
but  even  before  it  was  so  entered  a  firm  of 
decorators  and  furnishers  had  been  given  carte 
blanche,  following,  however,  certain  artistic  re- 
quirements of  Mr.  Wallingford  himself.  The 
result  that  they  produced  within  the  three  days 
that  he  gave  them  was  marvelous;  somewhat 
too  garish,  perhaps,  for  people  of  good  taste, 
but  impressive  in  every  detail ;  and  for  all  this 
he  paid  not  one  penny  in  cash.  He  was  ac- 
credited with  being  the  owner  of  a  house  in  the 

69 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

exclusive  suburb,  Gildendale.  On  that  accredit- 
ing the  furnishing  was  done,  on  that  accrediting 
he  stocked  his  pantry  shelves,  his  refrigerator, 
his  wine  cellar,  his  coal  bins,  his  humidors,  and 
had  started  a  tailor  to  work  upon  half  a  dozen 
suits,  among  them  an  automobile  costume.  He 
had  a  modest  establishment  of  two  servants  and 
a  chauffeur  by  the  time  his  wife  arrived,  and 
on  the  day  the  final  organization  of  the  one- 
thousand-dollar  company  was  effected,  he  gave 
a  housewarming  for  his  associates  of  the  Uni- 
versal Covered  Carpet  Tack  Company.  Where 
Mr.  "Wallingford  had  charmed,  Mrs.  Walling- 
ford  fascinated,  and  the  five  men  went  home 
that  night  richer  than  they  had  ever  dreamed 
of  being;  than  they  would  ever  be  again. 


CHAPTEE  VI 

IN    WHICH    A.V    ASTOUNDING    BEVELATION    IS    MADE 
CONOBENING   J.   BUFUS 


fHT^HE  first  stockholders'  meeting  of  the 
Tack  Company  was  a  cheerful  affair, 
held  around  a  table  that  was  within  an 
hour  or  so  to  have  a  cloth;  for  when- 
ever J.  Rufus  Wallingford  did  business,  he 
must,  perforce,  eat  and  drink,  and  all  who  did 
business  with  him  must  do  the  same.  The 
stockholders,  being  all  present,  elected  their  of- 
ficers and  their  board  of  directors:  Mr.  Wall- 
ingford, president;  Mr.  Lamb,  secretary;  Mr. 
Jasper,  treasurer;  and  Mr.  Lewis,  David  Jas- 
per's nearest  friend,  vice  president,  these  four 
and  Mr.  Nolting  also  constituting  the  board  of 
directors.  Immediately  after,  they  adopted  a 
stock,  printed  form  of  constitution,  voted  an 
increase  of  capitalization  to  one  hundred  thou- 
sand dollars,  and  then  adjourned. 

The  president,  during  the  luncheon,  made 
them  a  little  speech  in  which  he  held  before 
them  constantly  a  tack  with  a  crimson  top 
glued  upon  a  roughened  surface*  and  alluded 

71 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

to  the  invaluable  services  their  young  friend, 
Edward  Lamb,  had  rendered  to  the  completion 
of  the  company's  now  perfect  and  flawless 
article  of  manufacture.  He  explained  to  them 
in  detail  the  bigness  of  the  Eureka  Tack  Manu- 
facturing Company,  its  enormous  undivided 
profits,  its  tremendous  yearly  dividends,  the 
fabulous  price  at  which  its  stock  was  quoted, 
with  none  for  sale;  and  all  this  gigantic  busi- 
ness built  upon  a  simple  tack! — Gentlemen, 
not  nearly,  not  nearly  so  attractive  and  so 
profitable  an  article  of  commerce  as  this  per- 
feet  little  convenience  held  before  them.  The 
gentlemen  were  to  be  congratulated  upon  a  big- 
ger and  brighter  and  better  fortune  than  had 
ever  come  to  them;  they  were  all  to  be  con- 
gratulated upon  having  met  each  other,  and 
since  they  had  been  kind  enough,  since  they  had 
been  trusting  enough,  to  give  him  their  confi- 
dence with  but  little  question,  Mr.  Wallingford 
felt  it  his  duty  to  reassure  them,  even  though 
they  needed  no  reassurance,  that  he  was  what 
he  was ;  and  he  called  upon  his  friend  and  their 
secretary,  Mr.  Lamb,  to  read  to  them  the  few 
letters  that  he  understood  had  been  received 
from  the  Mexican  and  Eio  Grande  Rubber  Com- 
pany, the  St.  John's  Blood  Orange  Plantation 
Company,  the  Los  Pocos  Lead  Development 

72 


WALLINGFOBD 

Company,  the  Sierra  Cinnabar  Grant,  and 
others. 

Mr.  Lamb — Secretary  Lamb,  if  you  please — 
arose  in  self-conscious  dignity,  which  he  strove 
to  taper  off  into  graceful  ease. 

"It  is  hardly  worth  while  reading  more  than 
one,  for  they're  all  alike,"  he  stated  jovially, 
"and  if  anybody  questions  our  president,  send 
him  to  his  friend  Eddy!"  Whereupon  he  read 
the  letters. 

According  to  them,  Mr.  Wallingford  was  a 
gentleman  of  the  highest  integrity;  he  was  a 
man  of  unimpeachable  character,  morally  and 
financially ;  he  was  a  genius  of  commerce ;  he  had 
been  sought,  for  his  advice  and  for  the  tower 
of  strength  that  his  name  had  become,  by  all 
the  money  kings  of  Boston;  he  was,  in  a  word, 
the  greatest  boon  that  had  ever  descended  upon 
any  city,  and  all  of  the  gentlemen  who  were 
lucky  enough  to  be  associated  with  him  in  any 
business  enterprise  that  he  might  back  or  vouch 
for,  could  count  themselves  indeed  most  fortu- 
nate. The  letters  were  passed  around.  Some  of 
them  had  embossed  heads;  most  of  them  were, 
at  least,  engraved;  some  of  them  were  printed 
in  two  or  three  rich  colors ;  some  had  beautifully 
tinted  pictures  of  vast  Mexican  estates,  and 
Florida  plantations,  and  Nevada  mining  ranges. 

73 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

They  were  impressive,  those  letter-heads,  and 
when,  after  passing  the  round  of  the  table,  they 
were  returned  to  Mr.  Lamb,  four  pairs  of 
eyes  followed  them  as  greedily  as  if  those 
eyes  had  been  resting  upon  actual  money. 

In  the  ensuing  week  the  committee  on  fac- 
tories, consisting  of  Mr.  Wallingford,  Mr. 
Lamb  and  Mr.  Jasper,  honked  and  inspected 
and  lunched  until  they  found  a  small  place 
which  would  "do  for  the  first  year's  business," 
and  within  two  days  the  factory  was  cleaned 
and  the  office  most  sumptuously  furnished; 
then  Mr.  Wallingford,  having  provided  work 
for  the  secretary,  began  to  attend  to  his  purely 
personal  affairs,  one  of  which  was  the  private 
consulting  of  the  patent  attorney.  Upon  his 
first  visit  Mr.  Christopher  met  him  with  a  de- 
jected air. 

"I  find  four  interferences  against  your  appli- 
cation," he  dolefully  stated,  "and  they  cover 
the  ground  very  completely." 

"Get  me  a  patent,"  directed  Mr.  Walling- 
ford shortly. 

Mr.  Christopher  hesitated.  Not  only  was  his 
working  jacket  out  at  the  elbows,  but  his 
street  coat  was  shiny  at  the  seams. 

"I  am  bound  to  tell  you,"  he  confessed, 
after  quite  a  struggle,  "that,  while  I  might 

74 


WALLINGFORD 

get  you  some  sort  of  a  patent,  it  would  not 
hold  water. ' ' 

"I  don't  care  if  it  wouldn't  hold  pebbles  or 
even  brickbats,"  retorted  Mr.  Wallingford. 
"I'm  not  particular  about  the  mesh  of  it.  Just 
you  get  me  a  patent — any  sort  of  a  patent,  so 
it  has  a  seal  and  a  ribbon  on  it.  I  believe  it 
is  part  of  your  professional  ethics,  Mr. 
Christopher,  to  do  no  particular  amount  of 
talking  except  to  your  clients. 

"Well,  yes,  sir,"  admitted  Mr.  Christopher. 

"Very  well,  then;  I  am  the  only  client  you 
know  in  this  case,  and  I  say — get  a  patent! 
After  all,  a  patent  isn't  worth  as  much  as  a 
dollar  at  the  Waldorf,  except  to  form  the  basis 
of  a  lawsuit,"  whereat  Mr.  Christopher  saw  a 
great  white  light  and  his  conscience  ceased  to 
bother  him. 

Meanwhile  the  majestic  wheels  of  state  re- 
volved, and  at  the  second  meeting  of  the  board 
of  directors  the  secretary  was  able  to  lay  be- 
fore them  the  august  permission  of  the  Com- 
monwealth to  issue  one  hundred  thousand 
dollars  of  stock  in  the  new  corporation.  In 
fact,  the  secretary  was  able  to  show  them  a 
book  of  especially  printed  stock  certificates, 
and  a  corporate  seal  had  been  made.  Their 
own  seal!  Each  man  tried  it  with  awe  and 

75 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

pride.  This  also  was  a  cheerful  board  meeting, 
wherein  the  directors,  as  one  man,  knowing 
beforehand  what  they  were  to  do,  voted  to  Mr. 
Wallingford  and  Mr.  Lamb  sixty  thousand  dol- 
lars in  stock,  for  all  patents  relating  to  covered 
carpet  tacks  or  devices  for  making  the  same 
that  should  be  obtained  by  them  for  a  period 
of  five  years  to  come.  The  three  remaining 
members  of  the  board  of  directors  and  the  one 
stockholder  who  was  allowed  to  be  present  by 
courtesy  then  took  up  five  thousand  dollars' 
worth  of  stock  each  and  guaranteed  to  bring 
in,  by  the  end  of  the  week,  four  more  like  sub- 
scriptions, two  of  which  they  secured;  and, 
thirty  thousand  dollars  of  cash  having  been  put 
into  the  treasury,  a  special  stockholders' 
meeting  was  immediately  called.  When  this 
met  it  was  agreed  that  they  should  incorporate 
another  company  under  the  name  of  the  Uni- 
versal Covered  Tack  Company,  dropping  the 
word  "Carpet,"  with  an  authorized  capital  of 
three  hundred  thousand  dollars,  two  hundred 
thousand  of  which  was  already  subscribed. 

It  took  but  a  little  over  a  month  to  organize 
this  new  company,  which  bought  out  the  old 
company  for  the  consideration  of  two  hundred 
thousand  dollars,  payable  in  stock  of  the  new 
company.  With  great  glee  the  new  stockhold- 

76 


WALLINGFOKD 

ers  bought  from  themselves,  as  old  stock- 
holders, the  old  company  at  this  valuation,  each 
man  receiving  two  shares  of  one  hundred  dol- 
lars face  value  for  each  one  hundred  dollars' 
worth  of  stock  that  he  had  held  before.  It 
was  their  very  first  transaction  in  water,  and 
the  delight  that  it  gave  them  one  and  all  knew 
no  bounds;  they  had  doubled  their  money  in 
one  day!  But  their  elation  was  not  half  the 
elation  of  J.  Kufus  Wallingford,  for  in  his 
possession  he  had  ninety  thousand  dollars' 
worth,  par  value,  of  stock,  the  legitimacy  of 
which  no  one  could  question,  and  the  market 
price  of  which  could  be  to  himself  whatever 
his  glib  tongue  had  the  opportunity  to  make  it. 
In  addition  to  the  nine  hundred  shares  of 
stock,  he  had  a  ten-thousand-dollar  house,  a 
five-thousand-dollar  automobile  and  unlimited 
credit;  and  this  was  the  man  who  had  landed 
in  the  city  but  two  brief  months  before,  with 
no  credit  in  any  known  spot  upon  the  globe, 
and  with  less  than  one  hundred  dollars  in  his 
pocket ! 

It  is  a  singular  commentary  upon  the  honesty 
of  American  business  methods  that  so  much  is 
done  on  pure  faith.  The  standing  of  J.  Rufus 
Wallingford  was  established  beyond  question. 
Aside  from  the  perfunctory  inquiries  that 

77 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

Edward  Lamb  had  made,  no  one  ever  took  the 
trouble  to  question  into  the  promoter's  past 
record.  So  far  as  local  merchants  were  con- 
cerned, these  did  not  care;  for  did  not  J.  Eufus 
own  a  finely  appointed  new  house  in  Gilden- 
dale,  and  did  he  not  appear  before  them  daily 
in  a  fine  new  automobile?  This,  added  to  the 
fact  that  he  established  credit  with  one  mer- 
chant and  referred  the  next  one  to  him,  referred 
the  third  to  the  second,  and  the  fourth  to  the 
third,  was  ample.  If  merchant  number  four 
took  the  trouble  to  inquire  of  merchant  num- 
ber three,  he  was  told:  "Yes,  we  have  Mr. 
Wallingford  on  our  books,  and  consider  him 
good."  Consequently,  Mrs.  Wallingford  was 
able  to  go  to  any  establishment,  in  her  own 
little  runabout  that  J.  Rufus  got  her  presently, 
and  order  what  she  would ;  and  she  took  ample 
advantage  of  the  opportunity.  She,  like  J. 
Rufus,  was  one  of  those  rare  beings  of  earth  for 
whom  earth's  most  prized  treasures  are  delved, 
and  wrought,  and  woven,  and  sewed ;  for  tran- 
scendent beauty  demands  ever  more  beauty  for 
its  adornment.  In  all  the  city  there  was  noth- 
ing too  good  for  either  of  them,  and  they  got 
it  without  money  and  without  price.  The  pro- 
vider of  all  this  made  no  move  toward  paying 
even  a  retainer  upon  his  automobile,  for  in- 

78 


WALLINGFORD 

stance;  but,  when  the  subtle  intuition  within 
him  warned  that  the  dealer  would  presently 
make  a  demand,  he  calmly  went  in  and  selected 
the  neat  little  runabout  for  his  wife,  and  had 
it  added  to  his  bilL  After  he  had  seen  the  run- 
about glide  away,  the  dealer  was  a  little  aghast 
at  himself.  He  had  firmly  intended,  the  next 
time  he  saw  Mr.  Wallingford,  to  insist  upon  a 
payment.  In  place  of  that,  he  had  only  jeopard- 
ized two  thousand  dollars  more,  and  all  that 
he  had  to  show  for  it  were  half  a  dozen  covered 
tacks  which  J.  Eufus  had  left  him  to  ponder 
upon.  In  the  meantime,  Lamb's  loan  of  one 
thousand  had  been  increased,  upon  plausible 
pretext,  to  two  thousand. 

There  beganj  now,  busy  days  at  the  factory. 
In  the  third  floor  of  their  building  a  machine 
shop  was  installed.  Three  thousand  dollars 
went  there.  Outside,  in  a  large  experimental 
shop,  work  was  being  rapidly  pushed  on  ma- 
chinery which  would  make  tacks  with  cross- 
corrugated  heads.  Genius  Wallingford  had 
secretly  secured  drawings  of  tack  machinery, 
and  devised  slight  changes  which  would  evade 
the  patents,  adding  dies  that  would  make  the 
roughened  tops.  A  final  day  came  when,  set 
up  in  their  shop,  the  first  faulty  machine 
pounded  out  tacks  ready  for  later  covering,  and 

79 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

every  stockholder  who  had  been  called  in  to 
witness  the  working  of  the  miracle  went  away 
profoundly  convinced  that  fortune  was  just 
within  his  reach.  They  had  their  first  patent 
granted  now,  and  the  sight  of  it,  on  stiff  parch- 
ment with  its  hit  of  bright  ribbon,  was  like  a 
glimpse  at  dividends.  It  was  right  at  this  time, 
however,  that  one  cat  was  let  out  of  the  bag. 
The  information  came  first  to  Edward  Lamb, 
through  the  inquiries  of  a  commercial  rating 
company,  that  their  Boston  capitalist  was  a 
whited  sepulcher,  so  far  as  capital  went.  He 
had  not  a  cent.  The  secretary,  in  the  privacy 
of  their  office,  put  the  matter  to  him  squarely, 
and  he  admitted  it  cheerfully.  He  was  glad 
that  the  expose  had  come — it  suited  his  present 
course,  and  he  would  have  brought  it  about 
himself  before  long. 

* '  Who  said  I  had  money  ? "  he  demanded.  ' '  I 
never  said  so." 

"Well,  but  the  way  you  live,"  objected 
Lamb. 

"I  have  always  lived  that  way,  and  I  al- 
ways shall.  Not  only  is  it  a  fact  that  I  have 
no  money,  but  I  must  have  some  right  away." 

"I  haven't  any  more  to  lend." 

"No,  Eddy;  I'm  not  saying  that  you  have. 
I  am  merely  stating  that  I  have  to  have  some. 

80 


WALLINGFOED 

I  am  being  bothered  by  people  who  want  it, 
and  I  cannot  work  on  the  covering  machine 
until  I  get  it,"  and  Mr.  Wallingford  coolly 
telephoned  for  his  big  automobile  to  be  brought 
around. 

They  sat  silently  in  the  office  for  the  next 
five  minutes,  while  Lamb  slowly  appreciated 
the  position  they  were  in.  If  J.  Eufus  should 
"lay  down  on  them"  before  the  covering  ma- 
chine was  perfected,  they  were  in  a  bad  case. 
They  had  already  spent  over  twenty  thousand 
dollars  in  equipping  their  office,  their  machine 
shop,  and  perfecting  their  stamping  machine, 
and  time  was  flying. 

' '  You  might  sell  a  little  of  your  stock, ' '  sug- 
gested Lamb. 

"We  have  an  agreement  between  us  to  hold 
control." 

"But  you  can  still  sell  a  little  of  yours,  and 
stay  within  that  amount.  I'm  not  selling  any 
of  mine." 

Mr.  Wallingford  drew  from  his  pocket  a 
hundred-share  stock  certificate. 

"I  have  already  sold  some.  Make  out  fifty 
shares  of  this  to  L.  W.  Eamsay,  twenty-five  to 
E.  H.  Wyman,  and  the  other  twenty-five  to 
C.  D.  Wyman." 

Ramsay  and  the  Wyman  Brothers !    Eamsay 

6— Wallingford  81 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

was  the  automobile  dealer;  Wyman  Brothers 
were  Wallingford's  tailors. 

"So  much!  Why  didn't  you  sell  them  at 
least  part  from  our  extra  treasury  stock? 
There  is  twenty  thousand  there,  replacing  the 
ten  thousand  of  the  old  company." 

"Why  didn't  I?  I  needed  the  money.  I  got 
twenty-five  hundred  cash  from  Earns  ay,  and 
let  him  put  twenty-five  on  account.  I  agreed 
to  take  one  thousand  in  trade  from  Wyman 
Brothers,  and  got  four  thousand  cash  there." 

The  younger  man  looked  at  him  angrily. 

"Look  here,  Wallingford;  you're  hitting  it 
up  rather  strong,  ain't  you?  This  makes  six 
thousand  five  hundred,  besides  two  thousand 
you  borrowed  from  me,  that  you  have  spent  in 
three  months.  You  have  squandered  money 
since  you  came  here  at  the  rate  of  three  thou- 
sand a  month,  besides  all  the  bills  I  know 
you  owe,  and  still  you  are  broke.  How  is  it 
possible!," 

"That's  my  business,"  retorted  Walling- 
ford, and  his  face  reddened  with  assumed  an- 
ger. "We  are  not  going  to  discuss  it.  The 
point  is  that  I  need  money  and  must  have  it." 

The  automobile  drew  up  at  the  door,  and  J. 
Rufus,  who  was  in  his  automobile  suit,  put  on 
his  cap  and  riding  coat. 

82 


WALLINGFORD 

" Where  are  you  going?" 

"Over  to  Bayling." 

Lamb  frowned.  Eayling  was  sixty  miles 
away. 

"And  you  will  not  be  back  until  midnight, 
I  suppose." 

"Hardly." 

"Why,  confound  it,  man,  you  can't  go!"  ex- 
claimed Lamb.  "They're  waiting  for  you  now 
over  at  the  machine  shop,  for  further  instruc- 
tions on  the  covering  device." 

"They'll  have  to  wait!"  announced  J.  Rufus, 
and  stalked  out  of  the  door. 

The  thing  had  been  deliberately  followed  up. 
Mr.  Wallingford  had  come  to  the  point  where 
he  wished  his  flock  to  know  that  he  had  no 
financial  resources  whatever,  and  that  they 
would  have  to  support  him.  It  was  the  first 
time  that  he  had  departed  from  his  suavity, 
and  he  left  Lamb  in  a  panic.  He  had  been 
gone  scarcely  more  than  an  hour  when  David 
Jasper  came  in. 

"Where  is  Wallingford?"  he  asked. 

"Gone  out  for  an  automobile  trip." 

"When  will  he  be  back?" 

"Not  to-day." 

Jasper's  face  was  white,  but  the  flush  of 
slow  anger  was  creeping  upon  his  cheeks. 

83 


GET-BICH-QUICK 

"Well,  he  ought  to  be;  his  note  is  due.** 

"What  note?'*  inquired  Lamb,  startled. 

"His  note  for  a  thousand  dollars  that  I  went 
security  on.*' 

"You  might  just  as  well  renew  it,  or  pay  it. 
I  had  to  renew  mine,"  said  Lamb.  "Dave, 
the  man  is  a  four-flusher,  without  a  cent  to  fall 
back  on.  I  just  found  it  out  this  morning. 
Why  didn't  you  tell  me  that  he  was  borrowing 
money  of  you?" 

"Why  didn't  you  tell  me  he  was  borrowing 
money  of  you?"  retorted  his  friend. 

They  looked  at  each  other  hotly  for  a  mo- 
ment, and  then  both  laughed.  The  big  man 
was  too  much  for  them  to  comprehend. 

"We  are  both  cutting  our  eye  teeth,"  Lamb 
decided.  "I  wonder  how  many  more  he's  bor- 
rowed money  from." 

"Lewis,  for  one.  He  got  fifteen  hundred 
from  him.  Lewis  told  me  this  morning,  up  at 
Kriegler's." 

Lamb  began  figuring.  To  the  eight  thou- 
sand five  hundred  of  which  he  already  knew, 
here  was  twenty-five  hundred  more  to  be 
added — eleven  thousand  dollars  that  the  man 
had  spent  in  three  months!  Some  bills,  of 
course,  he  had  paid,  but  the  rest  of  it  had  gone 
as  the  wind  blew.  It  seemed  impossible  that  a 

M 


WALLINGFOED 

man  could  spend  money  at  the  rate  of  one 
hundred  and  twenty-five  dollars  a  day,  but  this 
one  had  done  it,  and  that  at  first  was  the  point 
which  held  them  aghast,  to  the  forgetting  of 
their  own  share  in  it.  They  could  not  begin 
to  understand  it  until  Lamb  recalled  one  inci- 
dent that  had  impressed  him.  Wallingford 
had  taken  his  wife  and  two  friends  to  the  opera 
one  night.  They  had  engaged  a  private  din- 
ing room  at  the  hotel,  indulging  in  a  dinner 
that,  with  flowers  and  wines,  had  cost  over  a 
hundred  dollars.  Their  seats  had  cost  fifty. 
There  had  been  a  supper  afterward  where  the 
wine  flowed  until  long  past  midnight.  Alto- 
gether, that  evening  alone  had  cost  not  less 
than  three  hundred  dollars — and  the  man  lived 
at  that  gait  all  the  time!  In  his  home,  even 
when  himself  and  wife  were  alone,  seven-course 
dinners  were  served.  Huge  fowls  were  carved 
for  but  the  choicest  slices,  were  sent  away  from 
the  table  and  never  came  back  again  in  any 
form.  Expensive  wines  were  opened  and  left 
uncorked  after  two  glasses,  because  some 
whim  had  led  the  man  to  prefer  some  other 
brand. 

Lamb  looked  up  from  his  figuring  with  an 
expression  so  troubled  that  his  older  friend, 
groping  as  men  will  do  for  cheering  words,  hit 

85 


GET-KICH-QUICK 

upon  the  idea  that  restored  them  both  to  their 
equilibrium. 

"After  all,"  suggested  Jasper,  "it's  none 
of  our  business.  The  company  is  all  right." 

"That's  so,"  agreed  Lamb,  recovering  his 
enthusiasm  in  a  bound.  "The  tack  itself  can't 
be  beat,  and  we  are  making  progress  toward 
getting  on  the  market.  Suppose  the  man  were 
to  sell  all  his  stock.  It  wouldn't  make  any  dif- 
ference, so  long  as  he  finishes  that  one  machine 
for  covering  the  tack." 

"He's  a  liar!"  suddenly  burst  out  David 
Jasper.  "I  wish  he  had  his  machinery  done 
and  was  away  from  us.  I  can't  sleep  well 
when  I  do  business  with  a  liar." 

"We  don't  want  to  get  rid  of  him  yet," 
Lamb  reminded  him,  "and,  in  the  meantime, 
I  suppose  he  will  have  to  have  money  in  order 
to  keep  him  at  work.  You'd  better  get  him  to 
give  you  stock  to  cover  your  note  and  tell 
Lewis  to  do  the  same.  We'll  all  go  after  him 
on  that  point,  and  get  protected." 

David  looked  troubled  in  his  turn. 

"I  can't  afford  it.  When  I  took  up  that 
five  thousand  dollars'  worth  of  stock  I  only 
had  fifteen  hundred  in  the  building  loan,  and 
I  put  a  mortgage  on  one  of  my  houses  to 
make  up  the  amount.  If  I  have  to  stand  this 

86 


WALLINGFORD 

thousand  I'll  have  to  give  another  mortgage, 
and  I  swore  I'd  never  put  a  plaster  on  my 
property." 

"The  tack's  good  for  it,"  urged  Lamb,  with 
conviction. 

"Yes,  the  tack's  good,"  admitted  Jasper. 

That  was  the  thing  which  held  them  all  in 
line — the  tack!  Wallingford  himself  might  be 
a  spendthrift  and  a  ne'er-do-well,  but  their 
faith  in  the  tack  that  was  to  make  them  all 
rich  was  supreme.  Lamb  picked  up  one  from 
his  desk  and  handed  it  to  his  friend.  The  very 
sight  of  it,  with  its  silken  covered  top,  imagi- 
nation carrying  it  to  its  place  in  a  carpet 
where  it  would  not  show,  was  most  reassuring, 
and  behind  it,  looming  up  like  the  immense 
open  cornucopia  of  Fortune  herself,  was  the 
Eureka  Company,  the  concern  that  would  buy 
them  out  at  any  time  for  a  million  dollars  if 
they  were  foolish  enough  to  sell.  After  all, 
they  had  nothing  to  worry  them. 

David  Jasper  went  up  to  the  bank  and  had 
them  hold  the  note  until  the  next  day,  which 
they  did  without  comment.  David  was  "good" 
for  anything  he  wanted.  The  next  day  he  got 
hold  of  Wallingford  to  get  him  to  renew  the 
note  and  to  give  him  stock  as  security  for  it. 
When  J.  Eufus  came  out  of  that  transaction, 

87 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

in  which  David  had  intended  to  be  severe  with 
him,  he  had  four  thousand  dollars  in  his  pocket, 
for  he  had  transferred  to  his  indorser  five 
thousand  dollars  of  his  stock  and  Jasper  had 
placed  another  mortgage  on  his  property. 
The  single  tack  in  his  vest  pocket  had  assumed 
proportions  far  larger  than  his  six  cottages 
and  his  home.  It  was  the  same  with  Lewis 
and  one  of  the  others,  and,  for  a  week, 
the  inventor  struggled  with  the  covering 
machine. 

No  one  seemed  to  appreciate  the  fact  that 
here  their  genius  was  confronting  a  problem 
that  was  most  difficult  of  solution.  To  them 
it  meant  a  mere  bit  of  mechanical  juggling,  as 
certain  to  be  accomplished  as  the  simple  proc- 
ess of  multiplication;  but  to  glue  a  piece  of 
cloth  to  so  minute  and  irregular  a  thing  as  the 
head  of  a  tack,  to  put  it  on  firmly  and  leave  it 
trimmed  properly  at  the  edges,  to  do  this  trick 
by  machinery  and  at  a  rate  rapid  enough  to 
insure  profitable  operation,  was  a  Herculean 
task,  and  the  stockholders  would  have  been 
aghast  had  they  known  that  J.  Rufus  was  in 
no  hurry  to  solve  this  last  perplexity.  He  knew 
better  than  to  begin  actual  manufacture.  The 
interference  report  on  the  first  patent  led  him 
to  make  secret  inquiries,  the  result  of  which 

88 


WALLINGFOED 

convinced  him  that  the  day  they  went  on  the 
market  would  be  the  day  that  they  would  be 
disrupted  by  vigorous  suits,  backed  by  millions 
of  capital.  He  had  been  right  in  stating  that 
a  patent  is  of  no  value  except  as  a  basis  for 
lawsuits. 

There  was  only  one  thing  which  offset  his 
shrewdness  in  realizing  these  conditions,  and 
that  was  his  own  folly.  Had  he  been  content 
to  devote  himself  earnestly  to  the  accomplish- 
ment even  of  his  own  ends,  the  many  difficul- 
ties into  which  he  had  floundered  would  never 
have  existed.  Always  there  was  the  pressing 
need  for  money.  He  was  a  colossal  example  of 
the  fact  that  easily  gotten  pelf  is  of  no  value. 
His  wife  was  shrewder  than  he.  She  had  no 
social  aspirations  whatever  at  this  time.  They 
were  both  of  them  too  bohemian  of  taste  and 
habit  to  conform  to  the  strict  rules  which  so- 
ciety imposes  in  certain  directions,  even  had 
they  been  able  to  enter  the  charmed  circle. 
She  cared  only  to  dress  as  well  as  the  best 
and  to  go  to  such  places  of  public  entertain- 
ment as  the  best  frequented,  to  show  herself 
in  jewels  that  would  attract  attention  and  in 
gowns  that  would  excite  envy;  but  she  did 
tire  of  continuous  suspense — and  she  was  not 
without  keenness  of  perception. 


GET-BICH-QUICK 

"Jim,"  she  asked,  one  night,  "how  is  your 
business  going?" 

"You  see  me  have  money  every  day,  don't 
you?  There's  nothing  you  want,  is  there?" 
was  the  evasive  reply. 

"Not  a  thing,  except  this:  I  want  a  vaca- 
tion. I  don't  want  to  be  wondering  all  my 
life  when  the  crash  is  to  come.  So  far  as  I 
have  seen,  this  looks  like  a  clean  business  ar- 
rangement that  you  are  in  now;  but,  even  if  V 
it  is,  it  can't  stand  the  bleeding  that  you  are 
giving  it.  If  you  are  going  to  get  out  of  this 
thing,  as  you  have  left  everything  else  you 
were  ever  in,  get  out  right  away.  Bealize 
every  dollar  you  can  at  once,  and  let  us  take 
a  trip  abroad." 

"I  can't  let  go  just  yet,"  he  replied. 

She  looked  up,  startled. 

"Nothing  wrong  in  this,  is  there,  Jim?" 

"Wrong!"  he  exclaimed.  "Fanny,  I  never  , 
did  anything  in  my  life  that  the  law  could  get 
me  for.  The  law  is  a  friend  of  mine.  It  was 
framed  up  especially  for  the  protection  of  J. 
Bufus  Wallingford.  I  can  shove  ordinary 
policemen  off  the  sidewalk  and  make  the  chief 
stand  up  and  salute  when  I  go  past.  The  only 
way  I  could  break  into  a  jail  would  be  to  buy 
one." 

90 


WALLINGFORD 

She  shook  her  head. 

"You're  too  smart  a  man  to  stay  out  of  jail, 
Jim.  The  penitentiary  is  full  of  men  who  were 
too  clever  to  go  there.  You're  a  queer  case, 
anyhow.  If  you  had  buckled  down  to  straight 
business,  with  your  ability  you'd  be  worth  ten 
million  dollars  to-day." 

He  chuckled. 

"Look  at  the  fun  I'd  have  missed,  though." 

But  for  once  she  would  not  joke  about  their 
position. 

"No,"  she  insisted,  "you're  looking  at  it 
wrong,  Jim.  You  had  to  leave  Boston;  you 
had  to  leave  Baltimore;  you  had  to  leave 
Philadelphia  and  Washington;  you  will  have 
to  leave  this  town." 

"Never  mind,  Fanny,"  he  admonished  her. 
"There  are  fifty  towns  in  the  United  States  as 
good  as  this,  and  they've  got  coin  in  every  one 
of  them.  They're  waiting  for  me  to  come  and 
get  it,  and  when  I  have  been  clear  through 
the  list  I'll  start  all  over  again.  There's 
always  a  fresh  crop  of  bait-nibblers,  and 
money  is  being  turned  out  at  the  mint  every 
day." 

"Have  it  your  own  way,"  responded  Mrs. 
Wallingford;  "but  you  will  be  wise  if  you  take 
my  advice  to  accumulate  some  money  while 

91 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

you  can  this  time,  so  that  we  do  not  have  to 
take  a  night  train  out  in  the  suburbs,  as  we 
did  when  we  left  Boston." 

Mr.  Wallingford  returned  no  answer.  He 
opened  the  cellar  door  and  touched  the  button 
that  flooded  his  wine  cellar  with  light,  going 
down  himself  to  hunt  among  his  bottles  for 
the  one  that  would  tempt  him  most.  Neverthe- 
less, he  did  some  serious  thinking,  and,  at  t^he 
next  board-of -directors'  meeting,  he  announced 
that  the  covering  machine  was  well  under  way, 
showing  them  drawings  of  a  patent  applica- 
tion he  was  about  to  send  off. 

It  was  a  hopeful  sign — one  that  restored  con- 
fidence. He  must  now  organize  a  selling  de- 
partment and  must  have  a  Chicago  branch. 
They  listened  with  respect,  even  with  elation. 
After  all,  while  this  man  had  deceived  them 
as  to  his  financial  standing  when  he  first  came 
among  them,  he  was  well  posted,  for  their  bene- 
fit, upon  matters  about  which  they  knew  noth- 
ing. Moreover,  there  was  the  great  tack!  He 
went  to  Chicago  and  appointed  a  Western 
sales  agent.  When  he  came  back  he  had  sold 
fifteen  thousand  dollars'  worth  of  his  stock 
through  the  introductions  gained  him  by  this 
man. 

J.  Eufus  Wallingford  was  "cleaning  up." 

92 


CHAPTER  VII 

WHEREIN  THE  GREAT  TACK  INVENTOR  SUDDENLY 
DECIDES  TO  CHANGE   HIS  LOCATION 


I 


* '  Y  N  two  weeks  we  will  be  ready  for  the 
market,"  Wallingford  told  inquiring 
members  of  the  company  every  two 
weeks,  and,  in  the  meantime,  the  model 
for  the  covering  device,  in  which  change  after 
change  was  made,  went  on  very  slowly,  while 
the  money  went  very  rapidly.  A  half  dozen 
of  the  expensive  stamping  machines  had  al- 
ready been  installed,  and  the  treasury  was  ex- 
hausted. The  directors  began  to  look  worried. 

One  morning,  while  Ella  Jasper  was  at  her 
sweeping  in  the  front  room,  the  big  red  auto- 
mobile chugged  up  to  the  gate  and  J.  Eufus 
Wallingford  got  out.  He  seemed  gigantic  as 
he  loomed  up  on  the  little  front  porch  and 
filled  the  doorway. 

" Where  is  your  father?"  he  asked  her. 

"He  is  over  at  Kriegler's,"  she  told  him, 
and  directed  him  how  to  find  the  little  Ger- 
man saloon  where  the  morning  "lunch  club" 
gathered. 

93 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

Instead  of  turning,  he  stood  still  for  a  mo- 
ment and  looked  her  slowly  from  head  to  foot. 
There  was  that  in  his  look  which  made  her 
tremble,  which  made  her  flush  with  shame, 
and  when  at  last  he  turned  away  she  sat  down 
in  a  chair  and  wept. 

At  Kriegler's,  Wallingford  found  Jasper 
and  two  other  stockholders,  and  he  drew  them 
aside  to  a  corner  table.  For  a  quarter"  of  an 
hour  he  was  jovial  with  them,  and  once  more 
they  felt  the  magnetic  charm  of  his  personal- 
ity, though  each  one  secretly  feared  that  he 
had  come  again  for  money.  He  had,  but  not 
for  himself. 

"The  treasury  is  empty,"  he  calmly  in- 
formed them,  during  a  convenient  pause, 
"and  the  Corley  Machine  Company  insist 
on  having  their  bill  paid.  We  owe  them 
two  thousand  dollars,  and  it  will  take  five 
thousand  more  to  complete  the  covering 
machine. ' ' 

"YouVe  been  wasting  money  in  the  com- 
pany as  you  do  at  home,"  charged  David,  flar- 
ing up  at  once  with  long-suppressed  grievances. 
"You  had  thirty  thousand  cash  to  begin  with. 
I  was  down  to  the  Corley  Machine  Company 
myself,  day  before  yesterday,  and  I  saw  a  pile 
of  things  you  had  them  make  and  throw  away 

94 


WALLINGFORD 

that  they  told  me  cost  nearly  five  thousand 
dollars. " 

''They  didn't  show  you  all  of  it,"  returned 
Wallingford  coolly.  ''There's  more.  You 
don't  expect  to  perfect  a  machine  without  ex- 
perimenting, do  you?  Now  you  let  me  alone  in 
this.  I  know  my  business,  and  no  man  can  say 
that  I  am  not  going  after  the  best  results  in 
the  best  way.  You  fellows  figure  on  expense 
as  if  we  were  conducting  a  harness  shop  or  a 
grocery  store,"  he  continued,  whereat  Jasper 
and  Lewis  reddened  with  resentment  of  the 
sort  for  which  they  could  not  find  voice. 
"Rent,  light,  power,  and  wages  eat  up  money 
every  day,"  he  reminded  them,  "and  every 
day's  delay  means  that  much  more  waste.  We 
must  have  money  to  complete  this  covering 
machine,  and  we  must  have  it  at  once.  There 
is  twenty  thousand  dollars'  worth  of  treasury 
stock  for  sale,  aside  from  the  hundred  thou- 
sand held  in  reserve  until  we  are  ready  to 
manufacture.  That  extra  stock  must  be  sold 
right  away!  I  leave  it  to  you,"  he  concluded, 
rising.  "I'm  not  a  stock  salesman,"  and  with 
that  brazen  statement  he  left  them. 

The  statement  was  particularly  brazen  be- 
cause that  very  morning,  after  he  left  these 
men,  he  disposed  of  a  five-thousand-dollar 

95 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

block  of  his  own  stock  and  turned  the  money 
over  to  his  wife  before  he  returned  to  the  of- 
fice in  the  afternoon.  Lamb  received  him  in 
a  torrent  of  impatience. 

"I  feel  like  a  cheat,"  he  declared.  "The 
Corley  people  were  over  here  agairi,  and  say 
that  they  do  not  know  us.  They  only  know 
our  money,  and  they  want  some  at  once  or  they 
will  not  proceed  with  the  machinery." 

"I  have  been  doing  what  I  could,"  replied 
Wallingford.  "I  put  the  matter  up  to  Jasper 
and  Lewis  and  Nolting  this  morning.  I  told 
them  they  would  have  to  sell  the  extra  treas- 
ury stock." 

"You  did!"  exclaimed  Lamb.  "Why  did 
you  go  to  them!  Why  didn't  you  go  out  and 
sell  the  stock  yourself?" 

"I  am  not  a  stock  salesman,  my  boy." 

"You  have  been  active  enough  in  selling 
your  private  stock,"  charged  Lamb. 

"That's  my  business,"  retorted  Mr.  Wal- 
lingford. "I  am  strictly  within  my  legal  rights 
in  disposing  of  my  own  stock.  It  is  my  prop- 
erty, to  do  with  as  I  please." 

"It  is  obtaining  money  under  false  pre- 
tenses, for  until  you  have  completed  this  ma- 
chinery and  made  a  market  for  our  goods,  the 
stock  you  have  sold  is  not  worth  the  paper  it 

96 


WALLINGFOED 

is  printed  on.  It  represents  no  value  what- 
ever. ' ' 

"It  represents  as  much  value  as  treasury 
stock  or  any  other  stock,"  retorted  Mr.  Wal- 
lingford.  "By  the  way,  make  a  transfer  of 
this  fifty-share  certificate  to  Thomas  D. 
Caldwell." 

"Caldwell!"  exclaimed  Lamb.  "Why,  he  is 
one  of  the  very  men  we  have  been  trying  to 
interest  in  some  of  this  treasury  stock.  He  is 
of  our  lodge.  Last  week  we  had  him  almost 
in  the  notion,  but  he  backed  out." 

"When  the  right  man  came  along  he 
bought,"  said  Wallingford,  and  laughed. 

"This  money  should  have  gone  into  our  de- 
pleted treasury,"  Lamb  declared  hotly.  "I 
refuse  to  make  the  transfer." 

"I  don't  care;  it's  nothing  to  me.  I  have 
the  money  and  I  shall  turn  over  this  certifi- 
cate to  Mr.  Caldwell.  When  he  demands  the 
transfer  you  will  have  to  make  it." 

"There  ought  to  be  some  legal  way  to  com- 
pel this  sale  to  be  made  of  treasury  stock." 

' '  Possibly, ' '  admitted  Mr.  Wallingford ;  *  '  but 
there  isn't.  You  will  find,  my  boy,  that  every- 
thing I  do  is  strictly  within  the  pale  of  the 
law.  I  can  go  into  any  court  and  prove  that 
I  am  an  honest  man." 

7— Wallingford  97 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

Lamb  sprang  angrily  from  his  chair. 

"You're  a  thief,"  he  charged,  his  eyes 
flashing. 

"I'm  not  drawing  any  salary  for  it,"  re- 
plied Wallingford,  and  Lamb  halted  his  anger 
with  a  sickened  feeling.  The  two  hundred 
dollars  a  month  that  he  had  been  drawing  lay 
heavily  upon  his  conscience. 

"I'm  going  to  ask  for  a  reduction  in  my 
pay  at  the  next  meeting,"  he  declared.  "I 
cannot  take  the  money  with  a  clear  conscience." 

"That's  up  to  you,"  replied  Wallingford; 
"but  I  want  to  remind  you  that  unless  money 
is  put  into  this  treasury  within  a  day  or  so  the 
works  are  stopped,"  and  he  went  out  to  climb 
into  his  auto,  leaving  the  secretary  to  some 
very  sober  thought. 

Well,  Lamb  reflected,  what  was  there  to  do? 
But  one  thing:  raise  the  money  by  the  sale  of 
treasury  stock  to  replenish  their  coffers  and 
carry  on  the  work.  He  wished  he  could  see 
his  friend  Jasper.  The  wish  was  like  sorcery, 
for  no  more  was  it  uttered  than  David  and  Mr. 
Lewis  came  in.  They  were  deeply  worried 
over  the  condition  into  which  affairs  had  been 
allowed  to  drift,  but  Lamb  had  cooled  down  by 
this  time.  He  allowed  them  to  hold  an  indig- 
nation meeting  for  a  time,  but  presently  he 

98 


WALLINGFOED 

reminded  them  that,  after  all,  no  matter  what 
else  was  right  or  wrong,  it  would  be  neces- 
sary to  raise  money — that  the  machine  must 
be  finished.  They  went  over  to  the  shop  to 
look  at  it.  The  workmen  were  testing  it  by 
hand  when  they  arrived,  and  it  was  working 
with  at  least  a  fair  degree  of  accuracy.  The 
inspection  committee  did  not  know  that  the 
device  was  entirely  impractical.  All  that  they 
saw  was  that  it  produced  the  result  of  a  fin- 
ished tack  with  a  cover  of  colored  cloth  glued 
tightly  to  its  head,  and  to  them  its  operation 
was  a  silent  tribute  to  the  genius  of  the  man 
they  had  been  execrating.  They  came  away 
encouraged.  It  was  Mr.  Lewis  who  expressed 
the  opinion  which  was  gaining  ground  with  all 
of  them. 

''After  all,"  he  declared,  "we're  bound  to 
admit  that  he's  a  big  man." 

The  result  was  precisely  what  Wallingford 
had  foreseen.  These  men,  to  save  their  com- 
pany, to  save  the  money  they  had  already  in- 
vested, raised  ten  thousand  dollars  among 
them.  David  Jasper  put  another  five-thou- 
sand-dollar mortgage  on  his  property;  Mr. 
Lewis  raised  two  thousand,  and  Edward  Lamb 
three  thousand,  and  with  this  money  they 
bought  of  the  extra  treasury  stock  to  that 

99 


GET-EICH-QUICK 

amount.  J.  Rufus  Wallingford  returned  in 
the  morning.  The  stock  lay  open  for  him  to 
sign;  there  was  ten  thousand  dollars  in  the 
treasury,  and  a  check  to  the  Corley  Machine 
Company,  already  signed  by  the  treasurer,  was 
also  awaiting  his  signature. 

The  eight  thousand  dollars  that  was  left 
went  at  a  surprisingly  rapid  rate,  for,  with  a 
love  for  polished  detail,  Wallingford  had  or- 
dered large  quantities  of  shipping  cases, 
stamps  to  burn  the  company's  device  upon 
them,  japanned  steel  signs  in  half  a  dozen 
colors  to  go  with  each  shipment,  and  many 
other  expensive  incidentals,  besides  the  ex- 
perimental work.  There  were  patent  applica- 
tions and  a  host  of  other  accumulating  bills 
that  gave  Lamb  more  worry  and  perplexity 
than  he  had  known  in  all  his  fifteen  years  of 
service  with  the  Dorman  Company.  The  next 
replenishment  was  harder.  To  get  the  re- 
maining ten  thousand  dollars  in  the  treasury, 
the  already  committed  stockholders  scraped 
around  among  their  friends  to  the  remotest 
acquaintance,  and  placed  scrip  no  longer  in 
blocks  of  five  thousand,  but  of  ten  shares,  of 
five  N  shares,  even  in  driblets  of  one  and  two 
hundred  dollars,  until  they  had  absorbed  all 
the  extra  treasury  stock ;  and  in  that  time  Wal- 

100 


WALLINGFOED 

lingford,  by  appointing  a  St.  Louis  agent,  had 
managed  to  dispose  of  twenty  thousand  dol- 
lars' worth  of  his  own  holdings.  He  was  still 
"cleaning  up,"  and  he  brought  in  his  transfer 
certificates  with  as  much  nonchalance  as  if  he 
were  turning  in  orders  for  tacks. 

Eapid  as  he  now  was,  however,  he  did  not 
work  quite  fast  enough.  He  had  still  some 
fifteen  thousand  dollars'  worth  of  personal 
stock  when,  early  one  morning,  a  businesslike 
gentleman  stepped  into  the  office  where  Lamb 
sat  alone  at  work,  and  presented  his  card.  It 
told  nothing  beyond  the  mere  fact  that  he  was 
an  attorney. 

''Well,  Mr.  Book,  what  can  I  do  for  you?" 
asked  Lamb  pleasantly,  though  not  without 
apprehension.  He  wondered  what  J.  Eufus  had 
been  doing. 

"Are  you  an  officer  of  the  Universal  Covered 
Tack  Company?"  inquired  Mr.  Book. 

"The  secretary;  Edward  Lamb." 

"Quite  so.  Mr.  Lamb,  I  represent  the  Invis- 
ible Carpet  Tack  Company,  and  I  bring  you 
their  formal  notification  to  cease  using  their 
device;"  whereupon  he  delivered  to  Edward  a 
document.  "The  company  assumes  that  you 
are  not  thoroughly  posted  as  to  its  article  of 
manufacture,  nor  as  to  its  patents  covering  it," 

101 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

he  resumed.  "They  have  been  on  the  market 
three  years  with  this  product." 

From  his  pocket  he  took  a  fancifully  embel- 
lished package,  and,  opening  it,  he  poured  two 
or  three  tacks  into  Edward's  hand.  With  dis- 
may the  secretary  examined  one  of  them.  It 
was  an  ordinary  carpet  tack,  such  as  they  were 
about  to  make,  but  with  a  crimson-covered  top. 
Dazed,  scarcely  knowing  what  he  was  doing,  he 
mechanically  took  his  knife  from  his  pocket  and 
cut  the  cloth  from  it.  The  head  was  roughened 
for  gluing  precisely  as  had  been  planned  for 
their  own! 

"Assuming,  as  I  say,  that  you  are  not  aware 
of  the  encroachment,"  the  attorney  went  on, 
"the  Invisible  Company  does  not  desire  to  let 
you  invite  prosecution,  but  wishes  merely  to 
warn  you  against  attempting  to  put  an  infringe- 
ment of  their  goods  on  the  market.  They  have 
plenty  of  surplus  capital,  and  are  prepared  to 
defend  their  rights  with  all  of  it,  if  necessary. 
Should  you  wish  to  communicate  with  me  or 
have  your  counsel  do  so,  my  address  is  on  that 
card,"  and,  leaving  the  paper  of  tacks  behind 
him,  Mr.  Book  left  the  office. 

Without  taking  the  trouble  to  investigate, 
Lamb  knew  instinctively  that  the  lawyer  was 
right,  an  opinion  which  later  inquiry  all  too 

108 


WALLINGFOED 

thoroughly  corroborated.  For  three  years  the 
Invisible  Carpet  Tack  Company  had  been  sup- 
plying precisely  the  article  the  Universal  Com- 
pany was  then  striving  to  perfect.  What  there 
was  of  that  trade  they  had  and  would  keep,  and 
a  sickening  realization  came  to  the  secretary 
that  it  meant  a  total  loss  to  himself  and  his 
friends  of  practically  everything  they  pos- 
sessed. The  machinery  in  which  their  money 
was  invested  was  special  machinery  that  could 
be  used  for  no  other  purpose,  and  was  worth 
but  little  more  than  the  price  of  scrap  iron. 
Every  cent  that  they  had  invested  was  gone! 

His  first  thought  was  for  David  Jasper.  As 
for  himself,  he  was  young  yet.  He  could  stand 
the  loss  of  five  thousand.  He  could  go  back  to 
Dormant,  take  his  old  position  and  be  the  more 
valuable  for  his  ripened  experience,  and  there 
was  always  a  chance  that  a  minor  partnership 
might  await  him  there  after  a  few  more  years; 
but  as  for  Jasper,  his  day  was  run,  his  sun  had 
set.  It  was  a  hard  task  that  confronted  the 
secretary,  but  he  must  do  it.  He  called  up 
Kriegler's  and  asked  for  David  Jasper,  and 
when  David  came  to  the  telephone  he  told  him 
what  had  happened.  Over  and  over,  carefully 
and  point  by  point,  he  had  to  explain  it,  for  his 
friend  could  not  believe,  since  he  could  not  even 

103 


GET-EICH-QUICK 

bomprehend,  the  blow  that  had  fallen  upon  him. 
Suddenly,  Lamb  found  there  was  no  answer  to 
a  question  that  he  asked.  He  called  anxiously 
again  and  again.  He  could  hear  only  a  con- 
fused murmur  in  the  'phone.  There  were 
tramping  feet  and  excited  voices,  and  he 
gathered  that  the  receiver  was  left  dangling, 
that  no  one  held  it,  that  no  one  listened  to  what 
he  said.  Hastily  putting  on  his  coat  and  hat, 
he  locked  the  office  and  took  a  car  for  the  North 
Side. 

J.  Bufus  Wallingford  himself  was  busy  that 
morning,  and  in  the  North  Side,  too.  His  huge 
car  whirled  past  the  little  frame  houses  that 
were  covered  with  mortgages  which  would 
never  be  lifted,  and  stopped  before  the  home 
of  David  Jasper.  His  jaw  was  hanging  loosely, 
his  big,  red  face  was  bloated  and  splotched,  and 
his  small  eyes  were  bloodshot,  though  they 
glowed  with  a  somber  fire.  He  had  been  out 
all  night,  and  this  was  one  of  the  few  times  he 
had  been  indiscreet  enough  to  carry  his  ex- 
cesses over  into  the  morning;  usually  he  was 
alcohol  proof.  At  first,  blinking  and  blearing 
in  the  sunlight,  he  had  been  numb;  but  an 
hour's  swift  ride  in  the  fresh  air  of  the  country 
had  revived  him,  while  the  ascending  sun  had 
started  into  life  again  the  fumes  of  the  wine 

104 


WALLINGFOBD 

that  he  had  drunk,  so  that  all  of  the  evil  within 
him  had  come  uppermost  without  the  restrain- 
ing caution  that  belonged  to  his  sober  hours. 
In  his  abnormal  condition  the  thought  had 
struck  him  that  now  was  the  time  for  the  final 
coup — that  he  would  dispose  of  his  remaining 
shares  of  stock  at  a  reduced  valuation  and  get 
away,  at  last,  from  the  irksome  tasks  that  con- 
fronted him,  from  the  dilemma  that  was  slowly 
but  surely  encompassing  him.  In  pursuance 
of  this  idea  it  had  occurred  to  him,  as  it  never 
would  have  done  in  his  sober  moments,  that 
David  Jasper  could  still  raise  money  and  that 
he  could  still  be  made  to  do  so.  Lumbering 
back  to  the  kitchen  door,  he  knocked  upon  it, 
and  Ella  Jasper  opened  it.  Ella  had  finished 
her  morning 's  work  hurriedly,  for  she  intended 
to  go  downtown  shopping,  and  was  already 
preparing  to  dress.  Her  white,  rounded  arms 
were  bared  to  the  elbow,  and  her  collar  was 
turned  in  with  a  "V"  at  the  throat. 

The  somber  glow  in  Wallingford's  eyes 
leaped  into  flame,  and,  without  stopping  to 
question  her,  he  pushed  his  way  into  the 
kitchen,  closing  the  door  behind  him.  He 
lurched  suddenly  toward  her,  and,  screaming, 
she  flew  through  the  rooms  toward  the  front 
door.  She  would  have  gained  the  door  easily 

105 


GET-EICH-QUICK 

enough,  and,  in  fact,  had  just  reached  it,  when 
it  opened  from  the  outside,  and  her  father,  ac- 
companied by  his  friend  Lewis,  came  suddenly 
in.  For  half  an  hour,  up  at  Kriegler's,  they  had 
been  restoring  David  from  the  numb  half- 
trance  in  which  he  had  dropped  the  receiver 
of  the  telephone,  and  even  now  he  swayed  as 
he  walked,  so  that  his  condition  could  scarcely 
have  been  told  from  that  of  Wallingford  when 
the  latter  had  come  through  the  gate.  But 
there  was  this  difference  between  them:  the 
strength  of  Wallingford  had  been  dissipated; 
that  of  Jasper  had  been  merely  suspended.  It 
was  a  mental  wrench  that  had  rendered  him 
for  the  moment  physically  incapable.  Now, 
however,  when  he  saw  the  author  of  all  his 
miseries,  a  hoarse  cry  of  rage  burst  from  him, 
and  before  his  eyes  there  suddenly  seemed  to 
surge  a  red  mist.  Hale  and  sturdy  still,  a 
young  man  in  physique,  despite  his  sixty  years, 
he  sprang  like  a  tiger  at  the  adventurer  who 
had  wrecked  his  prosperity  and  who  now  had 
held  his  home  in  contempt. 

There  was  no  impact  of  strained  bodies,  as 
when  two  warriors  meet  in  mortal  combat;  as 
when  attacker  and  defender  prepare  to  measure 
prowess.  Instead,  the  big  man,  twice  the  size 
and  possibly  twice  the  lifting  and  striking 

106 


WALLINGFOKD 

strength  of  David  Jasper,  having  on  his  side, 
too,  the  advantage  of  being  in  what  should  have 
been  the  summit  of  life,  shrank  back,  pale  to 
the  lips,  suddenly  whimpering  and  crying  for 
mercy.  It  was  only  a  limp,  resistless  man  of 
blubber  that  David  Jasper  had  hurled  himself 
upon,  and  about  whose  throat  his  lean,  strong 
fingers  had  clutched,  the  craven  gurgling  still 
his  appeals  for  grace.  Ordinarily  this  would 
have  disarmed  a  man  like  David  Jasper,  for  dis- 
gust alone  would  have  stayed  his  hand,  have 
turned  his  wrath  to  loathing,  his  righteous 
vengefulness  to  nausea;  but  now  he  was  blind, 
blood-mad,  and  he  bore  the  huge  spineless  lump 
of  moral  putty  to  the  floor  by  the  force  of  his 
resistless  onrush. 

"Man!"  Lewis  shouted  in  his  ear.  "Man, 
there's  a  law  against  that  sort  of  thing!" 

"Law!"  screamed  David  Jasper.  "Law! 
Did  it  save  me  my  savings?  Let  me  alone!" 

The  only  result  of  the  interference  was  to 
alter  the  direction  of  his  fury,  and  now,  with 
his  left  hand  still  gripping  the  throat  of  his 
despoiler,  his  stalwart  fist  rained  down  blow 
after  blow  upon  the  hated,  fat-jowled  face  that 
lay  beneath  him.  It  was  a  brutal  thing,  and, 
even  as  she  strove  to  coax  and  pull  her  father 
away,  Ella  was  compelled  to  avert  her  face. 

107 


GET-EICH-QUICK 

The  smacking  impact  of  those  bloWs  made  her 
turn  faint;  but,  even  so,  she  had  wit  enough 
to  close  the  front  door,  so  that  morbid  curiosity 
should  not  look  in  upon  them  nor  divine  her 
father's  madness.  Just  as  she  returned  to  him, 
however,  and  even  while  his  fist  was  upraised 
for  another  stroke  at  that  sobbing  coward,  a 
spasmodic  twitch  crossed  his  face  as  he  gasped 
deeply  for  air,  and  he  toppled  to  the  floor,  inert 
by  the  side  of  his  enemy.  Age  had  told  at  last. 
In  spite  of  an  abstemious  life,  the  unwonted  ex- 
ertion and  the  unwonted  passion  had  wreaked 
their  punishment  upon  him. 

It  was  David's  friend  Lewis  who,  with  white, 
set  face,  helped  Wallingford  to  his  feet,  and, 
without  a  word,  scornfully  shoved  him  toward 
the  door,  throwing  his  crumpled  hat  after  him 
as  he  passed  out.  With  blood  upon  his  face 
and  two  rivulets  of  tears  streaming  down 
across  it,  J.  Eufus  Wallingford,  the  suave,  the 
gentleman  for  whom  all  good  things  of  earth 
were  made  and  provided,  ran  sobbing,  with 
downstretched  quivering  lips,  to  his  auto- 
mobile. The  chauffeur  jumped  out  for  a 
moment  to  get  the  hat  and  to  dip  his  kerchief 
in  the  stream  that  he  turned  on  for  a  moment 
from  the  garden  hydrant;  coming  back  to  the 
machine,  he  handed  the  wet  kerchief  to  his 

108 


WALLINGFORD 

master,  then,  without  instructions,  he  started 
home.  When  his  back  was  thoroughly  turned, 
the  chauffeur,  despite  that  he  had  been  well 
paid  and  extravagantly  tipped  during  all  the 
months  of  his  fat  employment,  smiled,  and 
smiled,  and  kept  on  smiling,  and  had  all  he 
could  do  to  prevent  his  shoulders  from  heaving. 
He  was  gratified — was  Frank — pleased  in  his 
two  active  senses  of  justice  and  of  humor. 

Just  as  the  automobile  turned  the  corner, 
Edward  Lamb  came  running  down  the  street 
from  Kriegler's,  where  he  had  gone  first  to  find 
out  what  had  happened,  and  he  met  Mr.  Lewis 
going  for  a  doctor.  Without  stopping  to  ex- 
plain, Lewis  jerked  his  thumb  in  the  direction 
of  the  house,  and  Edward,  not  knocking, 
dashed  in  at  the  door.  They  had  laid  David  on 
his  bed  in  the  front  room,  and  his  daughter 
bent  over  him,  bathing  his  brow  with  camphor. 
David  was  speechless,  but  his  eyes  were  open 
now,  and  the  gleam  of  intelligence  was  in  them. 
As  their  friend  came  to  the  bedside,  Ella 
looked  around  at  him.  She  tried  to  gaze  up 
at  him  unmoved  as  he  stood  there  so  young,  so 
strong,  so  dependable;  she  strove  to  look  into 
his  eyes  bravely  and  frankly,  but  it  had  been 
a  racking  time,  in  which  her  strength  had  been 
sorely  tested,  and  she  swayed  slightly  toward 

109 


GET-EICH-QUICK 

him.  Edward  Lamb  caught  his  sister  in  his 
arms,  but  when  her  head  was  pillowed  for  an 
instant  upon  his  shoulder  and  the  tears  burst 
forth,  lo!  the  miracle  happened.  The  foolish 
scales  fell  so  that  he  could  see  into  his  own 
heart,  and  detect  what  had  lain  there  unnamed 
for  many  a  long  year — and  Ella  Jasper  was  his 
sister  no  longer! 

"There,  there,  dear,"  he  soothed  her,  and 
smoothed  her  tresses  with  his  broad,  gentle 
palm. 

The  touch  and  the  words  electrified  her. 
Smiling  through  her  tears,  she  ventured  to  look 
up  at  him,  and  he  bent  and  kissed  her  solemnly 
and  gently  upon  the  lips;  then  David  Jasper, 
lying  there  upon  his  bed,  with  all  his  little 
fortune  gone  and  all  his  sturdy  vigor  vanished, 
saw,  and  over  his  wan  lips  there  flickered  the 
trace  of  a  satisfied  smile. 

Hidden  that  night  in  a  stateroom  on  a  fast 
train,  J.  Eufus  Wallingford  and  his  wife,  with 
but  such  possessions  as  they  could  carry  in  their 
suit  cases  and  one  trunk,  whirled  eastward. 


no 


CHAPTER 


ME.  WALLINGFORD   TAKES  A  DOSE   OP  HIS  OWN 
BITTER   MEDICINE 

AS  the  lights  of  the  railroad  yard,  red 
and  white  and  green,  slid  by,  so 
passed  out  of  the  ken  of  these  fugitives 
all  those  who  had  contributed  to  their 
luxury  through  the  medium  of  the  Universal 
Covered  Carpet  Tack  Company.  Lamb,  Jasper, 
Lewis,  Nolting,  Ella;  what  were  all  these 
people  to  them?  What  were  any  living  crea- 
tures except  a  part  of  the  always  moving 
panorama  which  composed  the  background  of 
their  lives?  Nomads  always  since  their  mar- 
riage, when  Mrs.  Wallingford  as  a  girl  had  run 
away  from  home  that  was  no  home  to  join  this 
cheerful  knave  of  fortune,  they  had  known  no 
resting  place,  no  spot  on  earth  that  called  to 
them;  had  formed  no  new  ties  and  made  no  new 
friendships.  Where  all  the  world  seemed 
anchored  they  were  ever  flitting  on,  and  the 
faces  that  they  knew  belonged  but  to  the  more 
or  less  vivid  episodes  by  which  the  man  strove 
after  such  luxurious  ideals  as  he  had.  Only 

ill 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

a  few  of  the  dubious  acquaintances  which  Wal- 
lingford  had  formed  in  his  earlier  days  of  ad- 
venture remained  for  them  to  greet  as  they 
paused  before  fresh  flights  afield.  "Blackie" 
Daw,  who  had  recently  removed  his  "office" 
from  Boston  to  New  York,  was  the  most  con- 
stant of  these,  and  him  they  entertained  in  one 
of  the  most  exclusive  hostelries  in  the  me- 
tropolis soon  after  their  arrival.  Mr.  Walling- 
ford's  face  still  bore  traces  of  the  recent  conflict. 

"Fanny's  the  girl!"  he  declared  with  his 
hand  resting  affectionately  on  his  wife's 
shoulder,  after  he  had  detailed  to  Mr.  Daw 
how  he  had  squeezed  the  covered  carpet  tack 
dry  of  its  possibilities.  "She's  little  Mamie 
Bright,  all  right.  For  once  we  got  away  with 
it.  I'm  a  piker,  I  know,  but  twenty-eight 
thousand  in  yellow,  crinkly  boys  to  the  good, 
all  sewed  up  in  Fanny's  skirt  till  we  ripped  it 
out  and  soused  it  in  a  deposit  vault,  isn't  so 
bad  for  four  months'  work;  and  now  we're  on 
our  way  to  ruin  Monte  Carlo." 

"You're  all  to  the  mustard,"  admired 
Blackie;  "you're  the  big  noise  and  the  blind- 
ing flash.  As  I  say,  I'd  go  into  some  legitimate 
line  myself  if  I  wasn't  honest.  What  bites  me, 
though,  is  that  you  got  all  that  out  of  my 
little  Lamb  and  his  easy  friends." 

112 


WALLINGFORD 

"Easy!  Um — m — m — m,"  commented  Mr. 
Wallingford  frowningly,  as  he  unconsciously 
rubbed  the  tips  of  his  fingers  over  the  black 
puff  under  his  right  eye.  "You've  got  it  wrong. 
I  like  to  sting  the  big  people  best.  They  take 
it  like  a  dentist's  pet;  but  when  you  tap  one 
of  these  pikers  for  a  couple  of  mean  little  thou- 
sands he  howls  like  a  steam  calliope.  One  old 
pappy  guy  started  to  take  it  out  of  my  hide, 
and  he  tried  so  hard  it  gave  him  paralysis." 

Mr.  Daw  laughed  in  sympathy. 

"You  must  have  had  a  lively  get-away,  to 
judge  from  the  marks  the  mill  left  on  you ;  but 
why  this  trip  across  the  pond?  Are  they  after 
you?" 

"After  me!"  scorned  J.  Eufus.  "There's  no 
chance!  Why,  I  never  did  a  thing  in  my  life 
that  stepped  outside  the  law ! ' ' 

"But  you  lean  way  over  the  fence,"  charged 
Blackie  with  a  knowing  nod,  "and  some  of 
these  days  the  palings  will  break." 

"By  that  time  I'll  have  enough  soft  money 
in  front  of  me  to  ease  my  fall,"  announced 
Wallingford  confidently.  "I'm  for  that  get- 
rich-quick  game,  and  you  can  just  bank  on  me 
as  a  winner." 

"You'll  win  all  right,"  agreed  Blackie  con- 
fidently, looking  at  his  watch,  "but  you're  like 

S-Wallinaford  113 


GET-EICH-QUICK 

the  rest  of  us.  You'll  have  to  die  real  sudden 
if  you  want  to  leave  anything  to  your  widow. 
That's  the  trouble  with  this  quick  money.  It's 
lively  or  you  wouldn't  catch  it  on  the  wing, 
and  it  stays  so  lively  after  you  get  it." 

He  arose  as  he  concluded  this  sage  observa- 
tion and  buttoned  his  coat. 

"But  you're  going  to  stay  to  dinner  with 
us?"  insisted  Mrs.  Wallingford. 

"No,"  he  returned  regretfully.  "I'd  like  to, 
but  business  is  business.  I  have  an  engage- 
ment to  trim  a  deacon  in  Podunk  this  evening. 
Give  my  regards  to  the  Prince  of  Monaco." 

It  was  scarcely  more  than  a  week  afterwards 
when  he  somberly  turned  in  at  the  bar  room  of 
that  same  hotel,  and  almost  bumped  into  Wal- 
lingford, who  was  as  somberly  coming  out.  For 
a  moment  they  gazed  at  each  other  in  amaze- 
ment and  then  both  laughed. 

"You  must  have  gone  over  and  back  by  wire- 
less," observed  Blackie.  "What  turned  up?" 

"Stung!"  exclaimed  J.  Rufus  with  deep 
self-scorn.  "I  got  an  inside  tip  on  some  cop- 
per stock  the  evening  you  left,  and  the  next 
morning  I  looked  up  a  broker  and  he  broke 
me.  He  had  just  started  up  in  the  bucket-shop 
business  and  I  was  his  first  customer.  He 
didn't  wait  for  any  more.  That's  all." 

114 


WALLINGFOED 

Daw  laughed  happily,  and  he  was  still  laugh- 
ing when  they  entered  the  drawing  room  of 
Wallingf ord 's  suite. 

"It's  the  one  gaudy  bet  that  the  biggest 
suckers  of  all  are  the  wise  people,"  he  observed. 
"Here  you  go  out  West  and  trim  a  bunch  of 
come-ons  for  twenty-five  thousand,  and  what  do 
you  do  next?  Oh,  just  tarry  here  long  enough 
to  tuck  that  neat  little  bundle  into  the  pocket 
of  a  bucket-shop  broker  that  throws  away  the 
bucket!  You'd  think  he  was  the  wise  boy, 
after  that,  but  he'll  drop  your  twenty-five 
thousand  on  a  wire-tapping  game,  and  the  wire 
tapper  will  buy  gold  bricks  with  it.  The  gold- 
brick  man  will  give  it  to  the  bookies  and  the 
bookies  will  lose  it  on  stud  poker.  I'm  a  Billy 
goat  myself.  I  clean  up  ten  thousand  last 
week  on  mining  stock  that  permits  Mr.  Easy 
Mark  to  mine  if  he  wants  to,  and  I  pay  it  right 
over  last  night  for  the  fun  of  watching  a  faro 
expert  deal  from  a  sanded  deck!  Mel  Cleaned 
with-out  soap!" 

"You  don't  mean  to  say  you're  broke,  too?" 
demanded  his  host. 

"If  I  had  any  less  they'd  arrest  me  for 
loitering. ' ' 

Mr.  Wallingford  glowered  upon  his  twenty- 
dollar-a-day  apartments  with  a  sigh.  The 

115 


GET-KICH-QUICK 

latest  in  heavy  lace  curtains  fluttered  at  him 
from  the  windows,  thick  rugs  yielded  to  his 
feet,  all  the  frippery  of  Louis-Quinze,  while  it 
mocked  his  bigness,  ministered  to  his  comfort 
— but  waited  to  be  paid  for! 

"You  don't  look  as  good  to  me  as  you  did 
a  while  ago, ' '  he  declared.  "  I  'd  figured  on  you 
for  a  sure  touch,  for  now  it's  back  to  the  Rube 
patch  for  us.  0  Fanny!" 

"Yes,  Jim,"  answered  a  pleasant  voice,  and 
Mrs.  Wallingford,  in  a  stunning  gown  which, 
supplementing  her  hair  and  eyes,  made  of  her 
a  symphony  in  brown,  came  from  the  adjoining 
room.  She  shook  hands  cordially  with  Mr. 
Daw  and  sat  down  with  an  inquiring  look  at 
her  husband. 

"It's  time  for  us  to  take  up  a  collection,"  said 
the  latter  gentleman.  "We're  going  ay-wye." 

"Ya-as,  ay- wye  from  he-a7i/"  supplemented 
Blackie  to  no  one  in  particular. 

"Won't  your  ring  and  scarf  pin  do?"  his 
wife  inquired  anxiously  of  Mr.  Wallingford.  A 
"collection,"  in  their  parlance,  meant  the  sac- 
rifice of  a  last  resource,  and  she  was  a  woman 
of  experience. 

"You  know  they  won't,"  he  returned  in  mild 
reproach.  "If  I  don't  keep  a  front  I  know 
where  my  ticket  reads  to;  the  first  tank!" 

116 


WALLINGFORD 

Without  any  further  objection  she  brought 
him  a  little  black  leather  case,  which  he  opened. 
An  agreeable  glitter  sparkled  from  its  velvet 
depths,  and  he  passed  it  to  his  friend  with  a 
smile  of  satisfaction. 

"  They  '11  please  Uncle,  eh,  Blackie?"  he  ob- 
served. "The  first  thing  to  do,  after  I  cash 
these,  is  to  look  at  the  map  and  pick  out  a 
fresh  town  where  smart  people  have  money  in 
banks.  It  always  helps  a  lot  to  remember  that 
somewhere  in  this  big  United  States  people 
have  been  saving  up  coin  for  years,  just  wait- 
ing for  us  to  come  and  get  it." 

The  two  men  laughed,  but  Mrs.  Wallingford 
did  not. 

'  *  Honest,  I  'm  tired  of  it, ' '  she  confessed.  ' l  If 
this  speculation  of  Jim's  had  only  turned  out 
luckily  I  wanted  to  buy  a  little  house  and  live 
quietly  and — and  decently  for  a  year  or  BO." 

Mr.  Daw  glanced  at  her  in  amusement. 

"She  wants  to  be  respectable!"  he  gasped 
in  mock  surprise. 

"All  women  do,"  she  said,  still  earnestly. 

"You  wouldn't  last  three  months,"  he  in- 
formed her.  "You'd  join  the  village  sewing 
circle  and  the  culture  club,  and  paddle  around 
in  a  giddy  whirl  of  pale  functions  till  you  saw 
you  had  to  keep  your  mouth  shut  all  the  time 

117 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

for  fear  the  other  women  would  find  out  you 
knew  something.  Then  you'd  quit." 

"You  talk  as  if  you  had  been  crossed  in 
love,"  she  consoled  him. 

"That's  because  I'm  in  pain,"  confessed 
Blackie.  "It  hasn't  been  an  hour  since  I  saw 
a  thousand  dollars  in  real  money,  and  the  tele- 
graph company  jerked  it  away  from  me  just  as 
I  reached  out  to  bring  it  home." 

"7s  there  that  much  money  in  the  world?" 
inquired  Wallingford. 

"Not  loose,"  replied  Blackie.  "I  thought  I 
had  this  lump  pried  off,  but  now  it's  got  a 
double  padlock  on  it  and  to-night  it  starts  far, 
far  back  to  that  dear  old  metropolis  of  the  Big 
Thick  Water,  where  the  windy  river  looks  like 
a  fresh-plowed  field.  But  they've  coin  out 
there,  and  every  time  I  think  of  Mr.  James 
Clover  and  his  thousand  I'm  tempted  to  go 
down  to  his  two-dollar  hotel  and  coax  him  up 
a  dark  alley." 

"Who  does  Mr.  Clover  do?"  inquired  Wal- 
lingford perfunctorily. 

Blackie 's  sense  of  humor  came  uppermost  to 
soothe  his  anguished  feelings. 

"He's  the  Supreme  Exalted  Ruler  of  the 
Noble  Order  of  Friendly  Hands,"  he  grinned, 
"and  his  twenty-six  members  at  three  or  eleven 

118 


WALLINGFOED 

cents  a  month  don't  turn  in  the  money  fast 
enough;  so  he  took  a  chance  on  the  cold-iron 
cage  and  brought  a  chunk  of  the  insurance  re- 
serve fund  to  New  York  to  double  it.  I  picked 
myself  out  to  do  the  doubling  for  him. ' ' 

Mr.  Wallingford  chuckled. 

"I  know,'*  he  said.  "To  double  it  you  fold 
the  bills  when  you  put  them  in  your  pocket, 
and  when  Clover  wanted  it  back  you'd  have 
him  pinched  for  a  common  thief.  But  how  did 
it  get  away?  I'm  disappointed  in  you,  Blackie. 
I  thought  when  you  once  saw  soft  money  it 
was  yours." 

"Man  died  in  his  town.  If  he'd  only  put  it 
off  for  one  day  the  whole  burg  could  have 
turned  into  a  morgue,  for  I  don't  need  it.  But 
no!  The  man  died,  and  the  Supreme  Exalted 
Secretary  wired  the  Supreme  Exalted  Euler. 
The  telegram  was  brought  to  his  room  just 
when  I  had  the  hook  to  his  gills,  and  he — went 
— down — stream!  It  was  perfectly  scandalous 
the  names  we  called  that  man  for  having  died, 
but  it  takes  a  long  time  to  cuss  a  thousand  dol- 
lars' worth." 

Mr.  Wallingford  was  thoughtful. 

"A  fraternal  insurance  company,"  he  mused. 
"I've  never  taken  a  fall  out  of  that  game,  and 
it  sounds  good.  This  gifted  amateur's  going 

119 


GET-ltlGH-QUICK 

out  to-night?  Hustle  right  down  to  his  hotel 
and  bring  him  up  to  dinner.  Tell  him  I've 
been  thinking  of  going  into  the  insurance  field 
and  might  be  induced  to  buy  a  share  in  his 
business.  I've  a  notion  to  travel  along  with 
that  thousand  dollars  to-night,  no  matter  where 
it  goes.  O  Fanny!"  he  called  again  to  his 
wife  in  the  other  room.  "Suppose  you  begin 
to  pack  up  while  I  step  out  and  soak  the 
diamonds. ' ' 

That  was  how  Mr.  James  Clover  came  to  ob- 
tain some  startling  new  ideas  about  insurance; 
also  about  impressiveness.  When  Mr.  Wal- 
lingf  ord  in  a  dinner  coat  walked  into  any  public 
dining  room,  waiters  were  instantly  electrified 
and  ordinary  mortals  felt  humble.  His  broad 
expanse  of  white  shirt  front  awed  the  most 
self-satisfied  into  instant  submission,  and  he 
carried  himself  as  one  who  was  monarch  of  all 
he  surveyed.  This  was  due  to  complacency, 
for  though  bills  might  press  and  cash  be  scarce, 
there  never  stood  any  line  of  worry  upon  his 
smooth  brow.  Worry  was  for  others — those 
who  would  have  to  pay.  Mr.  Clover,  himself  of 
some  bulk  but  of  no  genuine  lordliness  what- 
ever, no  sooner  set  eyes  upon  Mr.  J.  Rufus 
Wallingford  than  he  felt  comforted.  Here  was 
wealth  unlimited,  and  if  this  opuleit  being 


WALLINGFOBD 

could  possibly  be  induced  to  finance  the  Noble 
Order  of  Friendly  Hands,  he  saw  better  skies 
ahead,  bright  skies  that  shone  down  on  a  fair, 
fruitful  world'  where  all  was  prosperity  and 
plenty.  Mr.  Clover  was  a  block-like  man  with 
a  square  face  and  a  heavy  fist,  with  a  loud  voice 
and  a  cultivated  oratorical  habit  of  speech 
which  he  meant  to  be  awe-inspiring.  Behind 
him  there  was  a  string  of  failures  that  were  a 
constant  source  of  wonderment  to  him,  since  he 
had  not  been  too  scrupulous! 

"He'd  be  a  crook  if  he  knew  how;  but  he 
stumbles  over  his  feet,"  Blackie  confided  to 
Wallingford.  To  Clover  he  said:  "Look  out 
for  the  big  man.  He's  a  pretty  smooth  article, 
and  you'll  miss  the  gold  out  of  your  teeth  if 
you  don't  watch  him." 

It  was  a  recommendation,  and  a  shrewd  one. 
Mr.  Clover  was  prepared  by  it  to  be  impressed ; 
he  ended  by  becoming  a  dazed  worshiper,  and 
his  conquest  began  when  his  host  ordered  the 
dinner.  It  was  not  merely  what  he  ordered, 
but  how,  that  stamped  him  as  one  who  habit- 
ually dined  well;  and  to  Clover,  who  had  al- 
ways lived  upon  a  beer  basis,  the  ascent  to  the 
champagne  level  was  dizzying.  It  was  not  until 
they  had  broached  their  second  quart  of  wine 
that  business  was  brought  up  for  discussion. 

121 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

"I  understand  youVe  just  had  a  bit  of  hard 
luck,  Mr.  Clover,"  said  Wallingford,  laughing 
as  if  hard  luck  were  a  joke. 

Mr.  Clover  winced  within,  but  put  on  a 
cheerful  air. 

"Merely  what  was  to  have  been  expected," 
he  replied.  "You  refer,  I  suppose,  to  the  death 
of  one  of  our  members,  but  as  our  Order  now 
has  a  large  enrollment  we  are  only  averaging 
with  the  mortality  tables." 

"What  is  your  membership?"  asked  the 
other  with  sudden  directness. 

"At  our  present  rate  of  progress,"  began  Mr. 
Clover,  eloquently,  squaring  his  shoulders  and 
looking  Mr.  Wallingford  straight  in  the  eye, 
"thousands  will  have  been  enrolled  upon  our 
books  before  the  end  of  the  coming  year.  Al- 
ready we  are  perfecting  a  new  and  elaborate 
filing  system  to  take  care  of  the  business,  which 
is  increasing  by  leaps  and  bounds. ' ' 

Mr.  Wallingford  calmly  closed  one  blue  orb. 

"But  in  chilly  figures,  discounting  next  year, 
how  many?"  he  asked.  "Live  ones,  I  mean, 
that  cough  up  their  little  dues  every  month." 

The  Supreme  Exalted  Euler  squirmed  and 
smiled  a  trifle  weakly. 

"You  might  just  as  well  tell  me,  you  know," 
insisted  Mr.  Wallingford,  "because  I  shall 

122 


WALLINGFOED 

want  to  inspect  your  books  if  I  buy  in.  Have 
you  a  thousand?" 

"Not  quite,"  confessed  Mr.  Clover,  in  a  voice 
which,  in  spite  of  him,  would  sound  a  trifle 
leaden. 

"Have  you  five  hundred?"  persisted  Mr. 
Wallingford. 

Mr.  Clover  considered,  while  the  silent  Mr. 
Daw  discreetly  kept  his  face  straight. 

"Five  hundred  and  seventeen,"  he  blurted, 
his  face  reddening. 

"That  isn't  so  bad,"  said  Mr.  Wallingford 
encouragingly.  "But  how  do  you  clinch  your 
rake-off?" 

At  this  Mr.  Clover  could  smile  with  smug  con- 
tent; he  could  swell  with  pride. 

"Out  our  way,  a  little  knothole  in  the  regula- 
tions was  found  by  yours  truly,"  he  modestly 
boasted.  "Mine  is  somewhat  different  from 
any  insurance  order  on  earth.  The  members 
think  they  vote,  but  they  don't.  If  they  ever 
elect  another  Supreme  Exalted  Ruler,  all  he 
can  do  is  to  wear  a  brass  crown  and  a  red  robe; 
I'll  still  handle  the  funds.  You  see,'  we've  just 
held  our  first  annual  election,  and  I  had  the  en- 
tire membership  vote  'Yes'  on  a  forever-and- 
ever  contract  which  puts  our  whole  income — 
for  safety,  of  course — into  the  hands  of  a  duly 

123 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

bonded  company.  For  ten  cents  a  month  from 
each  member  this  company  is  to  pay  all  ex- 
penses, to  handle,  invest  and  disburse  its  insur- 
ance and  other  funds  for  the  benefit  of  the 
Order.  It's  like  making  a  savings  bank  our 
trustee;  only  it's  different,  because  I'm  the 
company. ' ' 

His  host  nodded  in  approval. 

"You  have  other  rake-offs,"  he  suggested. 

"Eight  again!"  agreed  Clover  with  gleeful 
enthusiasm.  "Certificate  fees,  fines  for  delin- 
quency, regalia  company  and  all  that.  But  the 
main  fountain  is  the  little  dime.  Ten  cents 
seems  like  a  cheap  game,  maybe,  but  when  we 
have  two  hundred  and  fifty  thousand  members, 
that  trifling  ante  amounts  to  twenty-five  thou- 
sand dollars  a  month.  Bad,  I  guess!" 

"When  you  get  it,"  agreed  the  other. 
"You're  incorporated,  then.  For  how  much?" 

"Ten  thousand." 

"I  see,"  said  Mr.  Wallingford  with  a  smile 
of  tolerance.  "You  need  me,  all  right.  You 
ought  to  give  me  a  half  interest  in  your 
business." 

Mr.  Clover's  self-assertiveness  came  back  to 
him  with  a  jerk. 

"Anything  else?"  he  asked  pleasantly. 

Mr.  Wallingford  beamed  upon  him. 

124 


WALLINGFOKD 

"I  might  want  a  salary,  but  it  would  be 
purely  nominal;  a  hundred  a  week  or  so." 

Mr.  Clover  was  highly  amused.  The  only 
reason  on  earth  that  he  would  admit  another 
man  to  a  partnership  with  him  was  that  he 
must  have  ready  cash.  His  shoe  soles  were 
wearing  out. 

"I'm  afraid  our  business  wouldn't  suit  you, 
anyhow,  Mr.  Wallingf  ord, "  he  said  with 
bantering  sarcasm.  "Our  office  is  very 
plain,  for  one  thing,  and  we  have  no  rug  on 
the  floor." 

"We'll  put  rugs  down  right  away,  and  if  the 
offices  are  not  as  swell  as  they  make  'em  we'll 
move,"  Wallingf  ord  promptly  announced.  "I 
might  give  you  two  thousand  for  a  half 
interest. ' ' 

Mr.  Clover  drank  a  glass  of  champagne  and 
considered.  Two  thousand  dollars,  at  the  pres- 
ent stage  of  his  finances,  was  real  money. 
The  Noble  Order  of  Friendly  Hands  had  been 
started  on  a  "shoestring"  of  five  hundred  dol- 
lars, and  the  profits  of  the  Friendly  Hands 
Trust  Company  had  been  nil  up  to  the  pres- 
ent time.  This  offer  was  more  than  a  tempta- 
tion ;  it  was  a  fall. 

"Couldn't  think  of  it,"  he  nevertheless  coldly 
replied.  "But  I'll  sell  you  half  my  stock  at 

125 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

par.  The  secretary  has  ten  shares,  and  dummy 
directors  four.  I  hold  eighty-six." 

' '  Forty-three  hundred  dollars ! ' '  figured  Wal- 
lingford.  "And  you'd  charge  me  that  for  a 
brick  with  the  plating  worn  thin!  You  forget 
the  value  of  my  expert  services." 

"What  do  you  know  about  fraternal  insur- 
ance?" demanded  Clover,  who  had  reddened 
under  fire. 

"Not  a  thing,"  confessed  Mr.  Wallingford. 
"All  I  know  is  how  to  get  money.  If  I  go  in 
with  you,  the  first  thing  we  do  is  to  reorganize 
on  a  two-hundred-and-fifty-thousand-dollar 
basis. ' ' 

Mr.  Clover  pounded  his  fist  upon  the  table 
until  the  glasses  rang,  and  laughed  so  loudly 
that  the  head  waiter  shivered  and  frowned. 
Seeing,  however,  that  the  noise  came  from  Mr. 
Wallingford 's  corner,  he  smiled.  He  was  venal, 
was  the  head  waiter,  and  he  remembered  the 
pleasant,  velvety  rustle  of  a  bill  in  his  palm. 

"That  joke's  good  enough  for  a  minstrel 
show,"  Clover  declared.  "Why,  man,  even  if 
that  stock  could  be  sold,  Gabriel's  horn  would 
catch  us  still  struggling  to  pay  our  first 
dividend.'* 

Mr.  Wallingford  lit  a  cigarette  and  smiled  in 
pity. 

126 


WALLINGFOBD 

"Oh,  well,  if  you  figure  on  staying  in  the 
business  till  you  drop  dead  I  won't  wake  you 
up,"  he  stated.  "But  I  thought  you  wanted 
money. ' ' 

Mr.  Clover  shook  his  head. 

"We  have  laws  in  my  State,  Mr.  Walling- 
ford." 

"I  should  hope  so,"  returned  that  gentle- 
man. "If  it  wasn't  for  good,  safe,  solid  laws  I 
never  would  make  a  cent.  Why,  the  law's  on 
my  side  all  the  time,  and  the  police  are  the 
best  friends  I've  got.  They  show  me  the  way 
home  at  night." 

Mr.  Clover  looked  incredulous. 

"I'm  afraid  you  don't  understand  the  fra- 
ternal insurance  business,"  he  insisted.  "It 
takes  a  lot  of  hard,  patient  work  to  build  up 
an  order." 

"You  don't  understand  the  business,"  re- 
torted the  other.  "What,  for  instance,  are 
you  going  to  do  with  that  thousand  dollars 
you're  taking  back  home?" 

"Give  it  to  the  widow  of  Mr.  Henry  L. 
Bishop,  of  course,"  said  Mr.  Clover,  expand- 
ing his  chest  and  pursing  his  mouth  virtuously. 
"The  widows  and  orphans  who  look  to  the 
Noble  Order  of  Friendly  Hands  for  protec- 
tion shall  not  look  in  vain." 

127 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

"That  will  look  well  in  a  prospectus,"  ad- 
mitted Mr.  Wallingford  with  a  knowing  twin- 
kle of  his  eyes;  "but  I'm  not  going  to  take 
out  any  insurance  so  you  could  notice  it. 
Suppose  I  show  you  how  to  have  Mrs.  Bishop 
hand  you  back  that  thousand  with  sobs 
of  gratitude?  Do  I  get  two  hundred  and 
fifty  of  it!" 

"If  you  can  do  that  legitimately/'  said  Mr. 
Clover,  leaning  forward  and  surprised  into 
sudden  warm  eagerness,  "I'll  accept  your 
price  for  a  half  interest." 

"I'll  go  with  you  to-night — if  I  can  get  the 
drawing-room  on  your  train,"  decided  Wal- 
lingford, and  arose. 

The  Supreme  Exalted  Euler  gazed  up  at  him 
with  profound  admiration.  He  looked  so  much 
like  actual  cash.  He  might  be  a  "smooth  arti- 
cle," but  was  not  one  Clover  also  "smooth"? 
He  could  guard  the  gold  in  his  own  teeth,  all 
right. 

"You're  a  wonder,  Jim,"  said  Mr.  Daw  to 
his  friend  when  they  were  alone  for  a  few  min- 
utes; "but  where  are  you  going  to  get  that 
two  thousand?" 

"Out  of  the  business — if  I  pay  it  at  all,"  re- 
plied Mr.  Wallingford.  "Trust  your  Uncle 
Rufus." 

128 


CHAPTER  IX 

MB.  WALLINGFORD  SHOWS  MB.   CLOVER  HOW  TO  DO 
THE    WIDOWS   AND   ORPHANS    GOOD 


M 


KS.  BISHOP,  a  small,  nervous-look- 
ing woman  of  forty-five,  with  her 
thin  hair  drawn  back  so  tightly 
from  her  narrow  forehead  that  it 
gave  one  the  headache  to  look  at  her,  was  in 
her  dismal  "front  room"  with  her  wrinkled 
red  hands  folded  in  her  lap  when  Mr.  Walling- 
ford  and  Mr.  Clover  called.  It  was  only  the 
day  after  the  funeral,  and  she  broke  into  tears 
the  moment  they  introduced  themselves. 

"Madam,"  declaimed  Mr.  Clover  in  his 
deepest  and  most  sympathetic  voice,  "it  is 
the  blessed  privilege  of  the  Noble  Order  of 
Friendly  Hands  to  dry  the  tears  of  the  widows 
and  orphans,  and  to  shed  the  light  of  hope 
upon  their  disconsolate  pathway.  It  is  our 
pleasure  to  bring  you,  as  a  testimonial  of  your 
husband's  affection  and  loving  care,  this  check 
for  one  thousand  dollars." 

Mrs.  Bishop  took  the  check  and  burst  into 
uncontrollable  sobs,  whereat  Mr.  Wallingford 

9-WnlKngford  129 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

looked  distinctly  annoyed.  If  lie  could  help  it, 
he  never,  by  any  possibility,  looked  upon  other 
than  the  most  cheerful  aspects  of  life. 

Mr.  Clover  cleared  his  throat. 

"But  the  broad  paternal  interest  of  the 
Noble  Order  of  Friendly  Hands  does  not  stop 
here,"  he  went  on,  turning  for  a  glance  of 
earned  approval  from  J.  Rufus  Wallingford. 
"The  family  of  every  member  of  our  Order 
becomes  at  once  a  ward  of  ours,  and  they  may 
look  to  us  for  assistance,  advice,  and  benefit 
in  every  way  possible.  We  are  a  group  of 
friends,  banded  together  for  mutual  aid  in 
time  of  trouble  and  sorrow." 

Mr.  Wallingford  judged  this  magnificent 
flight  to  be  a  quotation  from  the  ritual  of  the 
Noble  Order  of  Friendly  Hands,  and  he  was 
correct;  but,  as  Mrs.  Bishop  had  ventured  to 
look  up  at  them,  he  nodded  his  head  gravely. 

"It  is  about  that  thousand  dollars  you  hold 
in  your  hand,  Mrs.  Bishop,"  Clover  continued, 
resuming  his  oratorical  version  of  the  lesson 
he  had  carefully  learned  from  Wallingford; 
"and  we  feel  it  our  duty  to  remind  you  that, 
unless  it  is  wisely  used,  the  plans  of  your 
thoughtful  husband  for  your  safe  future  will 
not  have  been  carried  out.  How  had  you 
thought  of  investing  this  neat  little  sum!" 

130 


WALLINGFORD 

Mrs.  Bishop  gazed  at  the  check  through  her 
tears  and  tried  to  comprehend  that  it  was  real 
money,  as  it  would  have  been  but  for  the  as- 
tuteness of  Mr.  Wallingford.  Mr.  Clover  had 
proposed  to  bring  her  ten  new,  crisp  one-hun- 
dred-dollar  bills,  but  his  monitor  had  pointed 
out  that  if  she  ever  got  that  money  between  her 
fingers  and  felt  it  crinkle  she  would  never  let 
go  of  it.  A  check  was  so  different. 

"Well,"  she  faltered,  "my  daughter  Minnie 
wanted  me  to  get  us  some  clothes  and  pay  some 
down  on  a  piano  and  lay  in  the  winter  coal  and 
provisions  and  put  the  rest  in  a  bank  for  a 
rainy  day.  Minnie's  my  youngest.  She's  just 
quit  the  High  School  because  she  wants  to  go 
to  a  commercial  college.  But  my  oldest  daugh- 
ter, Hattie,  wouldn't  hear  to  it.  She  says  if 
Minnie '11  only  take  a  job  in  the  store  where 
she  works  they  can  run  the  family,  and  for  me 
to  take  this  thousand  dollars  and  finish  pay- 
ing off  the  mortgage  on  the  house  with  it.  The 
mortgage  costs  six  per  cent,  a  year." 

"Your  daughter  Hattie  is  a  very  sensible 
young  lady,"  said  Mr.  Wallingford  with  great 
gravity.  "It  would  be  folly  to  expend  this 
thousand  dollars  upon  personal  luxuries;  but 
equally  wrong  to  lose  its  earning  power." 

It  was  the  voice  of  Wall  Street,  of  the  Gov- 

131 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

eminent  Mint,  of  the  very  soul  and  spirit  of 
all  financial  wisdom,  that  spoke  here,  and  Mrs. 
Bishop  felt  it  with  a  thrill. 

" Madam,"  orated  Mr.  Clover,  "the  Noble 
Order  of  Friendly  Hands  has  provided  a  way 
for  the  safe  and  profitable  investment  of  the 
funds  left  to  the  widows  and  orphans  under  its 
protection.  It  has  set  aside  a  certain  amount 
of  high-dividend-bearing  stock  in  the  Order  it- 
self, or  rather  in  its  operating  department,  of 
which,  by  the  way,  I  am  the  president,  and  of 
which  the  eminent  capitalist  and  philanthro- 
pist, Mr.  J.  Eufus  Wallingford,  is  a  leading 
spirit."  His  sweeping  gesture  toward  that 
benevolent  multi-millionaire,  and  Mr.  Walling- 
ford 's  bow  in  return,  were  sights  worth  be- 
holding. "The  benevolent  gentlemen  who  or- 
ganized this  generous  association  have  just 
made  possible  this  further  beneficence  to  its 
dependents.  The  stock  should  pay  you  not 
less  than  twelve  per  cent,  a  year,  and  your 
original  capital  can  be  withdrawn  at  any  time. 
With  this  income  you  can  pay  the  interest  on 
your  mortgage,  and  have  a  tidy  little  sum  left 
at  the  end  of  each  quarter.  Think  of  it,  madam ! 
Money  every  three  months,  and  your  thousand 
dollars  always  there!" 

Mrs.  Bishop  glanced  at  him  in  slow  compre- 

132 


WALLINGFORD 

hension.  The  figures  that  he  gave  her  did  not, 
as  yet,  mean  so  much,  but  the  sight  of  Mr. 
Wallingf  ord  did.  He  was  so  big,  so  solid  look- 
ing, so  much  like  substantial  prosperity  itself. 
A  huge  diamond  glowed  from  his  finger.  It 
must  be  worth  several  hundred  dollars.  An- 
other one  gleamed  from  his  scarf.  His  cloth- 
ing was  of  the  latest  cut  and  the  finest  mate- 
rial. Even  his  socks,  in  the  narrow  rim  which 
showed  above  his  low-cut  shoes,  were  silk;  she 
could  see  that  clear  across  the  room. 

The  door  opened,  and  a  girl  of  seventeen  or 
eighteen  came  in.  That  she  was  unusually 
pretty  was  attested  by  the  suddenly  widening 
eyes  of  Mr.  Wallingford. 

"And  is  this  your  daughter  Minnie t"  asked 
the  benevolent  gentleman,  all  his  protecting 
and  fostering  instincts  aroused. 

Mrs.  Bishop,  in  a  flutter,  presented  her 
younger  daughter  to  the  fortune-bringing  gen- 
tlemen, and  Minnie  fluttered  a  bit  on  her  own  ac- 
count. She  knew  she  was  pretty ;  she  read  in  the 
eyes  of  the  wealthy-looking,  perfectly  groomed 
Mr.  Wallingford  that  she  was  pretty;  she  saw 
in  the  smile  of  Mr.  Clover  that  she  was  pretty, 
and  her  vanity  was  pleased  inordinately. 

A  sudden  brilliant  idea  came  to  Mr.  Wal- 
lingford. 

133 


GET-KICH-QTJICK 

"I  have  the  solution  to  your  problem,  Mrs. 
Bishop,"  he  said.  "We  shall  need  more  help 
in  our  offices,  and  your  daughter  shall  have 
the  place.  She  can  soon  earn  more  money  than 
she  ever  could  in  a  store,  and  can  secure  as 
good  a  training  as  she  could  in  a  business  col- 
lege. How  would  you  like  that,  Miss  Bishop?" 

"I  think  it  would  be  fine,"  replied  the  young 
lady,  with  a  large-eyed  glance  toward  Mr. 
Wallingford. 

The  glance  was  more  of  habit  than  intent. 
Minnie's  mirror  and  what  she  had  heard  from 
her  boy  friends  had  given  her  an  impulse  toward 
coquetry.  It  was  pleasant  to  feel  her  power,  to 
see  what  instantaneous  impression  she  could 
make  upon  grown  men.  Such  a  friendly  party 
it  was !  Everybody  was  pleased,  and  in  the  end 
Mr.  Wallingford  and  Mr.  Clover  walked  away 
from  the  house  with  Mrs.  Bishop's  check  and 
her  receipt  and  her  policy  in  their  pockets. 

Mr.  Clover  was  lost  in  profound  admiration. 

"It  worked,  all  right!"  he  said  exultantly  to 
Mr.  Neil,  as  soon  as  they  returned  to  the  dingy 
little  office.  "Here's  the  thousand  dollars," 
and  he  threw  down  the  check.  "Good  Lord! 
I  couldn't  believe  but  that  thousand  was  gone; 
and  then  if  another  man  died  he  would  put  us 
on  the  toboggan." 

134 


WALLINGFORD 

Mr.  Neil  was  a  thin  young  man  whose  fore- 
head wore  the  perpetual  frown  of  slow  thought. 
Also  his  cuffs  were  ragged.  He  was  the  Su- 
preme Exalted  Secretary. 

"Now  may  I  have  fifty ?"  he  inquired  in  an 
aside  to  Clover.  "My  board  bill,  you  know." 

"Certainly  not  I"  declared  the  Supreme  Ex- 
alted Ruler  with  loud  rectitude.  "This  thou- 
sand dollars  belongs  in  the  insurance  reserve 
fund." 

"Tut,  tut,"  interposed  Wallingford.  "Your 
alarm  clock  is  out  of  order.  You  just  now 
paid  a  death  claim  with  that  money,  and  the 
reserve  fund  is  out  that  much.  A  private  in- 
dividual, however,  just  now*  bought  a  thousand 
dollars'  worth  of  stock  in  the  reorganized 
Friendly  Hands  Trust  Company,  and  you  have 
the  pay  in  advance.  Let  Mr.  Neil  have  his 
fifty  dollars,  and  give  me  a  check  for  my  two 
hundred  and  fifty;  then  we'll  go  out  to  hunt  a 
decent  suite  of  offices  and  buy  the  furniture 
for  it." 

"There  wouldn't  be  much  of  the  thousand 
left  after  that,"  objected  Mr.  Clover,  frowning. 

"Why  not?  You  don't  suppose  we  are  go- 
ing to  pay  cash  for  anything,  do  you?"  re- 
turned Wallingford  in  surprise.  "My  credit's 
good,  if  yours  isn't." 

135 


GET-RICH-QUICK: 

His  credit!  He  had  not  been  in  town  four 
hours!  As  Mr.  Clover  looked  him  over  again, 
however,  he  saw  where  he  was  wrong.  Mr. 
Wallingford's  mere  appearance  was  as  good 
as  a  bond.  He  would  not  ask  for  credit;  he 
would  take  it.  Mr.  Clover,  in  a  quick  analysis 
of  this  thought,  decided  that  this  rich  man's 
resources  were  so  vast  that  they  shone  through 
his  very  bearing.  Mr.  Wallingford,  at  that 
same  moment,  after  having  paid  his  enormous 
hotel  bill  in  New  York  and  the  expenses  of  his 
luxurious  trip,  had  only  ten  dollars  in  the 
world. 

"Now  then,"  suggested  Mr.  Clover  as  he 
passed  the  hypnotically  won  check  to  his  new 
partner,  "we  might  as  well  conclude  our  per- 
sonal business.  I'll  make  you  over  half  my 
stock  in  the  company,  and  take  your  two 
thousand." 

"All  right,"  agreed  Wallingford  very  cheer- 
fully, and  they  both  sat  down  to  write. 

Mr.  Clover  transferred  to  Mr.  Wallingford 
forty-three  shares  of  stock  in  the  Friendly 
Hands  Trust  Company,  Incorporated,  and  re- 
ceived a  rectangular  slip  of  paper  in  return. 
His  face  reddened  as  he  examined  it. 

"Why,  this  isn't  a  check!"  he  said  sharply. 
"It's  a  note  for  ninety  days!" 

136 


WALLINGFORD 

"Sure!"  said  J.  Rufus  Wallingford.  "In 
our  talk  there  wasn't  a  word  said  about  cash." 

"But  cash  is  what  I  want,  and  nothing  but 
cash!"  exploded  the  other,  smacking  his  hairy 
fist  upon  his  desk. 

"How  foolish!"  chided  J.  Rufus  smilingly. 
"I  see  I'll  have  to  teach  you  a  lot  about  busi- 
ness. Draw  up  your  chairs  and  get  my  plan 
in  detail.  If,  after  that,  Clover,  you  do  not 
want  my  note,  you  may  give  it  back  and  go 
broke  in  your  own  way.  Here's  what  we  will 
do.  We  will  organize  a  new  operating  com- 
pany for  two  hundred  and  fifty  thousand  dol- 
lars, in  twenty-five-dollar  shares.  We  will  buy 
over  the  old  ten-thousand-dollar  company  for 
one  hundred  and  fifty  thousand  in  stock  of  the 
new  company.  Dividing  this  pro  rata,  you 
and  I,  Clover,  will  each  have  nearly  twenty- 
six  hundred  shares.  Mr.  Neil,  in  place  of  his 
present  ten  shares,  will  have  six  hundred,  and 
we  shall  have  left  four  thousand  shares  of 
treasury  stock.  These  we  will  sell  among  your 
members.  We  will  reduce  your  present  insur- 
ance rate  one  fourth,  and  use  the  hundred 
thousand  dollars  we  take  in  on  stock  sales  to 
get  new  members  to  whom  to  sell  more  stock. 
In  the  meantime,  we'll  see  money  every  day. 
You  and  I,  Clover,  will  each  draw  a  hundred 

137 


GET-BICH-QUICK 

a  week,  and  I  think  Mr.  Neil  will  be  pretty 
well  satisfied  if  he  drags  down  fifty." 

The  pleased  expression  upon  Mr.  Neil's  face 
struggled  with  the  deepening  creases  on  his 
brow.  Fifteen  dollars  a  week  was  the  most 
he  had  ever  earned  in  his  life,  but  he  was  so 
full  of  fraternal  insurance  figures  that  his  skin 
prickled. 

"But  how  about  the  insurance  end  of  it?" 
he  interposed.  "How  will  we  ever  keep  up  at 
that  ridiculously  low  rate!  That  might  do  for 
a  while,  but  as  our  membership  becomes  older 
the  death  rate  will  increase  on  us  and  we  can't 
pay  it.  Why,  the  mortality  tables — "  and  he 
reached  for  the  inevitable  facts  and  figures. 

"Who's  talking  about  insurance?"  de- 
manded Wallingford.  "I'm  talking  about 
how  to  get  money.  Put  up  the  little  red 
dope-book.  Clover,  you  get  busy  right  away 
and  write  a  lot  of  circus  literature  about  the 
grand  work  your  members  will  be  doing  for 
the  widows  and  orphans  by  buying  this  stock; 
also  how  much  dividend  it  will  pay  them. 
When  the  treasury  stock  is  sold,  and  we  have 
a  big  enough  organization  to  absorb  it,  we  will 
begin  to  unload  our  own  shares  and  get  out. 
If  you  clean  up  your  sixty-four  thousand  dol- 
lars in  this  year,  I  guess  you  will  be  willing  to 

338 


WALLINGFOED 

let  the  stockholders  elect  new  officers  and  con- 
duct their  own  Friendly  Hands  Trust  Com- 
pany any  way  they  please,  won't  you?" 

Mr.  Clover  quietly  folded  Mr.  Wallingford's 
note  and  put  it  in  his  pocket. 

" Let's  go  out  and  rent  some  new  offices," 
he  said. 

He  came  back,  at  Mr.  Neil's  call,  to  write 
out  that  fifty-dollar  check,  and  incidentally 
made  out  one  for  himself  in  a  like  amount. 

"What  do  you  think  of  him,  anyhow!" 
asked  Neil  with  a  troubled  countenance. 

"Think  of  him!"  repeated  Clover  with  en- 
thusiasm. "He's  the  greatest  ever!  If  I  had 
known  him  five  years  ago  I'd  be  worth  a  mil- 
lion to-day!" 

"But  is  this  scheme  on  the  level?"  asked  Neil. 

"That's  the  beauty  of  it,"  said  Clover,  ex- 
ulting like  a  schoolboy.  "The  law  can't  touch 
us  any  place." 

"Maybe  not,"  admitted  Neil;  "but  some- 
how I  don't  quite  like  it." 

"I  guess  you'll  like  your  fifty  a  week  when 
it  begins  to  come  in,  and  your  fifteen  thou- 
sand when  we  clean  up,"  retorted  Clover. 

"You  bet!"  said  Neil,  but  he  began  to  do 
some  bewildered  figuring  on  his  own  account. 
His  head  was  in  a  whirl. 

139 


CHAPTER  X 

AN  AMAZING  COMBINATION  OP  PHILANTHROPY 
AND  PEOFIT  IS  INAUGURATED 

INNIE  BISHOP  came  to  work  for 
the  Noble  Order  of  Friendly  Hands 
on  the  day  that  they  moved  into  of- 
fices more  in  keeping  with  the  mag- 
nificence of  Mr.  Wallingford,  and  she  was  by 
no  means  out  of  place  amid  the  mahogany 
desks  and  fine  rugs  and  huge  leather  chairs. 

1  'Her  smile  alone  is  worth  fifty  dollars  a 
week  to  the  business,"  Clover  admitted,  but 
they  only  paid  her  five  at  the  start. 

She  had  more  to  recommend  her,  however, 
than  white  teeth  and  red  lips.  Wallingford 
himself  was  surprised  to  find  that,  in  spite  of 
her  apparently  frivolous  bent,  she  had  con- 
siderable ability  and  was  quick  to  learn.  From 
the  first  he  assumed  a  direct  guardianship  over 
her,  and  his  approaches  toward  a  slightly  more 
than  paternal  friendship  she  considered  great 
fun.  At  home  she  mimicked  him,  and  when  her 
older  sister  tried  to  talk  to  her  seriously  about 
it  she  only  laughed  the  more.  Clover  she 

140 


WALLINGFOKD 

amused  continually,  but  Neil  fell  desperately 
in  love  with  her  from  the  start,  and  him  she 
flouted  most  unmercifully.  Really,  she  liked 
him,  although  she  would  not  admit  it  even  to 
herself,  charging  him  with  the  fatal  error  of 
being  "too  serious." 

In  the  meantime  the  affairs  of  the  concern 
progressed  delightfully.  For  the  regulation 
fee,  the  Secretary  of  State,  after  some  per- 
functory inquiries,  permitted  the  "Trust  Com- 
pany ' '  to  increase  its  capitalization  to  two  hun- 
dred and  fifty  thousand  dollars.  Even  before 
the  certificates  were  delivered  from  the  print- 
er's, however,  that  month's  issue  of  "The 
Friendly  Hand"  bore  the  news  to  the  five  hun- 
dred members  of  the  Order  and  to  four  thousand 
five  hundred  prospective  members,  of  the  truly 
unprecedented  combination  of  philanthropy 
and  profit  Somewhere  the  indefatigable  Wal- 
lingford  had  secured  a  copy  of  a  most  unusual 
annual  statement  of  a  large  and  highly  success- 
ful insurance  company,  of  the  flat-rate  variety 
and  of  a  similar  sounding  name.  In  the  small- 
est type  to  be  found  he  had  printed  over  this : 

READ  THIS  EXPORT  OF  THE  PBOVIDBNT  FRIENDS  TO  ITS  STOCKHOLDERS 

Then  followed  direct  quotations,  showing 
that  the  Provident  Friends  had  a  membership 

141 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

of  a  quarter  of  a  million;  that  it  had  paid  out 
in  death  claims  an  enormous  amount;  that  it 
had  a  surplus  fund  expressed  in  a  staggering 
array  of  figures;  that  its  enrollment  had  in- 
creased fifty  thousand  within  the  past  year. 
Striking  sentences,  such  as: 

WE  HAVE  JUST  DECLARED  A 
THIRTY  PER  CENT.  DIVIDEND 

were  displayed  in  big,  black  type,  the  whole 
being  spread  out  in  such  form  that  readers 
ignorant  of  such  matters  would  take  this  to  be 
a  sworn  statement  of  the  present  condition  of 
the  Order  of  Friendly  Hands;  and  they  were 
invited  to  subscribe  for  its  golden  stock  at 
the  rate  of  twenty-five  dollars  a  share!  The 
prudent  members  who  were  providing  for  their 
families  after  death  could  now  also  participate 
in  the  profits  of  this  commendable  investment 
during  life,  and  at  a  rate  which,  while  not 
guaranteed,  could  be  expected,  in  the  light  of 
past  experience,  to  pay  back  the  capital  in  a 
trifle  over  three  years,  leaving  it  still  intact  and 
drawing  interest. 

But  this,  dear  friends  and  coworkers  in  a 
noble  cause,  was  not  just  a  hard,  money-grind- 
ing proposition.  The  revenue  derived  from  the 
sale  of  stock  was  to  be  expended  in  the  fur- 

142 


WALLINGFOED 

ther  expansion  of  the  Order,  until  it  should 
blanket  the  world  and  carry  the  blessings  of 
protection  to  the  widows  and  orphans  through- 
out the  universe!  Never  before  in  the  history 
of  finance  had  it  been  made  possible  for  men 
of  modest  means  to  further  a  charitable  work, 
a  noble  work,  a  work  appealing  to  all  the  high- 
est aspirations  of  humanity  and  creditable  to 
every  finest  instinct  of  the  human  heart,  and 
at  the  same  time  to  reap  an  enormous  profit! 
And  the  price  was  only  twenty-five  dollars  a 
share — while  they  lasted! 

Wallingford  had  secured  the  data  and  sup- 
plied the  human  frailty  ideas  for  this  flaming 
announcement,  but  Clover  had  put  it  together, 
and,  as  he  examined  the  proof  sheet,  the  latter 
gentleman  leaned  back  in  his  chair  with  pro- 
found self-esteem. 

"That'll  get  'em!"  he  exulted.  "If  that 
don't  bring  in  the  money  to  make  this  the 
greatest  organization  in  the  business,  I  don't 
want  a  cent!" 

"You  spread  it  on  too  much,"  objected  Neil. 
"Why  can't  we  do  just  as  well  or  better  by 
presenting  the  thing  squarely?  It  seems  to  me 
that  any  man  who  would  be  caught  by  the 
self-evident  buncombe  of  that  thing  would  be 
too  big  a  sucker  to  have  any  money." 

143 


GET-KICH-QUICK 

Wallingford  looked  at  him  thoughtfully. 

"You're  right,  in  a  way,  Neil,"  he  admitted. 
1 '  The  men  who  have  real  money  wouldn  't  touch 
it,  but  the  people  we're  appealing  to  have 
stacked  theirs  up  a  cent  at  a  time,  and  they 
are  afraid  of  all  investments  —  even  of  the 
banks.  When  you  offer  them  thirty  per  cent., 
however,  they  are  willing  to  take  a  chance; 
and,  after  all,  I  don't  see  why,  with  the  money 
that  comes  in  from  this  stock  sale,  we  should 
not  be  able  to  expand  our  organization  to  even 
larger  proportions  than  the  Provident  Friends. 
If  we  do  that,  what  is  to  prevent  a  good  divi- 
dend to  our  stockholders'?" 

Clover  glanced  at  his  partner  in  surprise. 
From  that  overawing  bulk  there  positively  ra- 
diated high  moral  purpose,  and  Neil  shriveled 
under  it.  When  they  were  alone,  Clover,  mak- 
ing idle  marks  with  his  pencil,  looked  up  at 
Wallingford  from  time  to  time  from  under 
shaggy  brows,  and  finally  he  laughed  aloud. 

"You're  the  limit,"  he  observed.  "That's 
a  fine  line  of  talk  you  gave  Neil." 

"Can't  we  buy  him  out?"  asked  Wallingford 
abruptly. 

"What  with?  A  note?"  inquired  Clover. 
"Hardly." 

"Cash,  then." 

144 


WALLINGFORD 

"Will  you  put  it  up?" 

"I'll  see  about  it,  for  if  I  have  him  gauged 
right  he  will  be  hunting  for  trouble  all  along 
the  line." 

Wallingford  went  to  the  window  and  looked 
out;  then  he  got  his  hat.  As  he  stepped  into 
the  hall  Neil  came  from  an  adjoining  room. 

"Do  you  want  to  sell  your  stock,  Neil?" 
asked  Clover. 

"To  whom?"  asked  Neil  slowly.  Walling- 
ford had  shaken  his  slow  deductions,  had  sug- 
gested new  possibilities  to  ponder,  and  he  was 
still  bewildered. 

"To  Wallingford." 

"Say,  Clover,  has  he  got  any  money?"  de- 
manded Neil. 

"If  he  hasn't  he  can  get  it,"  replied  the 
other.  "Come  here  a  minute." 

He  drew  Neil  to  the  window  and  they  looked 
down  into  the  street.  Standing  in  front  of  the 
office  building  was  a  huge,  maroon-colored  auto- 
mobile with  a  leather-capped  chauffeur  in  front. 
As  they  watched,  Mr.  Wallingford  came  out  to 
the  curb  and  the  chauffeur  saluted  with  his  fin- 
ger. Mr.  Wallingford  took  from  the  rear  seat  a 
broad-checked  ulster,  put  it  on,  and  exchanged 
his  derby  for  a  cap  to  match.  Then  he  climbed 
into  the  auto  and  went  whirring  away. 

ZO-  Wallingford  145 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

"That  looks  like  money,  don't  it!"  demanded 
Clover. 

"I  give  up,"  said  Neil. 

"How  much  do  you  want  for  your  stock?" 
inquired  Clover,  again  with  a  smile. 

"Par!"  exclaimed  Neil,  once  more  satisfied. 
"Nothing  less!" 

"Bight  you  are,"  agreed  Clover.  "This 
man  Wallingford  is  the  greatest  ever,  I  tell 
you!  He's  a  wonder,  a  positive  genius,  and  it 
was  a  lucky  day  for  me  that  I  met  him.  He 
will  make  us  all  rich." 

His  admiration  for  Wallingford  knew  no 
bounds.  He  had  detected  in  the  man  a  genius 
for  chicanery,  and  so  long  as  he  was  "in  with 
it"  Wallingford  might  he  as  "smooth"  as  he 
liked.  Were  they  not  partners?  Indeed,  yes. 
Share  and  share  alike! 

That  night  Clover  and  Neil  dined  with  Mr. 
and  Mrs.  Wallingford  at  their  hotel,  and  if 
Neil  had  any  lingering  douhts  as  to  Mr.  Wal- 
lingford's  command  of  money,  those  doubts 
were  dispelled  by  the  size  of  the  check,  by  the 
obsequiousness  shown  them,  and  by  the  man- 
ner in  which  Mrs.  Wallingford  wore  her  ex- 
pensive clothing.  After  dinner  Wallingford 
took  them  for  a  ride  in  his  automobile,  and  at 
a  quiet  road  house,  a  dozen  miles  out  of  town, 

146 


WALLINGFOKD 

over  sparkling  drinks  and  heavy  cigars,  they 
quite  incidentally  discussed  a  trifling  matter  of 
business. 

"You  fellows  go  ahead  with  the  insurance 
part  of  the  game,"  Wallingford  directed  them. 
"I  don't  understand  any  part  of  that  business, 
but  I'll  look  after  the  stock  sales.  That  I  know 
I  can  handle." 

They  were  enthusiastic  in  their  seconding  of 
this  idea,  and  after  this  point  had  been  reached, 
the  host,  his  business  done,  took  his  guests 
back  to  town  in  the  automobile  upon  which  he 
had  not  as  yet  paid  a  cent,  dropping  them  at 
their  homes  in  a  most  blissful  state  of  content. 

Proceeding  along  the  lines  of  the  under- 
standing thus  established,  within  a  few  days 
money  began  to  flow  into  the  coffers  of  the 
concern.  Mr.  Wallingford 's  method  of  pro- 
cedure was  perfectly  simple.  When  an  ex- 
perimentally inclined  member  of  any  one  of 
the  out-of-town  " Circles"  sent  in  his  modest 
twenty-five  dollars  for  a  share  of  stock,  or 
even  inquired  about  it,  Wallingford  promptly 
got  on  a  train  and  went  to  see  that  man.  Upon 
his  arrival  he  immediately  found  out  how  much 
money  the  man  had  and  issued  him  stock  to  the 
amount;  then  he  got  introductions  to  the  other 
members  and  brought  home  stock  subscriptions 

147 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

to  approximately  the  exact  total  of  their  avail- 
able  cash.  There  was  no  resisting  him.  In  the 
meantime,  with  ample  funds  to  urge  it  for- 
ward, the  membership  of  the  organization  in- 
creased at  a  rapid  enough  rate  to  please  even 
the  master  hand.  New  members  meant  new 
opportunities  for  stock  sales,  and  that  only,  to 
him,  and  to  Clover,  the  world,  at  last,  was  as 
it  should  be.  Money  was  his  for  the  asking, 
and  by  means  which  pleased  his  sense  of  being 
"in"  on  a  bit  of  superior  cleverness.  Quite 
early  in  the  days  of  plenty  he  saw  a  side  in- 
vestment which,  being  questionable,  tempted 
him,  and  he  came  to  Wallingford — to  borrow 
money ! 

"I'll  sell  some  of  your  stock,"  offered  Wal- 
lingford. "I  want  to  sell  a  little  of  my  own, 
anyhow. ' ' 

In  all,  he  sold  for  Clover  five  thousand  dol- 
lars' worth,  and  the  stock  was  promptly  re- 
ported by  the  purchasers  for  transfer  on  the 
books  of  the  company.  Some  of  Wallingford 's 
also  came  in  for  transfer,  although  a  much  less 
amount;  sufficient,  however,  it  seemed,  for  he 
took  the  most  expensive  apartments  in  town, 
filled  them  with  the  best  furnishings  that  were 
made,  and  lived  like  a  king.  Mrs.  Wallingford 
secured  her  diamonds  again  and  bought  many 

148 


more.  Clover  also  "took  on  airs."  Neil  wor- 
ried. He  had  made  a  study  of  the  actual  cost 
of  insurance,  and  the  low  rate  that  they  were 
now  receiving  filled  him  with  apprehension. 

"We're  going  on  the  rocks  as  fast  as  we  can 
go,"  he  declared  to  Clover.  "According  to  the 
tables  we're  due  for  a  couple  of  deaths  right 
now,  and  the  longer  they  delay  the  more  they 
will  bunch  up  on  us.  Mark  what  I  say:  the 
avalanche  will  get  you  before  you  have  time 
to  get  out,  if  that's  what  you  plan  on  doing.  I 
wish  the  laws  governed  our  rate  here  as  they 
do  in  some  of  the  other  States." 

"What's  the  matter  with  the  rate1?"  Clover 
wanted  to  know.  "When  it's  inadequate  we'll 
raise  it." 

"That  isn't  what  we're  promising  to  do," 
insisted  Neil.  "We're  advertising  a  perma- 
nent flat  rate." 

"Show  me  where,"  demanded  Clover. 

Neil  tried  to  do  so,  but  everywhere,  in  their 
policies,  in  their  literature,  or  even  in  their 
correspondence,  that  he  pointed  out  a  state- 
ment apparently  to  that  effect,  Clover  showed 
him  a  "joker"  clause  contradicting  it. 

"You  see,  Neil,  you're  too  hasty  in  jumping 
at  conclusions,"  he  expostulated.  "You  know 
that  the  law  will  not  permit  us  to  claim  a  flat 

149 


GET-BICH-QUICK 

rate  without  a  sufficient  cash  provision,  under 
State  control,  to  guarantee  it,  and  compels  us 
to  be  purely  an  assessment  company.  When  the 
time  comes  that  we  must  do  so,  we  will  do  pre- 
cisely what  other  companies  have  done  before 
us:  raise  the  rate.  If  it  becomes  prohibitive 
the  company  will  drop  out  of  business,  as  so 
many  others  have;  but  we  will  be  out  of  it 
long  before  then.'* 

''Yes/*  retorted  Neil,  "and  thousands  of 
people  who  are  too  old  to  get  fresh  insurance 
at  any  price,  and  who  will  have  paid  for  years, 
will  be  left  holding  the  bag." 

"The  trouble  with  you,  Neil,  is  that  you  have 
a  streak  of  yellow,"  interrupted  Clover  impa- 
tiently. "Don't  you  like  your  fifty  a  week?" 

"Yes." 

"Don't  you  like  your  fifteen  thousand  dol- 
lars' worth  of  stock?" 

"It  looks  good  to  me,"  confessed  Neil. 

"Then  keep  still  or  sell  out  and  get  out." 

"I'm  not  going  to  do  that,"  said  Neil  de- 
liberately. He  had  his  slow  mind  made  up  at 
last.  "I'm  going  to  stick,  and  reorganize  the 
company  when  it  goes  broke!" 

When  Clover  reported  this  to  Wallingford 
that  gentleman  laughed. 

"How  is  he  on  ritual  work?"  he  asked. 

150 


WALLINGFOED 

"Fine!  He  has  a  streak  of  fool  earnestness 
in  him  that  makes  him  take  to  that  flubdubbery 
like  a  duck  to  water." 

"Then  send  him  out  as  a  special  degree 
master  to  inaugurate  the  new  lodges  that  are 
formed.  He^s  a  nuisance  in  the  office." 

In  this  the  big  man  had  a  double  purpose. 
Neil  was  paying  entirely  too  much  attention  to 
Minnie  Bishop  of  late,  and  Wallingford  re- 
sented the  interference.  His  pursuit  of  the 
girl  was  characteristic.  He  gave  her  flowers 
and  boxes  of  candy  in  an  offhand  way,  not  as 
presents,  but  as  rewards.  As  the  business 
grew  he  appropriated  her  services  more  and 
more  to  his  own  individual  work,  seating  her 
at  a  desk  in  his  private  room,  and  a  neat  bal- 
ance-sheet would  bring  forth  an  approving 
word  and  an  offhand: 

"Fine  work.  I  owe  you  theater  tickets  for 
thai" 

The  next  time  he  came  in  he  would  bring  the 
tickets  and  drop  them  upon  her  desk,  with  a 
brusque  heartiness  that  was  intended  to  dis- 
arm suspicion,  and  with  a  suggestion  to  take 
her  mother  and  sister  along.  Moreover,  he 
raised  her  salary  from  time  to  time.  The  con- 
sideration that  he  showed  her  would  have  won 
the  gratitude  of  any  girl  unused  to  such 

151 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

attentions  and  unfamiliar  with  the  ways 
of  the  world,  but  under  them  she  never- 
theless grew  troubled  and  thoughtful.  Notic- 
ing this,  Wallingford  conceived  the  idea 
that  he  had  made  an  impression,  whereupon 
he  ventured  to  become  a  shade  more 
personal. 

About  this  time  another  disagreeable  cir- 
cumstance came  to  her  attention  and  plunged 
her  into  perplexity.  Clover  walked  into  Mr. 
Wallingford 's  room  just  as  the  latter  was  pre- 
paring to  go  out. 

"Tag,  you're  it,  Wallingford,"  said  Clover 
jovially,  holding  out  a  piece  of  paper.  "I've 
just  found  out  that  your  note  was  due  yes- 
terday." 

"Quit  joking  with  me  on  Wednesdays,"  ad- 
monished Wallingford,  and  taking  the  note  he 
tore  it  into  little  bits  and  threw  them  into  the 
waste  basket. 

"Here!  That's  two  thousand  dollars,  and 
it's  mine,"  Clover  protested. 

Wallingford  laughed. 

"You  didn't  really  think  I'd  pay  it,  did  you? 
Why,  I  told  you  at  the  time  that  it  was  only  a 
matter  of  form;  and,  besides  that,  you  know 
my  motto:  *I  never  give  up  money,'  '  and, 
still  chuckling,  he  went  out. 

152 


WALLINGFOED 

"Isn't  he  the  greatest  ever?"  said  Clover 
admiringly,  to  Minnie. 

But  Minnie  could  not  see  the  joke.  If  Wal- 
lingford  " never  gave  up  money,"  and  Clover 
subscribed  to  that  clever  idea  with  such  enthu- 
siasm that  he  was  willing  to  be  laughed  out  of 
two  thousand  dollars,  what  would  become  of 
her  mother's  little  nest-egg?  A  thousand  dol- 
lars was  a  tragic  amount  to  the  Bishops.  That 
very  evening,  as  Wallingford  went  out,  he  ven- 
tured to  pinch  and  then  to  pat  her  cheek,  and 
shame  crimsoned  her  face  that  she  had  brought 
upon  herself  the  coarse  familiarities  which  now 
she  suddenly  understood.  Neil,  who  had  come 
in  from  a  trip  that  afternoon,  walked  into  the 
office  just  after  Wallingford  had  gone,  and 
found  her  crying.  The  sight  of  her  in  tears 
broke  down  the  reserve  that  she  had  forced 
upon  him,  so  that  he  told  her  many  things; 
told  them  eloquently,  too,  and  suddenly  she 
found  herself  glad  that  he  had  come — glad  to 
rely  upon  him  and  confide  in  him.  Naturally, 
when  she  let  him  draw  from  her  the  cause  of 
her  distress,  he  was  furious.  He  wanted  to 
hunt  Wallingford  at  once  and  chastise  him, 
but  she  stopped  him  with  vehement  earnestness. 

"No,"  she  insisted,  "I  positively  forbid  it! 
When  Mr.  Wallingford  comes  here  to-morrow 

'53 


GET-KICH-QUICK 

I  want  him  to  find  me  the  same  as  ever,  and  I 
do  not  want  one  word  said  that  will  make  him 
think  I  am  any  different.  But  I  want  you  to 
walk  home  with  me,  if  you  can  spare  the  time. 
I  want  to  talk  with  you." 


154 


CHAPTER  XI 

NEIL  TAKES  A  SUDDEN  INTEBEST  IN  THE  BUSINESS 
AND  WALLINGFOBD  LETS  GO 

NEIL,  the  next  day  after  his  talk  with 
Minnie  Bishop,  had  a  great  idea, 
which  was  nothing  more  nor  less 
than  a  Supreme  Circle  Conclave,  in 
which  a  picked  degree  team  would  exemplify 
the  ritual,  and  to  which  delegates  from  all  the 
local  circles  should  be  invited.  They  had  never 
held  a  Supreme  Conclave,  and  they  needed  it 
to  arouse  enthusiasm.  Clover  fell  in  with  the 
idea  at  once.  It  would  provide  him  with  an 
opportunity  for  one  of  the  spread-eagle 
speeches  he  was  so  fond  of  making.  As  this 
phase  of  the  business — comprising  the  insur- 
ance and  the  lodge  work — was  left  completely 
in  charge  of  Clover  and  Neil,  Wallingford 
made  no  objections,  and,  having  ample  funds 
for  carrying  out  such  a  plan,  it  was  accordingly 
arranged.  Neil  went  on  the  road  at  once  about 
this  matter,  but  letters  between  himself  and 
Minnie  Bishop  passed  almost  daily.  An  inde- 
finable change  had  come  over  the  girl.  She 

156 


GET-EICH-QUICK 

had  grown  more  earnest,  for  one  thing,  hut 
she  assumed  a  forced  flippancy  with  Walling- 
ford  because  she  found  that  it  was  her  only 
defense  against  him.  She  turned  off  his  ad- 
vances as  jests,  and  her  instinct  of  coquetry, 
though  now  she  recognized  it  and  was  ashamed 
of  it,  made  her  able  to  puzzle  and  hold  uncer- 
tainly aloof  even  this  experienced  "man  of  the 
world."  It  was  immediately  after  she  had 
jerked  her  hand  away  from  under  his  one 
afternoon  that,  in  place  of  the  reproof  he  had 
half  expected  from  her,  she  turned  to  him  with 
a  most  dazzling  smile. 

"By  the  way,  we've  both  forgotten  some- 
thing, Mr.  Wallingf ord, "  she  said.  "Quarter 
day  for  the  Bishops  is  long  past  due." 

"What  is  it  that  is  past  due?"  he  asked  in 
surprise. 

"When  my  mother  bought  her  stock,  you 
know,  you  promised  that  she  should  have  twelve 
per  cent,  interest  on  it,  payable  every  three 
months." 

"That's  right,"  he  admitted,  looking  at  her 
curiously,  and  before  she  started  home  that 
evening  he  handed  her  an  envelope  with  thirty 
dollars  in  it. 

She  immediately  made  a  note  of  the  amount 
and  dropped  it  in  the  drawer  of  her  desk. 

156 


WALLINGFOED 

" Never  mind  entering  that  in  your  books," 
he  said  hastily,  noting  her  action;  "just  keep 
the  memorandum  until  we  arrange  for  a  reg- 
ular dividend,  then  it  can  all  be  posted  at  once. 
It's — it's  a  matter  that  has  been  overlooked." 

She  thanked  him  for  the  money  and  took  it 
home  with  her.  She  had  been  planning  for  a 
week  or  more  upon  how  to  get  this  thirty  dol- 
lars. On  the  very  next  day,  while  he  was  ab- 
sorbedly  poring  over  a  small  account  book 
that  he  kept  locked  carefully  in  his  desk,  he 
found  her  standing  beside  him. 

"I'm  afraid  that  I  shall  have  to  ask  you  to 
buy  back  mother's  stock  in  the  company,"  she 
said.  That  morning's  mail  had  been  unusually 
heavy  in  stock  sale  possibilities.  "We  have  a 
sudden  pressing  need  for  that  thousand  dol- 
lars, and  we'll  just  have  to  have  it,  that's  all." 

Wallingford's  first  impulse  was  to  dissuade 
her  from  this  idea,  but  another  thought  now 
came  to  him  as  he  looked  musingly  into  his 
roll-top  desk;  and  as  the  girl,  standing  above 
him,  gazed  down  upon  his  thick  neck  and  puffy 
cheeks,  he  reminded  her  of  nothing  so  much 
as  a  monstrous  toad. 

"Have  you  the  stock  certificate  with  you?" 
he  inquired  presently. 

No,  she  had  not. 

157 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

"Well,  bring  it  down  to-night,'*  he  said, 
"and  I'll  give  you  a  check  for  it.  I'm  going 
away  on  a  little  trip  to-morrow,  and  I  want 
you  to  get  me  up  a  statement  out  of  the  books, 
anyhow." 

For  an  instant  the  girl  hesitated  with  a  sharp 
intake  of  breath.  Then  she  said,  "Very 
well,"  and  went  home. 

That  night,  when  she  returned,  she  paused 
in  the  hall  a  moment  to  subdue  her  trepidation, 
then,  whether  foolish  or  not,  but  with  such 
courage  as  men  might  envy,  she  boldly  opened 
the  door  and  stepped  in.  She  found  Walling- 
ford  at  his  desk,  and  she  had  walked  up  to  him 
and  laid  at  his  elbow  the  stock  certificate,  prop- 
erly released,  before  he  turned  his  unusually 
flushed  face  toward  her.  In  his  red  eyes  she 
saw  that  he  had  been  dining  rather  too  well, 
even  for  him.  She  had  been  prepared  for  this, 
however,  and  her  voice  was  quite  steady  as 
she  asked: 

"Have  you  the  check  made  out,  Mr.  Wal- 
lingford?" 

"There's  no  hurry  about  it,"  he  replied  a 
trifle  thickly.  "There's  some  work  I  want  you 
to  do  first." 

"I'd  rather  you  would  make  out  the  check 
now,"  she  insisted,  "so  that  I  won't  forget  it." 

158 


WALLINGFOED 

Laboriously  he  filled  out  the  blank  and  signed 
it,  and  then  blinkingly  watched  her  smooth, 
white  fingers  as  she  folded  it  and  snapped  it 
into  her  purse.  Suddenly  he  swung  his  great 
arm  about  her  waist  and  drew  her  toward  him. 
What  followed  was  the  surprise  of  his  life,  for 
a  very  sharp  steel  hatpin  was  jabbed  into  him 
in  half  a  dozen  indiscriminate  places,  and 
Minnie  Bishop  stood  panting  in  the  middle  of 
the  floor. 

"I  have  endured  it  here  for  weeks  now, 
longer  than  I  believed  it  possible,"  she  shrieked 
at  him,  crying  hysterically,  "  because  we  could 
not  afford  to  lose  this  money :  stood  it  for  days 
when  the  sight  of  you  turned  me  sick!  It 
seems  a  year  ago,  you  ugly  beast,  that  I  made 
sure  you  were  a  thief,  but  I  wouldn't  leave  till 
I  knew  it  was  the  right  time  to  ask  you  for  this 
check ! ' ' 

Dazed,  he  stood  nursing  his  hurts.  One  of 
her  strokes  had  been  into  his  cheek,  and  as  he 
took  his  reddened  handkerchief  away  from  it  a 
flood  of  rage  came  over  him  and  he  took  a  step 
forward;  but  he  had  miscalculated  her  spirit. 

"I  wish  I  had  killed  you!"  she  cried,  and 
darted  out  of  the  door. 

For  three  days  after  that  episode  the  man 
was  confined  to  his  room  under  the  care  of  his 

159 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

wife,  whom  he  told  that  he  had  been  attacked 
by  a  footpad,  "a  half -crazy  foreigner  with  a 
stiletto.'*  For  a  week  more  he  was  out  of 
town.  A  peremptory  telegram  from  Clover 
brought  him  in  from  his  stock-drumming  trans- 
actions, and  by  the  time  he  reached  the  city  he 
was  ready  for  any  emergency,  though  finally 
attributing  the  call  to  the  fact,  which  he  had  al- 
most forgotten,  that  to-morrow  was  the  first  day 
of  the  three  set  apart  for  the  Supreme  Circle 
Conclave  of  the  Noble  Order  of  Friendly  Hands. 
He  arrived  at  about  eight  o'clock  in  the 
evening,  and  as  his  automobile  rolled  past  the 
big  building  where  their  offices  were  located, 
he  glanced  up  and  saw  that  lights  were  blazing 
brightly  from  the  windows.  Anxious  to  find 
out  at  once  the  true  status  of  affairs  he  went 
up.  He  was  surprised  to  find  the  big  recep- 
tion room  full  of  hard-featured  men  who 
looked  uncomfortable  in  their  "best  clothes," 
and  among  them  he  recognized  two  or  three, 
from  surrounding  small  towns,  to  whom  he 
had  sold  stock.  At  first,  as  he  opened  the 
door,  black  looks  were  cast  in  his  direction, 
and  a  couple  of  the  men  half  arose  from  their 
seats;  but  they  sat  down  again  as  Mr.  J. 
Eufus  Wallingford's  face  beamed  with  a  cor- 
dial smile. 

160 


WALLINGFOED 

"Good  evening,  gentlemen, "  he  observed 
cheerfully,  with  a  special  nod  for  those  he  re- 
membered, and  then  he  stalked  calmly  through 
the  room. 

The  nights  being  cool  now,  Mr.  Wallingford 
wore  a  fur-lined  ulster  of  rich  material  and  of 
a  fit  which  made  his  huge  bulk  seem  the  per- 
fection of  elegance.  Upon  his  feet  were  shin- 
ing patent  leather  shoes;  upon  his  head  was  a 
shining  high  hat.  He  carried  one  new  glove  in 
his  gloved  left  hand;  from  his  right  hand 
gleamed  the  big  diamond.  His  ulster  hung 
open  in  front,  displaying  his  sparkling  scarf 
pin,  his  rich  scarf  of  the  latest  pattern,  his 
fancy  waistcoat.  He  held  his  head  high,  and 
no  man  could  stand  before  him  nor  against 
him.  When  the  door  had  closed  behind  him 
they  almost  sighed  in  unison.  There  went 
money,  sacred  money,  even  the  more  so  that 
some  of  it  was  their  own ! 

In  the  inner  office,  Wallingford  was  surprised 
to  find  Minnie  Bishop  present  and  working  ear- 
nestly upon  the  books.  Looking  up  she  met 
his  darkening  glance  defiantly,  but  even  if  he 
had  chosen  to  speak  to  her  there  was  no 
time,  for  Clover  had  opened  the  door  of 
his  own  private  office  and  greeted  him  with 
a  curt  nod. 

JJ—  Calling/ore.  .161 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

"Come  in  here,"  said  Clover  roughly.  "I 
want  to  talk  to  you." 

It  was  the  inevitable  moment,  the  one  for 
which  Wallingford  had  long  been  prepared. 

"Certainly,"  he  said  with  aggravating  cheer- 
fulness, and,  walking  in,  let  Clover  close  the 
door  behind  him.  He  sat  comfortably  in  the 
big  leather  chair  at  the  side  of  the  desk  and  lit 
a  cigar,  while  Clover  plumped  himself  in  his 
own  swivel. 

"Who  are  the  Rubes  outside?"  asked  Wal- 
lingford, puffing  critically  at  his  half-dollar 
perfecto. 

"Neil's  picked  degree  team,"  answered 
Clover  shortly.  "He  had  them  meet 
up  here  to-night  for  some  instructions,  I 
believe,  but  he's  not  here  yet.  It's  his  affair 
entirely.  I  want  to  see  you  about  something 
else." 

"Blaze  away,"  said  Wallingford  with  great 
heartiness,  carefully  placing  his  silk  hat  upon 
a  clean  sheet  of  paper.  He  was  still  smiling 
cheerfully,  but  in  his  eyes  had  come  the  trace 
of  a  glitter. 

"I'll  blaze  away  all  right,  whether  I  have 
your  invitation  or  not!"  snapped  Clover. 
"You've  been  giving  me  the  double  cross.  For 
«very  share  of  stock  you  sold  for  the  company 

162 


you've  sold  five  of  your  own  and  pocketed  the 
money.'* 

"Why  shouldn't  II"  inquired  Mr.  Walling- 
ford  calmly,  his  willingness  to  admit  it  so  pleas- 
antly amounting  to  insolence.  "It  was  my 
stock,  and  the  money  I  got  for  such  of  it  as  I 
sold  was  my  money." 

"Such  of  it  as  you  sold!"  repeated  Clover 
indignantly.  "I  know  how  much  you  un- 
loaded. You  have  placed  somewhat  over 
twenty  thousand  for  the  company — " 

"And  five  thousand  for  you,"  Wallingford 
reminded  him.  "I  suppose  you  went  South 
with  the  proceeds.  If  you  didn't  you're 
crazy!" 

Clover  flushed  a  trifle. 

"But  you  got  rid  of  nearly  sixty  thousand 
dollars  of  your  own  stock,"  he  charged  bit- 
terly. It  still  rankled  in  him  that  Wallingford 
had  "handed  the  lemon"  to  him.  Him!  Mon- 
strous that  a  man  should  be  so  dishonorable! 
"You  played  me  for  a  mark.  When  you 
handed  out  my  certificates  you  instructed  every 
man  to  send  them  in  for  transfer,  but  when 
you  peddled  your  own  you  said  nothing  about 
that,  and  only  the  few  yaps  who  happened  to 
know  about  such  things  sent  them  in.  You're 
nearly  all  sold  out,  and  I'm  holding  the  bag." 

163 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

"Right  you  are,"  admitted  Wallingford, 
openly  amused.  "I  have  a  few  shares  left  in 
my  desk,  though,  and  I'll  make  you  a  present 
of  them.  I'm  going  out  of  the  company,  you 
know. ' ' 

"You're  not!"  exclaimed  Clover,  smiting  his 
fist  upon  his  desk.  "We  were  in  this  thing 
together,  half  and  half,  and  I  want  my  share ! ' ' 

Wallingford  laughed. 

"I  told  you  once,"  he  informed  his  irate 
partner,  "that  I  never  give  up  any  money. 
My  action  is  strictly  legal.  Now,  don't  choke!" 
he  added  as  he  saw  Clover  about  to  make  an- 
other objection.  "You've  not  a  gasp  coming. 
When  I  took  hold  here  you  were  practically 
on  your  last  legs.  You  have  had  a  salary  of 
one  hundred  dollars  a  week  since  that  time. 
In  addition  to  that  I  have  handed  you  five 
thousand  dollars,  and  you  have  nearly  sixty 
thousand  dollars'  worth  of  stock  left.  You  can 
do  just  what  I  have  been  doing :  sell  your  stock 
and  get  out.  As  for  me  I  am  out,  and  that's 
all  there  is  to  it!  I  have  all  I  want  and  I'm 
going  to  quit!" 

The  door  had  opened  and  Neil  stood  on  the 
threshold. 

"You  bet  you're  going  to  quit!"  said  Neil. 
His  face  was  pale  but  his  eyes  were  blazing 

164 


WALLINGFORD 

and  his  fists  were  clenched.  "You're  both  go- 
ing to  quit,  but  not  the  way  you  think  you  are ! 
Come  out  here.  Some  of  my  friends  are  in 
the  waiting  room,  and  they  want  to  see  you 
right  away!" 

Clover  had  turned  a  sickly,  ashen  white,  but 
Wallingford  rose  to  his  feet. 

"You  tell  them  to  go  plumb  to  Hell!"  he 
snarled. 

His  eyes  were  widened  until  they  showed  the 
whites.  He  was  fully  as  much  cowed  by  the 
suggestion  as  Clover,  but  he  would  "put  up  a 
front"  to  the  last. 

"Come  in,  boys!"  commanded  Neil  loudly. 

They  came  with  alacrity.  They  crowded  into 
the  small  room,  packing  it  so  snugly  that  Neil 
and  Wallingford  and  Clover,  forced  into  the 
little  space  before  Clover's  desk,  stood  touching. 

"What  does  this  mean?"  demanded  Wal- 
lingford, glaring  at  the  invaders. 

He  stood  almost  head  and  shoulders  above 
them,  and  where  he  met  a  man's  eyes  those 
eyes  dropped.  Some  of  them  who  had  not  re- 
moved their  hats  hastily  did  so.  His  lordliness 
was  still  potent. 

"You  can't  bluff  me!"  shrieked  Neil,  who, 
standing  beside  him,  shook  his  fist  in  Walling- 
ford's  face.  The  contrast  between  the  sizes  of 

165 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

the  two  men  would  have  been  ludicrous,  had  it 
not  been  for  Neil's  intensity,  which  seemed  to 
expand  him,  to  make  him  and  his  passionate 
purpose  colossal.  "I  know  you,  and  these  men 
don't!"  he  went  on,  his  neck  chords  swelling 
with  anger.  "Why,  think  of  it,  gentlemen,  in 
the  four  months  that  he  has  been  here,  this 
man  has  taken  sixty  thousand  dollars  from  the 
hard-working  members  of  this  Order,  has 
stuffed  it  in  his  pocket  and  is  making  ready  to 
leave !  The  little  girl  out  there,  who  is  getting 
us  up  a  statement  for  to-morrow,  figured  him 
out  for  the  dog  he  is  while  I  was  still  groping 
for  the  facts.  He  tried  to  take  her  for  a  fool, 
but  she  —  she — "  His  voice  broke  and  he 
smacked  his  fist  in  his  palm  to  loosen  his 
tongue.  "You're  a  smart  man,  Mr.  Walling- 
ford,  but  you  made  a  few  mistakes.  One  of 
them  was  in  sending  me  on  the  road  so  you 
could — so  you — "  again  his  voice  broke  and  he 
sank  his  nails  into  his  palms  for  control.  "You 
thought  this  meeting  was  a  mere  jolly  for  our 
members,  didn't  you?  It's  not.  These  men  are 
here  solely  as  representatives  of  the  business 
interests  of  their  friends.  We're  going  to  put 
this  Order  back  upon  a  sound  basis,  and  the 
first  thing  we're  going  to  do  is  to  cut  out  graft. 
Why,  you  unclean  whelp,  you  have  spent  over 

166 


WALLINGFOBD 

fourteen  thousand  dollars  in  the  four  months 
you  have  been  here,  and  you  have — or  had,  up 
to  a  week  ago — forty-five  thousand  dollars  in 
the  Second  National — all  of  poor  men's  money! 
How  do  I  know?  You  lost  your  bank  book 
which  had  just  been  balanced.  As  for  you, 
Clover,  you're  a  clog  upon  the  business,  too!" 
Clover  had  brought  this  upon  himself  by  dart- 
ing at  Wallingford  a  glance  of  hate,  which 
Neil  caught.  "Now  this  is  what  you're  going 
to  do,  James  Clover.  For  having  fathered  the 
Order  you're  to  be  allowed  to  keep  the  five 
thousand  dollars  you  got  for  the  sale  of  stock. 
Your  remaining  stock  you're  going  to  transfer 
over  to  our  treasury,  and  then  you're  going  to 
step  down  and  out.  As  for  you,  Mr.  J.  Eufus 
Wallingford,  you're  going  to  write  a  check  for 
forty-five  thousand  dollars,  payable  to  the 
company." 

"What  you  are  asking  of  me  is  unjust — and 
absurd,"  whined  Wallingford. 

"Write  that  check!"  Neil  almost  screamed. 
"We  know  you're  slick  enough  to  keep  your 
tricks  within  legal  bounds,  and  that's  why  these 
men  are  here." 

The  brow  of  Wallingford  contracted  and 
he  tried  to  look  angry,  but  his  breath  was 
coming  short  and  there  was  a  curious  pallor 

167 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

around  the  edge  of  his  lips  and  around  his 
eyes. 

"This  is  coercion!"  he  charged  with  dry 
mouth. 

"Put  it  that  way  if  you  want  to,"  agreed 
Neil  hotly. 

"We'll  break  your  infernal  neck,  that's  what 
we  '11  do ! "  put  in  a  spokesman  back  toward  the 
door,  and  there  was  a  general  pressing  for- 
ward. Neil  had  lashed  them  into  fury,  and  one 
rawboned  fellow,  a  blacksmith,  wedged  through 
them  with  purple  face  and  upraised  fist.  So 
heavily  that  he  knocked  the  breath  out  of  Clo- 
ver with  his  chair  back,  Wallingford  plumped 
down  at  the  desk  and  whipped  out  his  check 
book. 

"I  ask  one  thing  of  you,"  he  said,  as  he 
picked  up  the  pen  with  a  curious  trembling 
grimace  that  was  almost  like  a  smile,  but  was 
not.  "You  must  leave  me  at  least  a  thousand 
dollars  to  get  away  from  here." 

There  was  a  moment  of  silence. 

"That's  reasonable,"  granted  Neil,  after 
careful  consideration.  "Give  us  the  check  for 
forty-four  thousand." 

Wallingford  wrote  it  and  then  he  put  it  in 
his  pocket. 

"I  have  the  check  ready,  gentlemen,"  he  an- 

168 


WALLINGFOED 

nounced,  "but  I'll  give  it  to  you  at  the  en- 
trance of  my  home — to  a  committee  consisting 
of  Neil  and  any  two  others  you  may  select. 
If  I  hand  it  to  you  before  I  pass  out  at  that 
door,  some  of  you  are  liable  to — to  lose  your 
heads. ' ' 

He  was  positively  craven  in  appearance  when 
he  said  this,  and  with  an  expression  of  con- 
tempt Neil  agreed  to  it.  Wallingford's  car 
was  still  waiting  on  the  street  below,  and  into 
it  piled  the  four.  Before  the  rich  building 
where  J.  Eufus  had  his  apartments,  Neil  and 
one  of  the  other  men  got  out  first;  but  if  they 
had  anticipated  any  attempt  at  escape  on  Wal- 
lingford's part  they  were  mistaken.  Without 
a  word  he  handed  the  check  to  Neil  and  waited 
while  they  inspected  it  to  see  that  it  was  cor- 
rectly drawn  and  signed. 

"Now,  Mr.  Slippery  Eel,"  said  Neil  exult- 
antly as  he  put  the  check  in  his  pocket,  "it 
won't  do  any  good  to  try  to  stop  this  check, 
for  if  I  can't  draw  it  you  can't.  I  shall  be 
there  in  the  morning  when  the  bank  opens.  I 
secured  an  injunction  this  afternoon  that  will 
tie  up  your  account,"  and  his  voice  swelled 
with  triumph. 

Wallingford  laughed.  With  his  hand  upon 
the  knob  he  held  the  vestibule  door  open,  and 

169 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

he  felt  safe  from  violence,  which  was  all  he 
feared. 

"Well,"  said  he  philosophically,  "I  see  I'm 
beaten,  and  there's  no  use  crying  over  spilled 
milk." 

Neil  looked  after  him  dubiously,  as  he  swag- 
gered into  the  hall. 

"I  didn't  expect  it  would  be  so  easy,"  he 
said  to  the  men.  "I  knew  the  fellow  was  a 
physical  coward,  but  I  didn't  know  he  was  such 
a  big  one.  My  lawyer  told  me  he  could  even 
beat  us  on  that  injunction." 

Mr.  Wallingford  did  not  go  directly  to  his 
apartments.  He  went  into  the  booth  down- 
stairs, instead,  and  telephoned  his  wife.  Then 
he  went  out.  He  was  gone  for  about  half  an 
hour,  and,  when  he  came  back,  Mrs.  Walling- 
ford, wastefully  leaving  a  number  of  expensive 
accumulations  that  were  too  big  to  be  carried 
as  hand  luggage,  and  abandoning  the  rich  fur- 
niture to  be  claimed  by  the  deluded  dealers, 
had  four  suit  cases  packed. 


170 


CHAPTER  XII 

FATE  ARRANGES  FOR  J.  RUFUS  AN  OPPORTUNITY  TO 
MANUFACTURE    SALES    RECORDERS 

IT  was  not  until  their  train  had  passed  be- 
yond the  last   suburb  that  Wallingford, 
ensconced  in  the  sleeper  drawing  room, 
was    able    to     resume    his    accustomed 
cheerfulness. 

"Sure  you  have  that  bundle  of  American 
passports  all  right,  Fanny?"  he  inquired. 

"They're  perfectly  safe,  but  I'm  glad  to  be 
rid  of  them,"  she  answered  listlessly,  and  open- 
ing her  hand  bag  she  emptied  it  of  its  contents, 
then,  with  a  small  penknife,  loosened  the  false 
bottom  in  it  From  underneath  this  she  drew 
a  flat  package  of  thousand-dollar  bills  and 
handed  them  to  him. 

"Forty  of  them!"  gloated  Wallingford, 
counting  them  over.  Then  he  pounded  upon 
his  knees  and  laughed.  "I  can  see  Starvation 
Neil  when  he  has  to  tell  his  jay  delegates  that 
I  drew  out  every  cent  the  day  after  I  lost  my 
bank  book.  I'd  been  missing  too  many  things 
that  never  turned  up  again.  I  fixed  them  to- 
rn 


GET-EICH-QUICK 

night,  too.  Although  I  didn't  need  to  do  it  to 
be  on  the  law's  safe  side,  I  hustled  out  before 
we  started  and  swore  to  a  notary  that  I  signed 
that  check  under  coercion;  and  they'll  get  that 
affidavit  before  the  check  and  the  injunction!" 

Mrs.  Wallingford  did  not  join  him  in  the 
shoulder-heaving  laugh  which  followed. 

"I  don't  like  it,  Jim,"  she  urged.  "You're 
growing  worse  all  the  time,  and  some  day  you'll 
overstep  the  bounds.  •  And  have  you  noticed 
another  thing?  Our  money  never  does  us  any 
good." 

"You'll  wake  up  when  we  get  settled  down 
some  place  to  enjoy  ourselves.  I  don't  believe 
you  know  how  well  you  like  fine  dresses  and 
diamonds,  and  to  live  on  the  fat  of  the  land. 
You  know  what  this  little  bundle  of  comfort 
means?  That  we're  the  salt  of  the  earth  while 
it  lasts ;  that  for  a  solid  year  we  may  have  not 
only  all  the  luxuries  in  the  world,  but  every- 
body we  meet  will  try  to  make  life  pleasant 
for  us." 

To  that  end  Wallingford  secured  a  suite  of 
rooms  at  two  hundred  dollars  per  week  the 
moment  they  landed  in  New  York,  and  began 
to  live  at  a  corresponding  rate.  He  gave  him- 
self no  regret  for  yesterday  and  no  care  for 
to-morrow,  but  let  each  extravagant  moment 

172 


WALLINGFOKD 

take  care  of  itself.  It  was  such  intervals  as 
this,  between  her  husband's  more  than  doubt- 
ful " business"  operations,  that  reconciled  Mrs. 
Wallingford  to  their  mode  of  life,  or,  rather, 
that  numbed  the  moral  sensibilities  which  lie 
dormant  in  every  woman.  While  they  were 
merely  spending  money  she  was  content  to 
play  the  grcmde  dame,  to  dress  herself  in  ex- 
quisite toilettes  and  bedeck  herself  with  bril- 
liant gems,  to  go  among  other  birds  of  fine 
feathers  that  congregated  at  the  more  exclu- 
sive public  places,  though  she  made  no  friends 
among  them,  to  be  surrounded  by  every  luxury 
that  money  could  purchase,  to  have  her  every 
whim  gratified  by  the  mere  pressing  of  a  but- 
ton. As  for  Wallingford,  to  be  a  prince  of 
spenders,  to  find  new  and  gaudy  methods  of 
display,  to  have  people  turn  as  he  passed  by 
and  ask  who  he  might  be;  these  things  made 
existence  worth  while. 

Only  one  thing — his  restless  spirit— kept  him 
from  pursuing  this  uneventful  path  until  all 
of  his  forty  thousand  dollars  was  gone.  After 
two  months  of  slothful  ease,  something  more 
exciting  became  imperative,  and  just  then 
the  racing  season  began  and  supplied  that 
need.  Every  afternoon  they  drove  out  to  the 
track,  and  there  Wallingford  bet  thousands  as 

173 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

another  man  might  bet  fives.  There  could  be 
but  one  end  to  this,  but  he  did  not  care.  What 
did  it  matter  whether  he  spent  his  money  a 
trifle  more  or  less  quickly?  "There  was  plenty 
of  it  within  his  broad  hunting  grounds,  and 
when  what  he  had  was  gone  he  had  only  to  go 
capture  more;  so  it  was  no  shock  one  morning 
to  count  over  his  resources  and  find  that  he 
had  but  a  fragment  left  of  what  he  had  laugh- 
ingly termed  his  " insurance  fund."  Upon 
that  same  morning  an  urgent  telegram  was 
delivered  to  him  from  "Blackie"  Daw.  He 
read  it  with  a  whistle  of  surprise  and  passed 
it  over  to  his  wife  without  comment. 

"You're  not  going?"  she  asked  with  much 
concern,  passing  the  message  back  to  him. 

"Of  course  I  am,"  he  promptly  told  her. 
"  Blackie 's  the  only  man  I  could  depend  upon 
to  get  me  out  of  a  similar  scrape." 

"But,  Jim,"  she  protested;  "you  just  now 
said  that  you  have  barely  over  six  thousand 
left." 

"That's  all  right,"  he  assured  her.  "I'd 
have  to  get  out  and  hustle  in  less  than  a  month 
anyhow,  at  the  rate  we're  going.  I'll  just  take 
Blackie 's  five  thousand,  and  a  couple  of  hun- 
dred over  for  expenses.  You  keep  the  balance 
of  the  money  and  we'll  get  out  of  these  apart- 

174 


WALLINGFORD 

ments  at  once.  I'll  get  you  nice  accommoda- 
tions at  about  twenty  a  week,  and  before  I 
come  back  I'll  have  something  stirred  up." 

Secretly,  he  was  rather  pleased  with  the  turn 
affairs  had  taken.  Inaction  was  beginning  to 
pall  upon  him,  and  this  message  that  called 
urgently  upon  him  to  take  an  immediate  trip 
out  of  town  was  entirely  to  his  liking.  Within 
an  hour  he  had  transferred  his  wife  into  com- 
fortable quarters  and  was  on  his  way  to  the 
train.  He  had  very  little  margin  of  time,  but, 
slight  as  it  was,  the  grinning  Fate  which  pre- 
sided over  his  destinies  had  opportunity  to  ar- 
range a  meeting  for  him.  Even  as  he  pointed 
out  his  luggage  to  a  running  porter,  a  fussy 
little  German  in  very  new-looking  clothes  which 
fitted  almost  like  tailor-made,  had  rushed  back 
to  the  gates  of  the  train  shed  where  the  con- 
ductor stood  with  his  eyes  fixed  intently  on  his 
watch,  his  left  hand  poised  ready  to  raise. 

"I  left  my  umbrella,"  spluttered  the  pas- 
senger. 

"No  time,"  declared  the  autocrat,  not 
gruffly  or  unkindly,  but  in  a  tone  of  virtuous 
devotion  to  duty. 

The  little  German's  eyes  glared  through  his 
spectacles,  his  face  puffed  red,  his  gray  mus- 
tache bristled. 

175 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

"But  it's  my  wife's  umbrella!"  he  urged,  as 
if  that  might  make  a  difference. 

The  brass-buttoned  slave  to  duty  did  not 
even  smile.  He  raised  his  hand,  and  in  a  mo- 
ment more  the  potent  wave  of  his  wrist  would 
have  sent  Number  Eighteen  plunging  on  her 
westward  way.  In  that  moment,  however,  the 
Pullman  conductor,  waiting  with  him,  clutched 
the  blue  arm  of  authority. 

"Hold  her  a  second,"  he  advised,  and  with 
his  thumb  pointed  far  up  the  platform.  "Here 
comes  from  a  dollar  up  for  everybody.  He's 
rode  with  me  before." 

The  captain  of  Eighteen  gave  a  swift  glance 
and  was  satisfied. 

"Sure.  I  know  him,"  he  said  of  the  new- 
comer; then  he  turned  to  the  still  desperately 
hopeful  passenger  and  relented.  "Run!"  he 
directed  briefly. 

Wallingf ord,  who  had  secured  for  Carl  Klug 
this  boon,  merely  by  an  opportune  arrival,  was 
not  hurrying.  He  was  too  large  a  man  to 
hurry,  so  a  depot  porter  was  doing  it  for  him. 
The  porter  plunged  on  in  advance,  springing 
heavily  from  one  bent  leg  to  the  other,  weighted 
down  with  a  hat  box  in  one  hand,  a  huge  Glad- 
stone bag  in  the  other  and  a  suit  case  under 
each  arm.  The  perspiration  was  streaming 

176 


WALLINGFORD 

down  his  face,  but  he  was  quite  content.  Be- 
hind him  stalked  J.  Rufus,  carrying  only  a 
cane  and  gloves;  but  more,  for  him,  would 
have  seemed  absurd,  for  when  he  moved  the 
background  seemed  to  advance  with  him,  he 
was  so  broad  of  shoulder  and  of  chest  and  of 
girth.  Dignity  radiated  from  his  frame  and 
carriage,  good  humor  from  his  big  face,  wealth 
from  every  line  and  crease  of  his  garments; 
and  it  was  no  matter  for  wonder  that  even 
the  rigid  schedule  of  Number  Eighteen  was 
glad  to  extend  to  this  master  of  circumstances 
its  small  fraction  of  elasticity. 

One  of  the  Pullman  porters  from  up  the 
train  caught  a  glimpse  of  his  approach  and 
came  running  back  to  snatch  up  two  of  the 
pieces  of  luggage.  It  did  not  matter  to  him 
whether  the  impressive  gentleman  was  riding 
in  his  coach  or  not;  he  was  anxious  to  help  on 
mere  general  principles,  and  was  even  more  so 
when  the  depot  porter,  dropping  the  luggage 
inside  the  gate,  broke  into  glorious  sunrise 
over  the  crinkling  green  certificate  of  merit 
that  was  handed  him.  The  Pullman  conductor 
only  asked  to  what  city  the  man  was  bound, 
then  he  too  snatched  up  a  suit  case  and  a  bag 
and  raced  with  the  porter  to  take  them  on 
board,  calling  out  as  he  ran  the  car  into  which 

la—Wallingford  177 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

the  luggage  must  go.  To  Wallingford  their 
activity  gave  profound  satisfaction,  and  he 
paused  to  hand  the  conductor  a  counterpart  to 
the  huge  black  cigar  he  was  then  smoking. 
It  had  no  band  of  any  sort  upon  it,  but 
he  conductor  judged  the  cigar  by  the  man. 
It  was  not  less  than  three  for  a  dollar,  he 
was  sure. 

" Pretty  close  figuring,  old  man,"  observed 
Wallingford  cordially. 

The  conductor's  smile,  while  gracious  enough, 
was  only  fleeting,  for  this  thing  of  being  re- 
sponsible for  Eighteen  was  an  anxious  busi- 
ness, the  gravity  of  which  the  traveling  public 
should  be  taught  to  appreciate  more. 

"We're  nearly  a  minute  off  now,"  he  said, 
"and  I've  let  myself  in  to  wait  for  a  Dutch- 
man I  let  run  out  when  I  saw  you  coming. 
There  he  is.  Third  car  up  for  you,  sir," 
and  he  ran  up  to  the  steps  of  the  second  car 
himself. 

The  missing  passenger  came  tearing  through 
the  gates  just  as  Wallingford  went  up  the  car 
steps.  The  conductor  held  his  hand  aloft,  and 
the  engineer,  looking  back,  impatiently  clanged 
his  bell.  The  porter  picked  up  his  stepping-box 
and  jumped  on  after  his  tip,  but  he  looked  out 
to  watch  the  little  German  racing  with  all  his 

178 


WALLINGFORD 

might  up  the  platform,  and  did  not  withdraw 
his  head  until  the  belated  one,  all  legs  and  arms, 
scrambled  upon  the  train.  Instantly  the  wheels 
began  to  revolve,  both  vestibule  doors  were 
closed  with  a  slam,  and  a  moment  later  Carl 
Klug,  puffing  and  panting,  dropped  upon  a  seat 
in  the  smoking  compartment,  opposite  to  the 
calm  J.  Eufus  Wallingford,  without  breath — 
and  without  his  umbrella. 

"Schrecklich!"  he  exploded  when  he  could 
talk.  "They  are  all  thieves  here.  I  leave  my 
umbrella  in  the  waiting-room  five  minutes,  I 
go  back  and  it  is  gone.  Gone !  And  it  was  my 
wife's  umbrella!" 

Under  ordinary  circumstances  Mr.  Klug, 
whose  thirty  years  of  residence  in  America  had 
not  altogether  destroyed  certain  old-country 
notions  of  caste,  would  not  have  ventured  to 
address  this  lordly-looking  stranger,  but  at 
present  he  was  angry  and  simply  must  open 
the  vials  of  his  wrath  to  some  one.  He  met 
with  no  repulse.  Mr.  Wallingford  was  not  one 
to  repulse  strangers  of  even  modest  compe- 
tence. He  only  laughed.  A  score  of  jovial 
wrinkles  sprang  about  his  half -closed  eyes,  and 
his  pink  face  grew  pinker. 

"Eight  you  are,"  he  agreed.  "When  I'm 
in  this  town  I  keep  everything  I've  got  right 

179 


GET-EICH-QUICK 

in  front  of  me,  and  if  I  want  to  look  the  other 
way  I  edge  around  on  the  other  side  of  my 
grips." 

Mr.  King  digested  this  idea  for  a  moment, 
and  then  he,  too,  laughed,  though  not  with  the 
abandon  of  Mr.  Wallingford.  He  could  not  so 
soon  forget  his  wife's  umbrella. 

"It  is  so,"  he  admitted.  "I  have  been  here 
three  days,  and  every  man  I  had  any  business 
with  ought  to  be  in  jail!" 

A  sudden  thought  as  he  came  to  this  last 
word  made  Mr.  Klug  lay  almost  shrieking  em- 
phasis upon  it,  and  smack  both  fists  upon  his 
knees.  He  craned  his  head  forward,  his  eyes 
glared  through  his  spectacles,  his  cheeks  puffed 
out  and  his  mustache  bristled.  Wallingford 
surveyed  him  with  careful  appraisement.  The 
clothing  was  ready  made,  but  it  was  a  very 
good  quality  of  its  kind.  The  man's  face  was 
an  intelligent  one  and  told  of  careful,  concen- 
trated effort.  His  hands  were  lean  and  rough, 
the  fingers  were  supple  and  the  outer  joints 
bent  back,  particularly  those  of  the  thumb, 
which  described  almost  a  half  circle.  The  in- 
sides  of  the  fingers  were  seamed  and  crossed 
with  countless  little  black  lines.  From  all  this 
the  man  was  a  mechanic,  and  a  skilled  one. 
Those  fingers  dealt  deftly  with  small  parts,  and 

180 


WALLINGFORD 

years  of  grimy  oil  had  blackened  those  innu- 
merable cuts  and  scratches. 

"Did  they  sting  you?"  Wallingford  inquired 
with  a  dawning  interest  that  was  more  than 
courteous  sympathy. 

"I  guess  not!'9  snapped  Mr.  Klug  trium- 
phantly, and  the  other  made  quick  note  of  the 
fact  that  the  man  was  familiar  with  current 
slang.  "I  was  too  smart  for  them."  Then, 
after  a  reflective  pause,  he  added:  "Maybe. 
They  might  steal  my  patent  some  way." 

Patent !  Mr.  Wallingford 's  small,  thick  ears 
suddenly  twitched  forward. 

"Been  trying  to  sell  one?"  he  asked,  paus- 
ing with  his  cigar  half  way  to  his  mouth  and 
waiting  for  the  answer. 

"Three  hundred  dollars  they  offer  me!"  ex- 
ploded Mr.  Klug,  again  smiting  both  fists  on 
his  knees.  "Six  years  I  worked  on  it  in  my 
little  shop  of  nights  to  get  up  a  machine  that 
was  different  from  all  the  rest  and  that  would 
work  right,  and  when  I  get  it  done  and  get 
my  patent  and  take  it  to  them,  they  already 
had  a  copy  of  my  patent  and  showed  it  to  me. 
They  bought  it  from  the  Government  for  five 
cents,  and  called  me  the  same  as  a  thief  and 
offered  me  three  hundred  dollars!" 

Wallingford  pondered  seriously. 

181 


GET-EICH-QUICK 

"You  must  have  a  good  machine,"  he  finally 
announced. 

Mr.  Klug  thought  that  he  was  "being  made 
fun  of." 

"It  is  a  good  machine.  It's  as  good  a  ma- 
chine as  any  they  have  got.  There  is  no  joke 
about  it!"  * 

"I'm  not  joking,"  Wallingford  insisted. 
"Who  are  the  people?" 

Mr.  Klug  considered  for  a  suspicious  mo- 
ment, but  the  appearance  of  this  gentleman, 
the  very  embodiment  of  sterling  worth,  was 
most  reassuring.  Beneath  that  broad  chest 
and  behind  that  diamond  scarf  pin  there  could 
rest  no  duplicity.  Moreover,  Mr.  Klug  was 
still  angry,  and  anger  and  discretion  do  not 
dwell  together. 

"The  United  Sales  Eecording  Machine  Com- 
pany of  New  Jersey,"  he  stated,  rolling  out 
the  name  with  a  roundness  which  betrayed  how 
much  in  respect  and  even  awe  he  held  it. 

Wallingford  was  now  genuinely  interested. 

"Then  you  have  a  good  patent,"  he  re- 
peated. "If  they  offered  you  three  hundred 
dollars  it  is  worth  thousands,  otherwise  they 
would  not  buy  it  at  any  price.  They  have  hun- 
dreds of  patents  now,  and  you  have  something 
that  they  have  not  covered." 

182 


WALLINGFOED 

"Four  hundred  and  twelve  patents  they 
own,"  corrected  Mr.  Klug.  "I  have  been  over 
every  one  in  the  last  six  years,  every  little  wire 
and  bar  and  spring  in  them,  and  mine  is  a 
whole  new  machine,  like  nothing  they  have  got. 
They  have  got  one  man  that  does  nothing  else 
but  look  after  these  patents.  You  know  what 
he  said?  'Yes,  you  have  worked  six  years  for 
a  chance  to  hold  us  up.  But  we're  used  to  it. 
It  happens  to  us  every  day.  If  you  think  you 
can  manufacture  your  machine  and  make  any 
money,  go  at  it. '  He  told  me  that ! ' ' 

Wallingford  nodded  comprehendingly. 

"Of  course,"  he  agreed.  "They  have  either 
fought  out  or  bought  out  everybody  who  ever 
poked  their  nose  into  the  business.  They  had 
to.  I  know  all  about  them.  If  you  have  a  clean 
invention  you  were  foolish  to  go  to  them  with 
it  in  the  first  place.  They'd  only  offer  you  the 
cost  of  the  first  lawsuit  they're  bound  to  bring 
against  you.  That's  no  way  to  sell  a  patent. 
Inventors  all  die  poor  for  that  very  reason. 
The  thing  for  you  to  do  is  to  start  manufactur- 
ing, and  make  them  come  to  you.  Throw  a 
scare  into  them." 

Mr.  Klug  was  frightened  by  the  very  sugges- 
tion. 

* '  Jiminy,  no ! "  he  protested,  shaking  his  head 

183 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

vigorously.  "I  got  no  big  money  like  that. 
I  'd  lose  every  cent  and  all  my  little  property. ' ' 

"It  don't  take  so  much  money,  if  you  use  it 
right,"  insisted  Wallingford.  "Use  as  little 
capital  as  you  can  for  manufacturing,  and  save 
the  most  of  it  for  litigation.  I'll  bet  I  could 
sell  your  patent  for  you."  He  pondered  a 
while  with  slowly  kindling  eyes,  and  smiled  out 
of  the  window  at  the  rushing  landscape.  "I 
tell  you  what  you  do.  Get  up  a  company  and 
I'll  buy  some  stock  in  it  myself." 

"Humbug  with  that  stock  business!"  Mr. 
Klug  exclaimed  with  explosive  violence,  his 
mustache  bristling  now  until  it  stuck  straight 
out.  "I  would  not  get  up  any  such  a  business 
with  stock  in  it.  I  had  all  the  stock  I  want, 
and  I  never  buy  nor  sell  any  any  more.  I  got 
some  I'll  give  away." 

Wallingford  smiled  introspectively. 

"Oh,  well,  form  a  partnership,  then.  You 
have  four  or  five  friends  who  could  put  up  five 
thousand  apiece,  haven't  you?" 

Mr.  Klug  was  quite  certain  of  that. 

"I  am  president  of  the  Germania  Building 
Loan  Association,"  he  announced  with  pardon- 
able pride. 

"Then,  of  course,  you  can  control  money," 
agreed  the  other  in  a  tone  which  conveyed  a 

184 


WALLINGFORD 

thoroughly  proper  appreciation  of  Mr.  King's 
standing.  "I'll  invest  as  much  as  anybody 
else,  and  you  put  in  your  patent  for  a  half  in- 
terest. We'll  start  manufacturing  right  away, 
and  if  your  machine's  right,  as  it  must  be  if 
they  offer  to  buy  the  patent  at  all,  I'll  make 
the  United  people  kneel  down  and  coax  us  to 
take  their  money.  There  are  ways  to  do  it." 

"The  machine  is  all  right,"  declared  Mr. 
King.  "Wait;  I'll  show  it  to  you." 

He  hurried  out  to  his  seat,  where  reposed 
a  huge  box  like  a  typewriter  case,  but  larger. 
He  lugged  this  back  toward  the  smoker,  into 
which  other  passengers  were  now  lounging, 
but  on  the  way  Wallingford  met  him. 

"Let's  go  in  here,  instead,"  said  the  latter, 
and  opened  the  door  into  the  drawing  room. 

It  was  the  first  time  Mr.  Klug  had  ever  been 
in  one  of  these  compartments,  and  the  sense  of 
exclusiveness  it  aroused  fairly  reeked  of  money. 
The  dreams  of  wealth  that  had  been  so  rudely 
shattered  sprang  once  more  into  life  as  the  in- 
ventor opened  the  case  and  explained  his  de- 
vice to  this  luxury-affording  stranger,  who,  as 
a  display  of  their  tickets  had  brought  out,  was 
bound  for  his  own  city.  It  was  a  pneumatic 
machine,  each  key  actuating  a  piston  which 
flashed  the  numbered  tickets  noiselessly  into 

185 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

view.  It  was  perfect  in  every  particular,  and 
Wallingford  examined  it  with  an  intelligent 
scrutiny  which  raised  him  still  further  in  Mr. 
King's  estimation;  but  as  he  compared  patent 
drawings  and  machine,  intent  apparently  only 
upon  the  mechanism,  his  busy  mind  was  rang- 
ing far  and  wide  over  many  other  matters, 
bringing  tangled  threads  of  planning  together 
here  and  there,  and  knotting  them  firmly. 

"Good,"  said  he  at  last.  "As  I  said,  I'll 
buy  into  your  company.  Get  your  friends  to- 
gether right  away  and  manufacture  this  ma- 
chine. I'll  guarantee  to  get  a  proper  price  for 
your  patent" 


196 


CHAPTER 


MB.  WALLINGFORD  OFFERS  UNLIMITED  FINANCIAL 
BACKING    TO    A    NEW    ENTERPRISE 

THE  hotel  at  which  Mr.  Wallingford  had 
elected  to  stop  was  only  four  blocks 
from  the  depot,  but  he  rode  there  in 
a  cab,  and,  having  grandly  emerged 
after  a  soul-warming  handshake  with  Mr.  Klug, 
paid  liberally  to  have  his  friend  the  inventor 
taken  to  his  destination.  His  next  step,  after 
being  shown  to  one  of  the  best  suites  in  the 
house,  was  to  telephone  for  a  certain  lawyer 
whose  address  he  carried  in  his  notebook,  and 
the  next  to  make  himself  richly  comfortable 
after  the  manner  of  his  kind.  When  the  law- 
yer arrived,  he  found  Wallingford,  in  loung- 
ing jacket  and  slippers  and  in  fresh  linen,  en- 
joying an  appetizer  of  Eoquefort  and  cham- 
pagne by  way  of  resting  from  the  fatigue  of 
his  journey.  He  was  a  brisk  young  man,  was 
the  lawyer,  with  his  keen  eyes  set  so  close  to- 
gether that  one  praised  Nature's  care  in  hav- 
ing inserted  such  a  hard,  sharp  wedge  of  nose 
to  keep  them  apart.  He  cast  a  somewhat  lin- 

187 


GET-KICH-QUICK 

gering  glance  at  the  champagne  as  he  sat 
down,  but  he  steadfastly  refused  Mr.  Walling- 
ford's  proffer  of  a  share  in  it. 

"Not  in  business  hours,"  he  said,  with  over- 
disdain  of  such  weak  indulgence.  "In  the 
evening  some  time,  possibly,"  and  he  bowed 
his  head  with  a  thin-lipped  smile  to  complete 
the  sentence. 

"All  right,"  acquiesced  J.  Kufus;  "maybe 
you  will  smoke  then,"  and  he  pointed  to  cigars. 

One  of  them  Mr.  Maylie  took,  and  Walling- 
ford  was  silent  until  he  had  lit  it. 

"How  is  this  town?"  he  then  asked.  "Is 
the  treasury  full,  or  are  the  smart  people  in 
power  t ' ' 

The  young  man  laughed,  and,  "with  a  com- 
plete change  of  manner,  drew  his  chair  up  to 
the  table  with  a  jerk. 

"Say;  you're  all  right!"  he  admiringly  ex- 
claimed, and — shoved  forward  the  extra  glass. 
"They're  in  debt  here  up  to  their  ears." 

"Then  they'd  rather  have  the  bail  than  the 
man,"  Wallingford  guessed,  as  he  performed 
the  part  of  host  with  a  practiced  hand. 

"Which  would  you  rather  have?"  asked 
Maylie,  pausing  with  the  glass  drawn  half  way 
toward  him. 

"The  man." 

188 


WALLINGFOED 

"Then  everybody's  satisfied,"  announced  the 
lawyer.  "If  the  authorities  once  get  hold  of 
that  five  thousand  dollars  cash  bail  and  the 
man  leaves  town,  they'll  post  police  at  every 
train  to  warn  him  away  if  he  ever  comes 
back." 

"That's  what  I  thought  when  I  looked  at 
the  streets.  You  can  even  get  the  bond 
reduced. ' ' 

"I  don't  know,"  replied  the  other,  shaking 
his  head  doubtfully.  "I've  tried  it." 

"But  you  didn't  go  to  them  with  the  cash  in 
your  hand,"  Wallingford  smilingly  reminded 
him,  and  from  an  envelope  in  his  inside  vest 
pocket  he  produced  a  bundle  of  large  bills. 
"This  is  a  purchase,  understand,  and  it's  worth 
while  to  do  a  little  dickering.  Hurry,  and  bring 
the  goods  back  with  you." 

"Watch  me,"  said  Mr.  Maylie,  taking  the 
money  with  alacrity,  but  before  he  went  out  he 
hastily  swallowed  another  glass  of  wine. 

He  was  gone  about  an  hour,  during  which 
his  distinguished  client  was  absorbed  in  draw- 
ing sketch  after  sketch  upon  nice,  clean  sheets 
of  hotel  stationery;  and  every  sketch  bore 
a  strong  resemblance  to  some  part  of  Mr. 
King's  pneumatic  sales  recording  device. 
Mr.  Wallingford  was  very  busy  indeed 

189 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

over  the  problem  of  selling  Mr.  King's 
patent. 

"Come  in,"  lie  called  heartily  in  answer  to 
a  knock  at  the  door. 

It  opened  and  the  voice  of  Mr.  Maylie  an- 
nounced: " Here's  the  goods,  all  right."  And 
he  ushered  in  a  tall,  woe-begone  gentleman,  who, 
except  for  the  untidiness  of  black  mustache  and 
hair,  and  the  startlingly  wrinkled  and  rusty  con- 
dition of  the  black  frock  suit,  bore  strong  resem- 
blance to  a  certain  expert  collector  and  dissemi- 
nator of  foolish  money — one  "Blackie"  Daw! 

Mr.  Wallingford,  who,  in  his  creative  en- 
thusiasm, had  shed  his  lounging  coat  and  waist- 
coat, and  had  even  rolled  up  his  shirt  sleeves, 
lay  back  in  his  chair  and  laughed  until  he  shook 
like  a  bowl  of  jelly.  Mr.  Daw,  erstwhile  the 
dapper  Mr.  Daw,  had  gloomily  advanced  to 
shake  hands,  but  now  suddenly  burst  forth  in  a 
volley  of  language  so  fervid  that  Mr.  Maylie 
hastily  closed  the  door.  His  large  friend,  with 
the  tears  streaming  down  his  face,  thereupon 
laughed  all  the  more,  but  he  managed  to  call 
attention  to  a  frost-covered  silver  pail  which 
awaited  this  moment,  and  while  Mr.  Daw 
pounced  upon  that  solace,  Mr.  Maylie,  smiling 
unobtrusively  as  one  who  must  enjoy  a  joke 
from  the  outside,  proceeded  to  business. 

190 


"I  got  him  for  four  thousand,"  he  informed 
Mr.  Wallingford  and  laid  down  a  five-hun- 
dred-dollar  bill.  The  remainder,  in  hundreds, 
he  counted  off  one  at  a  time,  more  slowly  with 
each  one,  and  when  there  were  but  two  left  in 
his  hand  Mr.  Wallingford  picked  up  the  others 
and  stuffed  them  in  his  pocket. 

"That  will  about  square  us,  I  guess,"  he 
observed. 

*  *  Certainly ;  and  thank  you.  Now,  if  there 's 
anything  else — " 

"Not  a  thing — just  now." 

"Very  well,  sir,"  said  Mr.  Maylie  with  a 
glance  at  the  enticing  hollow-stemmed  glasses; 
but  it  was  quite  evident  that  this  was  a 
private  bottle,  and  he  edged  himself  out  of 
the  door,  disappearing  with  much  the  effect 
of  a  sharp  knife  blade  being  closed  back  into 
its  handle. 

Mr.  Daw  had  tossed  three  bumpers  of  the 
champagne  down  his  throat  without  stopping 
to  taste  them,  and  without  setting  down  the 
bottle.  Now  he  poured  one  for  Mr.  Walling- 
ford. 

"Laugh,  confound  you;  laugh!"  he  snarled. 
"Maybe  I  look  like  the  original  comic  supple- 
ment, but  I  don't  feel  like  a  joke.  Think  of 
it,  J.  Eufus!  Four  days  in  an  infernal  cement 

191 


GET-EICH-QUICK 

tomb,  with  exactly  seventeen  iron  bars  in  front 
of  me!  I  counted  them  twenty  hours  a  day, 
and  I  know.  Seven-teen!" 

He  glanced  down  over  his  creased  and 
wrinkled  and  rusty  clothing  with  a  shudder, 
and  suddenly  began  to  tear  them  off,  not  stop- 
ping until  he  had  divested  himself  of  coat,  vest 
and  trousers,  which  he  flung  upon  a  chair. 
Then  he  rushed  to  the  telephone,  ridiculously 
gaunt  in  his  unsheathed  state,  and  ordered  a 
valet  and  a  barber. 

1 '  Give  me  one  of  those  hundreds,  Jim,  quick ! 
I  want  it  in  my  hand.  Maybe  I'll  believe  it's 
real  money  after  a  while." 

Mr.  Wallingford  chuckled  again  as  he  passed 
over  one  of  the  crisp  bills.  "Cheer  up, 
Blackie,"  he  admonished  his  friend.  "See  how 
calm  I  am.  Have  a  smoke." 

Mr.  Daw  seized  eagerly  upon  one  of  the  cigars 
that  were  proffered  him;  but  he  was  still  too 
much  perturbed  to  sit  down,  and  stalked  vio- 
lently about  the  room  like  a  huge  pair  of  white 
tongs. 

"I  notice  you  turn  every  seven  feet,"  ob- 
served Wallingford  with  a  grin.  "That  must 
have  been  the  size  of  your  cell.  Well,  you 
never  know  your  luck.  Why,  out  here,  Blackie, 
your  occupation  is  called  swindling,  and  it's  a 

192 


wonder  they  didn't  hang  you.  Yon  see,  in 
these  harvest  festival  towns  there's  not  a  yap 
over  twenty-five  who  hasn't  been  fanged  on  a 
fake  gold  mine  or  something  of  the  sort,  and 
when  twelve  of  these  horn  boobs  get  a  happy 
chance  at  a  vaselined  gold  brick  artist  like  you, 
nothing  will  suit  them  but  a  verdict  of  murder 
in  the  first  degree." 

Mr.  Daw  merely  swore.  The  events  of  the 
past  four  days  had  dampened  him  so  that  he 
was  utterly  incapable  of  defense.  There  was  a 
knock  at  the  door.  In  view  of  his  deshabille 
the  lank  one  retreated  to  the  other  room,  but 
when  the  caller  proved  to  be  only  the  valet,  he 
came  prancing  out  with  his  clothes  upon  his 
arm.  "I  want  these  back  in  half  an  hour,"  he 
demanded,  "and  have  this  bill  changed  into 
money  I  can  understand.  I  feel  better  al- 
ready," he  added  when  the  valet  had  gone. 
"IVe  ordered  somebody  to  do  something,  and 
he  stood  for  it." 

Wallingford  brought  from  his  closet  a  bath- 
robe in  which  Mr.  Daw  could  wrap  himself  two 
or  three  times,  and  continued  his  lecture. 

"It's  too  bad  you  don't  understand  your 
profession,"  he  went  on,  still  amused.  "Some- 
times I  think  I'll  buy  you  another  acre  of 
Arizona  sand  and  start  a  new  mining  company 

193 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

with  you,  just  to  show  you  how  the  stock  can 
be  sold  safely  and  legally." 

For  the  first  time  Mr.  Daw  was  able  to 
grin. 

"Who's  that  clattering  down  the  street?"  he 
exclaimed  with  fine  dramatic  effect.  "Why,  it's 
me!  Notice  how  my  coat  tails  snap  as  I  top 
yon  distant  hill.  See  how  pale  my  face  as  I 
turn  to  see  if  I  am  still  pursued.  Oh,  no,  J. 
Bufus.  We've  been  friends  too  long.  I'd  hate 
to  think  of  us  losing  sleep  every  night,  trying 
to  figure  how  to  give  each  other  the  double 
cross. ' ' 

"I  got  you  at  a  bargain  just  now,  and  I 
ought  to  be  able  to  sell  you  cheap,"  retorted 
the  other.  "By  the  way,  it's  a  mighty  lucky 
thing  for  you  that  Fanny  had  some  money 
soaked  away  from  that  insurance  deal  of  mine. 
I  had  to  all  but  use  a  club  to  get  it,  too.  She 
don't  think  very  much  of  you.  She  thinks  you 
might  lead  me  astray  some  time." 

"Can  limburger  smell  worse?"  growled  Mr. 
Daw,  but  there  he  stopped.  Four  days  in  jail 
had  taken  a  lot  of  his  gift  of  repartee  away. 
When  barber  and  bootblack  and  valet  had  re- 
stored him  to  his  well-groomed  ministerial  as- 
pect, however,  his  saturnine  sense  of  humor 
came  back  and  he  was  able  to  enjoy  the  elab- 

194 


WALLINGFORD 

orate  midday  luncheon  which  his  host  had 
served  in  the  room. 

"Amuse  yourself,  Blackie,"  invited  Walling- 
ford  after  luncheon.  "Get  orey-eyed  if  you 
want  to,  and  don't  mind  me,  for  I'm  laying 
the  wires  to  locate  here." 

"Don't!"  advised  his  friend.  "This  is  a 
poison  town.  Every  dollar  has  a  tag  on  it,  and 
if  you  touch  one  they  examine  the  thumb 
marks  and  pinch  you." 

"Not  me!  My  legitimate  methods  will  ex- 
cite both  awe  and  admiration."  And  he  set  to 
work  again. 

Not  caring  to  show  himself  in  daylight,  Mr. 
Daw  read  papers  and  took  naps  and  drank  and 
smoked  until  his  midnight  train;  but,  no  mat- 
ter what  he  did,  Mr.  Wallingford  sat  steadily 
at  the  little  desk,  sketching,  sketching,  sketch- 
ing. Along  about  closing  time  he  went  down  to 
make  friends  with  the  bartender,  and  before 
he  went  to  bed  he  had  secured  an  unused  sales 
recording  machine  which  was  kept  on  hand  for 
use  during  conventions,  and  this  he  had  taken 
up  to  his  rooms  for  leisurely  study  and  com- 
parison. In  the  morning  he  drove  out  to  Carl 
King's  clean  little  model  making  shop  in  the 
outskirts  of  the  town,  and  here  he  found  an  in- 
terested group  gathered  about  the  pneumatic 

195 


GET-EICH-QUICK 

device  that  he  had  seen  the  day  before.  On  a 
bench  lay  the  patent — a  real  United  States 
Government  patent  with  a  seal  and  a  ribbon 
on  it! 

"Different  from  all  the  four  hundred  and 
twelve  patents,  every  place!"  Mr.  Klug  had 
just  a  shade  pompously  reiterated  before  Wal- 
lingford  came. 

"So-o-o-o!"  commented  big  Otto  Schmitt, 
the  market  gardener,  as  he  pushed  down  the 
dollar  key  and  then  the  forty-five-cent  key  with 
a  huge,  earth-brown  finger  that  spread  out  on 
the  end  like  a  flat  club.  "And  how  much  does 
it  cost  to  make  it?" 

"Not  twenty-five  dollars  apiece,"  claimed 
Carl;  "and  the  United  Sales  Eecording  Ma- 
chine Company  sells  them  for  two  and  three 
hundred  dollars.  We  can  sell  these  for  one 
hundred,  and  when  we  get  a  good  business  they 
must  buy  us  out  or  we  take  all  their  trade  away 
from  them.  That's  the  way  to  sell  a  patent. 
Because  they  don't  do  this  way  is  why  invent- 
ors never  get  rich." 

"Sure!"  agreed  Henry  Vogel,  the  lean,  raw- 
boned  carpenter.  "When  they  buy  us  out, 
that's  where  we  make  our  money." 

"Sure!"  echoed  Carl,  and  the  three  of  them 
laughed.  It  was  such  a  pleasant  idea  that  they 

196 


WALLINGFOED 

would  be  able  to  wrest  some  of  its  hoarded 
thousands  from  a  big  monopoly. 

"It  is  a  good  business,"  went  on  Carl. 
"When  I  showed  this  machine  to  this  Mr.  Wal- 
lingford  I  told  you  about,  he  said  right  away 
he  would  come  in.  He  is  one  of  these  Eastern 
money  fellows,  and  they  are  all  smart  men." 

Over  in  the  corner  sat  Jens  Jensen,  with  a 
hundred  shrewd  wrinkles  in  his  face  and  a 
fringe  of  wiry  beard  around  his  chin  from  ear 
to  ear.  Up  to  now  he  had  not  said  a  word.  He 
was  a  next  door  neighbor  to  Carl,  and  he  had 
seen  the  great  patent  over  and  over. 

"It  is  foolishness,"  declared  Jens.  "He  is 
a  skinner,  maybe;  and,  anyhow,  if  there's 
money  to  be  made  we  should  keep  it  at  home." 

Big  Otto  Schmitt  pushed  down  the  two-dollar 
key.  The  dollar  ticket  and  the  forty-five-cent 
ticket  disappeared,  the  two-dollar  ticket  came 
up  with  a  click,  the  drawer  popped  open  and  a 
little  bell  rang.  It  was  wonderful. 

"I  say  it  too,"  agreed  Otto.  His  face  was 
broad  and  hard  as  granite,  his  cheekbones  were 
enormous  and  the  skin  over  them  was  purple. 

The  four  men  were  near  the  front  windows 
of  the  shop,  and  it  was  at  this  moment  that 
Wallingford's  cab  whirled  up  to  the  door.  It 
was  a  new  looking  cab,  its  woodwork  polished 

197 


GET-BICH-QUICK 

like  a  piano,  the  glass  in  it  beveled  plate.  The 
driver  sprang  down  and  opened  the  door.  Out 
of  that  small  opening  stepped  the  huge  pro- 
moter, resplendent  in  a  new  suit  of  brown 
checks,  and  wearing  a  brown  Derby,  brown 
shoes  and  brown  silk  hose,  all  of  the  exact  shade 
to  match,  while  from  his  coat  pocket  peeped 
the  fingers  of  brown  gloves. 

" That's  him,"  said  Carl. 

"I  knew  it,"  announced  Jens  Jensen.  "He 
is  a  skinner." 

Nothing  could  exceed  the  affability  of  Mr. 
Wallingford.  He  shook  hands  with  Mr.  Klug, 
with  Mr.  Schmitt,  with  Mr.  Vogel,  with  Mr. 
Jensen;  he  smiled  upon  them  in  turns;  he 
made  each  one  of  them  feel  that  never  in  all 
his  life  had  he  been  afforded  a  keener  delight 
than  in  this  meeting. 

"You  have  a  fine  little  shop,  Mr.  Klug,"  he 
said,  looking  about  him  with  an  air  of  pleased 
surprise.  "There  is  room  right  here  to  manu- 
facture enough  machines  to  scare  the  United 
Sales  Recording  Machine  Company  into  fits. 
Gentlemen,  if  no  one  else  cares  for  a  share  in 
Mr.  Klug's  splendid  invention,  I  am  quite  will- 
ing to  back  him  myself  with  all  the  capital  he 
needs." 

This  was  an  exceptionally  generous  offer  on 

198 


WALLINGFOED 

Mr.  Wallingford's  part,  particularly  as  the  six 
hundred  dollars  he  had  in  his  pocket  was  all 
the  capital  he  controlled  in  the  world.  In  jus- 
tice to  him,  however,  it  must  be  said  that  he 
expected  to  have  more  money — shortly.  The 
prospects  seemed  good.  They  looked  him  over. 
Twenty-five  thousand,  fifty  thousand,  a  hun- 
dred thousand  dollars;  it  was  easy  to  see  that 
the  gentleman  could  supply  any  or  all  of  these 
sums  at  a  moment's  notice. 

"No!"  said  Jens  Jensen,  voicing  the  sud- 
denly eager  sentiment  of  all.  "We're  all  go- 
ing in  it,  and  another  man." 

"Two  other  men,"  corrected  Carl.  "Doctor 
Feldmeyer  and  Emil  Kessler." 

Otto  Schmitt  shook  his  head  dubiously. 

"Emil  owes  on  his  building  loan,"  he  ob- 
served. 

"EmiPs  coming  in,"  firmly  repeated  Carl 
Klug.  "He  is  a  friend  of  mine.  I  will  lend 
him  the  money  and  he  pays  me  when  we  sell 
out." 

Mr.  Wallingford  glanced  out  of  the  win- 
dow at  the  shining  cab  and  smiled.  With 
business  people  like  these  he  felt  that  he  could 
get  on. 

"When,  then,  do  we  form  the  partnership?" 
he  asked. 

199 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

* '  To-morrow ! ' '  Jens  promptly  informed  him. 
"We  all  put  in  what  money  we  want  to,  and 
we  take  out  according  to  what  we  put  in." 

Jens,  who  had  condemned  Mr.  Wallingford 
at  sight  as  a  "skinner,"  now  kept  as  close  to 
him  as  possible,  and  beamed  up  at  him  all  the 
time;  one  cordial  handshake  from  the  man  of 
millions  had  won  him  over. 

"Carl,"  he  suggested,  "you  must  take  Mr. 
Wallingford  over  to  the  cellar." 

' '  Oh,  we  all  go  there, ' '  said  big  Otto  Schmitt, 
and  they  all  laughed,  Carl  more  than  any  of 
them. 

"Come  on,"  he  said. 

Eight  at  the  side  of  the  shop  stood  Mr. 
King's  brick  house,  in  the  midst  of  a  big  gar- 
den that  was  painfully  orderly.  Every  tree 
was  whitewashed  to  exactly  the  same  height, 
and  everything  else  that  could  be  whitewashed 
glared  like  new-fallen  snow.  The  walks  were 
scrubbed  until  they  were  as  red  as  bricks  could 
be  made,  and  all  in  between  was  velvet-green 
grass.  There  were  flowers  everywhere,  and 
climbing  vines  were  matted  upon  the  porch 
trellises  and  against  the  entire  front  of  the 
house.  In  the  rear  garden  could  be  seen  all 
sorts  of  kitchen  vegetables  in  neat  rows  and 
beds.  Down  into  the  front  basement  the  five 

200 


WALLINGFORD 

men  crowded  and  sat  on  rough  wooden 
benches.  Jens  Jensen  hastened  to  spread  a 
clean  newspaper  on  the  bench  where  Mr.  Wal- 
lingford  was  to  sit.  Carl  disappeared  into  an- 
other part  of  the  cellar  and  presently  came  out 
again  with  a  big  jug  and  five  glasses,  all  of  dif- 
ferent shapes  and  sizes.  Out  of  the  jug  he 
poured  his  best  home-made  wine,  and  they  set- 
tled down  for  a  jovial  half  hour,  in  which  they 
admitted  the  guest  of  honor  to  full  fellowship. 
"You  must  come  over  to  church  to-night," 
Jens  Jensen  insisted  as  they  came  away.  "We 
have  a  raffle  and  Doctor  Feldmeyer  will  be 
there.  He  is  a  swell.  He  will  be  glad  to  know 
you.  There  will  be  plenty  to  eat  and  drink. 
Look;  you  can  see  the  church  from  here,"  and 
he  pointed  out  its  tall  spire. 

Mr.  Wallingford  shook  hands  with  Mr.  Jen- 
sen impulsively. 

"I'll  be  there!"  he  declared  with  enthusiasm. 
When  he  had  gone,  Carl  Klug  asked: 
"Well,  what  do  you  think  of  him?" 
"He  is  a  swell,"  said  Jens,  and  no  voice 
dissented. 


201 


CHAPTER  XIV 

SHOWING   HOW   FIVE   HUNDRED   DOLLARS   MAY  DO 
THE    WORK   OF   FIVE   THOUSAND 

AT  a  total  cost  of  twenty-five  dollars, 
Mr.  Wallingford  made  himself  a 
Prince  of  the  Blood  at  the  church 
raffle  that  night,  throwing  down  bills 
and  refusing  all  change,  winning  prizes  and 
turning  them  back  to  be  raffled  over  again, 
treating  all  the  youngsters  to  endless  grabs  in 
the  "fish  pond";  and  Jens  Jensen  proudly  in- 
troduced him  to  everybody,  beginning  with  the 
minister  and  Emil  Kessler — the  latter  a  thin, 
white-faced  man  with  a  high  brow,  who  looked 
like  a  university  professor  and  was  a  shoe- 
maker—  and  ending  with  Doctor  Feldmeyer, 
who  came  late.  Wallingford 's  eyes  brightened 
when  he  saw  this  gentleman.  He  was  more  or 
less  of  a  dandy,  was  the  doctor,  and  had  great 
polish  and  suavity  of  manner.  He  had  not 
been  with  Mr.  Wallingford  five  minutes  until 
he  was  talking  of  Europe.  Mr.  Wallingford 
had  also  been  to  Europe.  The  doctor  was  very 
keen  on  books,  on  music,  on  art,  on  all  the  re- 

202 


WALLINGFORD 

finements  of  life,  also  he  was  very  much  of  a 
ladies'  man,  he  delicately  insinuated,  and  not 
one  expression  of  his  face  was  lost  upon  the 
Eastern  capitalist.  It  transpired  that  the  doc- 
tor was  living  at  Mr.  Wallingford's  hotel,  and 
they  went  home  together  that  night,  leaving 
behind  them  the  ineffaceable  impression  that 
the  rich  Mr.  Wallingford  was  an  invaluable 
acquisition  to  Mr.  Klug  and  his  friends,  to  the 
community,  to  the  city,  to  any  portion  of  the 
globe  which  he  might  grace  with  his  presence. 
But  when  the  invaluable  acquisition  was  left 
alone  in  his  rooms  he  penned  a  long  letter  to 
his  wife. 

"My  dear  Fanny,"  he  wrote,  "come  right 
away.  I  have  in  sight  the  biggest  stake  I  have 
made  yet,  in  a  clean,  legitimate  deal;  and  I 
need  your  smiling  countenance  in  my  business. ' ' 

He  meant  more  by  that  than  he  would  have 
dared  to  tell  her,  but  he  laughed  and  mused 
on  Doctor  Feldmeyer  as  he  sealed  the  letter; 
then  he  sent  it  out  to  be  mailed  and  turned  his 
earnest  attention  to  the  inside  of  his  sales  re- 
corder. This  time  he  found  the  one  little  point 
for  which  he  had  been  looking:  the  thing  that 
he  knew  must  be  there,  and  the  next  morning, 
bright  and  early,  he  drove  out  to  Mr.  King's 
shop. 

203 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

"Mr.  Klug,  you  are  in  bad,"  he  said  with 
portentous  gravity.  "Look  here."  And  he 
pointed  out  the  long,  spring-actuated  bar  which 
kept  all  the  tickets  from  dropping  back  when 
they  sprang  up,  and  released  them  as  others 
were  shot  into  place.  "This  is  an  infringe- 
ment of  the  United  Sales  Eecording  Machine 
Company's  machine,"  he  declared. 

"Nothing  like  it!"  indignantly  denied  the 
inventor,  bristling  and  reddening  and  puffing 
his  cheeks. 

"The  identical  device  is  in  every  machine 
they  manufacture,"  insisted  Wallingford; 
"and  I  would  bet  you  all  you  expect  to  make 
that  before  you're  on  the  market  two  days 
they  will  have  an  injunction  out  against  you 
on  that  very  point.  Now  let  me  show  you 
how  we  can  get  around  it." 

Mr.  Klug  reluctantly  and  protestingly  fol- 
lowed his  mechanical  idea,  a  logical  applica- 
tion of  the  pneumatic  principle,  as  he  made  it 
plain  by  sketches  and  demonstration  on  the 
machine. 

"Another  thing,"  went  on  Mr.  Wallingford. 
"It  occurs  to  me  that  all  these  little  pistons 
multiply  the  chances  of  throwing  your  ma- 
chine out  of  order.  Why  don't  you  make  one 
compressible  air  chamber  to  actuate  all  the 

204 


WALLINGFORD 

ticket  pistons  and  to  be  actuated  by  all  the 
keys,  the  keys  also  opening  valves  in  the  ticket 
pistons?  It  would  save  at  least  five  dollars  on 
each  machine,  make  it  simpler  and  much  more 
practical.  Of  course,  I'll  have  to  patent  this 
improvement,  but  I'll  turn  it  over  to  you  at 
practically  no  cost  to  the  company." 

Mr.  Klug  merely  blinked.  Six  long  years 
he  had  worked  on  this  invention,  following  the 
one  idea  doggedly  and  persistently,  and  he  had 
thought  that  he  had  it  perfect.  He  had  all  the 
United  Company's  patents  marked  in  his  copies 
of  the  patent  record,  and  now  he  went  through 
the  more  basic  ones  one  after  the  other. 

1  'It  is  not  there,"  he  said  in  triumph,  after 
an  hour's  search,  during  which  Wallingford 
patiently  waited.  One  book  he  had  held  aside, 
and  now  he  put  his  finger  quietly  upon  a  draw- 
ing in  it. 

"No,"  he  admitted,  "not  in  the  form  that 
you  have  used  it;  but  here  is  the  trick  that 
covers  the  principle,  and  this  patent  still  has 
four  years  to  run." 

Carl  examined  it  silently.  In  form  the  de- 
vice was  radically  different  from  his  own,  but 
when  he  came  to  analyze  it  he  saw  that  Wal- 
lingford was  probably  right;  the  principle 
had  been  covered,  at  least  nearly  enough  to 

205 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

leave  a  loophole  for  litigation,  and  it  worried 
him  beyond  measure. 

"Don't  look  at  it  that  way,"  comforted  Wal- 
lingford.  "Only  be  glad  that  we  found  it  out 
in  time.  I'll  apply  for  this  patent  right  away 
and  assign  it  to  you.  All  I'll  want  for  it  will 
be  a  slight  credit  on  the  books  of  the  company ; 
say  fifteen  hundred." 

Again  Carl  Klug  blinked. 

"I'll  let  you  know  this  afternoon." 

He  needed  time  to  figure  out  this  tangled 
proposition;  also  he  wanted,  in  simple  honor, 
to  talk  it  over  with  his  friends. 

"All  right,"  said  Wallingford  cheerfully. 
"By  the  way,  we  don't  want  to  form  such  a 
big  partnership  in  a  lawyer's  office,  where 
people  are  running  in  and  out  all  the  time.  I'll 
provide  a  room  at  my  hotel.  That  will  be  bet- 
ter, don't  you  think?" 

"Sure,"  slowly  agreed  Mr.  Klug.  He  was 
glad  to  decide  upon  something  about  which  a 
decision  was  easy. 

"Can  you  get  word  to  the  others?"  asked 
the  promoter.  "If  not  I'll  go  around  and 
notify  them." 

"Oh,  they're  going  to  meet  here.  They  all 
live  up  this  way  except  Doctor  Feldmeyer. 
You  see  him.  I'll  bring  the  lawyer  along." 

206 


WALLINGFOKD 

4 'All  right,"  said  Wallingford,  quite  con- 
vinced that  a  lawyer  other  than  Maylie  would 
be  secured,  and  after  he  had  driven  from  sight 
he  took  out  his  pocketbook  and  counted  again 
his  available  cash. 

He  had  a  trifle  over  six  hundred  dollars,  and 
in  the  afternoon  he  would  be  expected  to  pay 
over  the  difference  between  five  thousand  dol- 
lars and  the  fifteen  hundred  he  was  certain 
would  be  allowed  for  his  patent.  Thirty-five 
hundred  dollars !  At  the  present  moment  there 
was  no  place  on  earth  that  he  could  raise  that 
amount,  but  nevertheless  he  smiled  compla- 
cently as  he  put  up  his  pocketbook.  So  long 
as  other  people  had  money,  the  intricacies  of 
finance  were  only  a  pleasant  recreation  to  him, 
and  it  was  with  entire  ease  of  mind  that  he 
set  the  stage  for  his  little  drama  at  the  hotel. 
He  had  Doctor  Feldmeyer  to  await  Carl  Klug 
and  his  friends  in  the  lobby  and  conduct  them 
up  to  a  private  dining  room,  where  the  man  of 
specious  ideas,  at  the  head  of  a  long  table  and 
strictly  in  his  element,  received  them  with 
broad  hospitality.  In  his  bigness  and  richness 
of  apparel  and  his  general  air  of  belonging  to 
splendid  things,  he  was  particularly  at  home  in 
this  high,  beam-ceilinged  apartment,  with  its 
dark  woodwork,  its  rich  tapestry,  its  stained- 

207 


GET-EICH-QUICK 

glass  windows,  its  thick  carpet,  its  glittering 
buffet.  Around  the  snowy  clothed  table  were 
chairs  for  eight,  and  at  each  plate  stood  a 
generous  goblet.  As  the  first  of  the  visitors 
filed  in,  Wallingford  touched  a  button,  and  al- 
most by  the  time  they  were  seated  a  waiter 
appeared  with  huge  glass  pitchers  of  beer. 
The  coming  of  this  beverage  necessarily  put 
them  all  in  a  good  humor,  and  there  was  much 
refilling  and  laughing  and  talking  of  a  purely 
informal  character  until  Doctor  Feldmeyer 
arose  to  his  feet  and  tapped  with  his  knuckles 
upon  the  table,  when  deep  gravity  sat  instantly 
upon  the  assemblage. 

"Since  our  host  is  already  seated  at  the  head 
of  the  table,"  said  the  doctor  with  easy  pleas- 
antry, "I  move  that  he  be  made  temporary 
chairman." 

The  doctor  had  lunched  with  Mr.  Walling- 
ford at  noon,  and  now  knew  him  to  be  a  thor- 
oughbred in  every  respect;  a  bon  vivant  who 
knew  good  food  and  good  wine  and  good  fel- 
lowship; a  gentleman  of  vast  financial  re- 
sources, who  did  not  care  how  he  spent  his 
money  just  so  he  got  what  he  wanted  when  he 
wanted  it;  and  he  was  quite  willing  to  voucE 
for  Mr.  Wallingford,  in  every  way,  upon  a 
gentleman's  basis!  The  election  of  Mr.  Wal- 

208 


WALLINGFOBD 

lingford  as  temporary  chairman  and  of  Doctor 
Feldmeyer  as  temporary  secretary  were  most 
cordial  and  pleasant  things  to  behold.  The 
lawyer,  a  dry  little  gentleman  who  never  ven- 
tured an  opinion  unless  asked  for  it,  and  al- 
ways put  the  answer  in  his  bill,  thereupon  read 
the  articles  of  agreement  which  were  to  bind 
these  friends  in  a  common  partnership, 
whereby  it  was  understood  that  Mr.  Klug,  in 
virtue  of  his  patents,  was  to  have  one  half  in- 
terest in  the  company,  no  matter  to  what  size 
it  might  be  increased,  and  that  the  other  gen- 
tlemen were  to  put  in  such  money  as  was 
needed  to  carry  on  the  business,  each  one  to 
share  in  the  profits  in  exact  proportion  to  the 
amount  of  his  investment.  It  appeared  to  be 
the  unsmiling  consensus  of  the  meeting  that 
this  agreement  was  precisely  what  they  wanted, 
and  after  it  had  been  read  again,  very  slowly 
and  distinctly,  the  simply  honorable  gentlemen 
interested  solemnly  signed  it.  While  this  little 
formality  was  being  looked  after,  with  much 
individual  spelling  out  of  the  document,  word 
by  word,  under  broad  forefingers,  the  waiter 
filled  the  glasses  again  and  Wallingford  turned 
to  Mr.  Klug. 

"By  the  way,"   he   asked,   in   a  voice   low 
enough  to   be  taken  as   confidential  but  loud 

14—  Wallinxford  209 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

enough  to  be  heard  by  those  nearest,  "have 
you  told  the  gentlemen  about  the  new  patent?" 

Jens  Jensen,  seated  next  to  Mr.  Klug,  took 
it  upon  himself  to  answer. 

"That  is  all  right,"  he  said,  nodding  his 
head  emphatically.  "We  know  all  about 
that,"  and  a  glance  at  the  nodding  heads  about 
the  table  disposed  of  that  question.  It  was 
quite  understood  that  Mr.  Wallingford  was  to 
have  a  fifteen-hundred-dollar  credit  for  the  in- 
valuable addition  and  correction  he  had  made 
to  their  principal  asset,  the  wonderful  sales  re- 
corder patent. 

"Very  well,  then,"  said  Mr.  Wallingford, 
with  a  secret  relief  which  he  carefully  kept  out 
of  his  voice,  "as  temporary  chairman  I  would 
instruct  the  secretary  now  to  take  the  list  of 
subscriptions. ' ' 

A  sigh  went  around  the  table.  This  was 
serious  business,  the  letting  go  of  toil-won 
money,  but  nevertheless  they  would  go  sturdily 
through  with  it.  It  appeared  upon  a  canvass 
that  Mr.  Schmitt  and  Mr.  Jensen  and  Doctor 
Feldmeyer  and  Mr.  Wallingford  were  each 
prepared  immediately  to  invest  fire  thousand 
dollars,  while  Mr.  Vogel  and  Mr.  Kessler  were 
each  ready  to  invest  two  thousand. 

"Twenty-four  thousand  dollars,"  announced 

910 


WALLINGFORD 

the  doctor  rotlndly,  whereupon  Mr.  Walling- 
ford  arose. 

"  Gentlemen, "  said  he,  "there  is  no  use  to 
have  idle  capital.  This  is  more  money  than  we 
shall  need  for  some  time  to  come,  and  that  is 
not  good  business.  I  therefore  propose  that 
the  total  assessment  from  any  one  member  at 
this  time  be  restricted  to  two  thousand  dollars. 
That  will  allow  Mr.  Schmitt  and  Mr.  Jensen, 
Doctor  Feldmeyer  and  myself  each  to  keep 
three  thousand  dollars  of  our  money  in  our 
savings  banks,  building  associations  and  other 
places  where  it  is  earning  good  interest,  until 
the  company  needs  it,  which  may  perhaps  be 
a  matter  of  six  months.  I  would  like  to  have 
a  vote  upon  this  proposition." 

There  could  be  but  one  answer  to  this.  In- 
terest! The  savings  of  all  these  men  through- 
out their  lives  had  been  increased  at  three, 
four  and  scarcely  to  exceed  five  per  cent, 
rates,  and  they  had  grown  to  reverence 
interest  almost  more  than  capital.  He  was 
a  smart  man,  this  Wallingford,  to  think  of  the 
interest ! 

Money  was  already  appearing  from  deep 
pockets  when  the  crabby  little  lawyer,  as  if  it 
gave  him  pain  to  volunteer  information, 
wrenched  from  himself  the  fact  that  before 

211 


GET-KICH-QUICK 

any  money  could  be  paid  in  some  one  must 
be  appointed  to  receive  it.  Thereupon,  though 
not  a  corporate  association,  they  held  an  elec- 
tion, and,  naturally,  Mr.  vKlug  was  made  presi- 
dent. Mr.  Wallingf ord  firmly  declined  the  vice 
presidency  and  also  the  secretaryship.  He 
might  even  have  had  the  post  of  treasurer,  but 
he  was  too  modest,  also  too  busy,  to  hold  office. 
No,  he  kindly  stated,  he  would  be  a  mere  in- 
vestor, ready  to  aid  them  with  what  little  ad- 
vice and  experience  he  could  give  them,  and 
ready  to  back  them  to  any  extent  if  the  time 
should  ever  arise  when  their  own  finances 
would  prove  insufficient  to  carry  the  Pneu- 
matic Sales  Recorder  Company  on  to  the  un- 
doubted success  which  awaited  it!  Thereupon 
the  treasurership  was  voted  to  Jens  Jensen, 
and  Emil  Kessler  proposed  that  they  pay  in 
their  respective  assessments  and  adjourn.  He 
had  two  thousand  dollars  of  Carl  Klug's 
money  in  his  pocket,  and  it  made  him  a  trifle 
uncomfortable. 

"I  forbid  anybody  to  leave  this  room," 
laughingly  announced  Mr.  Wallingford,  and 
gave  a  nod  to  the  waiter,  who  disappeared. 
"We'll  pay  in  our  money,  but  we  have  some 
other  very  important  business." 

Doctor  Feldmeyer  also  became  jolly,  to  show 
212 


WALLINGFOED 

that  he  was  in  the  secret.  He  drew  a  fountain 
pen  and  a  check  book  from  his  pocket. 

''Mr.  Wallingford  wants  us  to  eat,  drink 
and  make  merry  on  the  United  Sales  Becord- 
ing  Machine  Company  of  New  Jersey,"  he 
told  them  as  he  wrote. 

The  joke  was  thoroughly  appreciated.  It 
was  a  commendable  and  a  holy  thing  to  con- 
spire to  get  the  money  of  a  monopoly  away 
from  it,  as  every  newspaper  proved  to  them. 
In  pleasant  pursuance  of  this  idea,  the  United 
Company,  by  methods  that  should  proceed  in 
comfort  and  ease  and  entire  absence  of  worry, 
such  as  was  foreshadowed  by  this  luxurious 
dining  room  and  by  the  personal  grandeur  of 
Mr.  Wallingford,  was  to  be  brought  suppli- 
antly  to  its  knees;  so,  with  the  utmost  cheer- 
fulness, each  of  these  men  paid  over  his  sub- 
scription. Doctor  Feldmeyer  was  the  only  man 
among  them  who  paid  by  check.  The  rest  was 
in  cash,  but  the  host,  busy  with  his  hospitable 
duties,  held  back  his  payment  until  the  waiters 
brought  in  a  luncheon  which  was  a  revelation 
in  the  way  of  "cold  snacks."  It  was  during 
this  appetite-whetting,  gayety-promoting  con- 
fusion that  Wallingford  quietly  paid  over  his 
five  hundred  dollars  —  this,  with  the  fifteen 
hundred  dollars'  credit  on  the  coming  patent, 

213 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

making  his  contribution  total  to  two  thousand, 
the  same  amount  as  that  put  in  by  every  other 
member  of  the  company  except  Carl  Klug. 
This  done,  the  clever  gentleman  surreptitiously 
wiped  his  brow  and  sighed  a  little  sigh  all  to 
himself.  It  had  taken  him  three  days  to  figure 
how  to  fasten  upon  Mr.  Klug's  patent  and 
prospects  with  as  little  money  as  five  hundred 
dollars ! 

It  was  a  happy  crowd  that  dispersed  an  hour 
later  —  a  crowd  upon  which  Fortune  already 
beamed ;  but  the  last  of  them  had  scarcely  left 
the  room  when  their  princely  entertainer  tele- 
phoned for  his  own  lawyer. 

"I  want  you,"  said  Wallingford  to  Mr. 
Maylie,  when  he  arrived,  "to  find  out  all  you 
can  for  me  about  the  United  Sales  Eecording 
Machine  Company  of  New  Jersey.  I  want  to 
know  the  outcome  of  every  suit  they  have 
brought  against  inf ringers  of  their  patents,  and 
the  present  addresses  of  the  people  with  whom 
they  fought;  also  all  about  the  companies  they 
have  been  forced  to  buy  out.  Got  that!" 

"I'll  get  it,"  replied  Mr.  Maylie  confidently, 
and  helped  himself  to  a  glass  of  champagne. 
He  looked  longingly  at  the  bottle  as  he  finished 
his  first  glass,  but  as  Mr.  Wallingford  did  not 
invite  him  to  have  a  second  he  went  out. 


214 


CHAPTER  XV 

WALLINGFOKD  GENEROUSLY  LOANS  THE  PNEUMATIC 
COMPANY   SOME   OF    ITS   OWN    MONEY 

THE    arrival    of    Mrs.    Wallingford    set 
upon  a  much  higher  plane  her  hus- 
band's already  well-established  repu- 
tation as  a  capitalist  of  illimitable  re- 
sources,   and   had    any    one    of   his    partners 
paused  to  reflect  that  Mr.  Wallingford  had  se- 
cured an  active  interest  in  the  concern  for  five 
hundred    dollars,    Doctor    Feldmeyer's    report 
of  the  capitalist's  charming  lady  was  enough 
to  make  that  trifling  incident  forgotten.     To 
Carl  Klug  and  Jens  Jensen  at  Carl's  shop,  the 
doctor,  without  knowing  it,  did  the  missionary 
work  that  Wallingford  had  planned  for  him  to 
do. 

"She  is  a  stunner,"  he  declared,  with  the 
faintest  suggestion  of  a  smirk,  "and  carries 
herself  like  a  queen.  She  wears  a  fur  coat 
that  cost  not  less  than  six  or  seven  hundred 
dollars,  and  not  a  woman  in  this  town  has 
such  diamonds.  We  all  went  to  the  theater 
last  night,  and  there  were  more  opera  glasses 

215 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

turned  on  our  box  than  on  the  stage.  I 
tell  you,  our  friend  Wallingford  has  the  best 
there  is,  in  women,  as  well  as  in  wine, 
and  as  for  wealth,  he  could  buy  and  sell  us 
all." 

"I  believe  it,"  said  Jens  Jensen.  "But 
why  should  such  a  rich  man  go  into  a  little 
business  ? ' ' 

"Because,"  said  Doctor  Feldmeyer,  with 
profound  wisdom,  "a  rich  man  never  over- 
looks a  thousand  per  cent,  like  this.  That's 
why  they  are  rich.  Why,  this  man's  daily  ex- 
penses would  keep  every  one  of  us.  He  had 
fine  apartments  at  the  hotel  himself,  but  when 
his  wife  came  he  got  the  best  in  the  house — 
four  fine,  big  rooms.  Last  night  after  the 
theater  he  took  me  to  his  own  dining  room,  and 
we  had  a  supper  that  cost  not  less  than  thirty 
or  forty  dollars!" 

Such  gossip  would  go  far  to  establishing  any 
man's  reputation  for  wealth,  especially  among 
such  simple  natured  people  as  these,  and  it 
was  quite  certain  that  Otto  Schmitt  and  Henry 
Vogel  and  Emil  Kessler  would  hear  every  scrap 
of  it.  Had  Doctor  Feldmeyer  heard  the  con- 
versation that  took  place  after  he  left  the  Wal- 
lingford suite  the  night  before,  his  report  might 
have  been  slightly  different. 

216 


WALLINGFORD 

"Well,  Jim,"  Mrs.  Wallingford  had  asked 
with  a  trace  of  anxiety,  "what  are  you  doing 
this  time?" 

"The  United  Sales  Recording  Machine  Com- 
pany of  New  Jersey,"  he  replied  with  a  laugh. 
"You  remember  how  they  turned  me  down  a 
long  time  ago  when  I  tried  to  sell  them  a  pat- 
ent?" She  nodded.  "You  made  me  go  right 
to  them  and  try  what  you  called  'straight  busi- 
ness,' and  I  got  what  was  coming  to  a  molly- 
coddle. I'm  going  to  sell  them  a  patent  this 
time,  but  in  the  right  way,  and  for  a  good,  big 
round  chunk." 

"Whose  patent?"  she  inquired. 

"What's  the  difference?"  he  queried,  and 
laughed  again.  "It  serves  him  right  for  be- 
ing an  inventor." 

She  did  not  laugh  with  him,  however.  She 
sat  in  frowning  disquiet,  and  he  watched  her 
curiously. 

"What's  the  matter  with  you?"  he  presently 
complained.  "It  used  to  be  enough  for  you 
that  I  could  not  be  jailed  for  having  a  few 
dollars." 

"We're  nearly  middle-aged,  Jim,"  she  re- 
plied, turning  to  him  soberly.  "What  will  we 
be  like  when  we  are  old?" 

"Cheer  up,  Fanny,  and  I  will  tell  you  the 

217 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

worst!"  he  declaimed.  "You'll  be  gray  and 
I'll  be  bald!" 

She  was  compelled  to  laugh  herself,  and  gave 
up  the  idea  of  serious  conversation  with  him, 
for  that  time  at  least. 

Doctor  Feldmeyer,  encouraged  by  Walling- 
f ord,  became  an  unofficial  attache  of  the  family 
in  the  following  weeks.  Vain,  susceptible,  and 
considering  himself  very  much  of  a  ladies' 
man,  he  exerted  himself  to  be  agreeable,  and 
J.  Rufus  helped  him  to  opportunities.  If  he 
had  any  ulterior  purpose  in  this  he  did  not 
confide  it  to  his  wife,  or  even  let  her  suspect 
it.  It  would  not  have  been  safe.  In  the  mean- 
time the  affairs  of  the  Pneumatic  Sales  Re- 
corder Company  moved  speedily  onward.  One 
entire  end  of  his  shop  Carl  Klug  devoted  to  its 
affairs,  putting  in  special  machinery  and  hir- 
ing as  many  men  as  he  could  use,  and  here 
Wallingford  reported  every  day,  his  sugges- 
tions being  nearly  always  sound  and  inspiring 
Mr.  Klug's  respect.  He  held  his  standing 
with  the  rest  of  them  in  a  different  way. 
When  they  called  at  the  shop  they  found 
Wallingford's  cab  always  standing  outside, 
and  it  was  soon  noised  about  that  this  cab 
was  hired  by  the  day!  "Blackie"  Daw, 
levying  his  dubious  contributions  on  a  gul- 

218 


WALLINGFOKD 

lible  public,  was  paying  for  this  and  wiping 
out  his  debt. 

But  little  more  than  two  months  had  elapsed 
when  Carl  had  his  first  lot  of  recorders  ready 
for  the  market,  and  the  treasury  was  depleted. 
Now  it  became  necessary  to  have  money  for 
marketing,  and  that  meant  the  remaining 
three  thousand  dollars  of  J.  Rufus  Walling- 
ford's  subscription  or  an  evasion  of  it.  Pre- 
pared for  this,  he  took  the  floor  as  soon  as  the 
matter  was  mentioned  at  the  meeting  which 
was  called  to  levy  this  assessment. 

"What  is  the  use?"  he  demanded  to  know. 
"Why  use  our  own  money?  I  understand  that 
Mr.  Schmitt  must  get  his  three  thousand  from 
the  building  loan  association,  to  which  he  must 
pay  six  per  cent.  I  understand  that  Mr.  Jen- 
sen has  his  now  out  at  five  per  cent.  Let  me 
show  you  how  to  finance  this  concern.  I  will 
put  in  ten  thousand  at  once,  and  take  the  com- 
pany's note.  This  note  I  can  then  discount, 
and  put  the  money  right  back  into  my  busi- 
ness, and  in  that  way  my  ten  thousand  dollars 
is  doing  twenty  thousand  dollars'  worth  of 
work  —  a  bank  carrying  the  burden  of  both 
operations. ' ' 

It  was  a  financial  argument  entirely  new  to 
these  men,  unused  to  tricks  of  money  manipu- 

219 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

lation,  and  it  took  them  some  little  time  to 
grasp  it.  When  they  did,  however,  they  were 
as  pleased  as  a  boy  with  his  first  watch,  and 
Wallingford  was  a  dazzling  hero,  as,  with  a 
nonchalant  air,  after  glancing  at  the  clock  to 
make  sure  that  it  was  after  banking  hours, 
he  wrote  them  a  check  on  ''his  bank  in 
Boston"  for  ten  thousand,  and  took  their 
note,  signed  by  the  Pneumatic  Sales  Eecorder 
Company  and  indorsed  jointly  by  all  its 
members. 

That  night  Wallingford  drove  up  in  hot 
haste  to  Jens  Jensen's  house. 

"Let  me  see  that  check  I  gave  you  this  after- 
noon," he  demanded,  with  an  air  of  suspecting 
a  good  joke  on  himself.  Jens,  wondering,  pro- 
duced it  from  a  little  tin  box.  "That's  what  I 
thought,"  said  Wallingford  as  he  glanced  at 
it.  Then,  smiling,  he  handed  it  back.  "I  have 
made  it  out  on  the  Fifth  National  of  Boston. 
They'd  probably  honor  it,  but  it's  the  wrong 
bank.  I  have  a  balance  there,  but  am  not  sure 
that  it  is  sufficient  to  cover  this  check.  Just 
hold  that,  and  I'll  wire  them  in  the  morning. 
If  my  balance  isn't  large  enough  I'll  give  you 
a  check  on  the  First,  with  which  I  do  most  of 
my  business." 

"Sure,"  said  Jens,  and  put  back  into  the  tin 
220 


WALLINGFORD 

box  the  worthless  paper  which  called  for  ten 
thousand  dollars. 

The  next  morning  Wallingford  called  at  one 
of  the  local  banks  and  had  no  difficulty  what- 
ever in  discounting  the  quite  acceptable  note. 
He  gained  a  full  day  by  forwarding  the  pro- 
ceeds, special  delivery,  to  the  Fifth  National 
Bank  of  Boston,  where  his  balance  at  that  mo- 
ment was  considerably  less  than  a  hundred  dol- 
lars; then  he  told  Jensen  to  deposit  the  check: 
that  his  balance  in  the  Fifth  National  was  all 
right. 

It  was  financial  jugglery  of  a  shrewd  order, 
and  the  juggler  prided  himself  upon  it.  He 
was  not  yet  through,  however.  Having  loaned 
the  company  ten  thousand  dollars  of  its  own 
money  at  six  per  cent,  interest,  he  was  now 
confronted  by  the  necessity  of  securing  money 
for  his  own  enormous  personal  expenses.  For 
replenishment,  however,  he  had  long  planned, 
and  now  he  went  to  his  new  source  of  income 
— Doctor  Feldmeyer.  The  time  was  ripe,  for, 
though  Mrs.  Wallingford  had  given  him  no 
more  encouragement  than  the  ordinary  cour- 
teous graciousness  which  is  so  often  misinter- 
preted by  male  coquettes,  the  doctor  was 
aflame  with  foolish  imaginings,  and,  within 
the  past  week  or  so,  had  felt  guilty  upon  every 

221 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

meeting  with  Mr.  Wallingford,  betraying  it  as 
Wallingford  had  planned  that  he  should,  grow- 
ing nervous  at  a  sharp  glance,  a  sudden  move- 
ment, an  obscure  remark.  He  was  as  uncom- 
fortable as  guilty  conscience  ever  made  a  cow- 
ard, and  when  the  big  man,  on  the  plea  of 
sudden  business  and  personal  needs,  went  to 
him  almost  peremptorily  for  a  loan  of  rather 
staggering  proportions,  the  doctor  was  an  easy 
victim.  Thus  provided  and  at  ease,  Walling- 
ford "consented"  to  become  the  salesman  for 
the  first  output  of  Pneumatic  Sales  Recorders, 
going  directly  to  a  list  of  cities  supplied  to  him 
by  Maylie;  and  in  those  cities  he  went  to  see 
certain  gentlemen  whose  names  came  to  him 
from  the  same  source!  Incidentally,  he  sold  a 
number  of  sales  recorders  with  a  celerity  that 
was  most  gratifying  to  the  delighted  members 
of  the  company.  Why,  even  if  the  United 
Sales  Recording  Machine  Company  of  New 
Jersey  did  not  care  to  buy  them  out,  a  fortune 
was  in  sight  through  the  legitimate  manufac- 
ture and  sale  of  this  device!  Before  the  sales- 
man returned  from  his  trip,  however,  a  blow, 
entirely  unexpected  by  Klug  and  his  friends, 
fell  on  them  from  a  clear  sky.  An  injunction 
and  a  notice  of  suit  was  served,  not  only  upon 
the  company,  but  upon  every  purchaser  of 

222 


WALLINGFORD 

their  contrivance.  The  injunction  restrained 
the  buyers  from  using  and  the  company  from 
manufacturing  or  selling  any  further  machines, 
and  the  suit  was  for  infringement  of  patent. 
The  device  by  which  the  drawer  flew  open 
after  the  keys  had  been  pressed,  the  United 
Sales  Recording  Machine  Company  of  New 
Jersey  claimed  to  be  modeled  upon  their  own. 
The  news  was  wired  to  Wallingford.  He  had 
been  waiting  for  it,  and  he  came  home  at  once, 
where  he  found  that  Maylie  had  been  ap- 
pointed the  local  legal  representative  of  the 
big  New  Jersey  concern;  but  as  this  had  been 
a  matter  of  Wallingford 's  own  contriving,  he 
was  not  nearly  so  much  surprised  over  it  as  he 
might  have  been.  He  also  found  direst  con- 
sternation in  the  company's  ranks,  and  himself 
shook  his  head  sadly  when  questioned,  though 
he  spoke  bravely. 

"What  we  have  to  do,"  he  declared,  "is  to 
keep  a  stiff  upper  lip  and  fight  it." 

They  did  so.  Within  a  couple  of  months  they 
had  the  suit  decided  in  their  favor,  and  Carl 
Klug  was  vindicated  in  the  eyes  of  his  friends. 
Again  they  were  jubilant,  again  they  pre- 
pared for  an  era  of  commercial  triumph;  but 
on  the  very  next  day  another  injunction  and 
suit  were  brought,  and  from  the  very  start  of 

223 


GET-BICH-QUICK 

this  proceeding  delays  were  encountered.  The 
weakest  case  had  been  brought  first,  the  stub- 
born one  being  held  back  for  a  longer  and  more 
discouraging  fight.  When  that  was  over  there 
would  be  a  third  suit  and  a  fourth.  With  their 
millions  of  capital  and  their  knowledge  of  such 
matters,  gleaned  from  vital  struggles  with 
others  who  had  demanded  either  their  money 
or  their  business  life,  they  could  continue  such 
a  fight  indefinitely,  or  until  the  Pneumatic 
Sales  Recorder  Company  should  be  choked  out 
of  existence. 

There  never  was  a  more  discouraged  lot  of 
men  than  those  who  met  in  Carl  Klug's  shop 
upon  the  day  after  notice  of  this  second  suit 
was  brought.  Wallingford  was  the  most  incon- 
solable of  all.  Of  course,  if  the  others  felt 
like  putting  in  any  more  money  to  fight  this 
company  with  its  millions  they  could  do  so ;  in 
fact,  they  ought  to  do  so,  but  his  own  business 
affairs  were  in  such  shape  that,  at  the  present 
moment,  he  could  not  spare  a  dollar.  He  said 
this  in  such  a  hesitant  way,  with  a  five-hun- 
dred-dollar diamond  gleaming  from  his  finger 
and  another  from  his  scarf,  that  they  felt  sure 
he  had  plenty  of  capital,  but  would  not  risk  it 
further  in  such  a  losing  fight;  and  it  helped 
them  to  realize  that  all  the  capital  they  could 

224 


WALLINGFORD 

command  would  be  but  as  a  wisp  of  straw  to 
be  brushed  aside  by  this  formidable  giant, 
which  not  only  could  crush  them,  but  had  the 
disposition  to  do  so. 

Wallingford  left  them  in  this  hopeless  spirit, 
and  went  "back  East  to  look  after  his  other 
business."  That  business  took  him  directly  to 
the  offices  of  the  United  Sales  Recording  Ma- 
chine Company  of  New  Jersey,  and  into  an  im- 
mediate conference  with  the  man  who  had 
charge  of  all  its  patent  affairs. 

"I  have  come  to  sell  you  the  Pneumatic 
Sales  Eecorder  Company,"  said  Wallingford, 
by  way  of  introduction. 

"The  Pneumatic  Sales  Recorder  Company?" 
repeated  Mr.  Priestly  vaguely,  trying  to  con- 
vey the  impression  that  the  name  was  unfa- 
miliar to  him,  and  he  looked  into  his  desk  file. 
"Oh,  yes;  we  have  a  suit  pending  against 
them." 

"Exactly,"  agreed  his  caller.  "Suit  num- 
ber two  is  now  pending.  We  won  suit  number 
one.  We  will  win  suits  number  two,  three, 
four,  five  and  six,  if  need  be,  but  it  is  such  a 
waste  of  money  on  both  sides.  You  might  just 
as  well  buy  us  out  now  as  later." 

Mr.  Priestly  shook  his  head  without  a  smile. 
He  was  almost  gloomy  about  it,  even.  He  was 

IS- Welling  ford  225 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

a  small  man  with  gray  mutton-chop  whiskers, 
and  nothing  could  exceed  his  deep  gravity. 
From  another  file  he  produced  a  copy  of  the 
patent  taken  out  by  Mr.  King,  and  of  the  one 
just  issued  to  Mr.  Wallingford,  assignor  to 
Mr.  King's  company. 

"The  Pneumatic  Sales  Recorder  Company,'* 
he  stated,  tossing  down  the  papers  as  if  they 
were  too  trifling  to  examine  after  he  had  found 
them,  "has  nothing  whatever  that  we  wish  to 
purchase. ' ' 

"Oh,  yes,  it  has,"  Wallingford  insisted.  "It 
has  two  patents,  and  the  absolute  certainty  of 
a  business  that  in  three  years  will  take  trade 
enough  and  profits  enough  away  from  you  to 
buy  the  company  several  times  over." 

Again  Mr.  Priestly  shook  his  head  sadly. 

"We  shall  have  to  wait  three  years  to  de- 
termine that,"  he  hinted,  with  no  sinister  in- 
tonation whatever  to  go  with  the  veiled  threat. 
"We  must  defend  our  very  existence  here 
every  day  of  our  lives.  If  we  did  not  we 
would  have  been  put  out  of  the  business  years 
ago." 

"Exactly,"  again  agreed  the  other.  "In 
your  files  you  have  comprehensive  reports  on 
Mr.  Carl  King,  Mr.  Jens  Jensen,  Mr.  Otto 
Schmitt  and  the  others  of  the  company.  You 

226 


WALLINGFORD 

know  their  small  resources  to  a  penny,  and  you 
can  figure  almost  to  the  day  how  long  they  can 
last.  But  that,  Mr.  Priestly,  is  where  you  have 
made  your  error,  for  these  men  will  soon  be 
out  of  the  game.  I  have  here  another  list  about 
which  you  will  not  need  to  collect  any  informa- 
tion, for  you  have  it  even  in  memory,  no 
doubt." 

He  laid  before  Mr.  Priestly  a  neatly-type- 
written slip,  containing  barely  over  half  a 
dozen  names.  In  spite  of  his  excellent  facial 
command,  Mr.  Priestly  could  not  repress  a 
start  of  surprise,  and  he  shot  across  at  Mr. 
Wallingford  one  quick  little  glance,  which  had 
in  it  much  more  of  respect  than  he  had  hitherto 
shown. 

"J.  B.  Hammond,"  read  Mr.  Priestly, 
clutching  at  a  straw.  "The  last  name  is  fa- 
miliar, but  the  initials  are  not." 

"No,"  agreed  Wallingford.  "By  the  terms 
under  which  he  sold  out  to  you,  Mr.  W.  A. 
Hammond  is  not  to  go  into  the  sales  recorder 
business  at  all.  Allow  me  to  read  you  a  let- 
ter," and  from  a  pocketbook  he  took  a  folded 
paper. 

"My  dear  Mr.  Wallingford,"  he  read.  "Un- 
der no  circumstances  could  I  participate  in  the 
manufacture  of  sales  recorders;  but  my  son, 

227 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

Mr.  J.  B.  Hammond,  is  quite  convinced  that  the 
King  patent  is  both  practical  and  tenable,  and 
he  advises  me  that  he  is  willing  to  invest  up  to 
two  hundred  thousand  dollars,  provided  a  com- 
pany of  at  least  one  million  bona  fide  capital- 
ization can  be  formed." 

"It  is  a  curious  coincidence,"  added  Wal- 
lingford,  passing  over  this  letter  with  a  smile, 
"that  two  hundred  thousand  dollars  is  exactly 
the  price  you  paid  William  Hammond  for  his 
business,  after  five  years  of  very  bitter  litiga- 
tion. The  son,  no  doubt,  would  take  a  keen 
personal  interest  in  regaining  the  losses  of  the 
father  through  a  company  that  has  so  excellent 
a  chance  to  compete  with  yours.  You  see,  a 
company  with  a  million  dollars,  composed  of 
men  who  know  all  about  the  sales  recorder  busi- 
ness, would  set  aside  these  suits  of  yours  in  a 
jiffy,  because  they  are  untenable,  and  you  know 
it,  although  I  do  not  expect  you  to  admit  it 
just  now.  Mr.  Keyes,  whose  name  is  next  on 
the  list,  had  nothing  left  to  sell  after  losing 
almost  a  quarter  of  a  million  in  fighting  you, 
and  so  is  unbound.  It  just  happens,  however, 
that  he  has  been  left  quite  a  comfortable  leg- 
acy, and  would  like  nothing  so  much  as  to  sink 
part  of  it  in  our  company.  Here  is  the  letter 
from  Mr.  Keyes,"  and  he  spread  the  second 

228 


WALLINGFOBD 

document  in  the  case  before  Mr.  Priestly,  who 
now  laid  down  the  first  letter  and,  readjusting 
his  glasses,  took  up  the  second  one  in  profound 
silence. 

Mr.  Wallingford  lit  a  cigar  in  calm  content 
and  waited  until  Mr.  Priestly  had  finished 
reading  the  letter  of  Mr.  Keyes,  when  he  pro- 
duced another  one. 

"Mr.  Bankley,"  he  observed,  "has  never 
been  in  the  sales  recorder  business,  but  he  ap- 
parently has  his  own  private  and  personal  rea- 
sons for  wishing  to  engage  in  it,"  and  at  the 
mention  of  Mr.  Bankley 's  name  Mr.  Priestly 
broke  the  toothpick  he  was  holding  and  threw 
it  away. 

Mr.  Bankley,  as  he  quite  well  knew,  was  Mr. 
Alexander's  bitterest  enemy,  and  Mr.  Alex- 
ander was  practically  the  United  Sales  Becord- 
ing  Machine  Company  of  New  Jersey.  Wal- 
lingford went  on  down  the  list  in  calm  joy.  It 
was  composed  entirely  of  men  of  means,  who 
would  put  into  this  enterprise  not  only  ex- 
perience and  shrewd  business  ability,  but  a 
particularly  energetic  hatred  of  the  big  cor- 
poration and  its  components. 

"I  see,"  said  Mr.  Priestly,  laying  down  the 
final  letter  upon  the  previous  ones,  and  with 
great  delicacy  and  precision  placing  a  glass 

229 


GET-EICH-QUICK 

paperweight  squarely  in  the  middle  of  them. 
''Permit  me  to  retain  these  letters  for  a  short 
time.  I  wish  to  take  them  hefore  our  board  of 
directors." 

"When?"  asked  Wallingford. 

"Well,  our  regular  monthly  meeting — "  be- 
gan Mr.  Priestly. 

"No,  you  don't,"  interrupted  the  other.  "I 
think  a  few  minutes  of  conversation  with  Mr. 
Alexander  himself  would  do  away  entirely  with 
the  necessity  of  consulting  the  board  of  direct- 
ors. You  think  it  possible,  I  know,  that  by  go- 
ing directly  to  Mr.  Klug  and  his  friends  you 
would  be  able  to  purchase  the  patents  cheaper 
than  you  can  from  me,  but  I  am  quite  sure  I 
can  convince  Klug  and  his  company  that  these 
gentlemen  will  raise  the  price  on  you." 

"Why  didn't  you  form  this  new  company  in 
the  first  place,  then?"  demanded  Mr.  Priestly 
sharply,  implying  a  doubt.  "Why  do  you 
come  to  us  at  all?" 

"Because  I  personally,"  patiently  explained 
Wallingford,  "can  make  more  money  by 
quietly  selling  the  patent  to  you  than  I  per- 
sonally can  make  by  selling  it  openly  to  them, 
as  you  will  see  if  you  reflect  a  moment.  At 
present  I  own  a  twelfth  share  in  the  company. 
If  I  induce  this  other  company  to  take  hold  of 

230 


WALLINGFORD 

it  I  must  divide  the  purchase  price  into  twelve 
equal  shares,  of  which  I  receive  but  one.  Is 
Mr.  Alexander  in  the  city?" 

"I  believe  so,"  hesitated  Mr.  Priestly. 

"Is  he  in  his  office?" 

" Possibly,"  admitted  the  other. 

"Oh,  he's  in,  then,"  concluded  Wallingford 
sagely.  "Well,  I  think  you  can  give  me  my 
answer  in  an  hour.  I'll  be  down  at  the  Hotel 
Vandyne.  You  might  telephone  me.  I  want 
to  go  back  West  this  evening." 

It  did  not  take  Mr.  Priestly  and  Mr.  Alex- 
ander sixty  minutes  to  conclude  that  they  could 
save  a  lot  of  money  by  doing  business  with 
Mr.  Wallingford,  and  they  asked  him  to  drive 
up  to  their  office  and  see  them  again.  When 
they  got  through  "dickering,"  Mr.  Walling- 
ford had  agreed,  in  writing,  to  deliver  over  to 
them,  within  sixty  days,  the  Pneumatic  Sales 
Recorder  Company  patents,  for  the  sum  of  one 
hundred  and  seventy-five  thousand  dollars,  the 
receipt  of  a  ten-thousand-dollar  advance  pay- 
ment being  acknowledged  therewith. 

Before  he  started  West,  Wallingford  wired 
Maylie:  "Note  due  in  morning.  Advise  bank 
on  quiet  to  sue." 


231 


CHAPTER  XVI 

THE   FINANCIER   TAKES   A   FLYING   TRIP   TO   EUROPE 
ON    AN    AFFAIR    OF    THE   HEART 

A  STORM  that  he  had  scarcely  expected 
awaited    Wallingford    when    he    re- 
turned.    His  wife  met  him  furiously. 
She  had   all  her   belongings   packed 
separately  from  his  own,  and  would  have  been 
gone  before  his  arrival  but  that  she  could  not 
express  her  anger  in  a  mere  letter. 

"It  is  the  last  straw,  Jim!"  she  charged  him. 
"You're  growing  worse  all  the  time.  I  saw 
that  you  were  throwing  me  with  this  puppy 
Feldmeyer  deliberately,  but  was  foolish  enough 
to  think  that  you  were  doing  it  only  so  that  I 
might  be  amused  while  you  were  busy.  As  well 
as  I  know  you,  I  did  not  suspect  that  you  could 
possibly  bring  yourself  to  use  me  as  a  lever 
to  borrow  money  from  him!" 

A  twinkle  that  he  could  not  help  came  into 
Wallingford 's  eyes  as  he  thought  of  how  easily 
Feldmeyer  had  been  bent  to  his  own  ends,  and 
it  was  most  unfortunate  for  him,  for  she  caught 
the  look  and  interpreted  it  instantly. 

232 


WALLINGFOBD 

"You're  even  proud  of  it!"  she  cried. 
"There's  nothing  in  this  world  sacred  to  you. 
Why,  only  last  night  he  made  open  love  to 
me  and  insisted  that  I  '  disappear'  with  him 
on  a  trip  he  is  taking.  He  only  laughed  when 
I  told  him  how  I  hated  him.  He  had  been 
drinking,  and  he  and  Maylie  had  been  together. 
They  are  on  to  you,  Jim.  Maylie  has  found 
out  something  about  you  and  has  told  Feld- 
meyer,  and  now  the  man  would  believe  any- 
thing of  you.  He  showed  me  your  notes,  and 
as  good  as  told  me  that  I  was  in  partnership 
with  you  in  getting  money  out  of  him.  And 
you  exposed  me  to  this!" 

"Where  is  he?"  asked  Wallingford  un- 
steadily. 

"I  shan't  tell  you.  He  has  left  the  city. 
He  left  this  morning,  and  I  have  been  consid- 
ering whether,  after  all,  I  had  not  better  stay 
sold." 

They  were  in  the  parlor.  Now  she  opened 
the  door  into  the  next  room. 

"Where  are  you  going?"  he  asked,  stepping 
toward  her. 

For  reply  she  only  laughed,  the  most  un- 
pleasant laugh  he  had  ever  heard  from  her, 
and,  stepping  through,  closed  the  door.  Be- 
fore he  could  reach  it  she  had  bolted  it.  He 

233 


GET-BICH-QUICK 

went  immediately  into  the  hall,  hut  all  the 
other  doors  to  their  suite  were  also  locked. 

Maylie  stepped  out  of  the  elevator  as  he  was 
pondering  what  to  do. 

11  Heard  you  had  come  in,"  said  the  lawyer, 
in  a  jaunty  tone  of  easy  familiarity.  "How 
are  tricks?" 

The  fellow  stood  in  front  of  the  open  parlor 
door,  and  the  light  streamed  upon  his  face. 
Wallingford,  in  the  dimness,  could  study  his 
countenance  without  exposing  his  own  to  such 
full  scrutiny.  There  sat  upon  Maylie  a  new 
self-possession  that  had  something  insolent 
ahout  it.  Fanny  had  been  right.  Maylie  had 
heen  getting  reports  upon  him. 

"Step  in,"  he  cordially  invited,  and  Maylie 
walked  into  the  parlor.  It  was  noticeable  that 
he  kept  his  hat  on  until  after  he  had  sat  down. 
"Tricks  are  very  fair  indeed,"  continued  Wal- 
lingford in  answer  to  the  offhand  question. 
"We're  going  to  get  through  with  it  in  good 
shape. ' ' 

Maylie  laughed. 

"You're  all  right,"  he  said.  "From  all  ac- 
counts you're  a  wonder.  No  matter  what  you 
tackle,  the  milk  stopper  business,  carpet  tacks, 
insurance,  sales  recorders,  you're  always  a 
winner,"  and  after  this  hint  that  he  knew 

234 


WALLINGFORD 

something  of  Wallingford's  past  he  lit  a  cig- 
arette with  arrogant  nonchalance,  then  got  up 
to  close  the  hall  door  which  had  been  left 
slightly  ajar. 

Wallingford's  half -closed  eyes  followed  him 
across  the  room  with  a  gleam  in  which  there 
boded  no  good  for  Mr.  Maylie.  Turning,  how- 
ever, Maylie  found  his  host  laughing  heartily. 

"I  seldom  pick  up  the  hot  end  of  it,"  as- 
serted Wallingford.  "How  about  the  bank?" 

"They're  offering  suit  right  now,  and  the 
Pneumatic  will  not  pay  the  note.  The  com- 
pany hasn't  the  money,  and  the  tightening  up 
of  the  local  financial  situation  that  has  come 
about  in  the  past  month  will  make  it  almost 
impossible  to  realize  on  such  trifling  securities 
as  the  members  have.  Moreover,  if  they  had 
money  they're  scared  stiff,  and  not  one  of 
them  would  put  up  a  dollar,  except  Klug, 
perhaps.  They'll  let  the  company  go  to  a 
forced  sale.  I  guess  that's  what  you  wanted, 
isn't  it?" 

"I'm  not  going  to  say  about  that,"  replied 
Wallingford.  "The  less  we  talk,  even  with  the 
doors  locked,  the  better." 

"That's  so,"  agreed  Maylie;  "only  there's 
one  point  of  it  we  must  talk  about.  How  did 
you  come  out  in  the  East?" 

235 


GET-EICH-QUICK 

"I  have  just  told  you  not  to  try  to  know 
too  much." 

"I  don't  want  to  know  too  much.  I  only 
want  to  know  where  I  come  in." 

"Your  experience  with  me  ought  to  tell  you 
that  you  will  have  no  occasion  to  quarrel  with 
your  fee." 

"I  thought  so,"  retorted  Maylie,  leaning  for- 
ward with  a  laugh  that  was  more  like  a  sneer ; 
"but  I  want  more  than  a  fee,  and  I'm  going 
to  have  more  than  a  fee!" 

For  just  one  instant  Wallingford  almost 
lost  his  suavity,  but  whatever  game  he  played 
he  held  all  its  tangled  ends  continuously  in 
view. 

"So  we're  all  thieves  together,  eh?"  he  said, 
smiling,  and  the  gleam  of  gratification  upon 
Maylie 's  face  assured  him  that  he  was  upon 
the  right  track.  "Of  course,  I  know  that  you 
have  a  string  on  me  in  this  matter  and  can 
hold  me  up,"  he  admitted,  as  if  reluctantly, 
"so  suppose  we  say  ten  thousand  for  you,  if 
the  deal  goes  through  the  way  I  want  it." 

"Now  you're  shouting!"  exclaimed  Maylie, 
and  rising  impulsively  he  shook  hands  with 
great  enthusiasm.  "You  may  count  on  me." 

"I  do,"  said  Wallingford,  also  rising;  and, 
still  keeping  his  grip  of  the  lawyer's  hand,  he 

236 


WALLINGFORD 

turned  his  back  squarely  to  the  window,  so 
that  Maylie  would  be  compelled  to  face  it.  "I 
consider  you  as  mine  from  this  minute." 

As  he  said  the  words  there  came  that  little 
flicker  in  Maylie 's  close  set  eyes  for  which  he 
had  been  looking.  It  told  of  negation — that 
Maylie  still  held  his  own  plans  in  reserve.  So 
adroit  himself  in  plot  and  counterplot,  it  was 
no  trick  for  Wallingford  to  fathom  this  ama- 
teur, and  he  let  the  lawyer  go  away  hugging 
the  delusion  that  he  had  this  experienced 
schemer  under  his  thumb;  then  Wallingford 
once  more  turned  his  attention  to  the  locked 
door. 

The  silence  within  those  other  rooms  had  be- 
come oppressive,  and  a  panic  began  to  come 
over  him.  He  knocked,  but  there  was  no  re- 
sponse. He  went  out  into  the  hall  once  more, 
and  trying  each  of  the  knobs  shook  them.  The 
far  door,  to  his  surprise,  opened  under  his 
hand.  Not  one  valued  possession  of  Mrs.  Wal- 
lingford's  was  in  evidence.  Empty  dresser 
drawers  were  open,  and  two  suit  cases  were 
gone.  A  trunk  in  the  corner  stood  wide,  and 
its  bulky  articles  of  lesser  worth  were  strewn 
upon  the  floor.  He  immediately  telephoned 
from  that  room.  Yes,  Mrs.  Wallingford  had 
gone.  No,  they  did  not  know  to  which  depot. 

237 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

She  had  merely  called  a  cab  and  had  hurried 
away.  He  ordered  up  time  tables  and  studied 
them  feverishly.  Almost  at  this  very  moment 
trains  were  leaving  from  two  different  depots, 
and  these  were  more  than  three  miles  apart. 
There  was  no  chance  of  finding  quickly  to 
which  one  she  had  gone.  A  horrible  fear  op- 
pressed him.  That  she  had  joined  Feldmeyer 
was  almost  inconceivable,  but  that  she  might 
have  taken  even  this  revenge  for  the  slight 
that  had  made  her  furious  was  a  thought  in 
harmony  with  the  principles  by  which,  through 
his  own  moral  warp,  he  judged  humanity,  and 
he  was  frantic.  At  Feldmeyer 's  office  he  found 
the  door  also  locked  and  the  rooms  for  rent! 

The  next  train  for  the  East  found  Walling- 
ford  upon  it.  He  spent  days  in  attempting  to 
get  on  the  track  of  them,  and  he  finally  found 
out  about  Feldmeyer.  He  had  gone  to  Europe. 
On  the  sailing  list  almost  any  name  might  con- 
ceal his  wife,  and  to  Europe  went  Wallingf ord, 
misled  by  his  own  worse  self.  It  was  charac- 
teristic of  him  that,  having  found  Feldmeyer 
and  being  convinced  that  Mrs.  Wallingford 
had  never  joined  that  gentleman,  he  should  re- 
mind the  doctor  that  he  had  been  "chased" 
with  his  own  money;  and  then  he  hurried 
home,  more  worried  than  ever,  but  his  precious 

238 


WALLINGFORD 

ten  thousand  dollars  still  intact  and  with  some 
to  spare.  He  needed  that  ten  thousand  for  a 
specific  purpose.  Finally  it  occurred  to  him 
to  enlist  the  services  of  "Blackie"  Daw,  and 
hunted  that  enterprising  salesman  of  insecure 
securities.  Blackie  laughed  at  him  and  handed 
him  a  letter.  Partly  to  punish  her  husband  and 
partly  to  satisfy  certain  vague,  mistaken  long- 
ings she  had  cherished  for  a  " quiet  life,"  Mrs. 
Wallingford  had  immured  herself  in  a  little 
village,  living  most  comfortably  upon  her  dia- 
monds; but  now  she  was  tired  of  it — and  anx- 
ious for  "Jim!" 

"It's  no  use,"  she  confessed  when  he  had 
hurried  to  her.  "Your  way  is  wrong,  but 
you've  spoiled  me  with  luxury." 

"I'll  spoil  you  with  more  of  it,"  he  assured 
her,  petting  her  with  an  overgrown  playful- 
ness that  seemed  strange  in  one  of  his  bigness 
of  frame,  and  made  of  his  varied  character  a 
most  complex  thing;  "but  if  I  don't  hurry 
back  on  the  job  I'll  get  the  hooks." 

It  was,  in  fact,  high  time  for  him  to  return 
to  business,  for  he  could  get  no  wire  from 
Maylie  about  the  forced  sale;  and  this  was  the 
strategic  point  for  which  he  had  been  planning 
since  the  day  he  met  Carl  Klug.  Three  tele- 
grams drew  no  response,  and  there  was  no 

239 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

one  else  to  whom  he  dared  wire  in  the  present 
condition  of  affairs.  Leaving  his  wife  where 
she  was  for  the  present,  he  took  the  first  train 
for  the  West  and,  arriving  on  the  day  before 
the  sale,  drove  directly  from  the  train  to  Carl 
King's,  where  he  found  a  mournful  assembly. 

"That's  him!"  exclaimed  Jens  Jensen,  as 
he  came  into  the  shop.  "I  always  said  he  was 
a  skinner." 

Klug  looked  at  him  with  dull  eyes.  Otto 
Schmitt  arose  to  his  threatening,  rawboned 
height.  Henry  Vogel  put  his  hand  on  Otto's 
arm. 

"Wait  a  minute,"  he  cautioned.  "You  don't 
know  anything  for  sure  about  things." 

"What's  the  matter?"  Wallingford  asked, 
stopped  in  the  midst  of  his  intended  cordial 
greeting  by  the  hostile  air  of  the  gathering. 

"You  done  it  a-purpose,"  charged  Jens, 
shaking  his  skinny  fist.  "You  got  from  us  that 
note,  and  now  it  shuts  us  up  in  business.  You 
say  you  back  the  company  for  all  you're  worth. 
Maybe  you  ain't  worth  anything.  If  you  ain't 
you're  a  liar.  If  you  are  worth  something  you 
don't  back  us  up.  Then  you're  a  liar  again,  so 
that  makes  you  a  skinner!" 

"Gentlemen,"  said  Wallingford  sternly,  "I 
am  surprised.  The  question  of  whether  I  have 

240 


WALLINGFORD 

or  have  not  money  is  not  worth  arguing  just 
now.  The  point  is  this :  if  any  one  of  you  had 
money  would  you  be  willing  to  invest  it  against 
the  millions  of  the  United  Sales  Recording  Ma- 
chine Company  of  New  Jersey?  Would  you, 
Mr.  Jensen?" 

"I  don't  know,"  said  Jens  sullenly.  "I 
think  you're  a  skinner." 

Wallingford  shrugged  his  shoulders. 

4 'Would  you,  Mr.  Schmitt?" 

"No,"  said  Otto,  and  unclenched  his  huge 
fists. 

"Would  you,  Vogel!" 

Vogel  was  positive  about  it,  too.  It  would 
be  throwing  good  money  after  bad. 

"I  ask  Mr.  Klug.    Would  you,  Carl?" 

"Yes,"  sturdily  asserted  Carl,  his  mustache 
bristling,  his  face  puffing  red.  "Every  cent. 
It  is  a  good  patent.  It  is  a  good  machine. 
There's  money  in  it." 

"Maybe,"  admitted  Mr.  Wallingford;  "but 
let  me  tell  you  something  I  found  out  during 
my  trip  East.  For  five  years  the  Hammond 
Automatic  Cashier  Company  fought  the  United 
Sales  Eecording  Machine  Company  of  New 
Jersey  tooth  and  toe  nail,  and  finally  sold  out 
to  them  for  two  hundred  thousand  dollars,  a 
net  loss  of  over  a  quarter  of  a  million,  besides 

16—  Wallingford  241 


GET-E1CH-QUICK 

all  their  time.  During  the  same  period,  the 
Keyes  Accounting  Device  Company,  with  a 
capital  of  three  hundred  thousand  dollars,  was 
fought  out  of  existence  and  quit  without  a  cent. 
The  Burch  Company,  the  Electric  Sales  Check- 
ing System  Company  and  the  Wakeford  and 
Littleman  Store  Supply  Company,  all  rich,  all 
met  the  same  fate.  That  note  you  gave  me 
was  a  mere  incident.  You  had  the  ten  thou- 
sand dollars,  have  used  it  in  the  business,  and 
it  is  gone.  If  you  had  a  hundred  thousand 
dollars  more  on  top  of  it,  that  would  drop  into 
the  same  hole,  for  I  am  told  that  the  United 
Company  lays  aside  twenty-five  dollars  from 
every  sale  for  patent  litigation.  But  since  Jen- 
sen seems  to  think  I  am  not  a  man  of  my  word 
I  will  do  this:  There  are  seven  of  us  in  the 
company.  I  will  put  in  ten  thousand  dollars 
if  the  rest  of  you  will  raise  thirty.  We  will 
pay  this  note  and  hire  lawyers  as  long  as  we 
last,  and  as  a  proof  that  I  mean  what  I  say 
here  is  ten  thousand  dollars  that  I  will  put  into 
the  hands  of  your  treasurer  the  minute  the 
rest  of  you  are  ready  to  make  up  your  share." 
From  his  pocket  he  drew  ten  bills  of  one 
thousand  dollars  each.  It  was  the  first  time 
they  had  any  of  them  seen  money  of  such 
large  denomination,  and  it  had  a  visible  effect. 

242 


WALLINGFORD 

"I  can  raise  five  thousand  dollars  on  my 
house  and  shop,"  offered  Carl  Klug  hopefully, 
but  one  glance  at  the  glum  faces  of  his  friends 
was  enough  to  discourage  that  idea. 

Wallingford  was  rehabilitated,  but  not  their 
faith  in  Carl  Klug's  unlucky  device.  The  sale 
of  the  company  must  bring  something,  pos- 
sibly enough  to  settle  the  note.  If  they  could 
get  out  of  it  without  losing  any  more  they 
would  consider  themselves  lucky. 

"When  is  this  sale?"  asked  Wallingford. 

' '  To-morrow  morning  at  ten  o  'clock.    Here. ' J 

"Very  well,"  said  Wallingford.  "If  before 
that  time  any  of  you  want  to  take  up  the 
offer  I  have  just  made,  you  are  welcome  to 
do  so,"  and  he  put  the  money  back  in  his 
pocket. 

He  had  found  out  what  he  wanted  to  know, 
and  drove  away  well  satisfied  with  the  results 
of  his  visit.  His  proposition  to  put  further 
cash  into  the  concern  "if  they  would  raise 
thirty  thousand  dollars"  had  wrought  the  ef- 
fect he  had  calculated  upon.  It  had  scared 
them  out  completely. 

At  his  hotel  he  found  three  telephone  mem- 
oranda waiting  for  him.  They  were  all  from 
the  same  source:  room  number  425  of  the 
only  other  good  hotel  in  the  city.  He  did  not 

243 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

answer  this  call  until  he  got  to  his  own  rooms, 
and  then  he  spoke  with  much  briefness. 

"No,  do  not  come  over,"  he  peremptorily 
insisted.  "I  have  no  time  to-day  nor  to-night, 
nor  until  after  the  sale.  It  is  at  ten  o'clock, 
at  2245  Poplar  Street.  Stay  right  where  you 
are.  I'll  send  you  over  the  stuff  within  an 
hour,"  and  he  rang  off. 

As  soon  as  he  could  get  connection  he  called 
up  Maylie,  but  if  the  latter  contemplated  any 
trickery  he  did  not  show  it  by  any  hesitation 
of  speech  when  he  recognized  Wallingf ord 's 
voice.  As  a  matter  of  fact,  he  already  knew 
Wallingford  to  be  in  town.  He  was  cordiality 
itself.  Why,  certainly,  he  would  be  right 
over!  His  cordiality,  however,  could  not  be 
exceeded  by  that  of  Mr.  Wallingford  when 
they  met. 

"You  simply  must  stay  for  dinner  with  me, 
old  man,"  said  Wallingford.  "I  have  a  lot 
of  things  to  talk  over  with  you." 

"I  really  have  an  engagement,"  Maylie  hesi- 
tated. He  had  not,  but  he  would  much  rather 
have  been  alone,  this  night  of  all  nights. 

"Nonsense,"  insisted  Wallingford.  "This 
is  more  important.  It  means  money,  and  big 
money,  to  both  of  us,  and  we'll  just  have  din- 
ner up  here.  We  want  to  be  alone  to-night. 

244 


WALLINGFORD 

There  might  always  be  somebody  at  the  next 
table,  you  know." 

Within  ten  minutes  Maylie  was  glad  he  had 
stayed,  and  the  dinner  he  heard  Wallingford 
order  had  reconciled  him.  He  had  been  doing 
yeoman  work  for  himself,  and  he  felt  entitled 
to  a  certain  amount  of  indulgence.  Within  an- 
other ten  minutes  a  bottle  of  champagne  was 
opened,  and  Wallingford,  taking  one  glass  of 
it,  excused  himself  to  remove  the  stains  of 
travel.  When  he  came  back,  refreshed  and 
clean,  the  quart  of  wine  was  nearly  emptied, 
and  Maylie,  leaning  back  in  a  big  leather  chair, 
was  puffing  smoke  rings  at  the  ceiling  in  huge 
content. 


245 


CHAPTEE  XVII 

WHEREIN  A  GOOD  STOMACH  FOE  STRONG  DRINK 
IS   WORTH    THOUSANDS   OF   DOLLARS 

WINE  was  the  piece  de  resistance  of 
that  dinner.  There  were  other 
things,  certainly,  course  after 
course,  one  of  those  leisurely, 
carefully  blended  affairs  for  which  Walling- 
ford  was  famous  among  his  friends,  a  dinner 
that  extended  to  nearly  three  hours,  perfect  in 
its  ordering  and  appointments;  but  champagne 
was,  after  all,  its  main  ingredient.  It  was  on 
the  table  before  the  first  course  was  served, 
and  half  emptied  bottles  and  glasses  of  it  were 
there  when  they  came  to  the  coffee  and  the 
cordials  and  the  fat  black  cigars.  In  all,  they 
had  consumed  an  enormous  quantity,  but  Wal- 
lingford  was  as  steady  as  when  he  began,  while 
Maylie  was  flushed  and  ao  buoyant  that  every- 
thing was  a  hilarious  joke.  Wallingford,  on 
their  first  encounter,  had  detected  this  appetite 
in  the  young  man,  and  had  saved  it  for  just 
such  a  possibility  as  this.  It  was  half  past  nine 
before  they  arose  from  the  table,  and  by  that 

246 


WALLINGFORD 

time  Maylie  was  ripe  for  any  suggestion.  Wal- 
lingford's  proposal  that  they  pile  into  a  car- 
riage and  take  a  ride  met  with  instant  and  en- 
thusiastic acquiescence.  There  were  clubs  to 
which  Wallingford  had  already  secured  the 
entree  by  his  personality  and  his  free  handling 
of  money,  and  now  he  put  them  to  full  and 
extravagant  use. 

Dawn  was  breaking  when  the  roisterers 
finally  rolled  back  to  Wallingford 's  apart- 
ments. Wallingford  was  holding  himself  right 
by  a  grim  effort,  but  Maylie  had  passed  to  a 
pitiable  condition  of  imbecility.  His  hair  was 
stringing  down  over  his  forehead,  and  his  face 
was  of  a  ghastly  pallor.  In  the  parlor,  how- 
ever, he  drew  himself  together  for  a  moment 
and  thought  that  he  was  capable  of  great 
shrewdness. 

"Look  yere,  ole  man,"  he  stammered,  try- 
ing to  focus  his  gaze  upon  his  watch;  "this  's 
mornin'  now,  an'  i'ss  all  off.  Tha's  sale's  at 
ten  o'clock  an'  we  godda  be  there." 

"We'll  be  there  all  right,"  said  Wallingford. 
"What  we  need's  a  little  nap.  There  are  two 
bedrooms  here.  We'll  leave  a  call  for  nine 
o'clock.  Three  hours  of  sleep  will  do  us  more 
good  than  anything  else." 

"Aw  ri',"  agreed  Maylie,  and  winked  labo- 

247 


GET-KICH-QUICK 

riously  to  himself  as  an  absurdly  foolish  idea 
came  to  him  that  he  would  let  Wallingford  get 
to  sleep  first,  and  would  then  change  the  call 
to  his  own  room.  He  would  answer  that  call, 
take  a  hasty  plunge,  dress  and  walk  out,  leav- 
ing Wallingford  to  sleep  on  for  a  week !  Wal- 
lingford, in  the  dining  room,  sought  for  the 
thing  he  had  ordered  left  there:  one  more  bot- 
tle, packed  tightly  in  its  ice,  and  this  he  now 
opened.  Into  Maylie's  glass  he  poured  two  or 
three  drops  of  a  colorless  liquid  from  a  little 
vial  he  carried,  filled  it  with  wine  and  set  it 
before  him.  Maylie  pushed  it  away. 

"Do'  wan'  any  more  wine,"  he  protested. 

"Sure  you  do.  A  nightcap  with  your  dear 
old  pal!"  Wallingford  persisted,  and  clinked 
glasses  with  him. 

Maylie  obeyed  that  clink  as  he  would  not 
have  responded  to  any  verbal  urging.  He 
reached  for  the  glass  of  champagne  and  drank 
half  of  it,  then  collapsed  in  his  chair.  Wal- 
lingford sat  opposite  to  him  and  watched  him 
as  intently  as  a  cat  watches  a  mouse  hole,  sip- 
ping at  his  own  wine  quietly  from  time  to  time. 
His  capacity  was  a  byword  among  his  friends. 
Maylie's  hand  slipped  from  his  chair  and 
hung  straight  down,  the  other  one  curling 
awkwardly  upon  his  lap.  His  head  drooped 

248 


WALLINGFOED 

and  he  began  to  snore.  He  was  good  for  an 
all-day  sleep.  Only  a  doctor  could  arouse  him 
from  it. 

Wallingf ord  still  waited.  By  and  by  he  lifted 
up  the  hanging  hand  and  dropped  it  roughly. 
Maylie  made  not  the  slightest  motion.  Wal- 
lingford  stood  above  him  and  looked  down  in 
smiling  contempt;  and  the  ghastly  blending  of 
the  artificial  light  with  the  morning,  where  it 
struggled  bluely  in  around  the  edges  of  the 
blinds,  touched  the  smile  into  a  snarl.  Sud- 
denly he  stooped  to  the  limp  figure  in  the  chair 
and  picked  it  up  bodily  in  his  arms,  and,  stag- 
gering slightly  under  the  burden,  carried  the 
insensate  lump  to  the  far  sleeping  apartment 
and  laid  it  upon  the  bed.  He  loosened  the 
man's  collar  and  took  off  his  shoes,  then,  as 
calmly  and  unconcernedly  as  he  might  read  a 
newspaper,  he  went  through  Mr.  Maylie 's 
clothing. 

Nothing  worth  mentioning  in  the  outside 
coat  pockets;  nothing  in  the  inside  coat  pock- 
ets; in  the  inside  vest  pocket  a  few  yellow 
papers!  He  did  not  even  stop  at  the  window 
of  this  dim  room  to  make  sure  of  what  he  held. 
He  was  sure  without  looking.  Into  the  parlor 
and  to  an  easy  chair  he  took  them  and  opened 
them  with  grim  satisfaction.  They  were  tele- 

249 


GET-EICH-QUICK 

grams,  all  from  the  United  Sales  Kecording 
Machine  Company  of  New  Jersey,  and  they 
told  an  absorbingly  interesting  story.  There 
were  four,  and  in  the  order  of  their  receipt 
they  read  thus: 

Were  already  informed  our  Mr.  Bowman 
will  report  to  you  in  time  for  sale 

Since  you  think  Bowman's  presence  might 
hurt  negotiations  he  will  not  come  look  to  you 
to  bid  us  in  at  lowest  possible  figure 

Up.  to  one  hundred  and  fifty  thousand  if 
bidding  goes  above  that  wire  for  further  instruc- 
tions 

Yes  keep  all  under  fifty  thousand  for  your  fee 

Business!  All  pure  business!  The  United 
Sales  Recording  Machine  Company  of  New 
Jersey  was  being  held  up,  and  it  was  good  busi- 
ness for  them  to  see  that  they  were  mulcted  of 
as  little  as  possible.  Wallingford  rather  ad- 
mired them  for  it.  Since  the  property  was  at 
open  sale  they  had  .as  much  right  to  buy  it 
as  he  had.  He  read  these  telegrams  over  and 
over  in  profound  content.  He  had  foreseen 
them.  Moreover,  he  had  read  not  only  May- 

250 


WALLINGFOED 

lie's  intention,  but  his  plan  and  every  detail 
of  it,  and  for  him  he  felt  no  admiration  what- 
ever. Maylie  was  too  clumsy. 

There  was  a  small  serving  table  in  the 
dining  room,  and  Wallingford  carried  that  in 
to  the  sleeper's  bedside.  Upon  this  he  spread 
the  four  telegrams  in  neat  order,  and  weighted 
them  down  with  empty  glasses  for  Mr.  May- 
lie's  absorbed  study  if  he  should  happen  to 
awaken.  Next  he  drew  his  favorite  chair  into 
that  room,  and  placed  it  at  the  opposite  end  of 
the  serving  table.  He  put  upon  this  the  cham- 
pagne bottle  and  his  own  glass,  and  lighting  a 
big  and  extremely  black  cigar  he  sat  down  to 
watch  his  erstwhile  comrade,  for  he  was  tak- 
ing no  chances.  Whenever  he  felt  himself 
nodding  or  letting  that  cigar  lax  in  his  fingers 
he  took  a  tiny  sip  of  the  champagne.  Some- 
tunes  he  went  in  and  held  his  head  under  the 
cold  water  faucet. 

At  the  end  of  the  first  hour  sleep  threatened 
to  overcome  him,  in  spite  of  all  that  he  could 
do,  and  going  into  the  bathroom  he  undressed 
and  took  a  cold  shower.  That  refreshed  him 
exceedingly,  and  the  feel  of  cool,  fresh  linen 
upon  him  brightened  him  still  more,  for  in  his 
personal  habits  he  was  clean  as  a  cat.  It 
crossed  his  mind  once  or  twice  to  send  down 

251 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

and  get  newspapers,  but  he  knew  that  the  least 
strain  upon  his  eyes  would  send  him  to  sleep 
quicker  than  anything  else.  The  second  hour 
passed;  the  third,  then  the  fourth  one  dragged 
wearily  by.  At  the  beginning  of  the  fifth  he 
began  to  stumble  as  he  walked  from  room  to 
room  to  keep  awake,  but  never  for  more  than 
five  minutes  at  a  time  did  he  let  that  sleeping 
man  out  of  his  sight. 

It  seemed  an  eternity  until  the  telephone  bell 
rang  in  the  parlor  with  startling  insistence. 
With  a  glance  of  triumph  toward  the  bed,  he 
hurried  in  to  obey  the  welcome  call. 

"Yes,  this  is  Wallingf ord, "  he  answered 
huskily.  "How  about  it?  ...  Good.  How 
much?  .  .  .  What?  All  right,  come  straight 
up." 

He  stood  scratching  his  head  and  trying  to 
think  for  a  few  minutes,  endeavoring  to  recall 
a  certain  number  that  he  had  in  mind.  Then 
he  turned  to  the  telephone  book  and  fumbled 
through  its  leaves,  backward  and  forward.  His 
thumbs  and  fingers  were  like  clubs.  They  had 
no  feeling  whatever.  It  took  him  whole  min- 
utes to  separate  two  leaves  from  each  other, 
swaying  upon  his  feet  and  muttering  to  him- 
self, but  finally  he  found  the  name  he  wanted 
and  put  in  the  call.  Slowly  and  with  tremen- 

252 


WALLINGFORD 

dous  effort  he  delivered  his  message,  then 
slapped  the  receiver  on  the  hook  and  staggered 
back  to  his  chair.  His  fight  against  sleep  for 
the  next  ten  relaxed  minutes  was  like  a  drown- 
ing man's  fight  for  life,  but  he  conquered,  and 
when,  a  few  moments  later,  there  came  a  knock 
at  his  door,  he  was  able  to  open  it  briskly. 

"Hee-avings  hee-elp  us!"  exclaimed  Blackie 
Daw  when  he  came  in.  "What  a  bat  you've 
been  on!  Have  you  looked  at  yourself,  J. 
Rufus?"  and  kicking  the  door  shut  he  walked 
his  friend  up  in  front  of  the  mantel  mirror. 

Wallingford  focused  his  attention  upon  his 
own  puffed  face,  on  the  swelled  and  reddened 
eyelids,  on  the  bloodshot  eyes,  and  laughed 
hoarsely. 

"It's  worth  it,"  he  declared.  "I  win  over 
one  hundred  and  fifty  thousand  clean,  cold 
simoleans.  But  how  did  you  come  to  have  to 
pay  eight  thousand  for  the  patents?" 

"Klug,"  replied  Blackie.  "I  thought  for  a 
minute  he'd  top  my  pile.  He'd  raised  a  little 
money  some  place,  but  he  spent  four  thousand 
of  it  bidding  in  some  machinery.  It  never 
flashed  on  him  that  the  patents  would  have  to 
be  sold,  too,  and  he  nearly  took  a  fit  when  he 
found  it  out.  Game,  though.  He  bid  'em  up  to 
his  last  cent.  We  had  been  going  in  five-hun- 

253 


GET-EICH-QUICK 

dred-dollar  raises  until  it  got  up  to  six  thou- 
sand. That  was  Mr.  Klug's  last  bid,  for  I 
piled  two  thousand  square  on  top  of  it  and 
tried  to  look  like  I  could  go  two  thousand  at  a 
jump  for  the  next  two  hours,  and  then  Klug 
laid  down." 

"Eight  thousand  and  four  thousand.  That's 
twelve  thousand,  and  the  bank's  note  is  ten," 
figured  Wallingford  with  painful  slowness. 
"The  costs  will  run  about  two  hundred,  and 
that  lets  the  company  have  eighteen  hundred 
dollars  to  divide  among  the  partners.  Why, 
say,  Blackie,  I  get  one  twelfth  of  that !  There 's 
about  a  hundred  and  fifty  dollars  coming  to 
me.  Suppose  we  go  over  and  get  it." 

He  laughed,  but  even  as  he  did  so  he 
swayed  and  caught  at  a  chair,  and  his  eyelids 
dropped. 

"I've  got  to  keep  up  now  until  we  get  into 
a  Pullman,"  he  mumbled  with  halting  effort. 
"Sleep?  I'll  sleep  all  the  way  to  New  Jersey. 
Did  you  arrange  to  pay  for  the  patents?" 

"Did  I?"  triumphed  Mr.  Daw.  "Trust  your 
uncle  for  that.  Say,  J.  Eufus,  what '11  you  give 
me  to  transfer  them  over  to  you?" 

Wallingford  turned  to  his  friend  a  counte- 
nance that  was  almost  ferocious  in  its  suddem 
alertness. 

254 


WALLINGFORD 

"I'll  give  you  twenty  minutes  to  do  it  in," 
he  said  with  a  growl.  " There's  a  lawyer  on 
the  way  here  now,  and  I  can  have  a  policeman 
here  in  two  minutes.  You  know  you  jumped 
bail  in  this  town,  don't  you!" 

Mr.  Daw  was  shocked. 

" There's  no  need  for  you  to  be  so  ugly  about 
it,  J.  Rufus,"  he  protested.  "I  wouldn't  take 
a  cent  away  from  you." 

"Wouldn't  you!"  sneered  J.  Rufus.  "Do 
you  know  why?  I'd  never  give  you  a  chance. 
Let  me  show  you  the  last  man  that  tried  to  do 
me  up,"  and  he  led  the  way  into  the  apart- 
ment where  Mr.  Maylie  still  lay  in  profound 
slumber. 

Mr.  Daw  grinned. 

"He  makes  you  look  perfectly  sober,"  he 
confessed;  "but  what  are  those  papers  on  the 
table!" 

Mr.  Wallingford  laughed  quite  naturally  this 
time. 

"Poor  boob!"  he  said.  "He  just  lost  forty 
thousand,  and  those  telegrams  are  his  fee." 


•65 


CHAPTEE 


THE   TOWN   OF  BATTLESBURG  FINDS  A  PRIVATE 
RAILROAD  CAR  IN  ITS  MIDST  ! 

SLEEP,  blessed  sleep!  Desperately  Wal- 
lingford  fought  it  off  until  the  lawyer 
had  arrived  and  the  necessary  docu- 
ments had  been  signed,  and  then,  more 
dead  than  alive,  he  allowed  himself  to  be  bun- 
dled into  a  cab. 

"Now,  J.  Eufus,"  said  Blackie  Daw  as  he 
jumped  in  beside  him,  "we  have  your  affairs 
all  wound  up  and  a  red  ribbon  tied  around 
them,  so  let's  'tend  to  Happy  Horace.  I'm  a 
bridegroom!  Congratulate  muh." 

"Hull?"  grunted  J.  Eufus,  and  immediately 
there  followed  another  succession  of  unintel- 
ligible sounds.  Wallingford  was  snoring. 

It  was  precisely  twenty-four  hours  before 
Mr.  Daw  could  convey  this  important  infor- 
mation to  his  friend  and  make  him  understand 
it,  and  it  was  not  until  they  had  arrived  in 
Jersey  City  that  J.  Eufus,  still  dull  from  his 
nerve-racking  experience,  was  normal  enough 
to  ask: 

256     • 


WALLINGFORD 

"Who's  the  lucky  lady?" 

"The  Star  of  Morning  and  the  Queen  of 
Night,"  responded  Blackie  with  vast  enthu- 
siasm. "The  one  best  bet  of  blazing  Broad- 
way. The  sweetest  peach  in  the  orchard  of 
joy.  The  fairest  blossom  in  Cupid's  garden. 
The—" 

"It's  a  fine  description,"  interrupted  Wal- 
lingford.  "I'd  be  able  to  pick  her  out  any 
place  from  it;  but  what  was  her  name  before 
she  shortened  it?" 

"You  want  to  know  too  quick,"  complained 
Blackie.  "You  ought  to  have  waited  till  I  ex- 
plained something  more  about  her;  but  you 
always  were  an  impatient  cuss,  and  I  '11  tell  you. 
Her  name  was  and  is,  upon  the  bill-boards  and 
in  the  barber-shop  windows,  Violet  Bonnie, 
whose  exquisite  voice  and  perfect  figure — " 

"Is  sine  divorced  again?"  once  more  inter- 
rupted Wallingf  ord. 

"Last  week,"  answered  Blackie  with  no 
abatement  of  his  enthusiasm,  "and  Happy 
Horace  happened  to  be  on  the  spot.  I  was  in- 
troduced to  her  over  at  Shirley's  the  night  she 
was  celebrating  the  granting  of  her  decree,  and 
I  had  so  much  money  with  me  it  made  my 
clothes  look  lumpy.  She  took  an  awful  shine 
to  that  bank  roll ;  not  so  much  the  diameter  of 

17—Wollineford  257 


GET-RICH-QUIGK 

it  but  the  way  I  rolled  it.  It  never  rested,  and 
by  two  in  the  morning  she  had  transferred 
her  affections  from  the  swiftly  flowing  mezuma 
to  me.  At  four  o'clock  G.  M.  we  waded  out 
from  among  the  ocean  of  empties  and,  attended 
by  a  party  so  happy  they  didn  't  care  whether  it 
was  day  before  yesterday  or  day  after  to-mor- 
row, we  took  passage  in  seaworthy  taximeters 
and  floated  to  the  Little  Church  Around  the 
Corner,  where  the  bright  and  shining  arc  light 
of  musical  comedy  became  Mrs.  Violet  Bonnie 
Daw.  It  was  a  case  of  love  at  first  sight." 

"For  how  long  have  you  secured  a  lease?" 
inquired  Wallingford. 

"I  don't  know,"  replied  Blackie  reflectively. 
"She  was  married  the  first  time  for  three 
years,  the  second  for  two  and  the  third  for 
one.  According  to  those  figures  Number  Four 
would  have  a  right  to  look  forward  to  about 
six  months  of  married  bliss." 

"I  never  was  drunk  for  six  months  at  a 
time  in  my  life,"  reflected  Wallingford,  "but 
I  can  see  how  it  could  happen.  When  it's  all 
over,  come  around  to  me  and  I'll  lead  you  to 
a  sanitarium.  In  the  meantime,  when  am  I  to 
have  a  chance  to  congratulate  the  lady?" 

"Right  away.  She  is  now  awaiting  yours 
truly  with  quite  yearning  yearns.  You  know, 

258 


WALLINGFORD 

J.  Rufus,  your  urgent  telegram  interrupted 
the  howlingest  honeymoon  that  ever  turned  the 
main  stem  into  the  Great  Purple  Way.  Here's 
the  address.  Come  over  as  soon  as  you  have 
held  up  the  United  people,  and  interrupt  us. 
If  you  don't  find  us  at  home,  just  go  charter 
a  car  and  roll  up  and  down  the  avenue  until 
you  see  the  speediest  automobile  cab  outdoors. 
Chase  that,  because  it's  us." 

When  he  called  at  two  o'clock  on  the  follow- 
ing afternoon,  however,  after  having  seen  Mr. 
Priestly  to  their  mutual  satisfaction,  he  found 
them  at  home  just  preparing  for  breakfast,  and 
blinking  at  the  gray  world  through  the  mists 
of  a  champagne  headache.  He  found  Violet 
Bonnie  Daw,  seen  thus  intimately,  to  be  an  ex- 
tremely blond  person  with  a  slight  tendency 
toward  embonpoint,  but  her  eyes  were  very 
blue,  and  her  complexion,  even  without  a 
make-up,  very  clear,  able  even  to  dominate  her 
charming  morning  gown  of  a  golden  shade  that 
exactly  matched  her  hair.  True,  if  one  looked 
closely  there  were  already  traces  of  coming 
crow's-feet  about  the  eyes,  but  one  must  not 
look  closely;  and  her  very  real  cordiality  made 
amends  for  any  such  slight  drawbacks. 

11  So  you're  my  husband's  old  pal!"  she  ex- 
claimed as  she  shook  hands  with  him  warmly. 

259 


GET-EICH-QUICK 

Then  she  surveyed  him  from  head  to  foot  with 
an  expert  appraisement.  "You  look  like  a 
good  sport  all  right,"  she  concluded.  "Blackie 
tells  me  you  just  cleaned  up  a  tidy  wad  of  pin 
money  out  West,  and  that  you  could  give  Pitts- 
burgh's Best  cards  and  spades  on  how  to  spend 
it.  And  Blackie's  no  slouch  himself,"  she 
rattled  on.  "My,  you  ought  to  have  been  with 
us  last  night." 

Blackie  grinned  dolefully. 

"We  left  a  string  of  long-necked  bottles 
from  the  Cafe  Boulevard  to  Churchill's,"  he 
stated  somberly,  but  still  with  quite  justifiable 
pride,  "and  when  we  rolled  home  this  morning 
even  the  bankers  were  coming  to  work." 

"It  was  something  fierce,"  smiled  his  wife 
reminiscently,  "but  I  guess  we  had  a  good 
time.  Anyhow,  it  was  so  hilarious  that  we 
can't  tell  this  morning  what  to  take  for  a 
pick-me-up." 

"That's  where  I  won  my  first  gold  medals," 
boasted  Wallingford,  chuckling.  "What  sort 
of  a  bar  outfit  have  you?" 

"Everything  from  plain  poison  to  prussic 
acid,"  Blackie  informed  him.  "The  preceding 
husband  of  Mrs.  Daw  was  a  swell  provider. ' ' 

"You  bet  he  was,"  agreed  Mrs.  Daw  as  she 
led  the  way  to  the  dining  room  and  threw  open 

260 


WALLINGFORD 

the  cupboard  of  the  sideboard.  "Harry  was  a 
good  sport  all  right,  but  his  stomach  gave  out." 

The  sideboard,  given  over  in  most  apart- 
ments to 'cut  glass  and  other  ordinary  dining- 
room  adornments,  was  in  this  case  stocked 
with  fancy  bottles  of  all  shapes  and  colors  and 
sizes,  and  in  the  lower  part  of  it  was  ice. 

"Pardon  the  bartender,  mum,"  observed  J. 
Bufus,  his  eyes  lighting  up  with  the  dawning 
of  creative  skill  as  he  removed  his  coat. 

Mrs.  Daw  watched  him  musingly  through 
the  open  door  of  the  dining  room  as  he 
worked  deftly  among  those  bottles  and  utensils. 

"He's  a  good  sport  all  right,"  she  confided 
to  her  present  husband,  and  she  was  still  more 
of  that  opinion  when  Wallingford  served  three 
tall,  thin  glasses  with  sugared  edges,  crowned 
with  cracked  ice  and  filled  with  a  golden  green- 
ish liquid  from  which  projected  two  straws. 
One  sip  and  a  sigh  of  satisfaction  from  both 
Mr.  and  Mrs.  Daw,  and  then  they  drained  the 
glasses. 

"Our  hero!"  declaimed  Mrs.  Daw,  looking 
up  at  him  in  gratitude.  "You  have  saved  our 
lives.  Which  will  you  have,  Mr.  Wallingford, 
breakfast  or  lunch!" 

By  evening  she  was  calling  him  Jimmie,  and 
any  trifle  of  disapproving  impression  that  Wal- 

261 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

lingford  had  at  first  harbored  was  gone.  As 
Blackie  claimed,  she  was  born  to  adorn  the 
night  and  became  more  beautiful  as  dusk  fell. 
Perhaps  clothes  and  consummate  art  in  toilet 
had  something  to  do  with  this,  but  before  the 
three  had  parted  in  the  morning,  Wallingford 
had  decided  to  introduce  his  wife  after  all,  a 
matter  about  which  he  had  been  in  consider- 
able doubt.  Now,  however,  he  was  convinced 
that  the  lady  was  thoroughly  respectable.  No 
breath  of  scandal  had  ever  attached  itself  to 
her  name.  She  was  always  off  with  the  old 
love  before  she  was  on  with  the  new,  and 
could  hold  up  her  head  in  any  society! 

Mrs.  Wallingford  came  to  town  the  next  day, 
and  at  no  time  did  she  share  the  enthusiasm 
of  these  two  men  for  the  incomparable  Mrs. 
Daw.  There  was  a  striking  contrast  between 
the  women,  and  even  their  beauty  was  not  only 
of  a  strikingly  different  kind  but  of  a  strik- 
ingly different  nature.  Mrs.  Daw  was  a  flam- 
ing poinsettia,  Mrs.  Wallingford  a  rose,  and 
the  twain  were  as  antagonistic  as  were  their 
hues  of  cheek.  Mrs.  Daw,  however,  was  more 
at  ease,  for  she  was  in  her  natural  environ- 
ment, the  niche  to  which  her  nature  had  fash- 
ioned her  and  of  which  she  had  made  delib- 
erate choice;  but  Mrs.  Wallingford,  in  spite 

262 


N 

WALLINGFORD 

of  her  surroundings,  had  much  in  her — though 
she  did  not  recognize  it — of  the  quantities  that 
would  go  to  make  up  a  Lady  Godiva.  Her 
proper  sphere,  one  of  calm,  pure  domesticity, 
she  had  never  known,  though  she  had  vaguely 
yearned  for  it;  but  she  was  adaptable,  and, 
particularly  throughout  her  married  life,  she 
had  been  thrown  with  all  sorts  and  conditions 
of  chance  nomads  such  as  her  husband  was 
likely  to  pick  up;  so  she  accepted  Mrs.  Daw 
as  a  matter  of  course  and  got  on  with  her 
without  friction.  Nevertheless,  her  face  fell  a 
trifle  when  her  husband  joyously  announced 
one  afternoon  that  he  had  just  thought  up  a 
great  stunt — a  honeymoon  party  for  the  Daws. 
He  had  acted  the  moment  the  suggestion  had 
come  to  him.  He  had  already  chartered  a 
private  car  and  had  given  orders  to  have  it 
stocked  with  the  very  best  of  everything.  He 
had  telephoned  the  Daws.  Mrs.  Daw  had 
only  the  day  before  signed  a  contract  with  a 
leading  dramatic  producer,  but  what  was  a 
contract? 

The  next  day,  in  all  the  luxury  that  car 
builders  and  fitters  had  yet  been  able  to  de- 
vise, they  started  upon  a  hilarious  tour  across 
the  continent;  but  so  far  as  their  mode  of  life 
and  amusement  was  concerned  they  might  just 

£63 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

as  well  have  stayed  on  Broadway,  for  their 
nights  were  spent  in  drinking,  their  mornings 
in  sleep  and  their  afternoons  in  sobering  up, 
though  in  all  this  Mrs.  Wallingford  held  her- 
self as  much  reserved  and  aloof  as  she  could 
without  spoiling  the  content  of  the  others. 
They  were  merely  moving  a  section  of  the 
rapid  hotel  life  of  New  York  across  the 
country  with  them,  and  the  only  things  which 
made  their  hours  seem  different  were  the  con- 
stantly changing  scenic  environment  and  the 
sensation  of  speed.  So  long  as  they  were  mov- 
ing swiftly  they  were  satisfied,  but  a  slow  rate 
brought  forth  howls  of  discontent.  It  was  on 
a  small  connecting  line  in  the  middle  west 
that  this  annoyance  reached  its  climax,  and 
after  an  hour  of  exceptionally  slow  travel  Wal- 
lingford sent  for  the  conductor  and  put  in  a 
vigorous  protest.  Yes,  there  was  a  faster 
train  on  that  road.  Then  why  hadn't  they 
been  attached  to  that  fast  train?  The  conduc- 
tor did  not  know.  It  was  orders. 

"You  go  get  different  orders!"  demanded 
Wallingford,  and  for  another  hour  he  made 
life  a  burden  to  that  official. 

Goaded  to  desperation,  wiring  at  every  stop, 
the  conductor  finally,  with  a  sigh  of  relief,  saw 
the  polished  private  car  "Theodore"  shunted 

264 


off  on  the  siding  at  Battlesburg  and  left  be- 
hind. 

To  the  quartette  of  riotous  travelers  Bat- 
tlesburg was  only  an  uninteresting  detail  of 
their  trip,  which  had  intruded  itself  unbidden 
upon  their  sight;  but  to  Battlesburg  the  ar- 
rival of  a  private  car  with  real  people  in  it 
was  an  epoch.  Why,  it  might  be  the  President ! 
Long-legged  Billy  Ricks,  standing  idly  upon 
the  platform  because  the  dragging  hours  passed 
by  there  as  well  as  anywhere  else,  did  not  even 
wait  to  take  a  good  look  at  it,  but  loped  up  the 
one  long  street,  so  fired  with  enthusiasm  that 
he  scarcely  wobbled  as  his  bony  knees  switched 
past  each  other  in  their  faded  blue  overalls. 
He  did  not  bother  with  people  near  the  depot 
— they  would  find  out  soon  enough;  but  at  the 
little  frame  office  of  "Judge"  Lampton,  Jus- 
tice of  the  Peace,  Notary  Public  and  Real 
Estate  Dealer,  he  bobbed  his  head  in  for  a 
moment. 

"Private  car  on  the  sidin'!"  he  bawled. 
"Name's  'Theodore'!"  and  he  was  gone. 

Judge  Lampton,  smoking  a  long,  ragged 
stogie,  jerked  his  feet  down  from  among  the 
dust-covered  litter  of  ages  upon  his  combina- 
tion bookcase-desk.  Doc  Gunther,  veterinary 
surgeon  and  proprietor  of  the  livery  stable 

265 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

across  the  way,  lifted  his  head  forward  from 
against  the  dark-brown  spot  it  had  made  dur- 
ing the  past  years  upon  the  map  of  Battles- 
burg,  where  it  hung  upon  the  wall,  and  vigor- 
ously took  a  fresh  chew  of  tobacco.  Then  the 
two  friends,  without  exchanging  one  word, 
stalked  solemnly  out  of  the  office  and  toward 
the  depot.  In  the  meantime  Billy  Kicks  had 
paused  to  hurl  his  startling  information  in  at 
the  door  of  Joe  Warren's  cigar  store,  of  Ben 
Kirby's  cash  grocery,  of  Tom  Handy 's  Bed 
Front  saloon,  of  the  Dogget  Brothers'  furni- 
ture and  undertaking  establishment,  of  the 
Barret  &  Lucas  dry  goods  and  notion  store,  and 
of  every  other  place  of  business  on  that  side 
of  the  street,  including  the  Palace  Hotel,  until 
he  came  to  Gus  Newton's  drug  store  and  con- 
fectionery, where  the  real  dyed-in-the-wool 
sports  of  the  town  shot  dice  and  played  penny- 
ante  in  a  little  back  room.  Here  he  met  a 
round  half  dozen  of  these  high-spirited  youths 
piling  out  upon  the  street  with  their  eyes 
depot-ward. 

''Private  car  on  the  sidin'!"  Billy  shouted 
to  them.  "Name's  'Theodore'!" 

"Uh-huh,"  agreed  Gus  Newton,  "I  ordered 
it.  It's  late,"  and,  shouting  back  further  ready 
mendacity,  his  crowd  hurried  on. 

266 


WALLINGFORD 

Jnst  in  front  of  the  Battles  County  Bank, 
Billy  met  Clint  Richards,  owner  and  city  editor 
of  the  Battlesburg  Blade.  Clint  was  also  re- 
porter, exchange  and  society  editor  and  ad- 
vertising solicitor  of  the  Blade,  and,  as  be- 
came a  literary  man,  he  wore  his  hair  rather 
long.  He  was  in  a  hurry,  and  had  his  broad- 
brimmed  black  felt  hat  pulled  down  deter- 
minedly upon  his  head. 

"Private  car — "  began  Billy  Ricks. 

"Yes,"  interrupted  Clint,  "I  know  about 
it.  Thank  you,"  and  his  coat  tails  fluttered 
behind  him. 

Billy  stopped  in  dejection.  The  street  which, 
when  he  started,  had  been  so  lazy  and  de- 
serted, was  now  alive.  People  were  pouring 
from  all  the  places  of  business  beyond  him 
and  hurrying  toward  him.  Back  of  him  they 
were  all  hurrying  away  from  him.  He  had 
been  outstripped  by  the  telephone,  and  un- 
grateful Battlesburg  would  fail  to  connect  him 
with  the  sensation  in  any  way.  Well,  he  might 
as  well  go  down  to  the  depot  himself,  and  he 
turned  in  that  direction;  but  now  his  feet 
shuffled. 

At  the  siding,  the  denizens  of  Battlesburg — 
men,  women,  children  and  dogs — were  packed 
four  deep  around  the  glistening,  rolling  palace 

267 


GET-KICH-QUICK 

Cl  Theodore."  Agitated  groups  of  two  and 
three  and  four,  scattered  from  the  depot  plat- 
form to  the  siding,  were  discussing  the  occur- 
rence excitedly,  and  Dave  Walker,  the  station 
agent,  turned  suddenly  crisp  and  brusque  with 
importance,  was  refusing  explanations  and 
then  relenting  in  neighborly  confidence  with 
each  group  in  turn.  Clint  Richards,  pale  but 
calm  and  confident,  bustled  through  the  quiver- 
ing throng,  and  they  all  but  set  up  a  cheer  as 
they  recognized  the  official  and  only  authorized 
asker  of  important  questions.  The  vestibule 
being  open,  he  pulled  himself  up  the  steps  and 
tried  the  door.  It  was  locked. 

"Push  the  button,  Clint,"  advised  Gus  New- 
ton, who  knew  a  thing  or  two,  you  bet!  and 
Clint,  with  a  smile  and  a  nod  in  his  direction, 
for  Gus  was  an  advertiser,  rang  the  bell. 

A  brisk  and  clean-looking  young  negro  in  a 
white  apron  and  jacket  came  to  the  door  and 
Clint  handed  in  his  card.  The  porter  disap- 
peared. A  moment  later  the  news  gatherer 
was  admitted.  A  sigh  of  relief  went  up  from 
the  waiting  crowd,  and  they  swayed  in  unison 
from  side  to  side  as  they  stood  on  tiptoe  and 
craned  their  necks  to  see  farther  in  through 
those  broad  windows. 

Through   the   wicker-furnitured   observation 

268 


WALLINGFORD 

library  the  porter  led  the  way  into  a  rich  com- 
partment the  full  width  of  the  car,  where  at 
luncheon  sat  the  honeymoon  quartette,  rich  in 
gay  apparel  and  brave  in  sparkling  adorn- 
ment. They  had  evidently  just  sat  down,  for 
an  untouched  cocktail  stood  at  each  place. 
The  extremely  large  and  impressive  Mr.  Wal- 
lingford,  the  breadth  of  whose  white  waist- 
coat alone  proclaimed  him  as  a  man  of  affairs, 
arose  to  greet  the  representative  of  the  Bat- 
tlesburg  Blade  with  great  cordiality. 

"The  members  of  the  progressive  press  are 
always  welcome,"  he  announced,  clasping  Mr. 
Richards'  hand  in  a  vast,  plump  palm,  and  ex- 
uding democratic  good  will  from  every  square 
inch  of  his  surface.  "We're  just  going  to 
have  a  bit  of  luncheon.  Join  us." 

"I  wouldn't  think  of  intruding,"  hesitated 
Mr.  Eichards,  his  eyes  leaping  with  an  appre- 
ciation of  the  rare  opportunity  and  his  brain 
already  busy  framing  phrases  like  "priceless 
viands,"  "toothsome  delicacies,"  "epicurean 
luxuries. ' ' 

"Nonsense!"  insisted  Wallingford  heartily, 
and  introduced  his  visitor  with  much  pompous 
ceremony  to  Mr.  Horace  G.  Daw,  mine  dealer 
and  investment  specialist;  to  Mrs.  Violet  Daw, 
formerly  Violet  Bonnie,  the  famous  comic- 

269 


GET-EICH-QUICK 

opera  queen,  but  now  the  happy  bride  of  a 
month;  to  Mrs.  Fanny  Wallingf ord ;  to  him- 
self as  a  recently  retired  manufacturer  and 
capitalist;  then  he  placed  Mr.  Eichards  in  a 
chair  with  a  cocktail  in  front  of  him. 

Mr.  Richards  was  naturally  overwhelmed  at 
this  close  contact  with  two  of  America's  lead- 
ing millionaires,  and  he  agreed  with  his  host 
that  the  P.  D.  S.  Eailroad  was  positively  the 
worst-conducted  streak  of  corrugated  rust  in 
the  entire  United  States.  He  was  even  more 
indignant  than  the  travelers  that,  after  having 
been  promised  a  through  train,  they  had  been 
hitched  to  the  local  egg  accommodation,  and 
was  even  more  satisfied  than  they  that  Mr. 
Wallingford  had  given  the  chills  and  ague  to 
the  entire  transportation  system  of  the  P.  D. 
S.  until  their  car  had  finally  been  dropped  off 
here  to  wait  for  the  3.45,  which  was  a  through 
train  and  the  one  which  should  have  carried 
them  in  the  first  place.  Why,  Wallingford 
ought  to  buy  the  P.  D.  S.,  plow  up  the  right 
of  way  and  sow  it  in  pumpkins! 

"Sir,"  declared  Mr.  Eichards,  "the  P.  D. 
S.  is  a  disgrace  to  the  science  of  railroading! 
Why,  its  through  trains  stop  only  on  signal  at 
this  thriving  manufacturing  center  of  four 
thousand  souls.  From  your  car  windows  here 

270 


WALLINGFORD 

you  may  see  the  smoke  belching  forth  from 
the  chimneys  of  the  Battlesburg  Wagon  Works, 
of  the  G.  W.  Battles  Plow  Factory,  of  the 
Battles  &  Handy  Sash,  Door  and  Blind  Com- 
pany, of  the  Battles  &  Son  Canning  Company, 
of  the  Battles  &  Battles  Pure  Food  Creamery 
and  Cheese  Concern;  and  yet  the  only  two 
through  trains  of  the  *  Pretty  Darn  Slow  Rail- 
road, '  as  we  call  it  here,  clink  right  on  through ! 
The  Honorable  G.  W.  Battles  himself  has  taken 
up  this  matter  and  can  do  nothing,  and  when 
he  can  do  nothing — " 

The  utter  hopelessness  of  a  situation  for 
which  the  Honorable  G.  W,  Battles  himself 
could  do  nothing  was  so  far  beyond  mere  words 
that  Mr.  Richards  turned  from  the  subject  in 
dejection  and  inquired  about  the  financial  sit- 
uation back  East.  He  found  out  all  about  it, 
and  more.  Mr.  Daw  and  Mr.  Wallingford, 
their  faculty  of  invention  springing  instantly 
to  the  opportunity,  helped  him  to  fill  his  note- 
book to  the  brim,  and  turned  him  loose  at  last 
with  one  final  glowing  fabrication  about  the 
priceless  sparkling  Burgundy  which  was 
served  during  the  seven  courses  of  the  little 
midday  morsel.  Adorned  with  a  big  cigar, 
from  which  he  did  not  remove  the  gold  band, 
Mr.  Richards  hastened  from  the  car,  and  to 

271 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

the  pressing  throng  outside  he  observed,  from 
the  midst  of  an  air  of  easy  familiarity  with  the 
great  ones  of  earth: 

"That's  Colonel  Wallingford,  the  famous 
Eastern  millionaire,  and  he's  a  prince!  You 
certainly  want  to  see  the  Blade  to-night,"  and 
he  hurried  away  to  put  his  splendid  sensation 
into  type. 


CHAPTEE  XIX 

MB.  WALLINGFORD  WINS  THE  TOWN  OP  BATTLES- 
BUBG  BY  THE  TOSS  OF  A  COIN 


44   X*"^\OLONEL"    Wallingford    looked    at 

m  i 

I  his  watch. 

l^j  "Two  hours  yet!"  he  exclaimed 
with  a  yawn.  "Two  solid  hours 
in  a  yap  town  that's  not  on  the  map.  What 
shall  we  do  with  the  time?  Play  cards?" 

"What's  the  use?"  demanded  "Blackie" 
Daw.  "If  I'd  win  your  money  you'd  choke 
me  till  I  gave  it  back,  and  if  you  won  mine 
I'd  have  you  pinched." 

"Let's  get  off  then  and  look  at  the  burg," 
suggested  J.  Eufus. 

It  was  Mr.  Daw's  turn  to  yawn.  He  looked 
out  on  one  side  of  the  manufacturing  portion 
of  Battlesburg,  and  on  the  other  side  at  the 
mercantile  and  residence  portion. 

"I  think  I  can  see  all  I  want  to  remember 
of  it  from  here,"  he  objected;  "but  anything 's 
better  than  nothing.  Shall  we  go,  Vi?" 

"That's  us,"  replied  the  vivacious  bride,  who 
was  already  beginning  to  respond  to  all  Mr. 

273 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

Wallingford 's  suggestions  with  more  alacrity 
than  either  Mrs.  Wallingford  or  Mr.  Daw  quite 
approved.  "Let's,  go  wake  'em  up,  Jimmy. 
King  for  a  carriage.'" 

The  invaluable  porter  was  already  exchang- 
ing his  white  coat  and  apron  for  his  dark-blue 
coat  and  derby,  and,  in  another  moment,  that 
dusky  autocrat,  his  face  calm  with  the  calm- 
ness of  them  who  dwell  near  to  much  money, 
had  asked  the  crowd  outside  the  way  to  a 
livery  stable. 

Billy  Eicks  projected  himself  instantly 
through  the  assemblage.  "Ill  show  you,"  he 
said  eagerly. 

The  autocrat  surveyed  Billy  Eicks  briefly 
and  gauged  him  accurately. 

"Suppose  you  go  get  the  best  two-horse  car- 
riage, to  seat  four,  that  you  can  find  in  town," 
and  in  ^Billy's  palm  he  pressed  a  half  dollar. 

The  excitement  grew  intense!  The  million- 
aires were  positively  to  appear!  Doc  Gun- 
ther's  best  "rig,"  his  rubber-tired  one,  came 
rolling  down  Main  Street,  turned,  and  drew 
up  near  the  car.  The  porter,  now  wearing 
his  official  cap,  jumped  down  with  his  step- 
ping box.  Ah-h-h!  Here  they  came!  First 
emerged  huge,  sleek  Mr.  Wallingford,  looking 
more  like  a  million  cleverly  won  dollars  than 

274 


WALLINGFOBD 

the  money  itself.  Mr.  Daw  stepped  down  upon 
the  gravel,  tall  and  slender,  clad  in  glove-fit- 
ting "Prince  Albert,"  his  black  mustache 
curled  tightly,  his  black  eyes  glittering.  De- 
scended the  beautiful,  brown-haired  Mrs.  Wal- 
lingford,  brave  in  dark-green  broadcloth.  De- 
scended the  golden-haired  Mrs.  Daw,  stunning 
in  violet  from  hat  to  silken  hose.  Perfectly 
satisfactory,  all  of  them;  perfectly  adapted  to 
fill  the  ideal  of  what  a  quartette  of  genuine 
nabobs  should  look  like!  Under  the  skillful 
guidance  of  Mr.  Wallingford  they  pranced  up 
Main  Street,  of  fully  as  much  interest  and  im- 
portance as  any  circus  parade  that  had  ever 
wended  its  way  along  that  thoroughfare. 

The  town  of  Battlesburg,  converting  a  level, 
dusty  country  road  into  "Main  Street"  for  a 
space,  lay  across  the  railroad  like  a  huge 
tennis  racquet,  its  hand  grip  being  the  manu- 
facturing district,  its  handle  the  business 
quarter,  its  net  the  residence  section;  and  here 
were  the  first  cross  streets,  little,  short  byways, 
the  longest  of  them  ten  or  twelve  blocks  in 
extent,  and  all  ending  against  the  fences  of 
level  fields.  As  they  rode  through  the  town, 
however,  its  pavements  stirred  to  unusual  live- 
liness by  the  great  event,  the  impression  that 
here  was  a  place  of  merely  sleeping  money 

275 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

grew  and  grew  upon  J.  Rufus  Wallingford  and 
appealed  to  his  professional  instincts. 

"Some  town,  this,"  he  concluded,  turning  to 
Mr.  Daw.  "They  have  rusty  wealth  here,  and, 
if  somebody  will  only  give  it  a  start,  it  will 
circulate  till  it  gets  all  bright  and  shiny  again. 
Then  you  can  see  by  the  flash  where  it  is  and 
nab  it." 

"Heads  or  tails  to  see  who  gets  it,"  sug- 
gested Mr.  Daw,  and  drew  a  dollar  from  his 
pocket. 

"Heads!"  called  Mr.  Wallingford,  pull- 
ing on  the  reins,  and  just  in  front  of  the 
Baptist  Church  the  fate  of  Battlesburg  was 
decided. 

Mr.  Daw  flipped  the  coin  in  the  air  over 
Mrs.  Wallingford 's  lap.  Upon  the  green 
broadcloth  the  bright  silver  piece  came  down 
with  a  spat,  and  the  Goddess  of  Liberty  faced 
upward  to  the  sky. 

"I  win  the  place!"  exulted  J.  Rufus  as  they 
rolled  on  out  past  the  cemetery  and  toward 
Battles*  Grove.  "I  don't  know  just  yet  how 
I'll  milk  it,  but  the  milk  is  here." 

"You  wouldn't  honestly  come  back  to  this 
graveyard,  would  you?"  inquired  Mrs.  Daw. 
"Why,  you'd  die." 

"  If  I  did,  I  'd  die  with  money  in  both  hands, ' ' 

276 


WALLINGFORD 

responded  Wallingford.  "I  can  smell  money, 
and  I  don't  think  there's  a  pantry  shelf  in 
this  town  without  some  spare  coin  tucked  away 
in  the  little  old  cracked  blue  teapot.  All  you 
have  to  do  is  to  play  the  right  music,  and  all 
that  coin  will  dance  right  out.  I  shouldn't  he 
surprised  that  I'd  come  back  here  and  toot  a 
tune. ' ' 

"There's  no  danger  just  yet  a  while,'' 
laughed  Mrs.  Wallingford.  "You  have  too 
much  wealth.  In  spite  of  this  trip  I  never 
saw  you  get  rid  of  money  so  slowly. " 

"He's  a  good  enough  spender  for  me,"  stated 
Mrs.  Daw,  with  a  sidelong  glance  at  him  from 
her  round  blue  eyes.  "He's  a  good  sport,  all 
right." 

"I  rather  like  this  town,  Jim,"  interposed 
Mrs.  Wallingford  quickly,  catching  that  glance. 
"Let's  do  come  back  here  and  start  up  a  busi- 
ness of  some  sort." 

"I'm  glad  I  lost,"  declared  Mr.  Daw  vehe- 
mently. "It's  too  far  away  from  a  push 
button." 

He  also  had  seen  that  glance.  It  was  noth- 
ing to  which  he  could  object,  of  course,  but 
he  did  not  like  it.  A  damper  had  somehow 
been  put  upon  the  spirits  of  the  party,  and, 
after  they  had  driven  far  out  of  sight  of  the 

277 


GET-EICH-QUICK 

town,  Mrs.  Wallingford  suggested  that  they 
had  better  turn  back. 

"I  don't  know,"  said  her  husband,  looking 
at  his  watch.  "We  have  nearly  an  hour  and 
a  half  yet,  and  we  can  easily  make  it  from 
here  in  half  an  hour." 

"But  what  a  long,  long  ways  we  are  from 
a  drink,  if  we  wanted  one,"  objected  Mrs. 
Daw.  "Just  think  of  all  that  fizzy  red  wine 
in  the  ice  box." 

"You're  a  smart  woman,"  declared  J. 
Rufus  with  laughing  enthusiasm,  "and  you 
win!  Back  we  go." 

They  had  scarcely  proceeded  a  mile  upon 
the  return  trip,  however,  when  a  shrill  whistle 
screamed  behind  them.  They  turned,  and  there 
across  the  fields  they  saw  a  passenger  train 
whizzing  along  at  tremendous  speed.  The 
same  thought  came  to  them  instantly. 

"I  thought  there  wasn't  another  train  in 
that  direction  until  3.45,"  exclaimed  Mr.  Daw, 
"and  now  it  is  only  2.40!" 

The  team  was  abruptly  stopped,  and  both 
men  gazed  accusingly  at  their  watches.  Sud- 
denly Wallingford  swore  and  whipped  up  the 
horses. 

"We've  Western  time!"  he  called  over  his 
shoulder. 

278 


WALLINGFORD 

The  explanation,  though  depressing,  was 
correct.  They  had  thought  that  they  were 
over  the  line  in  the  morning,  and  had  set  their 
watches  ahead.  When  they  discovered  their 
error  they  had  let  it  stand  and  had  forgotten 
about  it.  They  made  the  trip  back  to  Battles- 
burg  at  record  speed,  and  just  beyond  the 
cemetery  they  met  Billy  Ricks,  in  the  middle 
of  the  road.  He  had  been  running. 

"Number  Two's  jus'  been  through,  an'  it 
took  away  your  private  car!"  gasped  Billy. 

Mr.  Wallingford,  gazing  straight  ahead, 
made  no  intelligible  answer,  but  he  was  mut- 
tering under  his  breath. 

"Your  colored  gentleman  tried  to  stop  'em," 
Billy  went  on  with  enthusiasm,  delighted  to  be 
the  bearer  of  good  or  ill  tidings  so  long  as  it 
was  startling,  "but  the  conductor  cussed  an' 
said  he  had  orders  to  stop  here  and  take  on 
private  car  'Theodore,'  an'  he  was  goin'  to 
do  it.  Number  Two  didn't  even  stop  at  the 
depot.  It  jus'  backed  on  to  the  sidin'  an' 
took  your  private  car  an'  whizzed  out,  an' 
the  conductor  stood  on  the  back  platform 
damnin'  Dave  Walker  till  he  was  plumb  out  o' 
hearin'!" 

Mrs.  Wallingford  smiled.  Mr.  Daw  chuckled. 
Mrs.  Daw  laughed  hilariously. 

279 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

"Ain't  that  the  limit!"  she  demanded. 
"Let's  all  be  happy!" 

"I  jus'  thought  I'd  come  on  out  and  tell 
you,  'cause  you  might  want  to  know,"  went 
on  Billy  expectantly. 

For  the  first  time  Mr.  Wallingford  looked 
at  him,  and  the  next  minute  his  hand  went  in 
his  pocket.  Billy  Eicks  drew  a  long  breath. 
Two  half  dollars  for  officious  errands  in  one 
day  was  a  life  record,  and  he  trotted  behind 
that  carriage  all  the  way  to  the  depot,  where 
Mr.  Wallingford,  with  the  aid  of  Dave  Walker, 
immediately  began  to  "burn  up  the  wires." 
It  seemed  that  the  management  of  the  P.  D.  S. 
positively  refused  to  haul  the  "Theodore" 
back  to  Battlesburg.  It  was  not  their  fault 
that  the  passengers  had  not  been  aboard  at 
the  time  they  were  warned  Number  Two  would 
stop  for  them.  They  would  hold  the  car  at  the 
end  of  that  division,  and  instruct  their  agent 
at  Battlesburg  to  issue  transportation  to  the 
four  on  the  next  west  bound  train;  and  that 
was  all  they  would  do! 

The  only  west  bound  train  that  night  was  a 
local  freight;  the  only  west  bound  train  in  the 
morning  was  the  accommodation  which  had 
brought  them  to  Battlesburg;  then  came  Num- 
ber Two,  the  next  afternoon.  They  drove 

280 


WALLINGFORD 

straight  to  the  Palace  Hotel  and  met  the  only 
man  in  Battlesburg  who  was  not  impressed  by 
the  high  honor  that  a  lucky  accident  had  be- 
stowed upon  the  city  and  upon  his  hostelry. 
Suspicion,  engendered  by  thirty  years  of  con- 
tact with  a  traveling  public  which  had  invari- 
ably either  insulted  his  accommodations  or 
tried  to  cheat  him — and  sometimes  both — had 
soured  the  disposition  of  the  proprietor  of  the 
Palace  and  cramped  his  soul  until  his  very 
beard  had  crinkled.  Suspicion  gleamed  from 
his  puckered  eyes,  it  was  chiseled  in  the 
wrinkles  about  his  nose,  it  rasped  in  his  voice ; 
and  the  first  and  only  thing  he  noted  about 
Mr.  J.  Rufus  Wallingford  and  his  splendid 
company  was  that  they  had  no  luggage! 
Whereupon,  even  before  the  multi-millionaire 
had  finished  inscribing  the  quartette  of  names 
upon  his  register,  he  had  demanded  cash  in 
advance. 

Judge  Lampton,  who  had  edged  up  close  to 
the  register,  was  shocked  by  this  crass  de- 
mand, and  expected  to  see  the  retired  capital- 
ist give  Pete  Parsons  the  dressing  down  of 
his  life.  Instead,  however,  Mr.  J.  Eufus  Wal- 
lingford calmly  abstracted,  from  a  pocket- 
book  bulging  with  such  trifles,  a  hundred-dol- 
lar bill  which  he  tossed  upon  the  desk,  and 

281 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

went  on  writing.  As  impassive  as  Fate,  Pete 
Parsons  turned  to  his  safe,  slowly  worked  the 
combination,  and  still  more  slowly  started  to 
make  change.  In  this  operation  he  suddenly 
paused. 

" Billy,"  said  he  to  the  ever-present  Eicks, 
"run  over  to  the  bank  with  this  hundred-dol- 
lar bill  and  see  if  Battles '11  change  it." 

For  just  one  instant  the  small  eyes  of  Wal- 
lingford  narrowed  threateningly,  and  then  he 
smiled  again. 

"Show  us  to  our  rooms,"  he  ordered. 
"Send  up  the  change  when  it  comes." 

He  laid  down  the  pen,  but  his  hand  had 
scarcely  left  the  surface  of  the  book  when  it 
was  clutched  by  that  of  Judge  Lampton. 

"In  the  name  of  the  judiciary  and  of  the 
enterprising  citizens  of  this  place,  I  welcome 
you  to  Battlesburg, "  he  announced. 

Mr.  Wallingford,  "always  on  the  job" — to 
use  the  expressive  parlance  of  his  friend  Mr. 
Daw — drew  himself  up  and  radiated. 

"Thank  you,'"  he  returned.  "I  have  al- 
ready inspected  your  beautiful  little  city  with 
much  pleasure,  and  all  that  you  need  to  make 
this  a  live  town  is  a  good  hotel." 

The  Judge  shot  at  Pete  Parsons  a  triumphant 
grin.  Ever  since  Mr.  Lampton  had  been  de- 

282 


WALLINGFOED 

nied  credit  beyond  the  amount  of  two  dollars 
at  the  Palace  Hotel  bar,  himself  and  Mr.  Par- 
sons had  been  "on  the  outs." 

"Let  me  show  you  the  very  piece  of  prop- 
erty to  build  it  on,"  he  eagerly  returned. 

Only  for  a  moment  Wallingford  considered. 

"I'll  look  at  it  to-morrow  morning,"  he 
said. 

"I  shall  have  the  facts  and  figures  ready  for 
you,  sir,"  and  Judge  Lampton  swaggered  out 
of  the  Palace  Hotel  on  a  bee-line  for  a  little 
publicity. 

It  was  scarcely  half  an  hour  later  when  Clint 
Eichards  called  at  Wallingford 's  room  with 
four  copies  of  the  Battlesburg  Blade. 

"I  brought  these  up  myself,  Mr.  Walling- 
ford," he  explained,  "to  show  you  that  Bat- 
tlesburg is  not  without  its  enterprise.  Twice 
this  afternoon  the  Blade  was  made  over  after 
it  was  on  the  press ;  once  when  the  P.  D.  S. 
stole  your  private  car — stole,  sir,  is  the  word 
— and  again  upon  Judge  Lampton 's  report  of 
his  important  conversation  with  you.  If  you 
should  decide  to  invest  some  of  your  surplus 
capital  in  Battlesburg,  I  am  sure  that  you  will 
find  her  progressive  citizens  working  hand  in 
hand  with  you  to  make  that  investment  profit- 
able." 

283 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

The  Battlesburg  Blade  consisted  of  four 
pages,  and  the  first  one  of  these  was  devoted 
entirely  to  that  eminent  financier,  Mr.  J.  Eufus 
Wallingford. 


was  the  heading  which,  in  huge,  black  type, 
ran  entirely  across  the  top  of  the  page  just 
beneath  the  date  line.  Beneath  this  was  a 
smaller  black  streamer,  informing  the  public 
that  these  millions  were  represented  in  the 
persons  of  those  eminent  captains  of  industry, 
Mr.  J.  Rufus  Wallingford  and  Mr.  Horace  G. 
Daw.  Beneath  this,  in  the  center  four  col- 
umns of  the  six-column  page,  was  another 
large  type  headline : 

ROBBED  OF  THEIR  PRIVATE  CAR  "  THEO- 
DORE" BY  THE  BUNGLING  P.  D.  S. 

In  the  center  two  columns  was  this  boxed-in, 
large  type  announcement: 


LATER ! 

It  is  rumored  upon  good  authority  that  these 
wide-awake  millionaires  may  invest  a  portion  of 
their  surplus  capital  in  wide-awake  Battlesburg. 
Huge  hotel  projected  I 


284 


The  article  which  filled  the  balance  of  the 
page  was  an  eloquent  tribute  to  the  yellow 
genius  of  Mr.  Richards.  With  flaming  adjec- 
tives and  a  generous  use  of  exclamation  points 
it  told  of  the  marvelous  richness  of  the  private 
car  "Theodore,"  owned,  of  course,  by  the 
gentlemen  who  were  traveling  in  it;  of  the 
truly  unparalleled  sumptuousness  of  the  feast 
that  had  been  served  by  these  charmingly 
democratic  gentlemen  to  the  humble  represent- 
ative of  the  Blade;  of  the  irresistible  beauty 
and  refinement  of  their  ladies ;  of  the  triumphs 
of  Mr.  J.  Eufus  Wallingford  in  the  milk- 
stopper  business,  the  carpet  tack  industry,  the 
insurance  field,  the  sales  recorder  trade,  succes- 
sive steps  by  which  he  had  arisen  to  his  pres- 
ent proud  eminence  as  one  of  the  powers  of 
Wall  Street;  of  Mr.  Daw's  tremendously  suc- 
cessful activity  in  gold  mining,  in  rubber  culti- 
vation, in  orange  culture  and  in  allied  lines, 
where  deft  and  brilliant  stock  manipulations 
had  contributed  to  the  wealth  of  the  nation 
and  himself;  of  the  clumsy  and  arrogant  blun- 
dering of  the  P.  D.  S.  Railroad,  which,  until 
this  lucky  accident,  had  always  been  a  detri- 
ment to  the  energetic  city  of  Battlesburg. 

It  was  easy  to  see  by  the  reading  of  this 
article  that  the  P.  D.  S.  R.  R.  did  not  advertise 

285 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

in  the  Battlesburg  Blade,  and  that  it  now  issued 
no  passes  to  the  press,  and  Mr.  Richards  took 
occasion  to  point  out,  as  he  had  so  often  be- 
fore urged,  that,  if  a  traction  line  could  only 
be  induced  to  parallel  the  P.  D.  S.  and  enter 
Battlesburg,  it  would  awaken  that  puerile  rail- 
road from  its  lifelong  lethargy  and  infuse  a 
new  current  of  life  and  activity  into  the  entire 
surrounding  country,  besides  earning  for  itself 
a  handsome  revenue. 

It  was  this  last  clause  which  plunged  Wal- 
lingford  into  profound  meditation. 

"A  traction  line,"  he  said  musingly,  by  and 
by.  ''I'm  a  shine  for  overlooking  that  bet  so 
long,  but  .when  we  get  through  this  voyage  of 
joy,  just  watch  my  trolleys  buzz.  I'm  coming 
back  here  and  jar  loose  all  the  money  that's 
not  too  much  crusted  to  jingle." 

"But,  Jim,"  protested  Mrs.  Wallingford 
thoughtfully,  "you  couldn't  build  a  traction 
line  with  only  a  little  over  a  hundred  thousand 
dollars ! ' ' 

"How  little  you  know  of  business,  Fanny," 
he  rejoined,  with  a  wink  at  Mr.  Daw.  "I  can 
tear  up  a  street,  level  a  small  hill  and  buy  two 
tons  of  iron  rails  with  one  thousand,  and  have 
the  rest  to  marry  to  other  money.  Blackie,  I'm 
glad  I  won  this  town  from  you.  I'd  hate  to 

286 


WALLINGFORD 

think  of  all  the  good  coin  hidden  away  under 
the  cellar  stairways  here  being  paid  over  for 
your  fine  samples  of  four-color  printing.  They 
don't  need  phoney  gold  mining  stock  in  this 
burg.  What  they  need  is  something  live  and 
progressive,  like  a  traction  line." 

"I  know,"  agreed  Mr.  Daw  with  a  grin. 
"You'll  organize  an  air  line  and  sell  them  the 
air. ' ' 

" Don't,  Jim,"  protested  Mrs.  Wallingford. 
"You're  clever  enough  to  make  honest  money, 
and  I  know  it.  Other  people  do.  A  hundred 
thousand  is  a  splendid  nest-egg. ' ' 

"To  be  sure  it  is,"  assented  Mr.  Daw. 
"Watch  Jim  set  on  it!  If  he  don't  hatch  out  a 
whole  lot  of  healthy  little  dollars  from  it  I'll 
grow  hayseed  whiskers  and  wear  rubber  boots 
down  Broadway." 

There  was  another  knock  at  the  door.  This 
time  it  was  Judge  Lampton,  and  with  him  was 
a  nervous,  wiry  man,  in  black  broadcloth  and 
wearing  a  vest  of  the  same  snowy  whiteness  as 
his  natty  mustache. 

"Mr.  Wallingford,"  said  Judge  Lampton, 
tingling  with  pride,  "permit  me  to  introduce 
the  Honorable  G.  W.  Battles,  president  of  the 
Battles  County  Bank,  of  the  Battlesburg 
Wagon  Works,  of  the  G.  W.  Battles  Plow  Fac- 

287 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

tory,  of  the  Battles  &  Handy  Sash,  Door  and 
Blind  Company,  of  the  Battles  &  Son  Canning 
Company,  of  the  Battles  &  Battles  Pure  Food 
Creamery  and  Cheese  Concern,  and  of  the  Bat- 
tlesburg  Chamber  of  Commerce." 

As  one  seasoned  financier  to  another  these 
two  masters  of  commerce  foregathered  gravely 
upon  matters  of  investment  and  profit.  The 
Honorable  G.  W.  Battles  was  a  man  who  be- 
lieved in  his  own  enthusiasm  and  had  com- 
mand of  many,  many  words,  a  gift  which  had 
been  enhanced  by  much  public  speechmaking, 
and  now,  in  a  monologue  that  fairly  scintillated 
and  coruscated,  he  laid  before  J.  Rufus  "Wal- 
lingford  the  manifold  advantages  of  investment 
in  the  historic  town  that  had  been  founded  by 
his  historic  grandfather.  Before  he  was  en- 
tirely through  all  that  he  could,  would  or  might 
have  said,  there  came  another  knock  at  the 
door.  Judge  Lampton,  who  had  retired  imme- 
diately upon  introducing  the  Honorable  G.  W. 
Battles,  had  returned,  and  with  him  was  Max 
Geldenstein,  proprietor  of  the  Bock  Bottom 
clothing  stores,  not  only  in  Battlesburg,  but  also 
in  Paris,  London,  Dublin,  Berlin  and  Rome,  all 
six  cities  being  in  or  adjacent  to  Battles  County. 
He  was  also  a  director  in  the  Battles  County 
Bank  and  in  the  Battles  &  Son  Canning  Com- 

288 


WALLINGFORD 

pany,  a  city  councilman  and  a  member  of  the 
Chamber  of  Commerce.  He,  too,  extended  a 
welcoming  hand  to  the  chance  millionaire  and 
invited  him  most  cordially  to  become  one  of 
them.  Came  shortly  after,  in  tow  of  the  inde- 
fatigable Judge  Lampton,  the  Honorable 
Timothy  Battles,  mayor  of  Battlesburg  and 
illustrious  son  of  the  Honorable  G.  W.  Battles, 
bearing  with  him  the  keys  of  the  city.  Came, 
too,  Lampton-led,  Mr.  Henry  Quig,  coal  and  ice 
magnate,  and  the  largest  stockholder,  except 
the  Honorable  G.  W.  Battles,  in  the  Battlesburg 
Gas  and  Electric  Light  Plant;  also  a  member 
of  the  City  Council  and  of  the  Chamber  of 
Commerce. 

It  became  necessary  to  subsidize  the  dining 
room  after  eight  o'clock,  and  until  far  into  the 
night  Mr.  Wallingford  and  Mr.  Daw  enter- 
tained the  leading  gentlemen  of  the  city,  who, 
under  the  efficient  marshalship  of  Judge  Lamp- 
ton,  came  to  help  the  Judge  sell  a  building  lot 
and  to  present  their  respects  to  these  gentlemen 
of  boundless  capital.  What  need  is  there  to  tell 
how  J.  Rufus  Wallingford,  he  of  the  broad 
chest  and  the  massive  dignity,  arose  to  the  op- 
portunity of  presiding  as  informal  host  over 
Battlesburg 's  entire  supply  of  twenty-one  bot- 
tles of  champagne?  Suffice  it  to  say  that,  when 

Z9—W*aingford  299 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

the  last  callers  had  gone,  he  mopped  his  per- 
spiring brow  and  turned  to  Blackie  Daw  with 
a  chuckle  in  which  his  entire  body  participated. 

"They  will  do  it,  eh,  Blackie?"  he  com- 
mented. "Just  come  and  beg  to  be  skinned! 
What  will  you  give  me  for  one  side  of  Main 
Street?" 

"It  would  be  a  shame  to  split  it,"  declared 
Mr.  Daw.  "Keep  it  all,  J.  Rufus.  I'm  only 
a  piker.  If  I  make  ten  thousand  on  a  clean-up 
I  think  I'm  John  W.  Gates,  and  if  I  made  more 
I'd  start  mumbling  and  making  funny  signs. 
I  can't  trot  in  your  class." 

But  J.  Rufus  was  in  no  humor  for  banter. 
He  looked  at  the  array  of  empty  bottles  and 
glasses  upon  the  long  dining-room  table  and 
nodded  his  head  in  satisfaction. 

"It's  been  a  good  night's  work,  Blackie," 
he  concluded,  "and,  when  I  come  back  here, 
I'm  going  to  jam  a  chestnut  burr  under  the  tail 
of  this  one-horse  town.  To-morrow  morning 
I'm  going  to  be  an  investor  in  Battlesburg  real 
estate,  and  the  traction  line  idea  must  be  kept 
under  cover  for  a  while.  Don't  breathe  a  word 
of  it." 

The  next  morning,  in  pursuance  of  this  idea, 
Mr.  Wallingford  went  forth  with  Judge  Lamp- 
ton  and  looked  at  property.  Between  the 

290 


WALLINGFORD 

Palace  Hotel  and  the  depot  was  an  entire  vacant" 
block,  used  at  present  for  mere  grazing  pur- 
poses by  Doc  Gunther,  and  Mr.  Wallingford 
agreed  that  this  would  be  an  admirable  site  for 
an  up-to-date,  six-story,  pressed-brick  hotel. 
He  even  went  so  far  as  to  sketch  out  his  idea 
of  the  two-story  marble  lobby — a  fountain  in 
the  center — balcony  at  the  height  of  the  first 
floor  ceiling — arched  orchestra  bridge!  On  the 
other  side  of  the  street,  a  little  above  the  bank 
and  on  a  block  occupied  at  present  by  a  black- 
smith shop  and  a  prehistoric  junk  heap,  he  gave 
a  glowing  word  picture  of  the  new  Grand  Opera 
House  that  should  be  erected  there.  Farther 
up  the  street  was  another  cow  pasture,  over 
which  he  thought  deeply;  but  his  thoughts  he 
carefully  kept  to  himself,  and  both  Clint  Rich- 
ards and  Judge  Lampton  dreamed  great,  puz- 
zling dreams  by  reason  of  that  very  silence. 
Up  in  the  residence  district  Mr.  Wallingford 
picked  out  three  splendid  lots,  one  of  which  he 
did  not  hesitate  to  say  would  make  an  admi- 
rable site  for  an  up-to-date  apartment  house, 
and  one  of  the  others  —  he  had  not  decided 
which — would  make  an  admirable  location  for 
a  private  residence. 

He  bought  none  of  this  property,  but  he  took 
ninety-day  options  on  all  seven  pieces,  paying 

291 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

therefor  from  ten  to  fifty  dollars  upon  each  one, 
and  leaving  in  the  town  of  Battlesburg,  aside 
from  his  hotel  and  livery  bill  and  other  ex- 
penses, not  less  than  two  hundred  and  fifty 
dollars  of  real  money,  each  dollar  of  which 
glowed  with  a  promise  of  many  more  to  come. 
It  is  needless  to  say  that  the  Battlesburg  Blade 
that  evening  did  full  honor  to  these  wholesale 
transactions.  It  took  all  of  the  first  page  and 
part  of  the  last  to  do  that ;  even  the  telegraphic 
account  of  the  absorbing  and  scandalous  Estelle 
Lightfoot  murder  romance,  clipped  from  the 
Chicago  morning  papers,  had  to  be  condensed 
for  that  day  to  half-a-dozen  lines. 


292 


CHAPTER  XX 

BATTLESBUBG    SMELLS    MONET    AND    PLUNGES    INTO 
A  MAD  OBGIE  OF  SPECULATION 

BILLY  RICKS,  shambling  after  dande- 
lion greens,  stepped  out  of  the  road 
to  let  a  great,  olive-green  touring  car 
go  tearing  by  and  bounce  over  the 
railroad  track.  A  second  or  so  later  he  breath- 
lessly dashed  into  the  near-by  office  of  the 
wagon  works  and  grabbed  for  the  telephone. 

"That  millionaire  that  went  through  here  in 
his  private  car  a  couple  o'  weeks  ago  has 
come  back  to  town  in  his  automobile,"  he  told 
Clint  Richards. 

"I  know  it,"  was  the  answer.  "He's  just 
stopped  in  front  of  the  Palace  Hotel, ' '  and  with 
a  sigh  Billy  Ricks  hung  up  the  telephone  re- 
ceiver, eying  that  instrument  in  huge  disfavor. 

In  the  mean  time,  Main  Street,  which  had  re- 
lapsed into  slumber  for  two  weeks,  was  once 
more  wide  awake.  Hope  and  J.  Rufus  Walling- 
ford  had  come  back  to  town.  There  was  no 
avenue  of  trade  that  did  not  feel  the  quicken- 
ing influence  within  an  hour.  Even  his  appear- 

293 


GET-EICH-QUICK 

ance,  as  he  stepped  from  the  touring  car,  clad 
richly  to  the  last  detail  of  the  part,  conveyed 
a  golden  promise.  Mrs.  Wallingford,  mostly 
fluttering  veil,  was  another  promise,  and  even 
the  sedate  G.  W.  Battles  so  far  forgot  his  dig- 
nity as  to  come  across  from  the  bank  in  his 
bare  head  and  shake  hands  with  the  great 
magnate.  Quick  as  he  was,  however,  Judge 
Lampton  was  there  before  him.  His  half  of 
the  option  money  left  behind  by  Mr.  Walling- 
ford had  wrought  a  tremendous  change  in  the 
Judge,  for  now  the  beard  that  he  had  worn 
straggling  for  so  long  was  cut  Vandyke  and 
kept  carefully  trimmed — and  instead  of  a  stogie 
he  was  smoking  a  cigar. 

Warmed  by  their  enthusiastic  reception,  the 
Wallingfords  amiably  forgot  the  purely  pri- 
vate and  personal  quarrel  between  Mrs.  Wal- 
lingford and  Mrs.  Daw,  which  had  disrupted 
the  happy  quartette  and  nipped  in  the  bud  an 
itinerary  that  had  been  planned  through  to  San 
Francisco,  and  they  plunged  into  a  new  life  with 
great  zest.  For  years  J.  Eufus  had  been  con- 
tent to  make  a  few  thousand  dollars  and  spend 
them,  but  his  last  haul  of  a  hundred  and  fifty 
thousand  that  he  had  received  from  the  per- 
fectly legitimate  sale  of  another  man's  paten i^ 
for  which  the  inventor  got  nothing,  had  stnre< 

294 


WALLINGFORD 

in  him  the  desire  not  merely  to  live  like  a  multi- 
millionaire, but  to  be  one.  As  the  first  step  in 
his  upward  and  onward  progress  he  transferred 
his  hundred  odd  thousand  dollars  from  an  East- 
ern depository  to  the  Battles  County  Bank. 
Next  he  took  ninety-day  options  upon  all  the 
unoccupied  property  in  Battlesburg,  including 
several  acres  of  ground  beyond  the  Battles  & 
Battles  Pure  Food  Creamery  and  Cheese  Con- 
cern. He  was  not  so  improvident  as  to  pay 
cash  for  these  options,  however;  instead,  he 
gave  ninety-day  notes,  writing  across  the  face 
of  each  one:  "Not  negotiable  until  after  ma- 
turity." The  first  of  these  notes  Judge  Lamp- 
ton  took  to  the  Honorable  G.  W.  Battles  in- 
quiringly. The  autocrat  of  Battles  County 
merely  smiled. 

"I'll  lend  you  face  value  on  it,  Tommy,  any 
time  you  want  it,"  he  observed;  and  that  was 
the  last  notch  in  establishing  the  local  credit  of 
J.  Rufus  Wallingford,  for  Judge  Lampton  was 
in  his  way  as  persistent  a  disseminator  as  Billy 
Eicks  himself. 

But  Battlesburg  alone  was  not  a  large 
enough  field  for  Wallingford.  Having  tied  up 
about  half  the  town,  he  left  "for  a  little  pleas- 
ure jaunt;"  but  before  he  went  away  he 
bought  the  Star  Boarding  House  and  gave 

295 


GET-RICH-QTJICK 

Judge  Lampton  carte  blanche  to  fit  up  that 
magnificent  ten-room  structure  as  a  private 
residence,  according  to  certain  general  plans 
and  requirements  laid  down  by  the  purchaser. 
When  Mr.  and  Mrs.  Wallingford  came  back  two 
weeks  later,  that  palatial  dwelling  was  perfect 
in  all  its  arrangements  and  appointments,  even 
to  the  stocking  of  its  cellars  and  the  hiring  of 
Letty  Kirby  as  cook  and  Bessie  Walker  as  maid, 
and  of  Billy  Eicks  as  gardener  and  man-of-all- 
work.  The  vast  sensation  that  might  have  been 
created  by  the  hiring  of  three  servants,  and  by 
the  other  lusciously  extravagant  expenditures 
faithfully  chronicled  in  the  daily  issues  of  the 
Battlesburg  Blade,  was,  however,  swallowed  up 
in  a  still  greater  sensation;  for  during  the  ab- 
sence of  the  noted  financier  Mr.  Wallingford 
had  become  a  vast  throbbing  mystery  to  the 
town  of  his  adoption.  He  had  been  gone  only 
two  days,  when,  in  the  Blade,  there  appeared 
the  heading: 

OUR  MILLIONAIRE 

Favors  Paris  with  Crumbs  of  the  Good  Fortune  Falling 
from  Battlesburg's  Table 

The  article  that  followed  was  a  clipping  from 
the  Paris  Times,  and  from  this  it  seemed  that 
Colonel  J.  Rufus  Wallingford,  the  famous 

296 


WALLINGFOED 

multi-millionaire,  late  of  Boston  and  New  York 
but  now  of  their  neighbor  and  county  seat, 
Battlesburg,  had  been  purchasing  property 
liberally  along  the  main  street  of  Paris,  giving 
in  exchange  his  promissory  notes  for  ninety 
days,  which  notes,  upon  the  telephonic  advice 
of  the  Honorable  G.  W.  Battles,  of  Battlesburg, 
were  as  good  as  gold.  Similar  reports  were  re- 
printed later  on  from  the  London  News,  the 
Dublin  Banner,  the  Berlin  Clarion,  the  Eome 
Vindicator,  and  from  the  papers  of  other  towns 
still  farther  away.  It  was  Clint  Eichards  who 
became  the  Sherlock  Holmes  of  Battlesburg  and 
found  the  solution  to  this  mystery,  being  led 
thereto  by  the  fact  that  the  only  towns  where 
Mr.  Wallingford  was  purchasing  this  property 
were  along  the  direct  east  and  west  highway, 
which,  running  through  Battlesburg,  paral- 
leled the  P.  D.  S.  Eailroad  from  Lewis ville  to 
Elliston.  These  two  towns  were  not  only  the 
terminals  of  the  P.  D.  S.  Eailroad,  but  were 
also  the  respective  outposts  of  the  great  Mid- 
land Valley  traction  system  and  the  vast  Golden 
West  traction  system.  The  conclusion  was 
obvious  that  either  Colonel  Wallingford  in- 
tended to  finance  a  traction  road  connecting 
those  two  great  terminal  points,  or  that  he  had 
absolute  knowledge  that  such  a  line  was  to  be 

297 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

built;  and  Colonel  Walling  ford  had  chosen 
Battlesburg  for  his  headquarters! 

It  was  exhilarating  to  see  how  Battlesburg 
arose  to  the  vast  possibilities  of  this  conjecture. 
Men  who  but  a  brief  two  weeks  before  had 
slouched  to  their  work  in  the  morning  as  to  a 
mere  daily  grind,  now  stepped  forward  briskly 
with  smiles  upon  their  faces  and  high  courage 
in  their  hearts.  Every  man  who  had  a  dollar 
lying  idle  looked  upon  that  dollar  now  not  as 
so  much  rusting  metal,  but  as  being  a  raft 
which  might  float  him  high  upon  the. shore  of 
golden  prosperity.  Only  Pete  Parsons,  of  all 
that  town,  croaked  a  note  of  discord.  He 
never  for  one  moment  forgot  that  J.  Rufus 
Wallingford,  upon  the  day  he  first  regis- 
tered at  the  Palace  Hotel,  had  no  baggage 
with  him! 

The  return  of  Mr.  Wallingford  after  the 
Blade' 's  revelation  was  the  occasion  of  a  tre- 
mendous ovation.  Clint  Richards  had  fairly  to 
paw  his  way  through  the  crowd  that  sur- 
rounded him  on  the  steps  of  the  bank,  where 
he  had  stopped  to  draw  a  mere  five  hundred  or 
so  for  his  pocket  money;  but,  once  inside  the 
closely  packed  circle,  Clint  pinned  Colonel  Wal- 
lingford down  to  an  admission  of  his  plans. 
Yes,  the  Lewisville,  Battlesburg  and  Elliston 

298 


WALLINGFORD 

Traction  Line  was  a  thing  of  the  near  future. 
All  that  remained  was  to  secure  rights  of  way. 
Battlesburg  would,  in  all  probability,  be  head- 
quarters, and  the  L.,  B.  &  E.  might  even  build 
its  car  shops  here  if  the  citizens  of  Battlesburg 
were  willing  to  do  their  share.  Mr.  Richards 
reached  out  impulsively  to  grasp  the  hand  of 
Colonel  Wallingford,  but  it  was  already  in  pos- 
session of  Judge  Lampton,  who,  thrilled  with 
emotion,  guaranteed  Colonel  Wallingford  that 
the  city  of  Battlesburg  would  not  only  be  glad, 
but  would  be  proud,  to  perform  her  part  in 
this  great  work.  He  might  have  said  more, 
but  that  the  Honorable  G.  W.  Battles,  who  had 
emerged  upon  the  steps  of  the  bank  just  above 
and  behind  Colonel  Wallingford,  publicly 
thanked  that  gentleman,  on  behalf  of  his  fel- 
low citizens,  for  this  vast  boon.  Appreciating 
the  opportunity  thus  thrown  upon  his  very 
doorstep,  Mr.  Battles,  by  merely  beginning  to 
speak,  quickly  packed  the  street  to  the  opposite 
curb  with  his  admiring  fellow  townsmen,  and 
gave  them  a  half  hour  of  such  eloquence  as 
only  a  Battles  could  summon  upon  the  spur  of 
the  moment;  and  Colonel  Wallingford,  looming 
beside  him  as  big  and  as  impressive  as  the 
Panama  bond  issue,  looked  his  part,  every 
inch! 

299 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

No  open-air  political  meeting,  no  Fourth  of 
July  speechmaking,  no  dedication  or  grand 
opening  had  ever  given  rise  to  such  tumultuous 
fervor  as  this.  There  were  cheers  and  tigers 
galore  for  Colonel  Wallingford,  for  the  Honor- 
able G.  W.  Battles,  for  Judge  Lampton,  for  the 
Battlesburg  Blade,  for  the  L.,  B.  &  E.  Traction 
line,  for  the  city  of  Battlesburg,  for  everything 
and  everybody,  until  the  ecstatic  throng  was 
too  hoarse  to  cheer  any  more;  and  then,  at 
Colonel  Wallingford 's  cordial  solicitation,  the 
entire  town  moved  down  to  the  mansion  which, 
by  the  magic  of  his  money,  this  great  bene- 
factor had  built  within  and  without  the  shell 
of  the  one-time  Star  Boarding  House.  They 
filled  his  yard,  they  trampled  his  grass,  they  in- 
vaded the  newly  carpeted  house,  and  the  male 
portion  of  them  passed  in  earnest  review  before 
his  sideboard.  Cakes  and  sandwiches  were  on 
the  way  in  hot  haste  from  Andy  Wolf's  bake- 
shop,  boxes  of  cigars  stood  open  upon  the 
porch,  ice  cream  appeared  for  the  ladies.  Sud- 
denly there  arose  sweet  strains  of  music  upon 
the  air,  and  down  the  street  at  a  quick  march, 
accompanied  by  happy  Billy  Eicks,  came  the 
Battlesburg  brass  band.  Never  before  was 
Battlesburg  so  spontaneously  aroused.  Amid 
that  happy  throng,  Colonel  Wallingford, 

300 


WALLINGFORD 

laughing  from  the  sheer  joy  of  feeding  people 
into  allegiance,  moved  like  a  prince  in  the 
midst  of  his  devoted  subjects;  and  while  he 
smilingly  accepted  their  homage,  came  copies 
of  the  Battlesburg  Blade,  wet  from  the  press, 
an  extra  special  edition.  Great  piles  of  these 
were  kept  replenished  upon  the  porch  through- 
out the  evening,  so  that  every  inhabitant  of 
the  city  of  promise  should  know  all  the  golden 
future  that  lay  before  him — and  learn  to  sub- 
scribe. Battlesburg  was  at  last  to  become  the 
New  Metropolis  of  the  West;  her  citizens  were 
to  be  in  the  very  vortex  of  a  vast  whirlpool 
of  wealth,  and  not  one  of  them  but  should  wax 
rich.  From  the  East  and  from  the  West,  from 
villages  and  farms,  trade  would  rush  in  an 
endless  stream  aboard  the  trolley  cars  of  the 
L.,  B.  &  E.  traction  line;  Main  Street  of  Bat- 
tlesburg should  become  a  Mecca  where  count- 
less pilgrims  would  leave  their  stream  of 
bright  and  shining  dollars;  as  business  in- 
creased, property  values  would  rise;  with  the 
first  singing  of  the  trolleys  a  hundred-dollar 
lot  would  be  worth  a  thousand.  And  all  this 
through  the  advent  of  that  master  magician  of 
the  modern  commercial  world,  Colonel  J.  Eufus 
Wallingford! 
Marked  copies  of  that  issue  of  the  Blade 

301 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

were  sent  to  Paris,  to  London,  to  Dublin,  to 
Berlin,  to  Rome  and  to  all  the  other  towns  be- 
tween Lewisville  and  Elliston,  and  all  the 
papers  on  the  route  of  the  proposed  new  trac- 
tion line  caught  up  the  information  eagerly. 
Within  three  days  a  boom  had  leaped  along 
every  foot  of  what  had  been  before  but  a  lazy, 
dusty  hundred  miles  of  country  road.  It  was 
a  magnificent  effect.  Even  Mrs.  Wallingford 
read  the  accounts  of  this  stupendous  movement, 
which  her  husband  had  inaugurated,  with 
wonder  and  amazement,  and  laid  down  the  first 
eight-page  issue  of  the  Blade  with  sparkling 
eyes. 

"Jim,"  she  exclaimed,  "I'm  proud  of  you! 
It  is  worth  something  to  have  started  thousands 
of  people  into  new  activity,  new  hope,  new  life; 
to  have,  by  your  own  unaided  efforts,  doubled 
and  tripled  and  quadrupled  within  just  a  few 
days  the  value  of  hundreds  of  thousands  of  dol- 
lars' worth  of  property!" 

Mr.  Wallingford  at  that  moment  was  pour- 
ing himself  out  a  glass  of  champagne,  and  now 
he  laughed. 

"It  is  a  big  stunt,  Fannie,"  he  agreed;  "es- 
pecially when  you  come  to  think  that  outside 
of  our  traveling  expenses  it  was  all  done  at 
an  expense  of  two-fifty  cash,  the  amount  I 

302 


WALLINGFOBD 

paid  Lampton  when  I  bought  those  first 
options. ' ' 

It  was  almost  unbelievable,  but  it  was  true, 
that  all  these  huge  impulses  had  been  set  in 
motion  by  mere  commercial  hypnotism.  The 
public,  however,  saw  in  them  only  the  power 
of  unlimited  money.  Money !  At  last  its  magic 
presence  hovered  over  Battlesburg,  a  vast 
beneficent  spirit  that  quivered  in  the  very 
air  and  rendered  the  mere  act  of  breathing 
an  intoxication.  Its  glitter  enhanced  the  glory 
of  the  very  sunlight,  and  to  its  clinking  music 
the  staid  inhabitants  of  the  town  that  had 
slumbered  for  half  a  century  quickened  their 
pace  as  if  inspired  by  the  strains  of  a  martial 
air.  The  same  quickening  that  applied  to 
individuals  applied  also  to  the  town  as  a 
whole.  Civic  pride  and  ambition  were  aroused. 
The  day  after  Wallingford  returned,  the  Cham- 
ber of  Commerce  convened  in  special  session, 
and  a  committee,  composed  of  Henry  Quig  and 
Max  Geldenstein,  escorted  Colonel  Wallingford 
before  that  august  board,  where  the  Honorable 
G.  W.  Battles,  as  president,  asked  of  the 
eminent  capitalist  a  pregnant  question.  Bat- 
tlesburg wanted  the  shops  of  the  L.,  B.  &  E. 
traction  line.  What  did  the  L.,  B.  &  E.  want? 

His  requirements  were  modest,  Colonel  Wal- 

303 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

lingford  assured  them.  He  demanded  no  cash 
bonus  whatever.  If  they  would  merely  pro- 
vide him  the  ground  to  build  the  shops,  and  a 
lot  conveniently  placed  in  the  center  of  the 
city  for  a  freight,  baggage  and  passenger  sta- 
tion, and  would  use  their  influence  with  the 
city  council  to  secure  him  a  franchise,  he 
would  be  content.  He  had  secured  options 
upon  the  very  pieces  of  property  that  would 
be  ideal  for  the  purposes  of  the  L.,  B.  &  E., 
but  upon  these  he  would  ask  no  profit  what- 
ever, notwithstanding  their  enhanced  value 
and  his  right  to  share  in  the  wealth  he  had 
created.  If  the  Chamber  of  Commerce  would 
merely  take  up  his  options,  repaying  him  the 
amounts  he  had  paid  to  secure  them,  he  would 
ask  no  more,  and,  further  than  that,  he  would 
take  the  option  money,  would  add  to  it  a  like 
sum  —  or  more  —  and  with  the  total  amount 
would  purchase  a  fountain  for  Courthouse 
Square  as  an  earnest  of  his  sincere  regard  for 
Battlesburg  and  its  enterprising  and  gentle- 
manly citizens. 

The  enthusiasm  that  greeted  this  announce- 
ment was  distinctly  audible  for  two  blocks  each 
way  on  Main  Street,  and  in  the  midst  of  it  the 
Honorable  G.  W.  Battles  arose  to  once  more 
make  the  speech  of  his  life.  He  could  assure 

304 


WALLINGFORD 

Colonel  Wallingford  that  there  would  be  no 
trouble  in  influencing  the  City  Council  to  grant 
him  a  franchise,  for  the  Chamber  of  Com- 
merce had  means  of  coercing  the  City  Council ; 
which  was  a  splendid  joke,  for  every  member 
of  the  City  Council  was  also  a  member  of  the 
Chamber  of  Commerce,  and  they  were  all 
present.  Such  a  quantity  of  mutual  good  will 
and  esteem  was  never  before  uncorked  in  so 
limited  a  space  as  the  social  room  of  Odd  Fel- 
lows' Hall,  and  Clint  Eichards  was  quite  lost 
to  find  new  adjectives  for  the  front  page  of 
the  next  day's  issue  of  the  Blade.  The  glori- 
ous news,  together  with  some  striking  illustra- 
tions of  the  healthy  advance  of  Battlesburg 
real  estate,  was  copied  in  the  papers  of  Paris, 
London,  Dublin,  Berlin  and  Rome.  In  those 
towns,  too,  the  same  civic  activity  was  exhib- 
ited, the  same  golden  hopes  were  aroused,  the 
same  era  of  prosperity  set  in;  and  the  papers 
of  those  villages  vied  with  each  other  in  chron- 
icling the  evidences  of  increased  wealth  that 
had  come  upon  them.  Franchises,  therefore, 
were  to  be  had  by  the  munificent  Colonel  Wal- 
lingford without  the  asking.  Before  he  could 
even  appeal  to  them,  village  councils  had  given 
him  the  exclusive  use  of  their  only  desirable 
streets  for  fifty  years  without  money  and  with- 

ao-Wallingford  305 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

out  price.  Ground  for  stations  was  donated 
everywhere,  and  when  Wallingford  started  out 
to  secure  a  right  of  way  from  the  regenerated 
farmers,  who  in  these  days  kept  themselves 
posted  by  telephone  and  rural  free  delivery, 
his  triumphant  progress  would  have  sickened 
with  envy  the  promoters  of  legitimate  traction 
lines. 

Discarding  the  big  touring  car,  he  secured  a 
horse  and  buckboard,  and  donning  yellow 
leather  boots  with  straps  and  buckles  at  the 
calf,  appeared  upon  the  road  the  very  apothe- 
osis of  a  constructive  engineering  contractor; 
and  when  he  stepped  to  the  ground,  big  and 
hearty,  and  head  and  shoulders  above  nearly 
every  man  he  went  to  see,  when  he  gave  them 
that  cordial  handclasp  and  laughed  down  upon 
them  in  that  jovial  way,  every  battle  was  half 
won.  The  thorough  democracy  of  the  man — 
that  was  what  caught  them!  Moreover,  the 
value  of  every  foot  of  ground  along  the  trac- 
tion line  was  to  be  enhanced;  at  every  farm- 
house was  to  be  an  official  stopping  point  with 
a  platform ;  cars  were  to  be  run  at  least  every 
hour;  it  would  be  possible  to  go  to  town  in 
either  direction,  perform  an  errand  and  get 
oack  quickly,  at  infinitesimal  cost  and  without 
sparing  a  horse  from  the  field;  sidings  were 

306 


NEVER  IN  ALL  HER  MARRIED  LIFE  HAD  SHE  ENJOYED  ANY 
POSITION  APPROACHING  THIS 


WALLINGFOKD 

to  be  made  everywhere,  and  wheat  cars,  when- 
ever required,  would  be  loaded  directly  from 
the  fields,  the  cost  of  transportation  being 
guaranteed  to  remain  less  than  one  half  that 
charged  by  the  railroad;  express  cars  were  to 
be  inaugurated,  and  upon  these,  milk,  butter, 
eggs,  produce  of  all  kinds,  could  be  shipped  at 
trifling  expense. 

While  Wallingford  was  enjoying  this  new 
role  he  had  created,  his  wife  had  also  her  taste 
of  an  entirely  new  life.  She  had  no  more  than 
settled  down  in  her  new  house  than  Mrs.  G. 
W.  Battles  called  upon  her.  Following  her  lead 
came  Mrs.  Geldenstein  and  Mrs.  Quig  and  Mrs. 
Dorsett  and  the  other  acknowledged  social  lead- 
ers of  the  town.  True,  they  criticised  her  house, 
her  gowns,  her  manner  of  speech,  her  way  of 
doing  up  her  hair,  but,  this  solemn  duty  per- 
formed, they  unanimously  agreed  that  she  was 
a  distinct  acquisition  to  the  polite  life  of  the 
place.  Never  in  all  her  married  existence  had 
she  enjoyed  any  position  approaching  this. 
They  had  been  nomads  always,  but  now  she 
had  actual  calls  to  make,  actual,  sober,  formal 
friendships  to  cement,  all  these  made  possible 
by  her  husband's  vast  importance  in  the  com- 
munity; and  upon  Wallingford 's  triumphant 
return  from  his  campaign  for  the  right  of  way 

307 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

he  was  surprised  to  find  her  grown  so  young 
and  care-free. 

"I  like  this  place,  Jim,"  she  told  him  in  ex- 
planation. " Let's  fix  it  to  stay  here  always." 

He  gazed  down  at  her  and  laughed. 

"What  have  you  been  doing?"  he  inquired. 
"Giving  pink  teas?  Getting  full  credit  for 
your  diamonds  and  those  Paris  dresses  and 
hats?" 

She  laughed  with  him  in  sheer  lightness  of 
spirit. 

"It's  more  than  that,"  she  said.  "It  is  be- 
cause I'm  a  human  being  at  last.  I  have  a 
chance  to  be  a  real  woman  like  other  women, 
and  it  is  nice  to  have  everybody  looking  up  to 
you  as  the  biggest  man  in  town,  not  even  ex- 
cepting Mr.  Battles.  Why,  you  could  go  to 
the  Legislature  from  here!  You  could  be 
elected  to  any  office  they  have!  You  could 
even  be  governor,  I  think." 

He  laughed  again  and  shook  his  head. 

"There  isn't  enough  in  it,"  he  assured  her. 
"I'd  rather  promote  a  traction  line.  This  is 
the  best  ever.  Why,  Fanny,  the  entire  popu- 
lation, on  both  sides  of  the  road  for  a  solid 
hundred  miles,  is  laying  awake  nights  and  turn- 
ing handsprings  by  day,  all  just  to  make  money 
for  yours  truly." 

308 


WALLINGFORD 

"They  owe  it  to  you,"  she  insisted.  "Look 
how  much  money  you're  making  for  them. 
The  only  thing  I  don't  like  about  it  is  that 
you're  away  so  much.  You  must  manage, 
though,  to  he  home  the  twenty-first.  I'm  going 
to  give  a  lawn  reception. ' ' 

"Fine!"  he  exclaimed.  "Every  little  hit 
helps.  It's  a  good  business  move,"  and  he 
walked  away,  laughing. 


309 


CHAPTEE  XXI 

IN  WHICH  THE  SHEEP  ABE  SHEAKED  AND  SKINNED 
AND  THEIR  HIDES  TANNED 

AN   engineer    appeared   upon   the    scene 
and   ran    a   line    straight   down   the 
center  of  Main  Street,  amid  intense 
excitement  on  the  part  of  the  pop- 
ulace;   then  he  trailed   off  into   the   country, 
and  farmers  driving  into  town  reported  see- 
ing him  at  work  all  along  the  line.     It  was 
strange  the  amount  of  business  that  farmers 
found  in  town  of  late.     Never  before  had  so 
brisk  a  country  trade  been  enjoyed  at  this  sea- 
son of  the  year,  and  the  results  were  far-reach- 
ing.    The  Honorable  G.  W.  Battles,  on  tlie  oc- 
casion  of   one  of  Wallingf ord 's  visits   to  the 
bank,  invited  him  into  the  back  room. 

"Are  you  going  to  build  that  hotel,  Colonel?" 
he  asked  as  soon  as  they  were  seated. 

"I  scarcely  think  so,"  replied  Wallingf  ord 
with  apparent  reluctance.  "The  traction  line 
itself  is  going  to  take  all  my  time  to  look  after 
it,  and  I  really  do  not  see  how  I  can  take  part 
in  any  other  work  of  magnitude." 

310 


WALLINGFOKD 

"That  lot,  then,"  began  Mr.  Battles  hesi- 
tatingly. "Ton  know  that  property  belongs 
to  me.  Judge  Lampton,  on  the  very  day  you 
first  stopped  here,  came  for  a  power  of  at- 
torney to  dispose  of  it.  Of  course  your  option 
hasn't  expired  yet,  but  if  you  don't  figure  on 
using  the  ground  I  might  consider  the  build- 
ing of  a  hotel  myself." 

"Good  investment,"  declared  Wallingford. 
"Just  pay  me  the  difference  in  increased  val- 
uation and  take  over  the  site." 

"The  difference  in  valuation?"  mused  Mr. 
Battles.  "Of  course,  I  appreciate  the  fact  that 
you  are  entitled  to  some  of  the  wealth  you  pro- 
duce for  us.  About  how  much  do  you  think  the 
property  has  increased?" 

"Oh,  about  four  times,"  estimated  Walling- 
ford. "The  lot's  probably  worth  two  thousand 
by  now." 

He  had  looked  for  a  vigorous  objection  to 
this,  but  when  the  other  turned  to  a  scratch 
pad  and  began  figuring,  he  was  sorry  that  he 
had  not  asked  more,  for  presently  Mr.  Battles 
turned  to  him  with : 

"Well,  in  the  way  property  has  been  going, 
I  presume  the  lot  is  worth  about  two  thou- 
sand. You  paid  a  twenty-five-dollar  option  to 
hold  it  for  ninety  days,  and  that,  of  course, 

311 


GET- RICH-QUICK 

you  lose.  You  owe  me  five  hundred  for  the 
property  and  I  owe  you  two  thousand." 

With  no  further  words  he  took  from  his  desk 
his  private  check  book  and  wrote  Mr.  Walling- 
ford  an  order  for  fifteen  hundred  dollars. 
Then,  as  by  a  common  impulse,  they  walked 
straight  up  to  the  office  of  the  Battlesburg 
Blade.  That  evening's  issue  flamed  anew. 
The  big  hotel  was  a  certainty.  It  would  be 
called  the  Battles  House.  It  would  be  four  or 
five  stories  in  height,  and  ground  would  be 
broken  for  it  as  soon  as  the  plans  could  be 
prepared.  In  the  same  item  were  published 
the  details  of  the  real  estate  transaction.  Mr. 
Battles  had  paid  two  thousand  dollars  for  his 
own  property,  which,  less  than  two  months  be- 
fore, he  had  agreed  to  sell  at  five  hundred  dol- 
lars! Battlesburg  was  waking  up. 

Mr.  Geldenstein  and  Henry  Quig  came  to 
Mr.  Wallingford  with  another  proposition. 
Did  he  intend  to  build  the  new  opera  house, 
or  would  he  care  to  dispose  of  the  property  he 
had  secured  with  that  end  in  view  I  As  a  favor 
to  them  he  would  dispose  of  it.  With  the 
money  he  had  received  from  Mr.  Battles  he 
had  already  taken  up  his  option  on  this  and 
other  property,  and  he  let  the  opera-house 
syndicate  have  it  for  three  thousand,  four 

312 


WALLINGFOBD 

times  what  it  had  cost  him.  In  the  papers  of 
Paris,  London,  Dublin,  Berlin,  Eome,  these 
things  were  retold,  and  the  temperature  of 
those  places  went  up  another  degree  or  two. 
Keeping  his  fingers  carefully  upon  the  pulse 
of  the  town,  Wallingford  began  to  draw  upon 
his  capital  and  close  in  his  options.  Men 
whose  property  he  had  been  holding  in  leash, 
accepted  that  money  with  wailing  and  gnash- 
ing of  teeth,  but,  within  a  week,  whatever  of 
selfish  bitterness  they  might  have  held  was  for- 
gotten in  the  fever  of  speculation;  for  by  the 
end  of  that  time  there  appeared  on  the  hill 
just  east  of  town  a  gang  of  men  with  horses 
and  scrapers — and  they  began  chipping  off 
the  top  of  that  hill!  Wallingford  was  out 
there  every  morning  in  his  buckboard  and  yel- 
low leggings  and  yellow  leather  cap.  The 
Battlesburg  Blade  and  all  the  other  papers 
from  Lewisville  to  Elliston  blazed  with  the 
fact  that  actual  construction  work  had  begun 
upon  the  L.,  B.  &  E.,  and  the  time  when  trol- 
leys would  begin  to  whiz  through  the  main 
streets  of  a  dozen  villages  was  calculated  to  a 
second.  Supply  men,  the  agents  of  street  car 
shops,  of  ironworks,  of  electrical  machinery 
and  the  like,  began  flocking  to  Battlesburg 
until  even  Pete  Parsons  woke  up  and  raised 

sis 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

his  hotel  rates ;  and  the  arrival  of  each  one  of 
them  was  heralded  in  Colonel  Wallingf ord 's 
invaluable  adjunct,  the  Evening  Blade.  From 
these  men  Wallingf  ord  secured  "cuts,"  which 
he  distributed  gratis,  and  pictures  of  the  pala- 
tial L.,  B.  &  E.  cars  appeared  in  all  the  papers 
along  its  right  of  way;  photographs  of  the 
special  wheat  cars,  of  the  freight  and  express 
cars,  even  of  the  through  sleeping  cars  which 
would  traverse  the  L.,  B.  &  E.,  carrying  pas- 
sengers from  the  western  limit  of  the  Midland 
Valley  traction  system  to  the  most  eastern 
point  of  the  Golden  West  traction  system. 

Ground  for  the  opera  house  and  the  hotel 
was  broken  within  a  month,  and,  immediately, 
upon  this,  small  gangs  of  men  were  set  to  work 
grading  near  half  a  dozen  different  towns  at 
once  upon  the  projected  route.  The  supreme 
moment  of  Wallingf  ord 's  planning  had  ar- 
rived, for  now  leaped  into  devouring  flame  the 
blaze  that  he  had  kindled.  What  had  at  first 
been  a  quickening  of  business  became  a  craze. 
At  a  rapidly  accelerating  pace  property  began 
to  change  hands,  with  a  leap  in  value  at  every 
change.  Men  thought  by  day  and  dreamt  by 
night  of  nothing  but  real  estate  speculation. 
A  hundred  per  cent,  could  be  made  in  a  day 
by  a  lucky  trade.  A  mere  "suburban"  lot  that 

314 


WALLINGFORD 

was  purchased  in  the  morning  for  two  hundred 
and  fifty  dollars,  by  night  could  be  sold  for 
five  hundred,  and  every  additional  transaction 
added  fuel  to  the  flames.  The  papers  chron- 
icled these  deals  as  examples  of  the  wonderful 
wealth  that  had  suddenly  descended  upon  their 
respective  towns.  Money,  long  hoarded,  leaped 
forth  from  its  hiding  places.  Everybody  had 
money,  everybody  was  making  money.  Even 
the  farmers  made  real  estate  purchases  in  the 
towns,  not  to  hold,  but  to  turn  over.  The  craze 
for  speculation  had  at  last  seized  upon  them 
all,  and  it  was  now  that  Wallingford  began  to 
reap  his  harvest.  A  sale  here,  a  sale  there, 
with  an  occasional  purchase  to  offset  them, 
and  he  gradually  began  to  unload,  making  it  a 
rule  never  to  close  a  deal  that  did  not  net  him 
ten  times  the  amount  that  he  had  invested. 
He  was  on  the  road  constantly  now,  first  in 
one  village  and  then  in  another,  ostensibly  to 
look  after  details  of  the  building  of  his  route, 
but  in  reality  to  snap  up  money  that  was  cer- 
tain to  be  offered  him  for  this  or  that  or  the 
other  piece  of  property  that  he  held. 

And  all  this  time  the  people  to  whom  he 
sold  were  raving  of  the  wealth  that  he  had 
made  for  them!  Battlesburg  nor  any  other 
town  stopped  for  a  moment  to  consider  that 

315 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

he  had  brought  it  not  one  cent  of  new  wealth; 
that  the  money  they  were  passing  so  fever- 
ishly from  hand  to  hand  was  their  own;  that 
the  values  he  had  created  for  them  were  purely 
artificial.  They  would  only  realize  this  after 
he  had  gone,  and  then  would  come  gradually 
the  knowledge  that,  in  place  of  creating  wealth, 
he  had  lost  it  to  them  in  the  exact  amount  that 
he  carried  away.  Never  in  all  his  planning 
had  it  crossed  his  mind  really  to  build  a  trac- 
tion line.  Throughout  a  stretch  of  a  hundred 
miles  he  had  succeeded  in  starting  a  mad,  un- 
reasoning scramble  for  real  estate,  and  he, 
having  bought  first  to  sell  last,  was  the  prin- 
cipal gainer.  He  was  unloading  now  at  flood- 
tide  from  one  end  of  the  line  to  the  other,  and 
the  ebb  would  see  all  these  thousands  of  peo- 
ple standing  dazed  and  agape  upon  the  barren 
beach  of  their  hopes.  Some  few  shrewd 
ones  would  be  ahead,  but  for  the  most  part 
the  "investors"  would  find  themselves 
with  property  upon  their  hands  bought  at 
an  absurd  valuation  that  could  never  be 
realized. 

At  no  time  did  Wallingford  talk  to  his  wife 
about  his  plans  and  intentions.  She,  like  the 
rest  of  them,  saw  the  work  apparently  pushing 
forward,  and  gave  herself  up  to  the  social  tri- 

316 


WALLINGFOED 

umphs  that  were  hers  at  last.  She  was  su- 
premely happy,  and  her  lawn  reception  upon 
the  twenty-first  was,  to  quote  the  Battlesburg 
Blade,  "the  most  exclusive  and  recherche  al 
fresco  function  of  a  decade,"  and  Wallingford, 
hurrying  in  late  from  the  road,  scarcely  recog- 
nized his  wife  as,  in  a  shimmering  white  gown, 
she  moved  among  her  guests  with  a  flush  upon 
her  cheeks  that  heightened  the  sparkling  of  her 
eyes.  The  grounds  had  been  wired,  and  electric 
lights  of  many  colors  glowed  among  the  trees. 
On  the  porch  an  orchestra,  recruited  from  the 
ranks  of  the  Battlesburg  band,  discoursed  am- 
bitious music,  and  Wallingford  smiled  grimly 
as  he  thought  of  the  awakening  that  must  come 
within  a  week  or  so.  He  had  reached  the 
house  unobserved,  and  paused  for  a  moment 
outside  the  fence  to  view  the  scene  as  a  stranger 
might. 

"I  made  it  myself,"  he  mused,  with  a 
strange  perversion  of  pride.  "Pm  the  Big 
Josh,  all  right;  but  it  will  be  a  shame  to  kick 
the  props  out  from  under  all  this  giddy 
jubilee." 

His  wife  discovered  him  and  came  smiling 
to  meet  him,  and  on  his  way  into  the  house  to 
change  his  clothing  Tim  Battles  met  him  at 
tke  porch  steps  with  a  cordial  handshake. 

317 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

"Well,  how  goes  it,  Colonel?"  asked  the 
mayor.  "We're  listening  now  for  the  hum  of 
the  trolleys  almost  any  day." 

"Maybe  you're  deaf,"  retorted  Wallingford 
enigmatically,  and  laughed.  "What  will  you 
do  if  the  golden  spike  is  never  pounded  in1?" 

"Drop  dead,"  replied  the  other  promptly. 
"Every  cent  I  could  lay  my  hands  on  is  in- 
vested in  property  for  which  I'm  refusing  all 
sorts  of  fancy  prices,  and  I'm  not  going  to  sell 
any  of  it  until  your  first  car  whizzes  through 
Main  Street.  Lucky  you  got  back  to-night. 
You'd  regret  it  if  you  didn't  hear  my  speech 
at  the  fountain  dedication  to-morrow." 

"Is  it  upV  inquired  Wallingford  perfunc- 
torily. 

"Up  and  ready  to  spout;   and  so  is  father." 

He  said  this  because  his  father  was  ap- 
proaching them,  and  all  three  of  them  laughed 
courteously  at  the  sally.  When  Wallingford, 
cleansed  and  dressed,  came  downstairs  again, 
he  was  more  jovially  cordial  than  usual,  even 
for  him,  and  made  his  guests,  as  he  always  did, 
feel  how  incomplete  the  evening  would  have 
been  without  his  presence;  but  after  they  had 
all  gone  he  withdrew  into  the  library,  where, 
after  she  had  seen  to  the  setting  of  her  house 
to  rights,  his  wife  joined  him.  He  had  taken 

318 


a  bottle  of  wine  in  with  him,  but  it  stood  upon 
the  table  unopened,  while  he  sat  close  by  it, 
holding  an  unlighted  cigar  and  gazing  thought- 
fully out  of  the  window.  She  hesitated  in  the 
doorway  and  he  looked  up  slowly. 

"Come  in,  Fanny, "  he  invited  her  soberly. 
"Sit  down!"  and  opening  the  wine  he  poured 
out  a  glass  for  her. 

She  sipped  at  it  and  set  it  back  upon  the 
table. 

"What's  the  matter,  Jim?"  she  asked  solic- 
itously. "Don't  you  feel  well?  Aren't  things 
going  right?" 

"Never  felt  better  in  my  life,"  he  declared, 
"and  things  never  panned  out  half  so  good. 
I  guess  I'm  tired.  I  never  pulled  off  anything 
near  so  big  a  game,  but  my  end  of  the  boom  is 
over.  To-day  I  sold  the  last  piece  of  prop- 
erty I  own,  except  this.  Of  course,  I've  been 
too  wise  to  sell  any  of  the  ground  that  was 
given  to  me  for  shops  and  depots  and  terminal 
stations.  I'd  lay  myself  open  to  the  law  if  I 
did  that;  and  the  law  and  I  are  real  chummy. 
I'm  particular  about  the  law.  But  I  am  rid  of 
everything  else,  and,  in  the  five  months  we 
have  been  here,  I  have  cleaned  up  over  two 
hundred  thousand  dollars." 

"The  most  money  we  ever  did  have!"  she 

319 


GET-EICH-QUICK 

exclaimed.  "Is  that  in  addition  to  what  we  had 
when  we  came  here?" 

"All  velvet, "  he  assured  her.  "We  have 
considerably  over  three  hundred  thousand  now, 
all  told;  a  full  third  of  a  million!" 

"I  knew  you  could  do  it  if  you  only  set 
yourself  to  it,"  she  declared.  "And  all  of  that 
fortune,  for  it  is  a  fortune,  Jim,  was  made  in  a 
clean,  honorable  way." 

He  looked  up  at  her,  puzzled.  Could  it  be 
possible  that  she  did  not  understand? 

"7s  a  dollar  honest?"  he  responded  dryly, 
and  he  talked  no  more  of  business  that  night. 

The  next  morning  ushered  in  a  great  day  for 
Battlesburg.  Early  in  the  dawn  two  carpenters 
appeared  in  Courthouse  Square  and  began  put- 
ting up  a  platform;  but,  early  as  they  were, 
boys  were  already  on  the  ground,  trying  to 
peer  beneath  the  mysterious  swathings  of  the 
"veiled"  fountain.  Dan  Hopkins  set  up  his  ice 
cream  and  candy  stand,  and  hoarse  Jim  Holler 
appeared  with  his  red  and  blue  and  green  toy 
balloons.  About  nine  o'clock  the  farm  wagons 
came  lumbering  into  town  with  the  old  folks. 
About  ten,  smart  "rigs"  drawn  by  real  "high 
steppers"  came  speeding  in  ahead  of  whirling 
clouds  of  dust,  and  these  rigs  carried  the  young 
folks.  By  noon  there  were  horses  tied  to  every 

320 


WALLINGFORD 

hitching-post,  and  genuine  throngs  shuffled  aim- 
lessly up  one  side  of  Main  Street  and  down  the 
other.  There  was  the  sound  of  shrieking 
whistles  and  of  hoarse  tin  horns;  there  was  the 
usual  fight  in  front  of  Len  Bradley 's  blacksmith 
shop.  At  one  o'clock  strange  noises  were 
wafted  out  upon  the  street  from  Odd  Fellows' 
Hall.  The  Battleshurg  brass  band  was  practic- 
ing. At  one-thirty  Courthouse  Square  was 
jammed  from  fence  to  fence,  and  the  street  was 
black  with  people,  the  narrow  lane  between 
being  constantly  broken  by  perspiring  mothers 
darting  frantically  after  "Willie  and  Susie  and 
Baby  Johnnie. 

Za-a-a-am!  At  last  here  came  the  band,  two 
and  two,  down  the  street,  to  the  inspiriting 
strains  of  "Marching  Through  Georgia,"  with 
Will  Derks  at  the  head  in  a  shako  two  feet  high 
and  performing  the  most  marvelous  gyrations 
with  a  shining  brass  baton.  Throw  it  whirling 
right  over  a  telephone  wire,  for  instance,  and 
never  miss  a  stroke!  Right  through  the  crowd 
went  the  band,  and  in  about  ten  minutes  it  came 
back  to  the  lively  step  of  "The  Girl  I  Left  Be- 
hind Me."  Following  the  music  came  car- 
riages, trailed  off  by  Ben  Kirby's  gayly  deco- 
rated grocery  wagon ;  and  in  the  first  carriage  of 
all  were  the  Honorable  G.  W.  Battles,  the  Hon- 

2i—Wattingford  321 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

orable  Timothy  Battles,  Judge  Lampton,  and 
last,  but  not  least,  that  master  of  golden  plenty, 
Colonel  J.  Rufus  Wallingford!  Ah,  there  rode 
the  progress  and  prosperity,  the  greatness  and 
power,  the  initiative  and  referendum  not  only  of 
Battlesburg,  but  of  a  dozen  once  poor,  now 
rich,  villages  between  Lewisville  and  Elliston! 
Amid  mingled  music  and  huzzas  the  noble  as- 
semblage took  their  places  upon  the  platform, 
the  gentlemen  in  the  front  row,  the  ladies  in  the 
rear;  and,  at  one  side,  was  a  table  and  a  chair 
for  that  thoroughly  alive  representative  of  the 
press,  Clint  Richards. 

The  band  stopped  abruptly.  The  Honorable 
G.  W.  Battles  had  held  up  his  hand  for  silence. 
He  had  the  honor  to  introduce  the  speaker  of 
the  day,  Mayor  Timothy  Battles,  but  before 
doing  so  he  would  take  up  a  trifle  of  their  time, 
only  a  few  brief  moments,  to  congratulate  his 
beloved  fellow  citizens  upon  the  brave  and 
patriotic  struggle  they  had  made  to  bring  Bat- 
tlesburg to  such  a  thriving  condition  that  it 
could  attract  Eastern  capital;  and  in  vivid, 
glowing,  burning  words  he  depicted  the  glori- 
ous future  that  awaited  Battlesburg  when  she 
should  become  the  new  Queen  of  the  Prairies, 
the  new  Metropolis  of  the  Middle  West,  the 
new  Arbiter  of  Commerce  and  Wealth!  No- 

322 


WALLINGFORD 

body  escaped  the  Honorable  G.  W.  Battles. 
From  the  farmer's  hired  hand  who  tilled  the 
soil  to  the  millionaire  whose  enterprise  had 
made  so  much  possible  to  them,  he  gave  to  every 
man  his  just  and  due  meed  of  praise,  and  there 
was  not  one  within  hearing  of  his  voice  who  did 
not  ache  at  that  very  moment  to  vote  for  the 
Honorable  G.  W.  Battles,  for  something,  for 
anything!  For  full  forty-five  minutes  he  in- 
troduced the  speaker  of  the  day,  sitting  down 
at  last  amid  deafening  cheers  that  were  so  aptly 
described  in  that  evening's  issue  of  the  Bat- 
tlesburg  Blade  as  "salvos  of  applause." 

The  Honorable  Timothy  Battles,  mayor  of 
Battlesburg,  had  also  but  very  little  to  say. 
He  also  would  not  take  up  much  of  their  time. 
It  was  merely  his  privilege  to  introduce  a 
gentleman  whom  they  all  knew  well,  one  who 
had  come  among  them  modestly  and  unobtru- 
sively, asking  nothing  for  himself,  but  bring- 
ing to  them  precious  Opportunity,  of  the 
golden  fruits  of  which  they  had  already  been 
given  more  than  a  taste;  a  gentleman  of  master- 
ful ability,  of  infinite  resources,  of  magnificent 
plans,  of  vast  accomplishment;  in  short,  a 
gentleman  who  had  made  famous,  across  five 
counties  and  to  thousands  of  grateful  people, 
his  own  name  as  a  synonym  for  all  that  was  pro- 

323 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

gressive,  for  all  that  was  vigorous,  for  all  that 
was  ennobling — the  name  of  Colonel  J.  Rufus 
Wallingford! 

"W ailing fordf"  That  was  the  magic  word 
for  which  they  had  waited.  Throngh  all  of 
the  Honorable  Gr.  W.  Battles*  speech  of  intro- 
duction the  name  itself  had  not  been  used, 
although  the  address  had  bristled  with  allu- 
sions to  the  gentleman  who  bore  it.  In  the  same 
manner  the  Honorable  Timothy  Battles,  trained 
in  the  same  effective  school  of  oratory,  had 
held  back  the  actual  name  until  this  dramatic 
moment,  when,  with  hand  upraised,  he  shouted 
it  down  upon  them  and  waited,  smiling,  for  that 
tumultuous  shout  of  enthusiasm  which  he  knew 
to  be  inevitable. 

"WALLINGFORD!"  Courthouse  Square 
fairly  rang  with  the  syllables.  Patiently  the 
Honorable  Timothy  Battles  awaited  the  subsi- 
dence of  the  storm  he  had  so  painstakingly 
created,  smiling  upon  his  beloved  people  with 
ineffable  approval.  Not  yet  was  the  Honorable 
Timothy  Battles  through,  however.  He  had  a 
few  words  to  say  about  the  political  party 
which  he  had  the  honor  to  represent  in  his 
humble  capacity,  and  how  it  had  laid  the 
ground  work  of  the  prosperity  upon  which  their 
friend  and  benefactor,  Mr.  J.  Rufus  Walling- 

324 


WALLINGFORD 

ford,  had  reared  such  a  magnificent  super- 
structure; and  amid  the  deadly  silence  of  en- 
forced respect  he  made  them  a  rousing  political 
speech  for  a  solid  half  hour,  after  which  he 
really  did  introduce  that  splendid  benefactor, 
Colonel  J.  Eufus  Wallingford! 

The  Colonel,  all  that  a  distinguished  capital- 
ist should  be  in  externals,  arose  hugely  in  his 
frock  coat  of  black  broadcloth  and  looked  at 
his  watch.  He  was  not  an  orator,  he  said;  he 
was  a  mere  business  man,  and  as  he  had  lis- 
tened to  the  earnest  remarks  of  his  very  dear 
friends,  the  Honorable  G.  W.  Battles  and  the 
Honorable  Timothy  Battles,  he  felt  very  humble 
indeed.  He  had  done  but  little  that  he  should 
deserve  all  the  glowing  encomiums  that  had 
been  pronounced  upon  him.  The  energetic 
citizens  who  stood  before  him  were  themselves 
responsible  for  the  new  eTa  of  prosperity,  and 
what  trifle  he  had  been  able  to  add  to  it  they 
were  quite  welcome  to  have.  He  only  wished 
that  it  were  more  and  of  greater  value.  He 
would  remember  them,  and  how  they  had  all 
worked  hand  in  hand  together,  throughout  life, 
and  in  the  meantime  he  thanked  them,  and  he 
thanked  them  again  for  their  cordial  treatment 
ever  since  that  first  and  most  happy  moment 
that  he  had  come  among  them.  Thanking  them 

325 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

yet  once  more,  he  mopped  his  brow  and  sat 
down. 

Again  the  Honorable  G.  W.  Battles  was  upon 
his  feet.  He  had  now,  beloved  citizens,  to  call 
their  attention  to  the  beautiful  and  generous 
gift  that  had  been  made  them  by  their  esteemed 
fellow  townsman,  Colonel  J.  Kufus  Wallingford 
(great  applause)  and  the  honor,  moreover,  to 
introduce  to  them  the  charming  wife  of  that 
esteemed  fellow  townsman,  to  whose  fair  hand 
should  be  committed  the  cord  that  was  to  re- 
veal to  Battlesburg  its  first  official  glimpse  of 
this  splendid  gift.  The  cord  was  placed  in  her 
hand;  the  Battlesburg  Band,  at  a  signal  from 
the  Honorable  G.  W.  Battles,  struck  into  "The 
Star-Spangled  Banner;"  the  wife  of  their  es- 
teemed fellow  townsman,  confused,  yet  secretly 
elated,  gave  a  tug  at  the  silken  cord;  the  gray 
shroud  that  had  enveloped  the  new  bronze  foun- 
tain fell  apart;  Jim  Higgins,  waiting  at  the 
basement  window  of  the  courthouse  for  his 
signal,  turned  on  the  cock  and  the  water 
spouted  high  in  air,  a  silver  stream  in  the 
glorious  sunlight  of  midday,  falling  back  to  the 
basin  in  a  million  glittering  diamonds.  At  that 
moment,  gathering  these  descriptive  facts  into 
words  as  he  went,  Clint  Richards  grabbed  his 
notes  from  the  table,  and,  springing  over  the 

326 


WALLINGFORD 

railing  of  the  platform,  forced  his  way  through 
the  cheering,  howling  crowd  to  strike  out  on  a 
lope  for  the  office  of  the  Battlesburg  Blade. 

Well,  it  was  all  over.  The  grand  shakedown 
was  accomplished;  he  had  milked  his  milk;  he 
had  sheared  his  sheep  and  skinned  them,  and 
nailed  their  hides  up  to  dry.  To-morrow,  or 
in  two  or  three  days  at  most,  he  would  quietly 
disappear  and  leave  all  these  Reubens  to  wake 
up  and  find  themselves  waiting  at  the  morgue. 
But  it  had  been  a  skyrocket  finish,  anyhow,  and 
he  reflected  upon  this  with  a  curious  satisfac- 
tion as  he  made  his  slow  progress  to  the  street, 
stopping  at  every  step  to  shake  hands  with 
those  who  crowded  up  to  greet  him  as  the  in- 
comparable human  cornucopia.  It  was  with  a 
sigh  of  relief,  however,  that  he  finally  reached 
home,  where  he  could  shut  himself  away  from 
all  this  adulation. 

"Honest,  Fanny,"  he  confessed  with  an  un- 
easy laugh,  "it's  coming  too  strong  for  me.  I 
want  to  get  away  from  it. ' ' 

"  'Away'!"  she  echoed.  "I  thought  you 
liked  all  this.  I  do.  I  like  the  place  and  the 
people — and  we  amount  to  something  here." 

' '  That 's  right,  puff  up, ' '  he  bantered  her.  ' '  I 
like  that  tight- vest  feeling,  too,  but  I  can 't  keep 
it  going,  for  the  yeast's  run  out;  so  it's  us  for 

327 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

Europe.  Next  spring  I'll  try  this  game  again. 
A  couple  more  such  deals,  and  then  I'll  jump  on 
Wall  Street  and  slam  the  breath  out  of  it.  1 
have  an  idea  or  two  about  that  game " 

He  stopped  abruptly,  checked  by  the  dawning 
horror  in  his  wife's  face,  then  he  laughed  a  bit 
nervously. 

"Go  away  from  here:  from  the  only  place 
where  we've  ever  had  respect  for  ourselves  and 
from  others?"  she  faltered.  "Not  build  the 
traction  line?  Make  all  this  happiness  I've  had 
a  theft  that  is  worse  than  stealing  money! 
Jim!  You  can't  mean  it!" 

"You  don't  understand  business,"  he  pro- 
tested. ' '  This  is  all  perfectly  legal,  and  the 
traction  line  wouldn't  make  me  as  much  in  ten 
years  as  I've  already  cleared.  I'd  be  a  rank 
sucker Hello,  who 's  this  I ' ' 

They  were  standing  before  the  window  of  the 
library,  and  at  that  moment  a  road-spattered 
automobile,  one  of  the  class  built  distinctively 
for  service,  stopped  in  front  of  the  door.  Out  of 
it  sprang  a  rather  undersized  man  with  a  steel- 
gray  beard  and  very  keen  gray  eyes,  but  not  at 
all  impressive  looking.  His  clothing  was  very 
dusty,  but  he  did  not  even  shake  his  ulster  as 
he  strode  up  to  the  porch  and  rang  the  bell. 
Of  all  their  household  not  even  Billy  Ricks  had 

328 


WALLINGFORD 

as  yet  returned,  and  Wallingford  himself 
opened  the  door. 

''Is  this  the  residence  of  Colonel  Walling- 
ford 1 ' '  asked  the  man  crisply. 

"I  am  Mr.  Wallingford." 

"I  am  E.  B.  Lott,  of  the  Midland  Valley 
Traction  System,  which  was  yesterday  con- 
solidated with  the  Golden  West  group.  I 
dropped  in  to  talk  with  you  about  your  Lewis- 
ville-Elliston  line." 

Mrs.  Wallingford  stopped  for  only  a  moment 
to  gather  the  full  significance  of  what  this 
might  mean,  and  then  hurried  upstairs.  She 
was  afraid  to  remain  for  fear  she  might  betray 
her  own  eagerness. 

"Step  in,"  said  Wallingford  calmly,  and  led 
the  way  to  the  library. 


SS0 


CHAPTER  XXH 

J.  BUFT7S  PREFERS  FARMING  IN  AMERICA  TO 
PROMOTING    IN    EUROPE 

THE  Battlesburg  Blade  was  full  of  the 
big  consolidation  for  a  week  follow- 
ing the  providential  visit  of  Mr.  Lott. 
The  Lewis ville,  Battlesburg  and  Ellis- 
ton  traction  line  was  not  merely  an  assured 
fact — it  had  always  been  that  since  the  coming 
of  Colonel  Wallingford — but  it  was  now  even 
a  bigger  and  better  thing  than  ever,  the  key 
to  a  vast  network  of  trolleys  which,  with  this 
connecting  link,  would  have  its  ramifications 
across  more  than  the  fourth  part  of  a  continent. 
The  only  drawback  to  all  this  good  was  that 
they  were  to  lose  as  a  permanent  resident  their 
esteemed  fellow  citizen,  Colonel  J.  Bufus  Wal- 
lingford— since  he  had  sold  his  right  of  way, 
franchises,  concessions  and  good  will — and 
every  issue  of  the  Blade,  from  news  columns 
to  editorials,  was  a  tribute  to  all  that  this 
noble,  high-spirited  gentleman  had  done  for 
Battlesburg. 
A  score  of  impulsive  women  kissed  Mrs.  Wal- 

330 


WALLINGFORD 

lingford  good-by  at  the  train,  while  the  Honor- 
able G.  W.  Battles  strove  against  Billy  Ricks 
and  Judge  Lampton  and  Clint  Richards  for  the 
honor  of  the  last  handshake  with  her  husband; 
and  after  Mrs.  Wallingford  had  fluttered  her 
handkerchief  from  the  car  window  for  the  last 
time,  she  pressed  it  to  her  eyes. 

"I'm  going  to  keep  my  house  there  always," 
she  said,  when  she  had  calmed,  "and  whenever 
we're  tired  of  living  at  other  places  I  want  to 
come  here — home!  Why,  just  think,  Jim,  it's 
the  only  town  you  ever  did  business  in  that  you 
can  come  back  to!" 

He  agreed  with  her  in  this,  but,  by  and  by, 
she  found  his  shoulders  heaving  with  his  usual 
elephantine  mirth. 

"What  is  it?"  she  asked  him. 

"The  joke's  on  me,"  he  laughed.  "The  big- 
gest stunt  I  ever  pulled  off,  and  even  the  baa- 
baas  satisfied.  Why,  Fanny,"  and  the  sur- 
prise in  his  face  was  almost  ludicrous,  "it 
turned  out  to  be  a  legitimate  deal,  after  all!" 

That  was  the  keynote  of  a  startling  new 
thought  which  came  to  him:  that  there  might 
actually  be  more  money  in  legitimate  deals  than 
in  the  dubious  ones  in  which  he  had  always  en- 
gaged ;  and  that  thought  he  took  to  Europe  with 
him  It  dwelt  with  him  in  the  fogs  of  London 

331 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

and  the  sunshine  of  Paris,  at  the  roulette  tables 
of  Monte  Carlo  and  on  the  canals  of  Venice.  It 
was  an  ambition-rousing  idea,  and  with  perfect 
confidence  in  his  own  powers  he  saw  himself 
rising  to  a  commanding  position  in  American 
financial  affairs.  Why,  he  already  owned  a 
round  half  million  of  dollars,  and  the  mere 
momentum  of  this  huge  amount  caused  quite 
an  alteration,  not  only  in  his  mode  of  thought, 
but  of  life.  Heretofore  he  had  looked  upon  such 
gain  as  he  wrested  from  his  shady  transactions 
as  a  mere  medium  of  quick  exchange,  which  was 
to  be  turned  into  pleasure  and  lavish  display 
as  rapidly  as  possible.  When  he  secured 
money  his  only  impulse  had  been  to  spend  all 
of  it  and  then  get  more;  but  a  half  million!  It 
was  a  sum  large  enough  to  represent  earning 
capacity,  and  his  always  creative  mind  was 
busy  with  the  thought  of  how  he  might  utilize 
its  power.  After  all,  it  was  only  another  new 
and  expensive  pleasure  that  he  desired,  the 
pleasure  of  swaying  big  affairs,  of  enrolling 
himself  upon  the  roster  of  the  pseudo-great, 
and  to  that  end,  during  his  entire  European 
trip  he  devoured  American  newspapers  wher- 
ever he  could  find  them,  seeking  for  means  by 
which  he  could  increase  his  fortune  to  one  of 
truly  commanding  proportions.  In  the  mean- 

332 


WALLINGFORD 

time  he  was  as  lavish  as  ever,  scattering  money 
with  a  prodigal  hand;  but  now  it  was  with  a 
different  motive.  He  used  it  freely  to  secure 
the  best  to  be  found  in  the  way  of  luxury,  but  no 
longer  spent  it  merely  to  get  rid  of  it. 

Mrs.   Wallingford,    content,   viewed   Europe 
with  appreciative  eyes,  and  no  empress  swathed 
in   silk  and  diadem-crowned  ever  took  more 
graciously  to  the  pomp  with  which  their  royal 
progress   was   attended   wherever   they   went. 
Wallingford 's  interest  in  foreign  lands,  how- 
ever,  had    suddenly   become   a   business   one. 
Restless  as  ever,  he  moved  from  place  to  place 
with  rapid  speed,  and  covered  in  two  months 
the  ground  that  ordinary  tourists  above  the 
financial  standing  of  "  trippers "  would  think 
they  had  slighted  in  six.    Europe,  as  a  matter 
of  fact,  did  not  please  him  at  all.    Its  laws  were 
too  strict,  and  he  found  in  nearly  every  country 
he  visited,  that  a  man,  unless  he  happened  to 
be  an  innkeeper,  was  expected  to  actually  de- 
liver value  received  for  every  coin  that  came 
into  his  possession!    This  was  so  vastly  differ- 
ent from  the  financial  and  commercial  system 
to  which  he  had  been  used  that  he  became  eager 
to   get  back  home,   and  finally,  having  been 
visited  over  night  with  the  inspiration  for  a 
brilliant  new  enterprise,  he  cabled  his  bankers 

333 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

to  throw  open  a  portion  of  his  account  to 
Blackie  Daw,  and  to  the  latter  gentleman 
cabled  instructions  to  buy  him  a  good  farm  in 
the  middle  of  the  wheat  belt  and  fit  it  for  his 
residence  regardless  of  cost.  Then  he  started 
back  for  the  land  where  the  money  grows. 

The  task  he  had  set  Blackie  Daw  was  very 
much  to  that  gentleman's  liking.  There  had 
arisen  a  sudden  crisis  in  his  "business  affairs," 
that  very  morning,  which  demanded  his  imme- 
diate absence,  not  only  from  his  office,  but  from 
any  other  spot  in  which  the  authorities  might 
be  able  to  find  him,  and,  relieved  of  his  dilemma 
in  the  nick  of  time  by  Wallingford's  money,  he 
immediately  put  an  enormous  number  of  miles 
between  himself  and  New  York.  A  week  he 
spent  in  search,  and  when  he  found  the  loca- 
tion which  suited  him,  he  set  about  his  task 
of  constructing  a  Wallingford  estate  in  great 
glee.  He  built  a  big  new  barn,  the  finest  in 
the  county;  he  put  a  new  front  to  the  house, 
bigger  than  the  house  itself  had  been;  he 
brought  on  load  after  load  of  fine  furniture;  he 
stocked  the  big  cellar  with  beer  and  wines  and 
liquors  of  all  kinds;  he  piped  natural  gas  from 
twelve  miles  away  and  installed  a  gas  furnace 
in  the  cellar  and  a  gas  engine  in  a  workshop 
near  the  barn ;  he  had  electricians  wire  the  place 

334 


WALLINGFOED 

from  cellar  to  attic,  including  the  barn  and  the 
front  porch  and  the  trees  in  the  front  yard,  and 
had  a  dynamo  put  in  to  be  run  by  the  gas  en- 
gine and  to  illuminate  the  entire  estate;  he  in- 
stalled both  line  and  house  telephone  systems, 
with  extension  phones  wherever  they  would  be 
handy,  and,  his  work  finished,  surveyed  it  with 
much  satisfaction.  With  the  mail  carrier  stop- 
ping every  day,  with  the  traction  line  running 
right  past  the  door,  and  with  plenty  of  money, 
he  decided  that  J.  Rufus  would  be  able  to  get 
along,  through  the  winter,  at  least. 

It  was  in  the  early  part  of  September  when 
J.  Eufus,  clad  according  to  his  notions  of  what 
a  gentleman  farmer  should  look  like — a  rich 
brown  velvet  corduroy  suit  with  the  trousers 
neatly  tucked  into  an  eighteen-dollar  pair  of 
seal  leather  boots;  a  twenty-dollar  broad- 
brimmed  felt  hat  upon  his  head;  a  brown  silk 
neglige  shirt  and  a  scarf  of  a  little  deeper 
shade  in  the  "V"  of  his  broad  vest;  an  im- 
mense diamond  gleaming  from  the  scarf — ar- 
rived at  the  Wallingford  estate  in  a  splendid 
equipage  drawn  by  a  pair  of  sleek  bays. 

Marching  in  time  to  the  ringing  " Soldiers' 
Chorus"  from  Faust f  Blackie  Daw  came  down 
the  walk  from  the  wide  Colonial  poreh,  carry- 
ing in  his  arms  the  huge  phonograph  from 

335 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

which  the  music  proceeded,  and  greeted  the 
laughing  new  master  and  mistress  of  the  house 
with  extravagant  ceremony,  while  three  country 
girls,  a  red-cheeked  one,  a  thin  one,  and  a  mor- 
tally ugly  one,  stood  giggling  upon  the  porch. 

1  'Welcome  to  Wallingford  Villa!"  exclaimed 
Blackie,  setting  the  blaring  phonograph  on  the 
gate  post,  and,  with  his  left  hand  tucked  into 
his  coat  bosom,  extending  his  right  hand  dra- 
matically toward  the  porch.  "Welcome  to 
your  ancestral  estates  and  adoring  tenantry!'* 

"Fine  business!"  approved  J.  Eufus,  shak- 
ing hands  with  Mr.  Daw.  "Invite  the  band  in 
to  have  a  drink,  Blackie." 

"Hush!"  admonished  Mr.  Daw  in  a  hoarse 
stage  whisper.  "Not  Blackie.  Here,  in  hiding 
from  the  minions  of  Uncle  Sam,  I  am  Horatio 
Raven.  Remember  the  name." 

"What's  the  matter?"  asked  Wallingford, 
detecting  something  real  beneath  all  this  ab- 
surdity. "I  called  at  your  place  in  Boston,  and 
found  a  corn  doctor's  sign  on  the  door.  I  didn't 
mean  to  plant  you  out  here." 

"Plant  is  the  word,"  responded  Mr.  Daw, 
"and  I've  rooted  fast  in  the  soil.  I'm  going 
to  take  out  naturalization  papers  and  grow  a 
chin  beard.  You're  harboring  a  fugitive,  Jim. 
The  very  day  I  got  your  letter  from  dear  old 

336 


WALLINGFORD 

Lunnon,  throwing  open  a  section  of  your  bank 
account  and  telling  me  to  buy  a  farm,  the  postal 
authorities  took  it  into  their  heads  to  stop  all 
traffic  in  the  Yellow  Streak  gold  mine;  also 
they  wanted  to  mark  one  Horace  G.  Daw  'Ex- 
hibit A, '  and  slam  him  in  a  cold  cage  for  future 
reference;  so  I  put  on  my  green  whiskers  and 
snuck  here  to  the  far,  far  prairies." 

A  certain  amount  of  reserve  had  been  quite 
noticeable  in  Mrs.  "Wallingford,  and  it  was  still 
apparent  as  she  asked  courteously: 

" Where  is  Mrs.  Daw?" 

11  Raven,  if  you  please,"  he  corrected  her,  and, 
in  spite  of  his  general  air  of  flippancy,  his  face 
lengthened  a  trifle.  "Mrs.  Violet  Bonnie  D.," 
he  replied,  "has  returned  to  the  original  lemon 
box  of  which  she  was  so  perfect  a  product,  and 
is  now  delighting  a  palpitating  public  in  'The 
Jolly  Divorcee,'  with  a  string  of  waiting  John- 
nies from  the  stage  door  two  blocks  down 
Broadway  every  night.  Let  us  mention  the 
lady  no  more  lest  I  use  language. ' ' 

"What  a  pretty  place  you  have  made  of 
this!"  exclaimed  Mrs.  Wallingford,  thawing 
into  instant  amiability.  She  had  her  own  rea- 
sons for  being  highly  pleased  with  the  absence 
of  Violet  Bonnie  Daw. 

"Pretty  good,"  agreed  the  pseudo  Raven. 

a  a— Wallingford  337 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

"Step  inside  and  imagine  you're  in  Peacock 
Alley  at  the  Waldorf. " 

With  considerable  pride  he  led  them  in- 
side. Knowing  Wallingford  as  he  did,  he  had 
spared  no  expense  to  make  this  house  as  luxu- 
rious as  fine  furnishings  would  render  it,  and, 
having  considerable  taste  in  Wallingford 's 
own  bizarre  way,  he  had  accomplished  rather 
flaming  results. 

"And  this,"  said  he,  throwing  open  a  door 
upstairs,  "is  my  own  room;  number  twenty- 
three.  Upon  the  walls  you  will  observe  the 
mournful  relics  of  a  glorious  past." 

The  ceiling  was  papered  with  silver  stock 
certificates  of  the  late  Los  Pocos  Lead  Develop- 
ment Company,  the  walls  with  dark  green  shares 
of  the  late  Mexican  and  Eio  Grande  Rubber 
Company,  and  dark  red  ones  of  the  late  St. 
John's  Blood  Orange  Plantation  Company, 
while  walls  and  ceiling  were  divided  by  a  frieze 
of  the  beautiful  orange-colored  stock  certifi- 
cates of  the  late  Yellow  Streak  Gold  Mining 
Company. 

"My  own  little  idea,"  he  explained,  as  Mrs. 
Wallingford  smiled  her  appreciation  of  the 
grim  humor  and  went  to  her  own  dainty  apart- 
ment to  remove  the  stains  of  travel.  "A  re- 
minder of  the  happy  times  that  once  were  but 

338 


WALLINGFOKD 

that  shall  be  no  more.  I  have  now  to  figure  out 
another  stunt  for  skinning  the  beloved  public, 
and  it's  hard  work.  I  wish  I  had  your  ability 
to  dope  up  gaudy  new  boob-stringers.  What 
are  you  going  to  do  with  the  farm,  anyhow?" 

"Save  the  farmers,"  replied  J.  Rufus  Wal- 
lingf ord  solemnly.  *  *  The  farmers  of  the  United 
States  are  the  most  downtrodden  people  in  the 
world.  The  real  producers  of  the  wealth  of  our 
great  nation  hold  the  bag,  and  the  non-pro- 
ducers reap  the  golden  riches  of  the  soil.  "Who 
rises  in  his  might  and  comes  to  their  rescue? 
Who  overturns  the  old  order  of  things,  puts  the 
farmer  upon  a  pinnacle  of  prosperity  and  places 
his  well-deserved  earnings  beyond  the  reach  of 
avarice  and  greed?  Who,  I  ask?  J.  Rufus 
Wallingford,  the  friend  of  the  oppressed  and 
the  protector  of  the  poor!" 

"Good!"  responded  Mr.  Daw,  "and  the  way 
you  say  it  it's  worse  than  ever.  I'm  in  on  the 
play,  but  please  give  me  a  tip  before  the  blow- 
off  comes  so  I  can  leave  the  county." 

"The  county  is  safe,"  responded  Mr.  Wal- 
lingford. "It's  nailed  down.  You  know  me, 
Blackie.  The  law  and  I  are  old  college  chums 
and  we  never  go  back  on  each  other.  I'm  going 
to  lift  my  money  out  of  the  Chicago  wheat  pit, 
and  when  I  get  through  that  pit  will  be  noth- 

339 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

ing  bnt  an  empty  hole.  By  this  time  next  fall 
I'll  have  a  clean,  cool  million,  and  then  I  can 
buy  a  stack  of  blue  chips  and  sit  in  the  big 
game.  I'll  never  rest  easy  till  I  can  hold  a 
royal  flush  against  Morgan  and  Rockefeller,  and 
when  I  skin  them  all  will  be  forgiven." 

"  Jump  right  in,  Jim;  the  water's  fine  for  you 
just  now.  I'm  not  wised  up  yet  to  this  new 
game  of  yours,  but  I've  got  a  bet  on  you.  Go 
to  it  and  win." 

"It's  my  day  to  break  the  bank,"  asserted 
J.  Eufus.  "Your  bet's  safe.  Go  soak  your 
watch  and  play  me  across  the  board. ' ' 

The  telephone  bell  rang  and  Blackie  an- 
swered it. 

"Come  right  over,"  he  told  the  man  at  the 
other  end  of  the  wire.  "Mr.  Wallingford  has 
arrived. ' ' 

He  hung  up  the  receiver  and  conducted  Wal- 
lingford downstairs  into  a  well-lighted  room 
that  jutted  out  in  an  "L"  from  the  house,  with 
a  separate  outside  entrance  toward  the  rear. 

"Observe  the  center  of  a  modern  agricultur- 
ist's web,"  he  declaimed.  "Sit  at  your  desk, 
farmer,  for  your  working  superintendent  is 
about  to  call  on  you." 

J.  Rufus  Looked  around  him  with  vast  appre- 
ciation. 

340 


WALLINGFOED 

* '  I  thought  I  had  my  own  ideas  about  looking 
the  part,"  he  observed,  "but  you  have  me 
skinned  four  ways  from  the  Jack." 

In  the  center  of  the  room  was  a  large,  flat-top 
desk,  and  upon  it  was  an  extension  'phone  from 
the  country  line.  On  the  other  side  was  the  desk 
'phone  and  call  board  of  a  private  line  which 
connected  the  house,  the  barn,  the  granary  and 
a  dozen  fields  throughout  the  farm.  On  one 
side  was  a  roll-top  desk,  and  this  was  Mr. 
Daw 's.  Opposite  was  another  roll-top  desk,  for 
the  "working  superintendent." 

"At  least  one  real  farmer  will  have  to  be  on 
the  job,"  Blackie  explained,  "and  I  nabbed 
Hamlet  Tinkle,  the  prize  of  the  neighborhood. 
He  is  a  graduate  of  an  agricultural  college  and 
all  the  farmers  think  he's  a  joke;  but  I  have  him 
doped  out  as  being  able  to  coax  more  fodder 
from  unwilling  mud  than  any  soil  tickler  in 
these  parts.  He  helped  me  select  the  farm 
library. ' ' 

With  a  grin  at  his  own  completeness  of  de- 
tail, Mr.  Daw  indicated  the  sectional  book- 
cases, where  stood,  in  neat  rows,  the  Govern- 
ment reports  on  everything  agricultural,  and 
treatises  on  every  farm  subject  under  the  sun 
from  the  pip  to  the  boll  weevil.  Filing  cases 
there  were,  and  card  indexes,  and  every  luxury 

341 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

that  has  been  devised  for  modern  office  work. 
With  an  amused  air  the  up-to-date  farmer  was 
leafing  through  one  after  the  other  of  the  con- 
glomeration of  strange  books,  when  Hamlet 
Tinkle  was  ushered  in  by  the  ever-grinning 
Nellie.  He  was  a  tall,  big-boned  fellow,  who 
had  divided  his  time  at  the  agricultural  college 
between  playing  center  rush  and  studying  the 
chemical  capabilities  of  various  soils.  Just 
now,  though  the  weather  was  bracing,  he  wore 
a  broad-brimmed  straw  hat  with  the  front 
turned  up,  and  a  flannel  shirt  with  no  coat  or 
vest;  and  he  had  walked  two  miles,  from  the 
place  at  which  he  had  telephoned,  in  twenty- 
two  minutes. 

"Mr.  Tinkle— Mr.  Wallingf ord, "  said  Mr. 
Daw.  "Mr.  Wallingf  ord,  this  is  the  gentle- 
man whom  I  recommend  as  your  working 
superintendent. ' ' 

Both  Mr.  Wallingford  and  Mr.  Tinkle  ac- 
cepted this  title  with  perfect  gravity. 

"Sit  down,"  said  Wallingford  cordially, 
and  himself  took  his  place  at  the  flat-top  desk 
in  the  midst  of  the  telephones  and  push  but- 
tons. Already  he  began  to  feel  the  exhilara- 
tion of  his  new  role  and  loomed  broadly  above 
his  desk,  from  the  waist  line  up  a  most  satis- 
fying revelation  to  Mr.  Tinkle  of  what  the 

342 


WALLINGFORD 

farmer  of  the  future  ought  to  be  like.  "Mr. 
Eaven  tells  me,"  observed  Wallingford,  "that 
you  are  prepared  to  conduct  this  farm  on 
scientific  principles." 

"Yes,  sir,"  admitted  Mr.  Tinkle.  "I  shall 
be  very  glad  to  show  to  Truscot  County  what 
can  be  done  with  advanced  methods.  Father 
doesn't  seem  to  care  to  have  me  try  it  on  his 
farm.  He  says  he  made  enough  out  of  his 
own  methods  to  send  me  to  college,  and  I 
ought  to  be  satisfied  with  that." 

"Your  father's  all  right,  but  maybe  we  can 
teach  even  him  some  new  tricks.  The  first 
question,  Mr.  Tinkle,  is  how  much  money  you 
want. ' ' 

"Fifteen  a  week  and  board,"  responded  Mr. 
Tinkle  promptly.  "The  seasons  through." 

"Fine!"  responded  Wallingford  with  a 
wave  of  the  hand  which  indicated  that  fifty  a 
week  and  board  would  have  been  no  bar,  as, 
indeed,  it  would  not  have  been.  "Consider 
yourself  engaged  from  the  present  moment. 
Now  let's  get  down  to  brass  tacks,  Mr.  Tinkle. 
I  don't  know  enough  about  farming  to  stuff  up 
the  middle  of  a  cipher;  I  don't  know  which 
end  down  you  plant  the  grains  of  wheat;  but 
wheat  is  what  I  want,  and  nothing  but  wheat!" 

Mr.  Tinkle  shook  his  head. 

343 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

"With  Mr.  Raven's  permission  I  have  heen 
making  tests  of  your  soil,"  he  observed. 
"Your  northeast  forty  is  still  good  for  wheat 
and  will  make  a  good  yield,  possibly  thirty 
bushels,  but  the  southwest  forty  will  do  well  if 
it  gives  you  eight  to  ten  bushels  without  thor- 
ough fertilization;  and  this  will  be  much  more 
expensive  than  planting  it  in  some  other  crop 
for  a  couple  of  years." 

"Jolly  it  any  old  way  to  get  wheat,"  di- 
rected Wallingford.  "Wheat  is  what  I  want; 
all  you  can  get." 

Mr.  Tinkle  hesitated.  He  made  two  or  three 
false  starts,  during  which  his  auditors  waited 
with  the  patience  born  to  those  who  lie  in 
crouch  for  incautious  money,  and  then  dis- 
played his  altruistic  youth. 

"I  have  to  tell  you,"  he  blurted.  "You  have 
here  one  hundred  and  sixty  acres.  Suppose 
that  you  could  get  the  high  average  of  thirty 
bushels  per  acre  from  it.  Suppose  you  got  a 
dollar  a  bushel  for  that  wheat,  your  total  in- 
come would  still  be  less  than  five  thousand  dol- 
lars. You  are  hiring  me  as  manager,  and  you 
will  need  other  hands;  you  have  a  machinist, 
who  is  also  to  be  your  chauffeur,  I  understand ; 
you  have  three  house  servants,  and  upon  the 
scale  you  evidently  intend  to  conduct  this  farm 

344 


WALLINGFORD 

and  your  residence  I  judge  that  you  cannot  get 
along  for  less  than  eight  to  ten  thousand  a 
year.  I  am  bound  to  tell  you  that  I  cannot  see 
a  profit  for  you." 

"Which  of  these  buttons  calls  one  of  the 
girls?"  asked  Wallingford. 

"The  third  button  is  Nellie,"  replied  Mr. 
Daw  gravely,  and  touched  it. 

The  rosy-cheeked  girl  appeared  instantly,  on 
the  point  of  giggling,  as  she  had  been  from  the 
moment  Mr.  Daw  first  engaged  her. 

"Bring  in  my  grip  from  the  hall,"  Mr. 
Wallingford  directed;  "the  one  with  the  labels 
on  it." 

This  brought  in,  Mr.  Wallingford  extracted 
from  it  a  huge  bundle  of  documents  bound 
with  rubber  bands.  Unfolded,  they  proved  to 
be  United  States  Government  bonds,  shares  of 
railroad  stocks  and  of  particularly  stable  in- 
dustrials, thousands  of  dollars  worth  of  them. 
For  Mr.  Tinkle's  inspection  he  passed  over  his 
bank  book,  showing  a  balance  of  one  hundred 
and  fifty  thousand. 

"Wheat,"  cheerfully  lied  Mr.  Wallingford, 
with  a  wave  of  his  hand;  "all  wheat!  Half  a 
million  dollars!" 

"Speculation?"  charged  Mr.  Tinkle,  a  trace 
of  sternness  in  his  voice. 

345 


GET-KICH-QUICK 

" Investment,"  protested  Wallingford.  "I 
never  sold;  I  bought,  operating  always  upon 
margin  sufficient  for  ample  protection,  and  al- 
ways upon  absolute  information  gathered  di- 
rectly from  the  centers  of  production.  This 
farm  is  for  the  purpose  of  bringing  me  more 
thoroughly  in  touch  with  the  actual  conditions 
that  make  prices.  So,  as  you  see,  Mr.  Tinkle, 
the  trifling  profit  or  loss  of  this  venture  in  a 
business  way  is  a  mere  bagatelle." 

Both  Mr.  Daw  and  Mr.  Tinkle  were  regard- 
ing Mr.  Wallingford  with  awe  and  admira- 
tion, but  for  somewhat  different  reasons.  Mr. 
Tinkle,  elated,  went  home  to  get  his  clothes 
and  books,  and  on  the  way  he  put  into  breath- 
less circulation  the  fact  that  the  new  proprietor 
of  the  old  Spicer  place  was  the  greatest  man 
on  earth,  with  the  possible  exception  of  Theo- 
dore Roosevelt,  and  that  he  had  already  made 
half  a  million  dollars  in  wheat!  He  had  seen 
the  money! 

"I  pass,"  observed  Mr.  Daw  to  Mr.  Wal- 
lingford. "I'm  in  the  kindergarten  class,  and 
I  take  off  my  lid  to  you  as  being  the  most  valu- 
able combination  known  to  the  history  of  plain 
or  fancy  robbery.  You  have  them  all  beat 
twice  around  the  track.  You  make  an  amateur 
of  Ananias  and  a  piker  of  Judas  Iscariot." 

346 


CHAPTER  XXIII 

A  CORNER  IN  FARMERS  IS  FORMED  AND  IT  BEHOLDS 
A  MOST   WONDERFUL  VISION 

IT  was  already  high  time  for  fall  planting 
operations  on  the  Wallingford  estate,  and 
Trnscot  County  was  a-quiver  with  what 
might  be  the  result  of  the  new-fangled 
test-tube  farming  that  Ham  Tinkle  was  to  in- 
augurate.   From  the  first  moment  of  his  hir- 
ing  that   young   enthusiast   plunged   into   his 
work  with  a  fervor  that  left  him  a  scant  six 
hours  of  sleep  a  night. 

In  the  meantime  J.  Eufus  took  a  flying  trip 
to  Chicago,  where  he  visited  one  broker's  office 
after  another.  Those  places  with  fine  polished 
woodwork  and  brass  trimmings  and  expensive 
leather  furniture  he  left  without  even  intro- 
ducing himself  —  such  stage  settings  were  too 
much  in  his  own  line  of  business  for  him  not 
to  be  suspicious  of  them — but,  finally,  he  wan- 
dered into  the  office  of  Fox  &  Fleecer,  a  dingy, 
poorly  lighted  place,  where  gas  was  kept  burn- 
ing on  old-fashioned  fixtures  all  day  long, 
where  the  woodwork  was  battered  and  black- 

347 


GET-EICH-QUICK 

ened,  where  the  furniture  was  scratched  and 
hacked  and  bound  together  with  wires  to  keep 
it  intact,  and  where,  on  a  cracked  and  splin- 
tered blackboard,  one  small  and  lazy  boy 
posted,  for  a  score  or  so  of  rusty  men  past 
middle  age,  the  fluctuating  figures  of  the  Great 
Gamble.  Mr.  Fox,  a  slow-spoken  and  abso- 
lutely placid  gentleman  of  benevolent  appear- 
ance and  silvery  mutton-chop  whiskers,  deli- 
cately blended  the  impressions  that  while  he 
was  indeed  flattered  by  this  visit  from  so  distin- 
guished a  gentleman,  his  habitual  conserva- 
tism would  not  allow  him  to  express  his  delight. 

' '  How  much  money  can  you  be  trusted  with  ? ' ' 
asked  Wallingford  bluntly. 

''I  would  not  say,  sir,"  rejoined  Mr.  Fox 
with  no  resentment  whatever.  ''We  have  been 
thirty  years  in  these  same  offices,  and  we  never 
yet  have  had  enough  in  our  hands  to  make  it 
worth  while  for  us  to  quit  business.  Permit 
me  to  show  you  our  books. ' ' 

His  ledger  displayed  accounts  running  as 
high  as  two  hundred  and  fifty  thousand  dol- 
lars that  had  been  intrusted  to  their  care  by 
single  individuals.  But  thirty  years  in  busi- 
ness at  the  same  old  stand!  He  insisted  gently 
upon  this  point,  and  Wallingford  nodded  his 
head. 

348 


WALLINGFORD 

" Before  I'm  through  I'll  make  all  these  bets 
look  like  cigar  money,"  he  asserted,  "but  just 
now  I'm  going  to  put  fifty  thousand  in  your 
hands,  and  I  want  it  placed  in  exactly  this  way : 
Monday  morning,  with  ten  thousand  dollars 
buy  me  one  hundred  thousand  bushels  of  De- 
cember wheat  on  a  ten-cent  margin.  No  more 
money  will  be  put  up  on  this  deal,  so  place  a 
stop-loss  order  against  it.  If  wheat  drops 
enough  to  wipe  out  the  ten  thousand  dollars, 
all  right;  say  nothing  and  report  the  finish  of 
the  transaction  to  me.  I'll  do  my  own  grin- 
ning. If  .wheat  goes  up  enough  to  leave  me 
five  cents  a  bushel  profit,  clear  of  commissions, 
close  the  deal  and  remit.  On  the  following 
Monday,  if  wheat  has  gone  up  from  the  quota- 
tions of  to-day,  sell  one  hundred  thousand 
bushels  more  at  ten  cents  margin  and  close  at 
a  sufficient  drop  to  net  me  five  cents  clear.  If 
it  has  gone  down,  buy.  Do  this  on  five  succes- 
sive Mondays  and  handle  each  deal  separately. 
Get  me  one  winning  out  of  five.  That's  all  I 
want." 

Mr.  Fox  considered  thoughtfully  for  a  mo- 
ment, carefully  polishing  his  bald,  pink  scalp 
around  and  around  with  the  palm  of  his  hand. 
He  gave  the  curious  impression  of  being  al- 
ways engaged  with  some  blandly  interesting 

349 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

secret  problem  along  with  the  business  under 
consideration. 

"Very  well,  sir,"  he  observed.  "Fox  & 
Fleecer  never  makes  any  promises,  but  if  you 
will  put  your  instructions  into  writing  I  will 
place  them  in  the  hands  of  our  Mr.  Fleecer, 
who  conducts  our  board  operations.  He  will 
do  the  best  he  can  for  you." 

Mr.  Wallingford  looked  about  him  for  a 
stenographer.  There  was  none  employed  here, 
and,  sitting  down  to  the  little  writing  table 
which  was  pointed  out  to  him,  he  made  out  the 
instructions  in  long  hand,  while  Mr.  Fox  pol- 
ished away  at  his  already  glistening  pate,  still 
working  at  that  blandly  interesting  secret 
problem. 

Ten  days  later,  at  the  test-tube  farm,  ar- 
rived a  report  from  Messrs.  Fox  &  Fleecer, 
inclosing  their  check  for  fifteen  thousand  dol- 
lars. Wheat,  in  the  week  following  Walling- 
ford's  purchase,  had  fortunately  gone  up 
nearly  six  cents.  This  check,  and  the  accom- 
panying statement  of  the  transaction  which 
had  brought  it  forth,  Wallingford  showed  to 
Ham  Tinkle,  quite  incidentally,  of  course,  and 
Ham,  in  awe  and  enthusiasm,  confided  the  five- 
thousand-dollar  winning  to  Hiram  Hines,  who 
spread  the  report  through  Truscot  County 

350 


WALLINGFOKD 

that  Judge  Wallingford  had  already  made  fif- 
teen thousand  dollars  in  wheat  since  he  had 
come  among  them.  The  savings  of  an  ordi- 
nary lifetime!  The  amount  was  fifty  thousand 
when  it  reached  Mapes  County.  Two  weeks 
later  Messrs.  Fox  &  Fleecer  reported  on  the 
second  of  Wallingford 's  deals.  Wheat  sold  at 
ninety-four  had  dropped  to  eighty-eight.  Luck 
was  distinctly  with  J.  Eufus  Wallingford. 

"Why,  oh,  why,  do  cheap  skates  sell  gold 
bricks  and  good  come-on  men  waste  their  tal- 
ents on  Broadway?"  wailed  Blackie  Daw. 
"But  what's  the  joke,  J.  Rufus?  I  see  your 
luck,  but  where  do  the  surrounding  farmers  get 
in?  Or  where  do  you  get  in  on  the  surround- 
ing farmers?  Show  me.  I'm  an  infant." 

"You  couldn't  understand  it,  Blackie,"  said 
J.  Eufus  with  condescending  kindness.  "The 
mere  fact  that  you  look  on  these  pocket-change 
winnings  as  real  money  lets  you  out.  Wait  till 
I  spring  the  big  game.  To-morrow  night  you 
shall  attend  this  winter's  opening  meeting  of 
the  Philomathean  Literary  Society  at  the 
Willow  Creek  schoolhouse,  and  observe  the 
methods  of  a  real  bread  winner." 

For  the  memorable  occasion  that  he  had 
mentioned,  Wallingford  wore  a  fur-lined  over- 
coat and  quadruple-woven  blue  silk  sweater, 

351 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

and,  being  welcomed  with  great  acclaim,  pro- 
posed for  debate  that  burning  question:  "Be- 
solved:  That  the  farmer  is  a  failure  as  a  busi- 
ness man." 

With  much  stamping  and  pawing  of  the  air 
that  subject  was  thrashed  out  by  Abe  Johnson 
and  Dan  Price  for  the  affirmative,  and  Cal 
"Whorley  and  Ed  Wiggin  for  the  negative.  The 
farmer  as  a  gold-brick  purchaser,  as  prey  for 
every  class  of  tradesmen,  as  a  producer  who 
received  less  net  profit  than  any  other  from 
the  capital  and  labor  invested,  was  presented 
to  himself  by  men  who  knew  their  own  griev- 
ances well,  and  the  affirmative  was  carried  al- 
most unanimously.  Flushed  with  pleasure, 
beaming  with  gratification,  the  most  advanced 
farmer  of  them  all  arose  in  his  place  and  re- 
quested of  the  worthy  chairman  the  privilege 
to  address  the  meeting,  a  privilege  that  was 
granted  with  pleasure  and  delight. 

It  was  an  eventful  moment  when  J.  Bufus 
Wallingford  stalked  up  the  middle  aisle,  passed 
around  the  red-hot,  cannon-ball  stove  and  as- 
cended the  rostrum  which  had  been  the  scene 
of  so  many  impassioned  addresses;  and,  as  he 
turned  to  face  them  from  that  historic  eleva- 
tion, he  seemed  to  fill  the  entire  end  of  the 
schoolroom,  to  blot  out  not  only  the  teacher's 

352 


WALLINGFOKD 

desk  but  the  judges'  seats,  the  blackboard  and 
the  four-colored  map  of  the  United  States  that 
hung  upon  the  wall  behind  him.  He  was  a 
fine-looking  man,  a  solid-looking  man,  a  gentle- 
man of  wealth  and  culture,  who,  unspoiled  by 
good  fortune,  was  still  a  brother  to  all  men. 
Already  he  had  gained  that  enviable  reputa- 
tion among  them. 

Friends  and  neighbors  and  fellow-farmers, 
it  was  startling  to  reflect  that  the  agriculturist 
was  the  only  producer  in  all  the  world  who 
had  no  voice  in  the  price  which  was  put  upon 
his  product !  The  manufacturer  turned  out  his 
goods  and  set  a  price  upon  them  and  the  con- 
sumer had  to  pay  that  price.  And  how  was 
this  done?  By  the  throttling  of  competition. 
And  how  had  competition  been  throttled?  By 
consolidation  of  all  the  interests  in  any  par- 
ticular line  of  trade.  Iron  and  steel  were  all 
controlled  by  one  mighty  corporation  against 
which  could  stand  no  competitor  except  by  suf- 
ferance; petroleum  and  all  its  by-products 
were  in  the  hands  of  another,  and  each  charged 
what  it  liked.  The  farmer  alone,  after  months 
of  weary,  unending  toil,  of  exposure  in  all  sorts 
of  weather,  of  struggle  against  the  whims  of 
nature  and  against  an  appalling  list  of  pos- 
sible disasters,  himself  hauled  his  output  to 

a3—Wallingford  353 


GET-BICH-QUICK 

market  and  meekly  accepted  whatever  was  of- 
fered him.  Prices  on  every  product  of  the  soil 
were  dictated  by  a  clique  of  gamblers  who,  in 
all  probability,  had  never  seen  wheat  growing 
nor  cattle  grazing.  Friends  and  neighbors  and 
fellow-farmers,  this  woeful  condition  must  end! 
They  must  cooperate!  Once  compacted  the 
farmers  could  stand  together  as  firm  as  a 
rock,  could  demand  a  fair  and  reasonable  and 
just  price  for  their  output,  and  get  it.  To-day 
wheat  was  quoted  at  ninety-four  cents  on  the 
Chicago  Board  of  Trade.  If  the  farmer,  how- 
ever, secured  eighty-two  at  his  delivery  point 
in  actual  cash  he  was  doing  well.  There  was 
no  reason  why  the  farmers  should  not  agree 
to  establish  a  standing  price  of  a  dollar 
and  a  half  a  bushel  for  wheat;  and  that  must 
be  their  slogan.  Wheat  at  a  dollar  and  a 
half! 

He  was  vitally  interested  in  this  project,  and 
he  was  willing  to  spend  his  life  and  fortune  for 
it;  and,  in  the  furtherance  of  it,  he  invited  his 
friends  and  neighbors  and  fellow-farmers  to 
assemble  at  his  house  on  the  following  Satur- 
day night  and  discuss  ways  and  means  to  bring 
this  enormous  movement  to  a  practical  work- 
ing basis.  Incidentally  he  might  find  a  bite 
and  a  sup  and  a  whiff  of  smoke  to  offer  them. 

354 


WALLINGFORD 

All  those  who  would  attend  would  please  riser 
in  their  seats. 

As  one  man  they  arose,  and  when  J.  Rufus 
Wallingford,  glowing  with  the  immensity  of 
his  noble  project,  stepped  down  from  that  plat- 
form, the  walls  of  the  Willow  Creek  school- 
house  echoed  and  reechoed  with  the  cheers  which 
followed  his  speech. 

The  Farmers*  Commercial  Association! 
There  had  been  farmers'  affiliations  without 
number,  with  motives  political,  economical, 
educational;  alliances  for  the  purchasing  of 
supplies  at  wholesale  and  for  every  other  pur- 
pose under  the  sun,  but  nothing  like  this,  for, 
to  begin  with,  the  Farmers'  Commercial  Asso- 
ciation had  no  initiation  fee  and  no  dues,  and 
it  had  for  its  sole  and  only  object  the  secur- 
ing of  a  flat,  uniform  rate  of  a  dollar  and  a 
half  a  bushel  for  wheat.  The  first  meeting, 
attended  by  every  able-bodied  tiller  of  the  soil 
in  Truscot  County  and  some  even  from  Mapes 
County,  was  so  large  that  there  was  no  place 
in  the  Wallingford  homestead  to  house  it,  and 
it  had  to  be  taken  out  to  the  great  new  barn, 
where,  in  the  spacious  aisle  between  stalls  and 
mows,  enthusiasm  had  plenty  of  room  to  soar  to 
the  rafters.  One  feature  had  stilled  all  doubts: 
J.  Rufus  Wallingford  alone  was  to  pay! 

355 


GET-BICH-QUICK 

With  a  whoop  the  association  was  organized, 
Judge  Wallingford  was  made  its  president, 
and  with  great  enthusiasm  was  authorized  to 
go  ahead  and  spend  all  of  his  own  money  that 
he  cared  to  lay  out  for  the  benefit  of  the  asso- 
ciation. Only  one  trifling  duty  was  laid  upon 
the  members.  President  Wallingford  intro- 
duced an  endless  chain  letter.  It  was  brief.  It 
was  concise.  It  told  in  the  fewest  possible 
words  just  why  the  Farmers'  Commercial  As- 
sociation had  been  formed  and  what  it  was  ex- 
pected to  do,  laying  especial  stress  upon  the 
fact  that  there  were  to  be  no  initiation  fees 
and  no  dues,  no  money  to  be  paid  for  any- 
thing! All  that  the  members  were  to  do  was 
to  join,  and  when  enough  were  in,  to  demand 
one  dollar  and  a  half  for  their  wheat.  It  was 
a  glittering  proposition,  for  there  was  no 
trouble  and  no  expense  and  no  risk,  with  much 
to  gain.  Every  one  of  the  ninety-odd  who 
gathered  that  night  in  Wallingford 's  barn  was 
to  write  three  or  more  of  these  letters  to  wheat- 
growing  acquaintances,  and  each  recipient  of 
a  letter  was  told  that  the  only  thing  which  need 
be  done  to  enroll  himself  as  a  member  of  the 
order  was  to  write  three  more  such  letters  and 
send  in  his  name  to  Horatio  Raven,  Secretary. 

Horatio   Raven  himself  was   there.     There 

356 


WALLINGFORD 

was  a  barrel  of  good,  hard  cider  on  tap  in  the 
barn,  and  every  few  minutes  Mr.  Raven  could 
be  seen  conducting  one  or  two  acquaintances 
quietly  over  to  the  cellar,  where  there  were 
other  things  on  tap.  Cigars  were  passed 
around,  and  the  good  cheer  which  was  pro- 
vided became  so  inextricably  mingled  with  the 
enthusiasm  which  had  been  aroused,  that  no 
farmer  could  tell  which  was  which.  It  only 
sufficed  that  when  they  went  away  each  one 
was  profoundly  convinced  that  J.  Rufus  Wal- 
lingford  was  the  Moses  who  should  lead  the 
farmers  of  America  out  of  their  financial 
Wilderness. 

During  the  next  two  or  three  days  nearly 
three  hundred  letters  left  Truscot  and  Mapes 
counties,  inviting  nearly  three  hundred  farm- 
ers in  the  great  wheat  belt,  extending  from  the 
Rockies  to  the  Appalachians,  to  take  full  sixty 
per  cent,  more  for  their  produce  than  the  aver- 
age price  they  had  always  been  receiving,  to 
invite  others  to  receive  like  benefits,  and  all  to 
accept  this  boon  without  money  and  without 
price.  It  was  personal  solicitation  from  one 
man  to  another  who  knew  him,  and  the  first 
flood  that  went  out  reached  every  wheat-grow- 
ing State  in  the  Union.  Within  a  week,  names 
and  requests  for  further  information  began 

357 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

pouring  in  upon  Horatio  Raven,  Secretary, 
and  the  card  index  drawers  in  the  filing  cab- 
inet, originally  bought  in  jest,  became  of  actual 
service.  One,  then  two,  then  three  girls  were 
installed.  A  pamphlet  was  printed  explaining 
the  purpose  of  the  Farmers'  Commercial  As- 
sociation, and  these  were  sent  to  all  "  mem- 
bers," J.  Eufus  Wallingford  furnishing  both 
the  printing  and  the  postage. 

Through  the  long  winter  the  president  of 
that  great  association  was  constantly  upon  the 
road,  always  in  his  corduroy  suit  and  his  broad 
felt  hat,  with  his  trousers  tucked  neatly  into 
his  seal-leather  boots.  His  range  was  from 
Pennsylvania  to  Nebraska  and  from  Minnesota 
to  Texas,  and  everywhere  his  destination  was 
some  branch  nucleus  of  the  Farmers'  Com- 
mercial Association  where  meetings  had  been 
arranged  for  him.  Each  night  he  addressed 
some  body  of  skeptical  farmers  who  came  won- 
dering, who  saw  the  impressive  and  instantly 
convincing  "Judge"  Wallingford;  who,  listen- 
ing, caught  a  touch  of  that  magnetic  thrill 
with  which  he  always  imbued  his  auditors,  and 
who  went  away  enthusiastic  to  carry  to  still 
further  reaches  the  great  work  that  he  had 
planned.  By  the  holiday  season  he  had  visited 
a  dozen  States  and  had  addressed  nearly  a 

358 


WALLINGFORD 

hundred  sub-organizations.  In  each  of  these  he 
gave  the  chain  letters  a  new  start,  and  the  De- 
cember meeting  of  the  central  organization  of 
the  Farmers'  Commercial  Association  was  also 
a  Christmas  celebration  in  the  barn  of  that 
progressive  and  self-sacrificing  and  noble 
farmer,  J.  Eufus  Wallingford. 

It  was  a  huge  "family  affair,"  held  two 
nights  before  Christmas  so  as  not  to  interfere 
with  the  Baptist  Church  at  Three  Eoads  or  the 
Presbyterian  Church  at  Miller's  Crossing,  and 
the  great  barn  was  trimmed  with  wreaths  and 
festoons  of  holly  from  floor  to  rafters.  At  one 
end  was  a  gigantic  Christmas  tree,  from  the 
branches  of  which  glowed  a  myriad  of  electric 
lights  and  sparkled  innumerable  baubles  of 
vivid  coloring  and  metallic  luster.  Handsome 
presents  had  been  provided  for  every  man, 
woman  and  child,  and  down  the  extent  of  the 
wide  center  had  been  spread  two  enormous^ 
long  tables  upon  which  was  placed  food  enough 
to  feed  a  small  army;  huge  turkeys  and  all 
that  went  with  them.  At  the  head  of  the 
ladies'  table  sat  Mrs.  Wallingford,  glittering 
in  her  diamonds,  the  first  time  she  had  worn 
them  since  coming  into  this  environment,  and 
at  the  head  of  the  men's  table,  resplendent  in 
a  dinner  coat  and  with  huge  diamond  studs 

359 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

flashing  from  his  wide,  white  shirt  bosom,  sat 
the  giver  of  all  these  bounties,  Judge  J.  Rufus 
Wallingford,  president  of  the  vast  Farmers' 
Commercial  Association.  He  was  flushed  with 
triumph,  and  he  told  them  so  at  the  proper 
moment.  Beyond  his  most  sanguine  hopes  the 
Farmers'  Commercial  Association  had  spread 
and  flourished  in  every  State,  nay,  in  every 
community  where  wheat  was  grown,  and  the 
time  was  rapidly  approaching  when  the  farmer, 
now  turned  business  man,  would  be  able  to  get 
the  full  value  of  his  investment  of  money,  time 
and  toil.  Moreover,  they  would  destroy  the 
birds  of  prey,  feathers,  bones  and  beaks,  fledge- 
lings, eggs  and  nests. 

Around  the  table,  at  this  point,  Horatio 
Eaven,  Secretary,  passed  a  sheaf  of  reports 
upon  the  various  successful  deals  that  Wal- 
lingford had  made,  each  one  showing  a  profit 
of  five  thousand  dollars  on  a  ten-thousand-dol- 
lar investment.  The  secret  facts  of  the  case 
were  that  fortune  had  favored  Wallingford 
tremendously.  By  one  of  those  strange  runs 
of  luck  which  sometimes  break  the  monotony 
of  persistent  gambling  disasters,  he  had  won 
not  less  than  five  out  of  every  six  of  the  con- 
tinuous deals  intrusted  to  Fox  &  Fleecer.  The 
failures  he  kept  to  himself,  and  Ham  Tinkle 

36Q 


WALLINGFORD 

added  to  the  furore  that  the  proofs  of  this  suc- 
cess created  by  rising  in  his  place  and  advis- 
ing them  how,  upon  Wallingford's  certain  and 
sure  advance  information  of  the  market,  he 
himself  had  been  able  to  turn  his  modest  little 
two  hundred  dollars  into  seven  hundred  dur- 
ing the  past  three  months,  with  the  profits  still 
piling  up. 

But  J.  Eufus  Wallingford,  resuming,  saw 
such  profits  vanishing  in  the  future,  for  by  the 
aid  of  the  Farmers'  Commercial  Association 
he  intended  to  wipe  out  the  iniquitous  grain 
and  produce  exchange,  and,  in  fact,  all  gam- 
bling in  food  products  throughout  the  United 
States.  The  scope  of  the  Farmers'  Commer- 
cial Association  was  much  broader,  much  more 
far-reaching  than  even  he  had  imagined  when 
he  at  first  conceived  it.  When  they  were  ready 
they  would*  not  only  establish  a  firm  cash  basis 
for  wheat,  but  they  would  wipe  this  festering 
mass  of  corruption,  called  the  Board  of  Trade, 
off  the  face  of  the  earth  by  the  simple  process 
of  taking  all  its  money  away  from  it.  With 
their  certain  knowledge  of  what  the  price  of 
wheat  would  be,  when  the  time  was  ripe  they 
would  go  into  the  market  and,  themselves,  by 
their  aggregate  profits,  would  break  every  man 
who  was  in  the  business  of  manipulating  prices 

361 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

on  wheat,  on  oats  and  corn  and  live  stock. 
Why,  nearly  one  million  names  were  now  en- 
rolled in  the  membership  of  the  association, 
and  to  these  million  names  circulars  explain- 
ing in  detail  the  plans  of  the  organization  had 
been  mailed  at  a  cost  in  postage  alone  of  nearly 
ten  thousand  dollars.  This  expense  he  had 
cheerfully  borne  himself,  in  his  devotion  to 
the  great  work  of  reformation.  Not  one  penny 
had  been  paid  by  any  other  member  of  the 
organization  for  the  furtherance  of  this  proj- 
ect. He  had  spent  nearly  twenty  thousand 
dollars  in  travel  and  other  expenses,  but  the 
market  had  paid  for  it,  and  he  was  not  one 
penny  loser  by  his  endeavors.  Even  if  he 
were,  that  would  not  stop  him.  He  would  sell 
every  government  bond  and  every  share  of 
industrial  and  railroad  stock  that  he  owned, 
he  would  even  mortgage  his  farm,  if  neces- 
sary, to  complete  this  organization  and  make 
it  the  powerful  and  impregnable  factor  in 
agricultural  commerce  that  he  had  intended  it 
to  be.  It  was  his  dream,  his  ambition,  nay, 
his  determined  purpose,  to  leave  behind  him 
this  vast  organization  as  an  evidence  that  his 
life  had  not  been  spent  in  vain;  and  if  he 
could  only  see  the  wheat  gamblers  put  out  of 
that  nefarious  business,  and  the  farmers  of 

362 


WALLINGFORD 

the  United  States  coming,  after  all  these  toil- 
ing generations,  into  their  just  and  honest 
dues,  he  would  die  with  peace  in  his  heart  and 
a  smile  upon  his  lips,  even  though  he  went  to 
a  pauper's  grave! 

There  were  actual  tears  in  his  eyes  as  he 
closed  with  these  words,  and  his  voice  quivered. 
From  the  foot  of  the  table  Blackie  Daw  was 
watching  with  a  curious  smile  that  was  almost 
a  sardonic  grin.  From  the  head  of  the  parallel 
table  Mrs.  Wallingford  was  watching  him  with 
a  pallor  that  deepened  as  he  went  on,  but  no 
one  noticed  these  significant  indications,  and  as 
J.  Eufus  Wallingford  sat  down  a  mighty  cheer 
went  up  that  made  every  branch  of  the  glitter- 
ing Christmas  tree  dance  and  quiver. 

He  was  a  wonderful  man,  this  Wallingford,  a 
genius,  a  martyr,  a  being  made  in  his  entirety 
of  the  milk  of  human  kindness  and  brotherly 
love;  but  this  rapidly  growing  organization  that 
he  had  formed  was  more  wonderful  still.  They 
could  see  as  plain  as  print  what  it  would  do  for 
them;  they  could  see  even  plainer  than  print 
how,  with  the  certain  knowledge  of  the  price  to 
which  wheat  would  eventually  rise,  they  could 
safely  dabble  in  fictitious  wheat  themselves,  and 
by  their  enormous  aggregate  winnings,  obliter- 
ate all  boards  of  trade.  It  was  a  conception 

363 


GET-EICH-QUICK 

Titanic  in  its  immensity,  perfect  in  its  detail, 
amazing  in  its  flawlessness,  and  not  one  among 
them  who  listened  but  went  home  that  night 
— J.  Eufus  Wallingford's  seal-leather  pocket- 
book  in  his  pocket,  J.  Eufus  Wallingford's  box 
of  lace  handkerchiefs  on  his  wife's  lap,  J.  Eu- 
fus Wallingford's  daintily  dressed  French  doll 
in  his  little  girl's  arm,  J.  Eufus  Wallingford's 
toy  engine  in  his  little  boy's  hands — but  fore- 
saw, not  as  in  a  dream  but  as  in  a  concrete 
reality  that  needed  only  to  be  clutched,  the 
future  golden  success  of  the  Farmers'  Commer- 
cial Association;  and  on  the  forehead  of  that 
success  was  emblazoned  in  letters  of  gold: 

"$1.50  WHEAT!" 


364 


CHAPTER  XXIV 

THE  FARMERS'  COMMERCIAL  ASSOCIATION  DOES  TEB 
RIFIC  THINGS  TO  THE  BOARD  OF  TRADE 

THE  holidays  barely  over,  Wallingford 
was  upon  the  road  again,  and  until  the 
first  of  May  he  spent  his  time  organiz- 
ing  new  branches,  keeping  the  endless 
chain  letters  booming  and  taking  subscriptions 
for  his  new  journal,  the  Commercial  Farmer,  a 
device  by  which  he  had  solved  the  grave  prob- 
lem of  postage.  The  Commercial  Farmer  was 
issued  every  two  weeks.  It  was  printed  on 
four  small  pages  of  thin  paper,  and  to  make  it 
second-class  postal  matter  a  real  subscription 
price  was  charged — five  cents  a  year!  For  this 
he  paid  postage  of  one  cent  a  pound,  and  there 
were  eighty  copies  to  the  pound.  He  could  con- 
vey his  semi-monthly  message  to  a  million  people 
at  a  cost  of  one  hundred  and  twenty-five  dollars, 
as  against  the  ten  thousand  dollars  it  would  cost 
him  to  mail  a  million  letters  with'  a  one-cent 
stamp  upon  them.  And  five  cents  a  year  was 
enough  to  pay  expenses.  On  the  first  of  May, 
the  enterprising  promoter,  who  seriously  as- 

365 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

pired  now  to  become  a  financial  star  of  the  first 
magnitude,  took  a  swift  thousand-mile  journey 
to  the  offices  of  Fox  &  Fleecer,  where  Mr.  Fox, 
polishing,  as  always,  at  his  glazed  scalp,  was 
still  intent  upon  that  bland  but  perplexing 
secret  problem.  Mr.  Wallingford,  as  a  prelim- 
inary to  conversation,  drew  his  chair  up  to  the 
opposite  side  of  the  desk  and  laid  upon  it  a 
check  book  and  a  package  of  documents  with 
a  rubber  band  around  them.  "Four  hundred 
and  twenty-five  thousand  dollars  in  cash  and 
negotiable  securities, "  he  stated,  "and  all  to 
buy  September  wheat." 

Mr.  Fox  said  nothing,  but  unconsciously  his 
palm  went  to  the  top  of  his  head. 

"The  September  option  is  at  this  moment 
quoted  at  eighty-seven  and  one-eighth  cents," 
went  on  Mr.  Wallingford.  "Could  it  possibly 
go  lower  than  sixty-two?" 

"It  is  the  invariable  rule  of  Fox  &  Fleecer," 
said  Mr.  Fox  slowly,  "never  to  give  advice  nor 
to  predict  any  future  performances  of  wheat. 
Wheat  can  go  to  any  price,  up  or  down.  I  may 
add,  however,  that  it  has  been  several  years 
since  the  September  option  has  touched  the  low 
level  you  name." 

"Well,  I'm  going  to  bet  this  four  hundred 
and  twenty-five  thousand  dollars  that  it  don't 

366 


WALLINGFOBD 

go  as  low  as  sixty-two,"  retorted  Wallingford 
stiffening.  "I  want  you  to  take  this  wad  and 
invest  it  in  September  wheat  right  off  the  bat, 
at  the  market,  on  a  twenty-five  cent  margin, 
which  covers  one  million,  seven  hundred  thou- 
sand bushels." 

Mr.  Fox,  his  eyes  hypnotically  glued  upon  the 
little  stack  of  securities  which  represented  four 
hundred  and  twenty-five  thousand  dollars,  and 
a  larger  commission  than  his  firm  had  ever  in 
all  its  existence  received  in  one  deal,  filled  his 
lungs  with  a  long,  slow  intake  of  air  which  he 
strove  to  make  as  noiseless  as  possible. 

"You  must  understand,  Mr.  Wallingford," 
he  finally  observed,  "that  it  will  be  impossible 
to  buy  an  approximate  two  million  bushels  of 
the  September  option  at  this  time  without  dis- 
turbing the  market  and  running  up  the  price 
on  yourself,  and  it  may  take  us  a  little  time  to 
get  this  trade  launched.  Probably  five  hundred 
thousand  bushels  can  be  placed  at  near  the 
market,  and  then  we  will  have  to  wait  until  a 
favorable  moment  to  place  another  section. 
Our  Mr.  Fleecer,  however,  is  very  skillful  in 
such  matters  and  will  no  doubt  get  a  good  price 
for  you. ' ' 

"I  understand  about  that,"  said  Walling- 
ford, ' '  and  I  understand  about  the  other  end  of 

367 


GET-EICH-QTTICK 

it,  too.  I  want  to  turn  this  four  hundred  and 
twenty-five  thousand  dollars  into  a  clean  mil- 
lion or  I  don't  want  a  cent.  September  wheat 
will  go  to  one  dollar  and  a  quarter." 

Mr.  Fox  reserved  his  smile  until  Mr.  Wal- 
lingford  should  be  gone.  At  present  he  only 
polished  his  pate. 

"That's  when  you  would  probably  fall 
down,"  continued  Wallingford;  "when  Sep- 
tember wheat  reaches  a  dollar  and  a  quarter. 
If  you  try  to  throw  this  seventeen  hundred 
thousand  bushels  on  the  market  you  will  break 
the  price,  unless  on  the  same  day  that  you  sell 
it  you  can  buy  the  same  amount  for  somebody 
else.  Will  that  let  you  get  the  price  without 
dropping  it  off  ten  or  fifteen  cents?" 

"Fox  &  Fleecer  never  predict,"  said  Mr.  Fox 
slowly,  "but  in  a  general  way  I  should  say  that 
if  we  were  to  buy  in  as  much  as  we  sold,  the 
market  would  probably  be  strengthened  rather 
than  depressed." 

' '  All  right, ' '  said  Wallingford.  ' i  Now  I  have 
another  little  matter  to  present  to  you. '  '  From 
his  pocket  he  drew  a  copy  of  the  Commercial 
Farmer,  the  pages  scarcely  larger  than  a  sheet 
of  business  letter  paper.  "I  want  an  adver- 
tisement from  you  for  the  back  page  of  this. 
Just  a  mere  card,  with  your  name  and  address 

368 


A  LARGER  COMMISSION   THAN   Fox  AND   FLEECER   HAD    EVER 
RECEIVED  IN  ONE  DEAL 


WALLINGFORD 

and  the  fact  that  you  have  been  in  business  at 
the  same  location  for  thirty  years;  and  at  the 
bottom  I  want  to  put:  'We  handle  all  the 
wheat  transactions  of  J.  Rufus  Wallingf ord. ' 

Of  course  in  a  matter  so  trifling  Mr.  Fox 
could  not  refuse  so  good  a  customer,  and  J. 
Rufus  departed,  well  satisfied,  to  work  and 
wait  while  Nature  helped  his  plans. 

Across  a  thousand  miles  of  fertile  land  the 
spring  rains  fell  and  the  life-giving  sun  shone 
down;  from  the  warm  earth  sprang  up  green 
blades  and  tall  shoots  that  through  their  hol- 
low stems  sucked  the  life  of  the  soil,  and  by  a 
transformation  more  wonderful  than  ever  con- 
ceived by  any  magician,  upon  the  stalks  there 
swelled  heads  of  grain  that  nodded  and  yel- 
lowed and  ripened  with  the  advancing  summer. 
From  the  windows  of  Pullman  cars,  as  he  rode 
hither  and  yonder  throughout  this  rich  terri- 
tory in  the  utmost  luxury  that  travelers  may 
have,  J.  Rufus  Wallingford,  the  great  liberator 
of  farmers,  watched  all  this  magic  of  the  Al- 
mighty with  but  the  one  thought  of  what  it 
might  mean  to  him.  Back  on  the  Wallingford 
farm,  Blackie  Daw  and  his  staff  of  assistants, 
now  half-a-dozen  girls,  kept  up  an  ever-increas- 
ing correspondence.  Ham  Tinkle  was  jealous 
of  the  very  night  that  hid  his  handiwork  for 

94— Wallingford  369 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

a  space  out  of  each  twenty-four  hours,  and  be- 
grudged the  time  that  he  spent  in  sleep.  Dur- 
ing every  waking  moment,  almost,  he  was 
abroad  in  his  fields,  and  led  his  neighbors,  when 
he  could,  to  see  his  triumph,  for  never  had  the 
old  Spicer  farm  brought  forth  such  a  yield,  and 
nowhere  in  Truscot  County  or  in  Mapes  County 
could  such  fields  be  shown.  Upon  these  broad 
acres  the  wheat  was  thicker  and  sturdier,  the 
heads  longer  and  larger  and  fuller  of  fine,  fat 
grain  than  anywhere  in  all  the  region  round. 

The  Farmers'  Commercial  Association,  a 
"combination  in  restraint  of  trade"  which  was 
well  protected  by  the  fear-inspiring  farmer 
vote,  met  monthly,  and  Wallingford  ran  in  to 
the  meetings  as  often  as  he  could,  though  there 
was  no  need  to  sustain  their  enthusiasm ;  for  not 
only  was  the  plan  one  of  such  tremendous  scope 
as  to  compel  admiration,  but  Nature  and  cir- 
cumstances both  were  kind.  There  came  the 
usual  early  rumors  of  a  drought  in  Kansas,  of 
over-much  rotting  rain  in  the  Dakotas,  of  the 
green  bug  in  Oklahoma,  of  foreign  wars  and 
domestic  disturbances,  and  these  things  were 
good  for  the  price  of  wheat,  as  they  were  exag- 
gerated upon  the  floors  of  the  great  boards  of 
trade  in  Chicago  and  New  York.  Through 
these  causes  alone  September  wheat  climbed 

370 


WALLINGFOED 

from  eighty-seven  to  ninety,  to  ninety-five,  to  a 
dollar,  to  a  dollar-five;  but  in  the  latter  part  of 
July  there  came  a  new  and  an  unexpected  fac- 
tor. Dollar-and-a-half  wheat  had  been  the 
continuous  slogan  of  the  Farmers'  Commercial 
Association,  and  every  issue  of  the  Commercial 
Farmer  had  dwelt  upon  the  glorious  day  when 
that  should  be  made  the  standard  price.  Now, 
in  the  mid-July  issue,  the  idea  was  driven  home 
and  the  entire  first  page  was  given  up  to  a 
great,  flaming  advertisement: 

HOLD  YOUE  WHEAT! 
SEPTEMBER  WHEAT  WILL  GO  TO 

$1.50! 
DON'T  SELL  A  BUSHEL  OF  IT  FOE  LESS! 

The  result  was  widespread  and  instantaneous. 
In  Oklahoma  a  small  farmer  drove  up  to  the 
elevator  and  asked: 

11  What's  wheat  worth  to-day?" 

"A  dollar,  even,"  was  the  answer. 

"This  is  all  you  get  from  me  at  that  price," 
said  the  farmer,  "and  you  wouldn't  get  this  if 
I  didn't  need  fifty  dollars  to-day.  Take  it  in." 

"Think  wheat's  going  higher?"  asked  the 
buyer. 

"Higher!  It's  going  to  a  dollar  and  a  half," 
boasted  the  farmer.  "I  got  twelve  hundred 

371 


GET-KICH-QUICK 

bushels  at  home,  and  nobody  gets  it  for  a  cent 
less  than  eighteen  hundred  dollars. ' ' 

"You'd  better  see  a  doctor  before  you  drive 
back,"  advised  the  elevator  man,  laughing. 

Over  in  Kansas  at  one  of  the  big  collecting 
centers  the  telephone  bell  rang. 

"What's  cash  wheat  worth  to-day?" 

"  Dollar-one." 

"A  dollar-one!    I'll  hold  mine  a  while." 

' '  Better  take  this  price  while  you  can  get  it, ' ' 
advised  the  shipper.  "Big  crop  this  year." 

"A  dollar  and  a  half's  the  price,"  responded 
the  farmer  on  the  other  end  of  the  wire. 

"Who  is  this?"  asked  the  shipper. 

"  J.  W.  Harkness." 

The  man  rubbed  his  chin.  Harkness  owned 
five  hundred  acres  of  the  best  wheat  land  in 
Kansas. 

In  South  Dakota,  on  the  same  day,  two  farm- 
ers who  had  brought  in  their  wheat  drove  home 
with  it,  refusing  the  price  offered  with  scorn. 
In  Pennsylvania  not  one-tenth  of  the  grain  was 
delivered  as  on  the  same  date  a  year  before, 
and  the  crop  was  much  larger.  In  Ohio,  in 
Indiana,  in  Illinois,  in  Iowa,  in  Nebraska,  all 
through  the  wheat  belt  began  these  significant 
incidents,  and  to  brokers  in  Chicago  and  New 
York  were  wired  startling  reports  from  a  hun- 

372 


WALLINGFOED 

dred  centers :  farmers  were  delivering  no  wheat 
and  were  holding  out  for  a  dollar  and  a  half ! 

"You  can  scare  the  entire  Board  of  Trade 
black  in  the  face  with  a  Hallowe'en  pumpkin," 
Wallingford  had  declared  to  Blackie  Daw. 
"Say  'Boo!'  and  they  drop  dead.  Step  on  a 
parlor  match  and  every  trader  jumps  straight 
up  into  the  gallery.  Four  snowflakes  make  a 
blizzard,  and  a  frost  on  State  Street  kills  all 
the  crops  in  Texas." 

Results  seemed  to  justify  his  summing  up. 
On  that  day  wheat  jumped  ten  cents  within  the 
last  hour  before  closing,  and  ten  thousand  small 
speculators  who  had  been  bearing  the  market, 
since  they  could  see  no  good  reason  for  the  al- 
ready high  price,  were  wiped  out  before  they 
had  a  chance  to  protect  their  margins.  On  the 
following  day  a  special  edition  of  the  Com- 
mercial Farmer  was  issued.  It  exulted,  it 
gloated,  it  fairly  shrieked  over  the  triumph 
that  had  already  been  accomplished  by  the 
Farmers'  Commercial  Association.  The  first 
minute  that  it  had  shown  its  teeth  it  had  made 
for  the  farmers  of  the  United  States  ten  cents 
a  bushel  on  four  hundred  million  bushels  of 
wheat !  It  had  made  for  them  in  one  hour  forty 
million  dollars  net  profit,  and  this  was  but  the 
beginning.  The  farmers  themselves,  by  stand- 

373 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

ing  together,  had  already  raised  the  price  of 
wheat  to  a  dollar-fifteen,  and  dollar-and-a-half 
wheat  was  but  a  matter  of  a  few  days.  On  the 
boards  of  trade  it  would  go  even  higher.  There 
would  be  no  stopping  it.  It  would  soar  to  a 
dollar  and  a  half,  to  a  dollar-seventy-five,  to 
two  dollars!  Speculation  was  a  thing  ordi- 
narily to  be  discouraged,  yet  under  these  cir- 
cumstances the  farmers  themselves  should  reap 
the  wealth  that  was  now  ripe.  They  should 
take  out  of  "Wall  Street"  and  La  Salle  Street 
their  share  of  the  money  that  these  iniquitous 
centers  of  financial  jugglery  had  taken  from 
the  agricultural  interests  of  the  country  for 
these  many  years.  They  themselves  knew  now, 
by  the  events  of  one  day,  that  the  Farmers' 
Commercial  Association  was  strong  enough  to 
accomplish  what  it  had  meant  to  accomplish, 
and  now  was  the  time  to  get  into  the  market. 
It  should  be  not  only  the  pleasure  and  profit  of 
every  farmer,  but  the  duty  of  every  farmer, 
to  hit  the  gamblers  a  fatal  blow  by  investing 
every  loose  dollar,  on  safe  and  conservative 
margins,  in  this  certain  advance  of  wheat.  On 
the  last  page  of  this  issue  of  the  Commercial 
Farmer  appeared  for  the  first  time  the  ad- 
vertisement of  Fox  &  Fleecer,  and  copies  went 
to  a  million  wheat  growers. 

374 


WALLINGFORD 

The  response  was  many-phased.  Farmers 
who  were  convinced  of  this  logic,  and  those  who 
were  not,  rushed  their  wheat  to  market  at  the 
then  prevailing  price,  not  waiting  for  the  dol- 
lar and  a  half,  but  turning  their  produce  into 
cash  at  once.  To  offset  this  sudden  release  of 
grain,  buying  orders  poured  into  the  markets, 
the  same  cash  that  had  been  received  from  the 
sale  of  actual  wheat  being  put  into  margins 
upon  fictitious  wheat.  Prices  fluctuated  in 
leaps  of  five  and  ten  cents,  and  the  pit  went 
crazy.  It  was  a  seething,  howling  mob,  tossing 
frenzied  trades  back  and  forth  until  faces  were 
red  and  voices  were  hoarse ;  and  the  firm  of  Fox 
&  Fleecer,  long  noted  for  its  conservative  deal- 
ing and  almost  passed  by  in  the  course  of 
events,  suddenly  became  the  most  important 
factor  on  the  floor. 

On  the  ticker  that  on  the  first  of  May  he  had 
installed  in  his  now  mortgaged  house  upon  his 
mortgaged  farm,  "Wallingford  saw  the  price 
mount  to  a  dollar  and  a  quarter,  drop  to  a  dol- 
lar-eighteen,  jump  to  a  dollar-twenty-two,  back 
to  twenty,  up  to  twenty-five,  back  to  twenty- 
two,  up  to  twenty-eight.  This  last  quotation 
he  came  back  into  the  room  to  see  after  he  had 
on  his  hat  and  ulster,  and  while  his  automobile, 
carrying  Blackie  Daw  and  Mrs.  Wallingford, 

375 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

was  spluttering  and  quivering  at  the  door. 
Then  he  started  for  Chicago,  leaving  his  neigh- 
bors back  home  to  keep  his  telephone  in  a  con- 
tinuous jingle. 

Hiram  Hines  met  Len  Miller  in  the  road,  for 
example.  Both  were  beaming. 

" What's  the  latest  about  wheat?"  asked 
Len. 

"A  dollar  twenty-eight  and  seven-eighths," 
replied  Hiram;  "at  least  it  was  about  an  hour 
ago  when  I  telephoned  to  Judge  Wallingford's 
house.  Suppose  its  climbing  for  a  dollar-thirty 
by  now.  How  much  you  got,  Len?" 

"Twenty  thousand  bushels,"  answered  Len 
jubilantly.  "Bought  it  at  a  dollar  twenty-four 
on  a  five-cent  margin,  and  got  that  much  profits 
already,  nearly.  Raised  a  thousand  dollars  on 
my  sixty  acres  and  have  made  nearly  a  thou- 
sand on  it  in  two  weeks;  with  Judge  Walling- 
ford's  own  brokers,  too." 

"So's  mine,"  exulted  Hiram.  "Paid  a  dol- 
lar-twenty-six, but  I'm  satisfied.  When  it 
reaches  a  dollar-forty  I'll  quit." 

Ezekiel  Tinkle  walked  six  miles  to  see  his 
son  Ham  at  the  Wallingford  place. 

"Jonas  Whetmore's  bragging  about  two 
thousand  dollars  he's  made  in  a  few  days  in 
this  wheat  business,"  he  stated.  "I  don't 

376 


WALLINGFORD 

rightly  understand  it,  Hamlet.  How  about  itf 
I  don't  believe  in  speculating,  but  Jonas  says 
this  ain't  speculating,  and  if  there's  such  a  lot 
of  money  to  be  made  I  want  some. ' ' 

"We  all  do,"  laughed  Ham  Tinkle,  who, 
since  he  had  "made  good"  with  his  new- 
fangled farming,  was  accepted  as  an  equal  by 
his  father.  ' '  I  had  two  hundred  when  I  started. 
It's  a  thousand  now,  and  will  be  five  thousand 
before  I  quit.  Bring  your  money  to  me,  father, 
and  I'll  show  you  how  to  get  in  on  the  profits. 
But  hurry.  How  much  can  you  spare?" 

"Well,"  figured  Ezekiel,  "there's  that  fif- 
teen hundred  I've  saved  up  for  Bobbie's  school- 
ing; then  when  I  sell  my  wheat " 

"Don't  do  that!"  interposed  his  son  quickly. 
"Wheat  is  going  up  so  rapidly  because  the 
growers  are  holding  it  for  a  dollar  and  a  half. 
Every  man  who  sells  his  now,  weakens  the  price 
that  much." 

"Is  that  the  way  of  it!"  exclaimed  the  old 
man,  enlightened  at  last,  and  he  kicked  re- 
flectively at  a  piece  of  turf.  "To  make  money 
out  of  this  all  the  farmers  must  hold  their  wheat 
for  a  dollar  and  a  half!  Say,  Hamlet;  Charlie 
Granice  sold  his  wheat  at  a  dollar-six  to  go  into 
this  thing.  Adam  Spooner  and  Burt  Powers 
and  Charlie  Dor  sett  all  sold  theirs,  and  they're 

377 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

all  members   of  this   association.     Ham,   I'm 
going  right  home  to  sell  my  wheat. ' ' 

"They  are  traitors!"  charged  Hamlet  an- 
grily. "I  won't  send  that  money  away  for 
you. ' ' 

' '  Send  it  away ! ' '  retorted  the  old  man.  ' '  Not 
by  a  danged  sight  you  won't!  I'll  sell  my 
wheat  right  now  while  it's  high,  and  put  my 
money  in  the  bank  along  with  the  fifteen  hun- 
dred I've  got  there;  and  you  go  ahead  and  be 
your  own  fool.  I  know  advice  from  your  old 
daddy  won't  stop  you." 

Not  many,  however,  were  like  old  man  Tinkle, 
and  J.  Eufus  Wallingford,  as  he  sped  toward 
Chicago,  was  more  self-congratulatory  than  he 
had  ever  been  in  all  his  life.  A  million  dollars! 
A  real  million!  Why,  dignity  could  now  attach 
to  the  same  sort  of  dealing  that  had  made  him 
forever  avoid  the  cities  where  he  had  "done 
business."  Heretofore  his  operations  had  been 
on  such  a  small  scale  that  they  could  be  called 
"common  grafting,"  but  now,  with  a  larger 
scope,  they  would  be  termed  "shrewd  finan- 
ciering." It  was  entirely  a  matter  of  proportion. 
A  million !  Well,  he  deserved  a  million,  and  the 
other  millions  that  would  follow.  Didn't  he  look 
the  part?  Didn't  he  act  it?  Didn't  he  live  it? 

* '  Me  for  the  big  game ! "  he  exulted.    ' l  Watch 

378 


WALLINGFORD 

me  take  my  little  old  cast-iron  dollars  into  Wall 
Street  and  keep  six  corporations  rotating  in 
the  air  at  one  and  the  same  time.  Who's  the 
real  Napoleon  of  Finance?  Me;  Judge  Wal- 
lingford,  Esquire!" 

"Pull  the  safety-rope  and  let  out  a  little  gas, 
J.  Rufus,"  advised  Blackie  Daw  dryly.  "Your 
balloon  will  rip  a  seam.  The  boys  on  Wall 
Street  were  born  with  their  eye-teeth  cut, 
and  eat  marks  like  you  before  breakfast  for 
appetizers. ' ' 

J.  Rufus  only  laughed. 

"They'd  be  going  some,"  he  declared. 
"Any  wise  Willie  who  can  make  a  million 
farmers  jump  in  to  help  him  up  into  the  class 
of  purely  legitimate  theft,  like  railroad  merg- 
ers and  industrial  holding  companies,  ought  to 
be  able  to  stay  there.  The  manipulator  that 
swallows  me  will  have  a  horrible  stomachache. ' ' 

Mrs.  Wallingford  had  listened  with  a  puzzled 
expression. 

"But  I  don't  understand  it,  Jim,"  she  said. 
"I  can  see  why  you  got  the  farmers  together 
to  raise  the  price  of  wheat.  It  does  them  good 
as  well  as  you.  But  why  have  you  worked  so 
hard  to  make  them  speculate?" 

J.  Rufus  looked  at  her  with  an  amused  ex- 
pression. 

379 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

"My  dear  infant,"  he  observed;  "when  Fox 
&  Fleecer  got  ready  to  sell  my  near-two-million 
bushels  of  wheat  this  morning,  somebody  had  to 
be  ready  to  buy  them.  I  provided  the  buyers. 
That's  all." 

"Oh!"  exclaimed  Mrs.  Wallingford,  and 
pondered  the  matter  slowly.  "I  see.  But,  Jim! 
Mr.  Hines,  Mr.  Evans,  Mr.  Whetmore,  Mr. 
Granice,  and  the  others — to  whom  do  they  sell 
after  they  have  bought  your  wheat?" 

"The  sheriff,"  interposed  Blackie  with  a 
grin. 

"Not  necessarily,"  Wallingford  hastened  to 
contradict  him  in  answer  to  the  troubled  frown 
upon  his  wife's  brow.  "My  deal  don't  disturb 
the  market,  and  I  expect  wheat  to  go  on  up  to 
at  least  a  dollar  and  a  half.  If  these  farmers 
get  out  on  the  way  up  they  make  money.  But 
the  boobs  who  buy  from  them " 

"Ain't  it  funny?"  inquired  Blackie  plain- 
tively. "There's  always  a  herd  of  'em  just 
crazy  eager  to  grab  the  hot  end." 

A  boy  came  on  the  train  with  evening  papers 
containing  the  closing  market  quotations. 
Wheat  had  touched  thirty-four,  but  a  quick 
break  had  come  at  the  close,  back  to  twenty- 
six!  Another  column  told  why.  Every  cent  of 
advance  in  the  actual  grain  had  brought  out 

380 


WALLINGFOKD 

cash  wheat  in  floods.  Members  of  the  great 
Farmers'  Commercial  Association  had  hurried 
their  holdings  to  market,  trusting  to  the  great 
body  of  the  loosely  bound  organizations  to  keep 
up  the  price — and  the  great  body  of  the  organi- 
zation was  doing  precisely  the  same  thing.  At 
bottom  they  had,  in  fact,  small  faith  in  it,  and 
the  Board  of  Trade,  sensitive  as  a  barometer, 
was  quick  to  feel  this  psychological  change 
in  the  situation.  Wallingford  said  nothing  of 
this  to  his  wife.  He  had  begun  to  fear  her. 
Always  she  had  set  herself  against  actual  dis- 
honesty, and  more  so  than  ever  of  late  as  he 
had  begun  to  pride  himself  upon  being  a  great 
financier.  In  the  smoking  compartment,  how- 
ever, he  handed  the  paper  to  Blackie  Daw,  with 
his  thumb  upon  the  quotations. 

" There's  the  answer, "  he  said.  "The  Rubes 
have  cut  their  own  throats,  as  I  figured  they 
would,  and  you'll  see  wheat  tumble  to  lower 
than  it  was  when  this  raise  began.  Hines  and 
Evans  and  Granice  and  the  rest  of  them  will 
hold  the  bag  on  this  deal,  and  they  needn't 
blame  it  to  me.  They  can  only  blame  it  to  the 
fact  that  farmers  won't  stick.  I'm  lucky  that 
they  hung  together  long  enough  to  reach  my 
price  of  a  dollar  and  a  quarter." 

"How  do  you  know  you  got  out?"  asked 

381 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

Blackie,  passing  over  as  a  matter  of  no  moment 
whatever  the  fact  that  all  their  neighbors  of 
Truscot  and  Mapes  Counties,  who  had  followed 
"Judge"  Wallingford's  lead  and  urging  in 
the  matter  of  speculation,  would  lose  their 
all;  as  would  hundreds  if  not  thousands 
of  other  "members"  who  had  been  led 
through  the  deftly  worded  columns  of  the 
Commercial  Farmer  to  gamble  in  their  own 
grain. 

"Easy,"  explained  J.  Eufus.  "The  quota- 
tions themselves  tell  it.  Fox  &  Fleecer  had  in- 
structions to  unload  at  a  dollar  twenty-five, 
and  they  follow  such  instructions  absolutely. 
They  began  unloading  at  that  price,  buying  in 
at  the  same  time  for  my  farmers,  and,  in  spite 
of  the  fact  that  they  were  pitching  nearly  two 
million  bushels  of  wheat  on  the  market  after 
it  hit  the  twenty-five  mark,  it  went  on  up  to 
thirty-four  before  it  broke,  showing  that  the 
buying  orders  until  that  time  were  in  excess  of 
selling  orders.  The  farmers  throughout  the 
country  simply  ate  up  my  two  million  bushels 
of  wheat." 

"Then  it's  their  money  you  got,  after  all," 
observed  Blackie. 

"It's  mine  now,"  responded  J.  Rufus  with 
a  chuckle.  "I  saw  it  first." 

382 


CHAPTER  XXV 

ME.    FOX    SOLVES    HIS    GREAT    PROBLEM,    AND    MR. 
WALLINGFORD  FALLS  WITH  A  THUD 

THEY  arrived  in  Chicago  late  and  they 
arose  late.     At  breakfast,   with   lan- 
guid interest,  Wallingford  picked  up 
the  paper  that  lay  beside  his  plate, 
and  the  first  item  upon  which  his  eyes  rested 
was  a  sensational  article  headed:    "BROKER 
SUICIDES."    Even  then  he  was  scarcely  in- 
terested until  his  eye  caught  the  name  of  Ed- 
win H.  Fox. 

"What  is  the  matter?"  asked  his  wife  anx- 
iously, as,  with  a  startled  exclamation,  he 
hastily  pushed  back  his  chair  and  arose.  It 
was  the  first  time  that  she  had  ever  in  any 
emergency  seen  his  florid  face  turn  ghastly 
pale.  Dilemmas,  reverses  and  even  absolute 
defeats  he  had  always  accepted  with  a  gam- 
bler's coolness,  but  now,  since  his  vanity  had 
let  him  dignify  his  pursuit  of  other  people's 
money  by  the  name  of  financiering,  the  blow 
came  with  crushing  force;  for  it  maimed  not 
only  his  pocketbook  but  his  pride  as  it  swept 

333 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

away  the  glittering  air  castles  that  he  had  been 
building  for  the  past  year. 

"Matter!"  he  spluttered,  half  choking.  "We 
are  broke!"  And  leaving  his  breakfast  un- 
tasted  he  hastily  ordered  a  cab  and  drove  to 
the  office  of  Fox  &  Fleecer,  devouring  the  de- 
tails of  the  tragedy  as  he  went.  The  philan- 
thropic Mr.  Fox,  he  of  the  glistening  bald 
pate  and  the  air  of  cold  probity,  the  man  who 
had  been  for  thirty  years  in  business  at  the 
old  stand,  who  had  seemed  as  firm  as  a  rock 
and  as  unsusceptible  as  a  quart  of  dams,  had 
been  leading  not  only  a  double  but  a  sextuple 
life,  for  half  a  dozen  pseudo-widows  mourned 
his  demise  and  the  loss  of  a  generous  banker. 
To  support  all  these  expensive  establishments, 
which,  once  set  up,  firmly  declined  to  ever  go 
out  of  existence,  Mr.  Fox  had  been  juggling 
with  the  money  of  his  customers;  robbing 
Peter  to  pay  Paul,  until  the  time  had  come 
when  Paul  could  be  no  longer  paid  and  there 
was  only  one  debt  left  that  he  could  by  any 
possibility  wipe  out — the  debt  he  owed  to  Na- 
ture. That  he  had  paid  with  a  forty-four  cal- 
iber bullet  through  the  temple.  At  last  he 
had  solved  that  perplexing  problem  which  had 
bothered  him  all  these  years. 

Wallingford  had  expected  to  find  the  office 

384 


WALLINGFOED 

of  Fox  &  Fleecer  closed,  but  the  door  stood 
wide  open  and  the  dingy  apartment  was  filled 
with  a  crowd  of  men,  all  equally  nervous  but 
violently  contrasted  as  to  complexion,  some  of 
them  being  extremely  pale  and  some  extremely 
flushed,  according  to  their  temperaments.  Mr. 
Fleecer,  one  of  those  strangest  of  all  anom- 
alies, a  nervous  fat  man,  stood  behind  Mr. 
Fox's  desk,  his  collar  wilted  with  perspiration 
and  the  flabby  pouches  under  his  eyes  black 
from  his  vigil  of  the  night.  He  was  almost  as 
large  as  Wallingford  himself,  but  a  careless 
dresser,  and  a  pitiable  object  as  he  started 
back  on  hearing  Wallingford 's  name,  tossing 
up  his  right  hand  with  a  curious  involuntary 
motion  as  if  to  ward  off  a  blow.  His  crisp, 
quick  voice,  however,  did  not  fit  at  all  with  his 
appearance  of  crushed  indecision. 

"I  might  as  well  tell  you  the  blunt  truth  at 
first,  Mr.  Wallingford,"  he  said.  "You  haven't 
a  cent,  so  far  as  Fox  &  Fleecer  is  concerned. 
Nobody  has.  I  haven't  a  dollar  in  the  world 
and  Fox  was  head  over  heels  in  debt,  I  find. 
How  that  sanctimonious  old  hypocrite  ever 
got  away  with  it  all  these  years  is  the  limit. 
I  looked  after  the  buying  and  selling  orders  as 
he  gave  them  to  me,  and  never  had  anything 
to  do  with  the  books.  I  never  knew  when  a 

385 


GET-BICH-QUICK 

deal  was  in  the  office  until  I  received  market 
orders.  I  have  spent  all  night  on  Fox's  pri- 
vate accounts,  however,  and  since  yours  was 
the  largest  item,  I  naturally  went  into  it  as 
deeply  as  I  could.  If  they  had  telephones  in 
Hell  I  could  give  you  more  accurate  informa- 
tion, but  the  way  I  figure  it  is  this:  when  he 
got  hold  of  your  four  hundred  and  twenty-five 
thousand  dollars  with  instructions  to  buy  and 
not  to  close  until  it  reached  a  dollar  and  a 
quarter,  he  evidently  classed  your  proposition 
as  absurd.  There  was  absolutely  nothing  to 
make  wheat  go  to  that  price,  and,  with  the  big 
margin  you  had  put  up,  he  figured  that  the  ac- 
count would  drag  along  at  least  until  Septem- 
ber, without  being  touched;  so  he  used  what 
he  had  to  have  of  the  money  to  cover  up  his 
other  steals,  expecting  to  juggle  the  market 
with  the  rest  of  it  on  his  own  judgment,  and 
expecting,  in  the  end,  to  have  it  back  to  hand 
to  you  when  you  got  tired.  When  he  under- 
stood this  upward  movement,  however,  and  saw 
the  big  thing  you  had  done,  he  jumped  into 
the  market  with  what  was  left,  something  less 
than  Ihree  hundred  thousand  dollars.  The 
only  way  to  make  that  up  to  the  amount  you 
should  have  by  the  time  it  reached  a  dollar  and 
a  quarter  was  to  pyramid  it,  and  this  he  did. 

386 


WALLINGFOED 

He  bought  on  short  margin,  closed  when  he 
had  a  good  profit,  and  spread  the  total  amount 
over  other  short  margin  purchases.  He  did 
this  three  times.  On  the  last  deal  he  had  up- 
ward of  five  million  bushels  bought  to  your 
account,  and  it  was  this  strong  buying,  coupled 
with  the  other  buying  orders  which  came  in  at 
about  the  dollar-and-a-quarter  mark,  that  sent 
the  market  up  to  a  dollar  thirty-four.  If  the 
market  could  have  held  half  an  hour  he  would 
have  gotten  out  all  right  and  turned  over  to 
you  a  million  dollars,  after  using  two  hundred 
and  fifty  thousand  for  his  own  purposes,  but 
when  he  attempted  to  unload  the  market  broke ; 
and  by we're  all  broke!" 

Mr.  Wallingford  laughed,  quite  mechanic- 
ally, and  from  his  pocket  drew  two  huge  black 
cigars  with  gold  bands  around  them. 

"Have  a  smoke,"  he  said  to  Mr.  Fleecer. 

Lighting  his  own  Havana  he  turned  and  el- 
bowed his  way  out  of  the  room.  One  of  the 
men  who  had  stood  near  him  exchanged  a 
wondering  stare  with  his  neighbor. 

"That's  the  limit  of  gameness,"  he  observed. 

But  he  was  mistaken.  It  was  not  gameness. 
Wallingford  was  merely  dazed.  He  could  find 
no  words  to  express  the  bitter  depth  to  which 
he  had  fallen.  As  he  passed  out  through  the 

387 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

ticker-room  he  glanced  at  the  blackboard.  The 
boy  was  just  chalking  up  the  latest  morning 
quotation  on  September  wheat — a  dollar  twelve. 

In  the  cab  he  opened  his  pocketbook  and 
counted  the  money  in  it.  Before  he  had  started 
on  this  trip  he  had  scarcely  thought  of  money? 
except  that  at  Fox  &  Fleecer's  there  would  be 
waiting  for  him  a  cool,  clean  million.  Instead 
of  that  he  found  himself  with  exactly  fifty-four 
dollars. 

Mrs.  Wallingford  was  in  her  room,  pale  to 
the  lips. 

"How  much  money  have  you!"  he  asked  her. 

Without  a  word  she  handed  him  her  purse. 
A  few  small  bills  were  in  it.  She  handed  him 
another  small  black  leather  case  which  he  took 
slowly.  He  opened  it,  and  from  the  velvet 
depths  there  gleamed  up  at  him  the  old 
standby — her  diamonds.  He  could  get  a  couple 
of  thousand  dollars  on  these  at  any  time.  He 
put  the  case  in  his  pocket,  but  without  any 
gleam  of  satisfaction,  and  sat  down  heavily  in 
one  of  the  huge  leather-padded  chairs. 

" Fanny, "  said  he  savagely,  "never  preach 
to  me  again !  I  have  tried  a  straight-out  legiti- 
mate deal  and  it  dumped  me.  Hereafter,  be 
satisfied  with  whatever  way  I  make  money, 
just  so  long  as  I  have  the  law  on  my  side. 

388 


WALLINGFORD 

Why,"  and  his  indignation  over  this  last  re- 
flection was  beyond  expression,  "I've  coaxed 
a  carload  of  money  out  of  the  farmers  of  this 
country,  and  I  don't  get  away  with  a  cent  of 
it!  A  thief  got  it!  A  thief  and  a  grafter!" 

Mrs.  Wallingford  did  not  answer  him.  She 
was  crying.  It  was  not  so  much  that  they  had 
lost  all  of  this  money,  it  was  not  that  he  had 
spoken  harshly  to  her  for  almost  the  first  time 
since  he  had  come  into  her  life,  but  the  shat- 
tering once  more  of  certain  hopeful  dreams 
that  had  grown  up  within  her  since  their  so- 
journ in  Battlesburg.  Of  course,  he  was  in- 
stantly regretful  and  made  such  clumsy  amends 
as  he  could,  but  the  sting,  not  of  bitterness  but 
of  sorrow,  was  there,  and  it  remained  for  long 
after;  until,  in  fact,  she  came  to  realize  how 
much  to  heart  her  husband  had  taken  his  only 
real  defeat.  For  the  first  time  in  his  life  he 
became  despondent.  The  height  to  which  he 
had  aspired  and  had  almost  reached,  looked 
now  so  utterly  unattainable  that  the  contem- 
plation of  it  took  out  of  him  all  ambition,  all 
initiative,  all  life.  He  seemed  to  have  lost  his 
creative  faculty.  Where  his  fertile  brain  had 
heretofore  teemed  with  plans  and  projects, 
crowding  upon  each  other,  clamoring  for  ful- 
filment, now  he  seemed  incapable  of  thought, 

389 


GET-KICH-QUICK 

and  fell  into  an  apathy  from  which  he  could 
not  arouse  himself  no  matter  how  hard  he 
tried.  Parting  company  with  Blackie  Daw, 
who  seemed  equally  rudderless,  they  moved 
aimlessly  about  from  city  to  city,  pawning 
Mrs.  Wallingford's  diamonds  as  they  needed 
the  money,  but  the  man's  spirit  was  gone,  and 
no  matter  how  often  he  changed  his  environ- 
ment or  brought  himself  into  contact  with 
new  fields  and  new  opportunities,  no  plan  for 
getting  back  upon  his  feet  seemed  to  offer  it- 
self. He  was  too  much  disheartened,  in  fact, 
even  to  try.  To  husband  their  fast  waning 
resources  they  even  descended  to  living  in 
boarding  houses,  where  the  brief  gratification 
exciting  awe  among  the  less  impressive 

arders  was  but  small  compensation  for  the 
loss  of  the  luxury  to  which  they  had  been 
used. 

It  was  the  sight  of  a  miserable  dinner  in  one 
of  these  boarding  houses  that  proved  the  turn- 
ing point  for  him.  His  chair  was  drawn  back 
from  the  table  for  him  when  he  suddenly 
shoved  it  to  its  place  again,  and  with  a  dark- 
ening brow  stalked  out  of  the  dining  room,  fol- 
lowed by  the  bewildered  Mrs.  Wallingford. 

"I  can't  stand  this  thing,  Fanny,"  he 
declared.  "I've  insulted  my  stomach  with 

390 


WALLINGFORD 

that  sort  of  fodder  until  it's  too  late  for  an 
apology. ' ' 

"What  are  you  going  to  do?"  she  asked  in 
concern. 

"Go  where  the  good  steaks  grow,"  he  an- 
swered emphatically.  "We're  going  to  pack 
up  and  move  to  the  best  hotel  in  town  and  eat 
ourselves  blue  in  the  face,  and  to-morrow  J. 
Rufus  is  going  to  go  back  on  the  job.  I  haven't 
the  money  in  my  pocket  to  pay  for  it,  and  we 
haven't  another  thing  we  can  soak,  but  if  I 
run  up  a  hotel  bill  I'll  have  to  get  out  and  dig 
to  pay  it,  and  that's  what  I  need.  I'm  lazy." 

It  was  a  positive  elation  to  him  to  dash  up 
in  a  cab  to  a  palatial  hotel,  to  walk  into  its 
gilded  and  marble  corridors  with  a  deferential 
porter  carrying  his  luggage,  to  loom  up  be- 
fore a  suave  clerk  in  his  impressive  immensity 
and  sign  his  name  with  a  flourish,  to  demand 
the  best  accommodations  they  had  in  the  house 
and  to  be  shown  into  apartments  that  bathed 
him  once  more  in  a  garish  atmosphere  where 
everything  tasted  and  felt  and  smelled  of 
money.  It  was  like  the  prodigal  son  coming 
home  again,  and  instantly  his  spirits  arose  with 
a  bound.  He  began  as  of  old  to  live  like  a 
lord,  and  though  the  long  sought  idea  did  not 
come  to  him  for  almost  two  weeks,  he  held  to 

391 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

the  untroubled  tenor  of  his  way  with  all  his 
old  arrogance,  blessed  with  a  cheerful  belief 
that  some  lucky  solution  of  his  difficulties 
would  be  found. 

One  thing  alone  bothered  him  toward  the 
last,  and  that  was  the  rapid  disappearance  of 
such  little  ready  money  as  he  needed  for  tips 
when  he  was  in  the  hotel,  and  for  drinks  and 
cigars  when  he  found  himself  away  from  it. 
He  was  sensitive  about  ordering  inferior  goods 
in  good  places,  and  when  away  from  his  source 
of  credit  supplies,  took  to  turning  in  at  ob- 
scure cigar  stores,  preferring  to  buy  the  best 
they  had  rather  than  to  taking  a  second  grade 
in  a  better  place.  It  was  in  one  of  these  ob- 
scure little  establishments  that  the  elusive  in- 
spiration at  last  came  to  him. 

"The  government  is  rotten!"  the  stoop- 
shouldered  cigar  maker  had  complained  just  a 
moment  before,  rasping  the  air  of  his  dingy 
little  store  with  a  high-pitched  voice  that 
was  almost  a  whine.  "It  fosters  consoli- 
dations. Big  profits  for  rich  men  and  bank- 
ruptcy for  poor  men,  that's  what  we  have 
come  to ! ' ' 

The  stoop-shouldered  cigar  maker  had  no 
chin  worth  mentioning,  and  grew  a  thin,  down- 
pointed  mustache  which  accentuated  that  lack. 

392 


WALLINGFOED 

He  wore  a  green  eye-shade  and  an  apron  of 
bed  ticking,  and  he  held  in  his  hand  a  split 
mold,  gripping  the  two  parts  together  while 
he  feebly  and  hopelessly  groped  for  an  inspi- 
ration in  the  mending  line.  The  flabby  man  in 
the  greasy  vest,  who  was  playing  solitaire  with 
a  pack  of  cards  so  grimy  that  it  took  an  ex- 
perienced eye  to  tell  whether  the  backs  or  the 
faces  were  up,  did  not  raise  his  head,  nor  did 
the  apathetic  young  man  with  the  chronic  dent 
in  his  time-yellowed  Derby,  who,  sitting  mo- 
tionless with  his  crossed  arms  resting  on  his 
knees,  had  been  making  a  business  of  watch- 
ing the  solitaire  game  in  silence. 

"That's  right,"  agreed  the  flabby  man,  lay- 
ing the  trey  of  diamonds  carefully  upon  the 
four  of  clubs  and  peeping  to  see  what  the  next 
card  would  have  been;  "all  the  laws  are 
against  the  poor  man,  and  we're  ground  right 
down. ' ' 

A  pimple-faced  youngster,  clearly  below  the 
legal  age,  came  in  and  bought  two  cigarettes 
for  a  cent,  and  the  cigar  maker  waited  upon 
him  in  sour-visaged  nonchalance;  neither  the 
solitaire  expert  nor  his  interested  watcher 
raised  his  eyes;  a  young  man  with  a  flashy 
tie  and  a  soiled  collar  bought  three  stogies  for 
a  nickel  and  still  apathy  reigned;  then  Wal- 

393 


GET-KICH-QUICK 

lingford's  huge  bulk  darkened  the  open  door- 
way and  everybody  woke  up. 

Wallingford  was  so  large  that  he  seemed  to 
crowd  the  little  shop  and  absorb  all  its  light, 
and  he  approached  the  cigar  case  doubtingly, 
surveying  its  contents  with  the  eye  of  a  con- 
noisseur. A  brand  or  two  that  he  knew  quite 
well  he  passed  over,  for  the  boxes  were  nearly 
empty  and  no  doubt  had  been  reeking  for  a 
long  time  in  that  sponge-moistened  assort- 
ment of  flavors,  but  finally  he  settled  upon  a 
newly  opened  box  from  which  but  two  cigars 
had  been  sold,  and  tapped  his  finger  on  the 
glass  above  it.  The  cigar  maker  reached  in 
for  that  box  with  alacrity,  for  they  were  two- 
for-a-quarter  goods,  and  as  he  brought  them 
forth  he  gave  to  the  buyer  the  appreciative 
scrutiny  due  one  of  so  impressive  appearance. 
He  did  not  know  that  under  his  inspection  the 
big  man  winced.  In  the  fine  scarf  there  should 
have  glowed  a  huge  diamond;  the  scarf  itself 
had  two  or  three  frayed  threads;  the  binding 
of  the  hat  brim  was  somewhat  worn;  the  cuffs 
were  a  little  ragged.  Wallingford  felt  that  all 
the  world  saw  this  unwonted  condition,  but  still 
he  smiled  richly;  and  the  cigar  dealer  saw 
only  richness.  Probably  the  imposing  cus- 
tomer would  have  left  the  store  in  the  same 

394 


WALLINGFOKD 

silence  in  which  he  had  made  his  purchase,  but, 
as  he  stopped  to  fastidiously  cut  the  tip  from 
one  of  his  cigars,  an  undersized  but  pompous 
young  collector  bustled  in  and  threw  down  a 
bill. 

"Hundred  Blue  Rings,"  he  announced  curtly. 

With  a  mechanical  curiosity,  Wallingford 
glanced  into  the  case  where  a  box  of  cigars 
with  cheap  blue  bands  was  displayed.  The 
cigar  maker  opened  his  money  drawer  and 
slowly  counted  out  a  pile  of  small  silver. 

"Three  fifty,"  he  lifelessly  whined  as  he 
shoved  it  over,  and  the  collector  receipted  the 
bill,  dashing  out  with  the  same  absurd  self- 
assertiveness  with  which  he  had  come  in. 

"Thirty-five  a  thousand,"  observed  Wal- 
lingford incredulously.  "That  price  is  claimed 
for  every  nickel  cigar  on  earth,  but  I  always 
thought  it  was  phoney.  It's  a  stiff  rate,  isn't 
it?" 

"It's  a  hold  up,"  snarled  the  other,  "but  I 
got  to  keep  'em.  I  make  a  better  cigar  my- 
self but  people  don't  know  anything  about 
tobacco.  They  only  smoke  advertising.  Here's 
my  cigar,"  and  he  set  a  box  on  the  case;  "Ed 
Nickel's  Nickelfine.  There's  a  piece  of  real 
goods." 

The  big  man  picked  one  out  of  the  box,  and 

395 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

twirled  it  in  his  deft  fingers  with  a  scrutiny 
that  betokened  keen  judgment  of  all  small 
articles  of  manufacture. 

"It's  well  made,"  he  admitted;  "but  what's 
the  use?  I  could  deliver  your  week's  output 
in  my  pocket,  and  on  the  way  back  could 
spend  the  money  getting  my  shoes  shined; 
all  because  you  haven't  the  wherewith  to 
advertise." 

"I  got  a  little  money,"  insisted  the  other 
aggressively,  touched  on  a  point  of  pride; 
"money  I  saved  and  pinched  and  scraped  to- 
gether; but  it  ain't  enough  to  push  a  cigar. 
Some  of  these  big  manufacturers  spread 
around  a  fortune  on  a  new  brand  before  they 
sell  a  single  box.  There's  John  Crewly  & 
Company.  They  spent  a  hundred  thousand 
dollars  advertising  Blue  Kings." 

"And  you  small  dealers  have  handed  it 
back  to  them,"  laughed  Wallingford.  "You 
pay  that  advertising  difference  above  what 
the  cigar  is  worth." 

"Ten  times  over!"  exploded  Mr.  Nickel. 
"The  houses  that  buy  in  big  quantities  get 
them  for  below  twenty-eight,  I've  heard.  But 
that's  where  the  government  is  rotten!  It's 
fixed  so  the  little  man  always  gets  it  in  the 
neck.  Combines  and  trusts  eat  us  up.  Every 

396 


WALLINGFORD 

man  that  joins  a  consolidation  ought  to  get 
ten  years  at  hard  labor." 

" Don't  grouch,"  advised  Wallingford,  grin- 
ning; ''consolidate.  If  all  the  small  dealers 
in  this  town  formed  a  consolidation,  they  could 
buy  their  supplies  in  quantity  for  spot  cash 
and  get  the  lowest  price  going." 

Ed  Nickel  looked  out  of  the  window  at  the 
clanging  street  cars  and  digested  this  palat- 
able new  idea. 

"I  reckon  they  could,"  he  mused,  "if  there 
was  any  way  to  work  it  so  they  wouldn't  all 
spike  each  other  trying  to  get  the  best  of  it," 
and  J.  Rufus  chuckled  as  he  recognized  this 
business  anarchist's  willingness  to  undergo  an 
instant  change  of  opinion  about  consolidation. 

The  door  opened,  and  a  tall,  thin  man,  with 
curly  gray  hair  and  a  little  gray  goatee,  strode 
nervously  in  and  threw  a  half  dollar  on  the  case. 

' l  Two  packs  of  Kiosks, ' '  he  demanded. 

Almost  in  the  same  breath  he  saw  Walling- 
ford, whose  face  was  at  that  moment  illumi- 
nated by  the  lighter  to  which  he  held  his  cigar. 

"J.  Eufus,  by  Heck!"  he  exclaimed. 

Before  Wallingford  could  give  voice  to  his 
amazement  the  strangely  altered  Blackie  Daw 
was  shaking  hands  eagerly  with  him. 

"You  probably  don't  remember  me,"  went 

397 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

on  Blackie  with  an  expansive  grin.  "Rush  is 
the  name.  I.  B.  Rush,  and  I  never  was  so  bug- 
house glad  to  see  anybody  in  my  life!" 

The  eyes  of  Wallingford  twinkled. 

"Well,  well,  well,  Mr.  Rush!  How  you  have 
changed!"  he  declared. 

Blackie  shook  his  head  warningly. 

"Nix  on  the  advertisement,"  he  cautioned. 
"Wallingford,  you're  the  long-sought  message 
from  home!  Feel  in  your  vest  pocket  and  see 
if  there  isn't  an  overlooked  hundred  or  two 
down  in  the  corner." 

J.  Rufus  was  cheerful,  nay,  happy,  complai- 
sance itself. 

"Certainly,  Mr.  Rush,"  he  said  heartily;  "a 
thousand  if  you  want  it.  Just  step  over  to 
the  bank  with  me  till  I  draw  the  money,"  and 
they  walked  out  of  the  door. 

With  a  sigh  the  flabby  man  laid  the  long-sus- 
pended jack  of  hearts  upon  the  queen  of  spades. 

"Hear  the  big  guy  tossin'  over  a  thousand 
like  it  was  car  fare,"  he  observed.  "If  I  had 
a  piece  of  lead  pipe  I'd  follow  him." 

"What  do  you  suppose  his  graft  is?"  queried 
the  watcher  at  the  game. 

"He's  made  his  money  off  poor  people;  that's 
what!"  announced  Ed  Nickel.  "How  else  does 
a  man  get  rich?" 

398 


CHAPTER  XXVI 

J.   SUFIIS  SCENTS  A  FORTUNE  IN  SMOKE  AND  LETS 
MB.  NICKEL  SEE  THE  FLAMES 

WALLINGFOED  had  good  cause  to 
survey  his  friend  with  amused 
wonder. 

1  'How  you  have  aged,  Blackie," 
he  chuckled.  "What  has  turned  you  gray  in 
a  single  month?" 

"Beating  it,"  replied  Blackie,  hoarsely. 
"Did  you  see  that  guy  just  now  look  around 
and  give  me  the  X-ray  stare?" 

"He  was  only  admiring  your  handsome 
make-up,"  retorted  J.  Rufus.  "What's  got 
your  nerve  all  of  a  sudden?" 

"Nerve!"  scorned  the  other.  "Say,  J. 
Rufus,  when  I  cut  my  finger  I  bleed  yellow, 
and  the  mere  sight  of  a  brass  button  gives  me 
hydrophobia.  They're  after  me,  dear  friend  of 
my  childhood  days,  for  going  into  the  oil-well 
industry  without  any  oil  wells,  and  you're  the 
first  human  being  I've  seen  in  three  weeks  that 
didn't  look  like  he  had  the  iron  bracelets  in 
his  pocket.  Even  you're  a  living  frost.  For 

399 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

a  minute  you  gave  me  that  glad  feeling,  but 
when  you  said  to  come  around  to  the  bank  and 
I  could  have  a  thousand,  I  knew  it  was  all  off. 
If  you'd  had  it,  nothing  but  paralysis  would 
have  stopped  you  from  putting  your  hand  in 
your  pocket  and  making  a  flash  with  the  two 
hundred  I  wanted.  I  have  to  make  a  quick 
get-away  from  this  town  or  have  the  door  of 
a  nice  steel  bedroom  locked  from  the  outside!" 

Solemnly  J.  Eufus  drew  from  his  pocket  his 
total  supply  of  earthly  wealth,  a  ten-dollar  bill 
and.  the  change  he  had  received  at  the  cigar 
store. 

"I'll  give  you  the  ten,"  he  offered,  "although 
I'm  glued  to  the  floor  myself." 

"I  can  see  it,  for  your  sparks  are  gone,"  said 
Mr.  Daw,  glumly  looking  his  friend  over  from 
head  to  foot  as  he  pocketed  the  ten.  "How  did 
the  beans  get  spilled?  I  thought  there  was  a 
fresh  crop  of  your  particular  breed  of  come- 
ons  every  morning." 

"I'm  overtrained,"  explained  J.  Eufus  with 
cheerful  resignation.  "I  used  to  be  able  to 
jump  into  a  town  with  ten  dollars  in  my  pocket, 
and  have  to  lock  myself  in  my  room  to  keep  'em 
from  forcing  money  on  me  faster  than  I  could 
take  it;  but  I've  lost  my  winning  ways,  I 
guess.  The  fact  of  the  matter  is,  Blackie,  I 

400 


WALLINGFORD 

need  an  oculist.  I  can't  see  small  enough 
since  the  big  blow-up.  I  had  climbed  too  high, 
and  when  I  tumbled  off  the  perch  I  fell  so  hard 
I  couldn't  see  anything  but  stars.  A  dollar  is 
small  as  a  pea  now,  and  perfectly  silent,  and  it 
takes  at  least  a  thousand  to  emit  even  a  faint 
click.  I  can't  learn  to  pike  again." 

"I  wish  I  could  learn  anything  else,"  com- 
plained Mr.  Daw  in  disgust.  "Why,  blind- 
men's  tincups  look  like  fat  picking  to  me,  and 
my  yellow  streak  shows  through  so  strong  that 
I  cross  the  street  every  time  I  see  a  push  cart; 
I'm  afraid  the  banana  men  will  make  a  mistake 
and  pull  my  fingers  off.  Say!  See  that  mug 
over  there  on  the  corner  with  his  back  to  us? 
Well,  that's  a  plain-clothes  man.  I  know  him  all 
right  and  he  knows  me.  It's  Jimmy  Rogers  and 
I  can't  hand  him  a  sou  to  plug  his  memory!" 

Blackie  was  visibly  distressed  and  edged 
around  the  corner. 

"I  should  say  you  had  developed  a  saffron 
streak,"  observed  J.  Eufus,  eying  him  with 
a  trace  of  contempt.  "I  wouldn't  have  known 
you  till  you  spoke.  Come  on  and  we'll  go  right 
straight  past  Jimmy  Rogers." 

He  put  his  hand  behind  Blackie 's  elbow  to 
take  him  in  that  direction,  but  to  his  surprise 
Daw  shrank  back. 

*6—WaUingford  401 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

"Not  for  mine!"  lie  declared.  "I  know  I'm 
due,  but  I  won't  go  till  they  come  after  me. 
Why,  J.  Rufus,  do  you  know  we're  all 
that's  left  of  the  old  bunch?  Billy  Biggs, 
Tommy  Ranee,  Dick  Logan,  Pit  Hardesty — 
all  put  away,  for  stretches  of  from  five  to 
twenty  years!  And  Jim,  mind  what  I  say;  our 
turn's  next!  There,  he's  turning  this  way! 
I'm  on  the  lope.  Me  for  the  first  train  out  of 
town.  Good-by,  old  man." 

He  shook  hands  hastily  and,  drawn-chested, 
plunged  down  the  side  street  at  a  swift  pace. 
Wallingford  looked  after  him  and  involuntarily 
expanded  his  own  broad  chest  as  he  turned  in 
the  direction  of  his  hotel.  He  looked  back  at 
Ed  Nickel's  cigar  store  after  a  few  steps,  and 
hesitated  as  if  he  might  return,  but  he  did  not. 
On  the  way  he  counted  five  such  establishments, 
and  he  peered  keenly  into  each  one  of  them. 
They  were  all  of  a  little  better  grade  than  the 
one  he  had  visited,  but  none  of  them  was 
stocked  in  such  manner  as  to  tell  of  wholesale 
purchases  and  cash  discounts.  Suddenly  he 
chuckled.  At  last  he  had  the  detail  for  his 
heretofore  vague  idea,  and  it  was  a  draught  of 
strong  wine  to  him.  He  had  been  the  high 
jester  of  finance,  always,  and  once  more  the 
bells  upon  his  cap  jingled  merrily.  Inspired,  he 

402 


WALLINGFOED 

walked  into  his  hotel  with  a  swaggering  assur- 
ance entirely  out  of  keeping  with  the  lonely 
two  dollars  in  his  pocket.  The  clerk  had  been 
instructed  to  look  after  Wallingford,  for  though 
he  had  been  an  extravagant  guest  for  within  a 
day  of  two  weeks,  no  one  but  the  bellboys  and 
waiters  had  seen  a  penny  of  his  money — and 
his  bill  was  nearly  two  hundred  dollars.  The 
clerk  firmly  intended  to  call  to  him  if  he  strode 
past  on  the  far  side  of  the  lobby,  as  had  been 
his  custom  in  the  past  two  or  three  days;  but 
he  did  not  need  to  call,  for  J.  Rufus  approached 
the  desk  without  invitation,  beaming  as  he 
turned  toward  it,  but  growing  stern  as  he 
neared  it. 

"The  wine  I  had  served  in  my  rooms  last 
night  was  vile, ' '  he  charged.  *  *  If  I  cannot  get 
the  brand  of  champagne  I  want,  have  it  per- 
fectly frappe  when  it  gets  to  my  apartments, 
and  secure  better  service  all  around,  I  shall 
pay  my  bill  and  leave!" 

The  clerk  touched  a  bell  instantly. 

"Very  sorry,  Mr.  Wallingford,"  said  he.  "I 
shall  speak  to  the  wine  steward  about  the  mat- 
ter at  once." 

J.  Eufus  grunted  in  acknowledgment  of  this 
apology,  and  with  a  feeling  of  relief  the  clerk 
surveyed  that  broad  back  as  it  retreated  in  im- 

403 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

measurable  dignity.  There  was  no  need  to 
worry  about  the  money  of  a  man  who  took  that 
attitude.  On  the  way  to  his  suite,  however, 
J.  Kufus,  as  he  handed  the  elevator  boy  a 
quarter  with  one  hand,  drew  down  his  cuff 
furtively  with  the  other,  under  the  impulse  of 
a  sudden  idea,  and,  grinning,  looked  at  his  cuff 
button.  It  was  diamond  studded,  and  he  ought 
to  be  able  to  raise  at  least  twenty-five  apiece  on 
the  pair. 

Mrs.  Wallingford  was  sewing  when  her 
capable  husband  came  in.  Something  in  the 
very  movement  of  the  door  caused  her  to  look 
up  with  an  instant  knowledge  that  he  brought 
good  news,  and  a  sight  of  his  face  confirmed  the 
impression.  She  smiled  at  him  brightly,  and 
yet  with  a  trace  of  apprehension.  There  had 
come  over  her  a  curious  change  of  late.  Her 
color  was  as  clear  as  ever,  even  clearer,  for  it 
seemed  to  have  attained  a  certain  pure  trans- 
parency, but  there  seemed,  too,  a  slight  pallor 
beneath  it,  and  her  eyes  were  strangely 
luminous. 

"I  got  the  fog  out  of  my  conk  to-day, 
Fanny,"  he  said  exultantly.  "It  seemed  as  if 
I  never  would  be  able  to  frame  up  a  good  busi- 
ness stunt  again,  but  it  hit  me  at  last.  How  do 
you  like  this  place?" 

404 


WALLINGFOBD 

"I  can't  tell,"  she  slowly  returned.  "I 
haven't  seen  much  of  it,  you  know." 

'  *  You  will, ' '  he  laughed.  1 '  You  may  pick  out 
any  part  of  it  you  like,  because  I  think  I'll  set- 
tle down  here  for  good. ' ' 

She  looked  up  with  a  little  gasp. 

"Then  you're  going  into  a — a  real  business?" 
she  faltered. 

"A  hundred  of  them,"  he  boasted.  "I've 
just  decided  to  rake  off  half  the  profits  of  all 
this  town's  cigar  stores,  except  a  few  of  the 
best  ones,  and  stay  right  here  to  collect.  The 
hundred  or  more  ought  to  yield  me  one  or  two 
dollars  a  day  apiece.  Looks  good,  don't  it?" 

"I'm  so  glad,"  she  said  simply.  It  never  oc- 
curred to  either  of  them  to  doubt  that  he  could 
do  what  he  had  planned,  and  just  now  she  was 
less  inclined  than  ever  to  inquire  into  details. 
She  sat,  her  hands  folded  in  the  fluffy  white 
goods  upon  her  lap,  with  a  deepening  color  in 
her  cheeks. 

"I'll  tell  you  why  I'm  glad  we  are  to  settle 
down  at  last  and  have  a  real  home,"  she  said 
suddenly,  and,  arising,  advanced  to  him  and 
shook  out  the  dainty  article  upon  which  she  had 
been  sewing,  holding  it  outstretched  before  him 
so  that  he  could  gather  its  full  import. 

"What?"  he  gasped. 

405 


GET-BICH-QUICK 

She  nodded  her  head,  half  crying  and  half 
laughing,  and  suddenly  buried  her  head  upon 
his  shoulder,  sobbing.  He  clasped  her  in  his 
arms,  tiny  white  garment  and  all,  and  looked 
on  over  her  head,  out  of  the  window  at  the 
gathering  dusk  in  the  sky  where  it  stretched 
down  between  the  tall  buildings.  For  just  one 
fleeting  second  a  trace  of  the  Eternal  Mystery 
came  to  awe  him,  but  it  passed  and  left  him 
grinning. 

"Fd  just  been  figuring  on  a  new  house,"  he 
observed,  "but  I  guess  I'll  have  to  plan  it  all 
over  now." 

He  led  her  to  a  chair  presently,  and  went 
back  to  the  window,  where  he  stood  until  the 
darkness  warned  him  that  it  was  time  to  dress 
for  dinner.  The  meal  finished,  he  sat  down  to 
write,  tearing  up  sheet  after  sheet  of  paper  and 
crumpling  it  into  the  waste  basket  until  far  into 
the  night,  and  later  he  sent  down  for  a  city  di- 
rectory, making  out  a  list  of  cigar  stores, 
dropping  out  those  that  were  printed  in  black- 
face type;  but  whatever  he  did  he  paused  once 
in  a  while  to  turn  toward  that  tiny  white 
garment  upon  the  table  and  survey  it  with  smil- 
ing wonder. 

In  the  morning  he  called  upon  a  job  printer 
of  reputation,  and  then  he  went  again  to  Ed 

406 


WALLINGFORD 

Nickel's  cigar  store;  but  this  time  he  dashed 
up  to  the  door  in  a  showy  carriage  drawn  by 
two  good  horses.    The  same  flabby  man  sat  in 
the  corner  playing  solitaire  as  if  he  had  never 
left  off,  and  the  same  apathetic  young  man  with 
the  dent  in  his  hat  was  watching  him.     The 
split  cigar  mold  had  not  yet  grown  together, 
though   Ed    Nickel    still    held    its    two   parts 
matched  tightly  in  his  left  hand.     Upon  the 
entrance  of  Wallingford  the  magnificent,  how- 
ever, the  three  graven  figures,  glancing  first 
upon  him  and  then  upon  the  carriage,  inhaled 
the  breath  of  life.     The  solitaire  player  sud- 
denly pushed  his   cards   together   and  began 
shuffling  them  over  and  over  and  over  and  over, 
though  he  had  not  yet  exhausted  the  possibil- 
ities   of   the   previous   game.     The   apathetic 
young  man  stood  up  to  yawn  but  changed  his 
mind  after  he  had  his  mouth  open.    Ed  Nickel 
bowed,  smiled  and  hurried  behind  his  counter. 
"What  will  you  take  for  your  business,  Mr. 
Nickel?"  asked  J.  Eufus,  throwing  a  coin  on 
the  case  and  tapping  his  finger  over  the  box 
from  which  he  had  purchased  the  cigars  the 
night  before.    Freshly  shaven,  he  wore  a  new 
collar,  a  new  shirt  with  fine,  crisp  cuffs,  and  a 
new    silk   lavender   tie — also   plain   new    cuff 
buttons. 

407 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

Ed  Nickel's  ears  heard  the  astounding  ques- 
tion, but  Ed  Nickel's  mind  did  not  grasp  it, 
for  Ed  Nickel 's  hand  went  on  mechanically  into 
the  case  after  the  designated  cigars.  It  se- 
cured the  box,  it  brought  it  partly  out — and 
then  dropped  it  just  inside  the  sliding  door. 
The  hand  came  out  and  its  fingers  twined  with 
those  of  the  other  hand. 

"What  did  you  say!"  asked  Mr.  Nickel's 
mouth. 

1  'How  much  will  you  take  for  your  busi- 
ness ! ' '  repeated  J.  Ruf us. 

Mr.  Nickel  looked  slowly  around  his  walls, 
past  the  dust-hung  wire  screen  to  the  dingy 
back  room,  under  the  counter,  into  the  case, 
over  the  sparsely  filled  shelves. 

"I  don't  know,"  he  said,  his  eyes  roving 
back  to  those  of  J.  Ruf  us.  "Besides  the  stock 
and  fixtures,  there's  the  good  will,  the  trade 
I've  worked  up,  and  the  call  for  my  Nickelfine 
and  the  Double  Nickel,  my  leading  ten-cent 
cigar.  I'd  have  to  take  an  invoice  to  set  a  price 
on  this  business. ' ' 

"I  know,"  laughed  J.  Ruf  us  with  a  wink, 
'  *  but  you  can  invoice  it  with  your  eyes  shut  and 
we  can  lump  the  rest  of  it.  Say  five  hundred  for 
the  stock  and  fixtures  and  three  hundred  for 
the  good  will,  which  is  crowding  it  some." 

408 


WALLINGFOBD 

Ed  Nickel's  cupidity  gave  a  thump.  Eight 
hundred  was  a  good  price  for  his  business,  es- 
pecially in  this  location.  He  had  often  thought 
of  moving.  In  a  better  location  he  would  do  a 
better  business;  he  was  sure  of  that,  like  every 
other  unsuccessful  merchant;  but  of  course  he 
objected. 

"Make  it  a  thousand  and  I'll  listen,"  he 
proposed. 

J.  Rufus  looked  about  the  place  coldly. 

t '  No, ' '  he  decided.  ' '  I M  be  cheating  the  con- 
solidation." 

Mr.  Nickel  immediately  woke  up  another 
notch. 

"What  consolidation?"  he  wanted  to  know. 

"The  one  I  spoke  to  you  about  yesterday," 
said  the  prospective  buyer,  and  picking  up  the 
coin  he  had  tossed  down  he  tapped  with  it  on 
the  glass. 

Thus  reminded,  the  benumbed  one  brought 
out  the  delayed  box  and  Mr.  Wallingford  lit 
one  of  the  cigars. 

"I'm  going  to  finance  a  consolidation  of  all 
the  smaller  cigar  stores  in  the  city,"  he  then 
explained.  "I  expect  to  buy  several  for  spot 
cash  and  put  in  charge  of  them  managers  who 
know  their  business.  The  rest  I  am  going  to 
allow  to  purchase  shares  in  the  consolidation, 

409 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

with  the  value  of  their  stock  and  good  will,  so 
that  altogether  we  shall  have  a  quarter-of-a- 
million-dollar  corporation.  With  this  enormous 
buying  power  I  intend  to  get  the  lowest  spot- 
cash  discount  on  all  goods,  manufacture  a  few 
good  brands,  cut  rates  and  control  the  cigar 
business  of  this  town.  But  I'm  going  to  be 
fair  to  every  man.  I'll  give  you  eight  hundred 
dollars  for  your  business,  in  cold  coin." 

The  day  before,  had  any  providentially  sent 
stranger  offered  Ed  Nickel  eight  hundred  dol- 
lars in  real  money  for  his  store,  he  would  have 
jumped  at  the  chance,  and  with  the  purchase 
price  would  have  opened  a  better  one  in  some 
other  part  of  the  town.  Now  it  suddenly  oc- 
curred to  him 

"And  if  I  don't  sell  or  come  in  I  get  froze 
out,  I  suppose,"  he  gloomily  opined.  "That's 
the  regulation  poor  man's  chance.  But  how 
are  you  going  to  work  this  consolidation,  any- 
how?" 

"The  same  plan  upon  which  all  successful 
organizations  are  put  together,"  patiently  ex- 
plained the  eminent  financier  whose  resplendent 
carriage  was  waiting  outside.  "For  instance, 
five  of  us  organize  a  holding  company.  Hav- 
ing incorporated  for,  say,  two  hundred  and  fifty 
thousand  dollars,  I  buy  your  business  for  eight 

410 


hundred  dollars  in  stock  of  the  new  corpora- 
tion, fit  it  up  new  till  it  glitters,  and  put  you  in 
charge  of  it.  A  hundred  other  stores  go  in  on 
the  same  proposition,  their  valuations  varying 
according  to  their  location,  their  stock,  and  the 
volume  of  business  their  books  can  show.  You 
get  a  salary  of  just  as  much  as  you  can  prove 
you're  making  now,  and  every  three  months 
the  business  is  footed  up  and  a  dividend  is  paid. 
The  difference  is  just  this.  The  cigars  for 
which  you  now  pay  thirty-five  dollars  a  thou- 
sand, you  will  get  for  twenty-eight  and  less, 
and  so  on  down  the  line.  Your  profits  will  be 
increased  nearly  a  hundred  per  cent.,  and 
all  financial  worry  will  be  lifted  off  your 
shoulders. ' ' 

Ed  Nickel  suddenly  awoke  to  the  fact  that 
the  flabby  solitaire  player  was  pressed  closely 
upon  one  side  of  the  eminent  financier,  and  the 
apathetic  young  man  upon  the  other,  both 
drinking  in  every  word,  and  quivering. 

1  'Come  in  the  back  room,"  invited  Mr. 
Nickel,  and  on  two  reeking  stools,  with  tobacco 
scraps  strewn  all  about  them,  they  sat  down  to 
really  "get  together."  Patiently  the  energetic 
man  of  wealth  went  over  the  proposition  again, 
point  by  point,  and  the  cigar  maker  enumerated 
these  upon  his  fingers  until  he  got  it  quite  clear 

411 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

in  his  mind  that  his  business  was  not  to  pass 
out  of  his  hands  at  all.  If  it  was  put  in  at  a 
valuation  of  eight  hundred  dollars,  he  re- 
ceived a  salary  equal  to  his  present  earnings 
for  taking  care  of  it,  and  also  the  net  profits  on 
eight  hundred  dollars  worth  of  stock.  It  was 
a  great  scheme!  It  would  put  all  the  goods  he 
wanted  upon  his  shelves.  It  would  brighten  up 
his  place  of  business  and  he  would  no  longer 
have  the  aggravation  of  knowing  that  rich 
dealers,  just  because  they  were  rich,  could  buy 
cigars  a  shameful  per  cent,  cheaper  than  he 
could.  Moreover,  there  sat  Wallingford,  a 
wonderful  argument  in  himself!  When  he 
had  fully  grasped  the  idea  Mr.  Nickel  was 
enthusiastic. 

"Of  course  I'll  come  in!"  said  he.  "Surest 
thing,  you  know ! ' ' 

"Suit  yourself,"  said  J.  Rufus,  with  vast  in- 
difference. "I  have  a  little  agreement  that  I'll 
bring  around  in  a  couple  of  days  to  let  you  see, 
and  then  you  may  finally  decide.  By  the  way, 
Mr.  Nickel,  I  may  need  you  for  one  of  the 
original  five  incorporators,  and  as  a  director 
for  the  first  year. ' ' 

Mr.  Nickel  hesitated. 

"That'll  cost  me  something,  won't  it?"  he 
wanted  to  know. 

412 


WALLINGFOED 

Mr.  Wallingford  laughed. 

11 A  little  bit,"  he  admitted.  "But  there  are 
ways  to  get  it  back.  For  instance,  as  one  of 
the  directors  I  do  not  suppose  there  would  be 
any  particular  harm  in  selling  your  business  to 
the  consolidation  for  a  thousand  in  place  of 
eight  hundred." 

The  first  stock  subscriber  to  the  Retail  Cigar 
Dealers'  Consolidation  became  as  knowingly 
jovial  as  the  genial  promoter. 

"It  listens  good  to  me,"  he  declared,  and 
shook  hands. 

The  big  man  got  up  to  go,  but  turned  and 
came  back. 

"By  the  way,"  said  he,  "I  don't  know  the 
cigar  men  in  this  town,  and  if  you  have  a 
couple  of  friends  in  the  business  who  would 
like  to  help  form  this  incorporation  with  the 
same  advantages  you  have,  let's  go  see 
them." 

Mr.  Nickel  was  already  throwing  off  his 
apron  and  eye  shade,  and  now  he  took  his  coat 
and  hat  from  their  hook. 

"I've  got  two  of  them,  and  they  ain't  too 
darned  smart,  either,"  he  stated,  showing  wise 
forethought  in  that  last  remark;  then,  putting 
the  flabby  man  in  charge  of  the  store,  he  went 
out  and  rode  in  that  carriage! 

413 


CHAPTER  XXVH 

MR.   WALLINGFORD   GAMBLES   A  BIT   AND   PICKS 
UP  AN  UNSOLICITED  PARTNER 

IN  the  smart  carriage  Mr.  Wallingford  took 
Mr.  Nickel  and  his  two  friends  down  to 
his  hotel  for  lunch  to  talk  over  the  final 
steps  in  the  great  consolidation.  The 
chief  thing  the  three  remembered  when  they 
left  the  hotel  was  that  they  had  been  most  liber- 
ally treated  in  the  matter  of  extravagant  food 
and  drink,  and  that  the  lunch  had  cost  over 
twenty  dollars !  Also  they  recalled  that  the  dis- 
tinguished-looking head  waiter  had  come  over 
to  their  table  half  a  dozen  times  to  see  that 
everything  was  served  at  the  proper  minute 
and  in  the  pink  of  condition.  Nobody  but 
a  rich  man  could  command  that  sort  of  at- 
tention, and  they  left  the  table  not  only 
willing  but  thankful  to  take  any  business 
tonic  this  commercial  genius  should  pre- 
scribed. As  they  passed  the  desk,  the  man- 
ager called  Mr.  Wallingford  to  him,  and 
the  great  promoter,  instantly  bidding  his 
friends  good-by,  promised  to  see  them 

414 


WALLINGFORD 

to-morrow.  Then  lie  walked  back  to  the 
manager. 

''Good  morning,  Senator,"  said  that  official, 
shaking  hands.  "How  are  they  treating  you? 
Nicely?" 

"Very  well,  indeed,"  replied  Wallingford, 
' '  except  I  'd  like  to  have  corner  rooms  if  I  could 
get  them." 

"I  know;  you  spoke  of  that  last  week.  I've 
been  trying  to  secure  them  for  you,  but  those 
apartments  are  always  dated  so  far  ahead.  I 
think  the  corner  suite  on  the  second  floor  will 
be  vacant  in  a  day  or  so,  though,  and  111  let 
you  know.  By  the  way,  Mr.  Wallingford" — 
this  in  the  most  pleasantly  confidential  tone 
imaginable — "I'm  afraid  I'll  have  to  draw  on 
you.  The  proprietor  is  a  little  strict  about 
his  rules,  and  you  have  been  here  two  weeks 
to-day. ' ' 

"Is  that  so?"  exclaimed  Wallingford,  very 
much  surprised.  "  I  '11  have  to  look  after  that, ' ' 
and  he  reached  out  his  hand  with  courteous 
alacrity  for  the  bill  which  the  manager  was 
handing  to  him.  Without  the  quiver  of  an  eye- 
lash he  glanced  over  the  items  and  stuck  the 
bill  in  his  pocket.  "I'm  glad  you  spoke  of  it. 
I'm  rather  careless  about  such  matters,"  and  he 
walked  away  in  perfect  nonchalance. 

415 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

The  telegraph  desk  mocked  him.  There  was 
not  a  soul  he  knew  to  whom  he  could  wire  with 
a  certainty  of  getting  money,  and  if  he  pre- 
tended to  wire  he  must  certainly  produce  quick 
results.  Instead  of  making  that  error  he 
walked  out  upon  the  street  briskly.  Half  way 
to  Ed  Nickel's  cigar  store  he  paused.  Mr. 
Nickel  was  not  yet  ripe,  and  it  would  be  folly  to 
waste  his  chances.  Thinking  most  deeply  in- 
deed, he  strolled  into  a  cigar  store  of  far  bet- 
ter appearance  than  any  he  had  yet  visited. 
The  place  was  a-quiver  with  life;  there  was 
much  glitter  of  beveled  plate  mirrors;  there 
were  expensive  light  fixtures ;  the  shelves  were 
crowded  with  rows  upon  rows  of  cigar  boxes, 
and  at  a  most  ornate  case  stood  three  rather 
strikingly  dressed  men,  playing  "ping  pong" 
on  a  mahogany  edged  board  that  was  covered 
with  green  baize.  He  had  seen  these  boards 
before,  but  they  were  all  set  away  behind 
counters,  for  this  game — of  dice,  not  of  balls 
and  paddles  —  was  strictly  taboo.  A  moral 
wave  had  swept  over  the  town  and  had  made 
dice  shaking  for  cigars,  as  well  as  every  other 
form  of  gambling,  next  door  to  a  hanging  of- 
fense. A  heavy-set  young  fellow,  with  a  red 
face  and  a  red  tie  and  red  stripes  in  the  thread 
of  his  broad-checked  clothing,  was  at  the  end 

436 


WALLINGFORD 

of  the  counter,  half  behind  it,  scoring  the 
game.  He  was  evidently  the  proprietor,  though 
he  had  his  hat  on,  and  he  asked  Wallingford 
what  he  wanted. 

"I  don't  know  your  brands,  so  I'll  leave  it 
to  you,"  said  the  large  man,  with  a  pleasant 
smile.  "I  want  a  nice  three  for  a  half,  rather 
heavy,  but  not  too  tightly  rolled." 

The  proprietor  gave  his  customer  a  shrewd 
"sizing-up,"  as  he  promptly  set  out  three  boxes 
of  different  brands.  Evidently  the  general  ap- 
pearance of  Wallingford  satisfied  him  that  the 
man  asked  for  this  grade  of  cigars  because  he 
liked  them  and  could  afford  them,  for  after  the 
selection  had  been  made  the  salesman  observed 
that  it  was  quite  pleasant  weather,  looking  Wal- 
lingford squarely  in  the  eyes  and  smiling  in 
sheer  goodfellowship  with  all  the  world.  He 
then  renewed  his  attention  to  the  "ping  pong" 
game,  and  Wallingford,  aimless  for  the  time 
and  occupied  with  that  tremendous  puzzle  of  the 
hotel  bill,  stood  by  and  watched.  A  policeman 
came  through,  but  no  one  paid  any  attention. 

"Hello,  Joe!"  he  said  affably  to  the  man  in 
charge,  and  passed  on  into  the  back  room.  As 
the  door  of  this  was  opened  the  sharp  click  of 
ivory  chips  came  through,  and  Wallingford 
heard  one  strident  voice  say,  "I'll  raise  you 

ay- Wallingford  417 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

ten."  A  brisk  and  gimlet-eyed  young  man 
came  out  a  moment  later  with  a  fifty-dollar 
bill,  for  which  he  got  change. 

"How  you  making  it,  Tommy?"  he  asked 
perfunctorily  of  one  of  the  men  who  were 
shaking  dice. 

"Rotten!"  said  the  dice  shaker.  "I've  won 
ten  two-for-a-quarter  cigars  that  have  cost  me 
four  dollars." 

"I'd  blow  the  game,"  advised  the  young  man 
with  a  bantering  laugh.  ' '  Shoot  somebody  for 
the  four  and  quit  double  or  even." 

"I'll  do  it,"  said  the  man  addressed  as 
Tommy.  "Fade  me,  Joe?" 

"Any  amount,  old  man,"  said  the  proprietor 
nonchalantly,  and  taking  four  dollars  from  the 
cash  register  he  left  the  drawer  open.  "How 
do  you  want  to  be  skinned?" 

"First-flop  poker  dice,"  said  Tommy,  pick- 
ing up  the  leather  box  which  Joe  had  slammed 
upon  the  board,  and  rattling  the  five  dice  in  it. 

One  turn  apiece  and  the  proprietor  picked 
up  the  money.  Tommy  silently  threw  a  five 
on  the  case. 

"You  other  fellows  want  in  on  this?"  he 
asked. 

J.  Rufus  suddenly  felt  that  mysterious  thing 
called  a  "hunch"  prickling  in  his  wrist. 

418 


WALLINGFOED 

"How  about  letting  a  stranger  in?"  he  ob- 
served, considering  himself  far  enough  west 
for  this  forwardness. 

With  a  smile  he  made  ready  for  that  light- 
ning glance  of  judgment  which  he  knew  would 
be  leveled  at  him  from  three  pairs  of  eyes  at 
least. 

"I'd  rather  anybody  would  have  my  money 
than  Joe,'*  said  the  man  next  to  him,  after 
that  brief  but  pleased  inspection  and  after  an 
almost  imperceptible  nod  from  the  proprietor. 
"Joe's  a  robber  and  we  none  of  us  like  him." 

"I  don't  think  I  like  him  very  well  my- 
self," laughed  Wallingford,  throwing  down  his 
money,  and,  having  accepted  him,  they  judged 
him  again  from  this  new  angle.  He  was  a 
most  likeable  man,  this  big  fellow,  and  an 
open-handed  sport.  Anybody  could  see  that. 
It  would  make  no  difference  to  him  whether 
he  won  or  lost.  All  he  wanted  was  to  be  in 
on  the  game.  Eich  as  the  mint,  no  doubt. 

In  reality  J.  Eufus  had  but  three  five  dollar 
bills  in  his  pocket,  but  desperate  needs  re- 
quire desperate  remedies,  and,  in  view  of  those 
vast  needs,  if  he  lost  he  would  be  but  little 
worse  off  than  he  was  now.  Twice  he  staked 
his  last  five,  and  then  luck  steadily  alternated 
between  him  and  the  proprietor.  One  at  a 

419 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

time  the  three  others  dropped  out,  and  the  two 
winners  were  left  confronting  each  other. 

"Well,  old  man,"  said  the  proprietor  to 
Wallingford,  shaking  the  box  up  and  down 
while  he  talked,  and  smiling  his  challenge,  "we 
split  'em  about  even.  Shall  we  quit  satisfied, 
or  shoot  it  off  to  see  who  owns  the  best  rab- 
bit's foot?" 

Wallingford  glanced  down  at  the  crumpled 
pile  of  greenbacks  in  front  of  him  and  made 
a  hasty  computation.  He  was  sure  that  he 
had  fully  two  hundred  dollars,  but  he  could 
not  in  decency  quit  now. 

"I  never  saw  a  finer  afternoon  for  a  murder 
in  my  life,"  he  declared. 

"Shoot  you  fifty,"  said  Joe. 

In  for  it,  Wallingford  covered  the  bet,  and 
by  this  time  a  throng  of  interested  spectators 
was  at  his  elbows.  It  was  Wallingford 's  first 
throw,  and  four  aces  tumbled  up.  His  op- 
ponent followed  him  with  fours,  but  they  were 
four  sixes. 

"Cover  the  hundred  and  be  a  real  sport," 
advised  Wallingford  with  a  grin. 

Joe  counted  the  money  in  front  of  him. 
There  was  enough  to  cover  the  bet,  with  a 
ten-dollar  bill  left  over.  He  threw  down 
the  pile. 

420 


WALLINGFORD 

"111  press  it  ten,"  said  he,  and  Wallingford 
promptly  added  a  ten  from  his  own  stack. 

Four  aces  again.  Again  the  man  who  was 
called  Joe  threw  four  sixes. 

"I'll  just  leave  that  bundle  of  lettuce  once 
more,"  observed  J.  Rufus.  "I've  a  hunch 
that  you'll  be  sorry  you  saw  me." 

"I'm  sorry  now,"  admitted  the  other,  "but 
I'll  skin  the  money  drawer  rather  than  have 
you  go  away  dissatisfied,"  and  from  the  cash 
register  he  took  two  hundred  and  twenty  dol- 
lars. "Now  shoot  your  head  off,"  he  advised. 

Wallingford,  in  perfect  confidence,  rattled 
the  box  high  in  the  air  and  tossed  the  five 
little  ivory  cubes  upon  the  baize;  and  a  dash 
of  cold  water  fell  on  his  confidence.  A  single, 
small,  lonely,  ashamed-looking  pair  of  deuces 
confronted  him. 

"Here's  where  we  get  it  all-1-1-1-1  back 
again,"  laughed  Joe  in  much  joy.  "Somebody 
call  the  porter  to  throw  this  stranger  out  when 
I  get  through,"  and  with  a  crash  he  dumped 
the  box  upside  down,  lifting  it  with  a  sweep. 
The  dice  rattled  about  the  board,  and  when 
they  had  all  settled  down  he  leaned  over  to 
count  them.  There  was  a  moment  of  silence 
and  then  everybody  laughed.  There  was  not 
even  a  pair.  Wallingford 's  miserable  two 

421 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

deuces  had  won  a  two-hundred-and-forty-dol- 
lar  pot.  Gently  lie  leaned  over. 

"How  much  of  this  spinach  would  you  like 
to  cover  now?"  he  asked  in  soothing  tones. 

"Wait  till  I  ask  the  safe,"  replied  his  an- 
tagonist, but  at  that  moment  the  telephone  bell 
just  behind  him  rang  and  he  turned  to  answer 
it.  With  almost  the  first  words  that  he  heard 
he  looked  at  his  watch  and  swore,  and  when 
he  had  hung  up  the  receiver  he  turned  to  Wal- 
lingford  briskly. 

"Afraid  I'll  have  to  let  you  carry  that 
bundle  of  kale  for  a  while,"  he  grudgingly  ad- 
mitted, "for  I  have  to  hurry  over  to  the  court 
or  lose  more  than  there  is  in  sight  right  here. 
But  for  heaven's  sake,  man,  remember  the 
number  and  bring  that  back  to  me.  I  want 
it." 

"Thanks,"  said  J.  Eufus.  "If  there's  any 
left  after  I  get  through  with  it  I'll  bring  it 
back,"  and  he  walked  out,  the  admired  of  all 
beholders. 

He  headed  straight  for  a  bank,  where  he 
exchanged  his  crumpled  money  into  nice,  crisp, 
fifty-dollar  bills,  and  then  with  profound  satis- 
faction he  strolled  into  his  hotel  and  threw 
two  hundred  dollars  in  front  of  the  manager. 
The  circumstance,  however,  was  worth  more 

422 


WALLINGFORD 

than  money  to  him.  It  meant  a  renewal  of 
his  confidence.  The  world  was  once  more  his 
oyster. 

That  evening,  just  as  he  had  finished  a  late 
dinner,  a  boy  brought  a  card  to  him  in  the 
dining  room;  "Mr.  Joseph  0.  Meers." 

"Meers!"  read  Wallingford  to  his  wife. 
"That  isn't  one  of  the  men  I  had  to  lunch, 
and  besides,  none  of  that  bunch  would  have 
an  engraved  card.  Where  is  he?"  he  asked 
the  boy. 

"Out  in  the  lobby,  sir." 

Wallingford  arose  and  went  with  the  boy. 
Sitting  in  one  of  the  big  chairs  was  the  "Joe" 
from  whom  he  had  won  the  money  that  after- 
noon, and  the  man  began  to  laugh  as  soon  as 
he  saw  J.  Rufus. 

"So  you're  Wallingford!"  he  said,  extend- 
ing his  hand.  "No  wonder  I  wanted  to  hunt 
you  up." 

"Yes?"  laughed  Wallingford,  entirely  at 
ease.  "I  had  been  expecting  either  you  or  a 
warrant. ' ' 

"You  can  square  that  with  a  bottle  of 
wine,"  offered  the  caller,  and  together  they 
trailed  in  to  the  bar,  where,  in  a  snug  little 
corner,  they  sat  down.  "What  I  came  to  see 
you  about,"  began  Meers,  while  they  waited 

423 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

for  the  wine  to  be  made  cold,  "is  this  cigar 
dealers'  association  that  I  hear  you're  doping 
up." 

"Who  told  you?"  asked  Wallingford. 

Mr.  Meers  winked. 

"Never  mind  about  that,"  he  said.  "I  get 
it  before  the  newspapers,  and  if  there's  a  good 
game  going  count  little  Joseph  in." 

Wallingford  studied  this  over  a  bit  before 
answering.  That  afternoon  he  had  decided 
not  to  invite  Mr.  Meers  into  the  combination 
at  all.  He  had  not  seemed  likely  material. 

"I  want  to  give  you  a  little  tip,"  added  Mr. 
Meers,  observing  this  hesitation.  "No  matter 
what  the  game  is  you  need  me.  If  I  see  my 
bit  in  it  it  goes  through,  but  if  I  don't  I'll  bet 
you  lose." 

"The  thing  isn't  a  game  at  all,"  Walling- 
ford soberly  insisted.  "It  is  a  much  needed 
commercial  development  that  lets  the  cigar 
store  be  a  real  business  in  place  of  a  peanut 
stand.  What  I'm  going  to  do  is  to  consoli- 
date all  the  small  shops  in  the  city,  for  the 
purpose  of  buying  at  large-lot  prices  and  tak- 
ing cash  discounts." 

"That's  a  good  play,  too,"  agreed  Meers; 
"but  how  about  the  details  of  it?  How  do 
you  organize  ? ' ' 

424 


WALLINGFOBD 

''Make  it  a  stock  company,"  explained  Wal- 
lingford,  expanding  largely;  "incorporate  as 
the  Ketail  Cigar  Dealers'  Consolidation  and 
issue  each  man  stock  to  the  value  of  his  pres- 
ent business;  leave  each  man  in  charge  of  his 
own  shop  and  pay  him  a  salary  equal  to  his 
present  proved  clear  earnings;  split  up  the 
surplus  profits  every  three  months  and  declare 
dividends. ' ' 

"That's  the  outside,"  commented  Mr.  Meers, 
nodding  his  head  wisely;  "but  what's  the  in- 
side? Show  me.  Understand,  Mr.  Walling- 
ford,  except  for  a  little  friendly  gamble  like 
we  had  this  afternoon,  I  only  run  a  game 
from  behind  the  table.  I  do  the  dealing. 
I'm  not  what  they  call  rich  back  in  the 
effete  East,  but  I'm  getting  along  pretty 
well  on  one  proposition:  I  always  bet  they 
don't!" 

"It's  a  good  healthy  bet,"  admitted  Wal- 
lingford;  "but  you  want  to  copper  it  on  this 
deal.  This  is  a  straight,  legitimate  proposi- 
tion." 

' '  Sure ;  sure, ' '  assented  the  other  sooth- 
ingly. "But  where  do  you  get  in?" 

"Well,  I'm  going  to  finance  it.  I'm  going 
to  take  up  some  of  the  stock  and  get  my  quar- 
terly dividends.  I'll  probably  buy  a  few  stores 

425 


GET-BICH-QUICK 

and  put  them  in,  and  I  hope  to  be  made  man- 
ager at  a  pretty  good  salary." 

"I  see  but  I  don't,"  insisted  the  seeker  after 
intimate  knowledge.  "That  all  sounds  good, 
but  it  don't  look  fancy  enough  for  a  man  that's 
down  on  the  register  of  this  hotel  for  suite  D. 
If  you  come  in  to  get  my  store  in  the  consoli- 
dation— " 

"Which  I  don't  know  whether  I'll  do  or 
not,"  interrupted  Wallingford. 

"Wait  and  you  will,  though,"  retorted  the 
other.  "If  you  come  into  my  place  of  busi- 
ness to  get  my  store  into  the  consolidation,  I 
say,  how  do  you  close  the  deal?  I  suppose  I 
sign  an  agreement  of  some  sort,  don't  I?" 

"Well,  naturally,  to  have  a  safe  under- 
standing you'd  have  to,"  admitted  the  pro- 
moter. 

"Let  me  see  the  agreement." 

J.  Eufus  drew  a  long  breath  and  chuckled. 

"You're  a  regular  insister,  ain't  you!"  he 
said  as  he  drew  a  carbon  copy  of  the  agree- 
ment from  his  pocket. 

Mr.  Meers  read  the  paper  over  twice.  The 
wine  was  brought  to  their  table  and  served, 
but  he  paid  no  attention  to  the  filled  glass  at 
his  elbow.  He  was  reading  a  certain  portion 
of  that  agreement  for  the  third  and  fourth 

426 


WALLINGFORD 

time,  but  at  last  he  laid  it  down  on  the  chair 
beside  him  and  solemnly  tilted  his  hat  to  Mr. 
Wallingford. 

"You're  an  honor  to  your  family,"  he  an- 
nounced. "I  didn't  suppose  there  were  any 
more  games  left,  but  you've  sprung  a  new  one 
and  it's  a  peach!" 

Wallingford  strove  to  look  magnificently 
unaware  of  what  he  meant,  but  the  attempt 
was  a  failure. 

"The  scheme  is  so  smooth,"  went  on  Mr. 
Meers  with  a  heartfelt  appreciation,  "that  it 
strained  my  eyesight  to  find  the  little  joker; 
but  now  I  can  tell  you  all  about  it.  It's  in 
the  transfer  of  the  stock,  and  here's  what  you 
do.  The  consolidation  buys  my  place  for,  say, 
five  thousand  dollars,  and  gives  me  five  thou- 
sand dollars'  worth  of  stock  in  the  consolida- 
tion for  it.  That's  what  this  paper  seems  to 
say,  but  that's  not  what  happens.  It's  you 
that  buys  my  place  for  five  thousand  dollars 
and  gives  me  five  thousand  dollars'  worth  of 
stock  in  the  consolidation  for  it,  and  you,  be- 
ing then  the  temporary  owner  through  a  fake 
trusteeship,  turn  around  and  sell  my  business 
to  the  consolidation,  the  management  of  which 
is  in  your  flipper  through  a  board  of  dummy 
directors,  for  ten  thousand  dollars;  and  you 

427 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

have  our  iron-clad  contract  to  let  you  do  this, 
though  it  don't  say  so!  When  you  get  through 
you  have  consolidated  a  hundred  and  twenty- 
five  thousand  dollars'  worth  of  business  into 
a  two-hundred-and-fifty-thousand-dollar  stock 
company,  and  you  have  a  hundred  and  twenty- 
five  thousand  dollars'  worth  of  stock  which 
didn't  cost  you  a  cent!  Say!  Have  this  wine 
on  me.  I  insist!  I  want  to  buy  you  some- 
thing!" 

Slowly  Mr.  Wallingford's  shoulders  began 
to  heave  and  his  face  to  turn  red,  and  pres- 
ently he  broke  into  a  series  of  chuckles  that 
expanded  to  a  guffaw. 

"I  don't  see  how  I  ever  won  that  five  hun- 
dred from  you  this  afternoon,"  he  observed, 
and  shook  again. 

"The  pleasure  is  all  mine,"  said  the  loser 
politely.  "Now  I'm  sorry  it  wasn't  a  thou- 
sand. You're  worth  the  money  and  I'm  glad 
I  came  to  see  you.  Count  me  in  on  the  Eetail 
Cigar  Dealers'  Consolidation." 

"All  right,  sign  the  paper,"  said  Walling- 
ford  with  another  chuckle. 

"Watch  me  sign  it  not,"  said  Meers.  "I'm 
too  patriotic.  I'm  so  patriotic  that  I  hate  to 
see  all  this  good  money  go  to  a  stranger,  so 
I'm  going  to  take  sixty-two  and  one  half  thou- 

428 


WALLINGFORD 

sand  dollars'  worth  of  that  free  stock  myself. 
I  declare  myself  in.  You  hear  me?" 

By  the  time  Mr.  Meers  was  through  talking 
Wallingford  was  delighted  so  far  as  surface 
went,  though  he  was  already  doing  some  in- 
tense figuring. 

"I  don't  know  but  that  it's  a  good  thing 
you  came  to  see  me,"  he  admitted.  " How- 
ever, I  hope  it  don't  strike  you  that  I  intend 
to  give  you  half  a  nice  ripe  peach  without  a 
good  reason  for  it.  What  do  I  get  for  letting 
you  in?" 

11  That's  a  fair  question.  I  guess  you  noticed 
that  if  we  want  to  cut  a  melon  or  open  a  keg 
of  nails  over  in  my  place  we  don't  go  down 
in  the  cellar?" 

"I  certainly  did,"  admitted  the  big  man 
with  a  grin. 

"Well,  that's  it.  I'm  permanent  alderman 
from  the  fifth  ward,  and  every  time  they  hold 
an  election  they  come  and  ask  me  whether  I 
want  it  served  with  mushrooms  or  tomato  sauce. 
The  job  has  belonged  to  me  ever  since  I  was 
old  enough  to  lie  about  my  age.  What  I  say 
goes  in  the  privilege  line,  and  I  guess  a  mere 
child  could  figure  out  what  that  privilege  would 
be  worth  to  the  Eetail  Cigar  Dealers'  Consoli- 
dation; the  dice  box  privilege;  the  back  room 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

privilege  with  a  nice  little  poker  game  going 
on  twenty-four  hours  a  day;  faro  if  I  want 
it.  Besides,  I'm  coming  in  just  because.  Why, 
I'm  the  man  that  stopped  the  ping  pong  game 
in  this  town  so  I  could  have  a  monopoly  of  it ! ' ' 

"How  soon  can  you  be  ready  to  incorpo- 
rate?" asked  Wallingford,  satisfied  to  all  ex- 
ternal appearances;  for  this  man  could  stop 
him.  l '  To-morrowl ' 9 

"To-night,  if  you  say  so." 

Wallingford  laughed. 

"It  won't  spoil  over  night,"  he  said;  "but 
there's  just  one  thing  I  want  to  know.  Is 
there  anybody  else  to  cut  in  on  this1?" 

In  reply,  Mr.  Meers  slowly  drew  down  the 
under  lid  of  his  right  eye  to  show  that  there 
was  no  green  in  it,  and  when  they  parted  an 
hour  or  so  later  it  was  with  mutual,  even  hila- 
rious expressions  of  good  will.  Immediately 
thereafter,  however,  Wallingford  retired 
within  himself  and  spent  long,  long  hours  in 
thought. 


430 


WHEREIN    MR.    WALLINGFORD    JOINS    THE    LARGEST 
CLUB  IN   THE   WORLD 

THE  name  of  Meers  was  magic.     It  is 
quite  probable  that  the  magnetic  Wal- 
lingford    would    have    been    able    to 
carry  through  his  proposed  consolida- 
tion alone;    but  with  the  fifth  ward  alderman 
to  back  him  his  work  was  easy.    A  few  of  the 
small  dealers  were  afraid  of  Meers,  but  they 
were  also  afraid  to  stay  out ;  for  the  most  part, 
however,  they  were  glad  to  enter  into  any  com- 
bination  with   him,   particularly   since   it   was 
tacitly  understood  that  this  would  open  up  to 
them  the  much  coveted  "ping  pong"  privilege, 
an  attraction  which  not  only  increased  the  sale 
of  goods  but  gave  an  additional  hundred  per 
cent,  of  profit. 

The  first  steps  in  the  incorporation  were 
taken  the  next  day  after  the  interview  of  Wal- 
lingford  and  Meers,  and  within  a  few  days  the 
Retail  Cigar  Dealers'  Consolidation  was  for- 
mally effected,  even  to  the  trifling  little  mum- 
meries which  covered  the  state's  requirement 

431 


GET-KICH-QUICK 

of  a  certain  percentage  of  "  fully  paid  up 
stock."  Wallingf ord 's  share  of  the  initial  ex- 
pense was  one  hundred  dollars,  but  he  had  no 
mind  to  give  up  any  of  his  precious  pocket 
money  at  this  time. 

"  Suppose  you  just  pay  the  whole  bill  your- 
self, and  let  us  pay  you,"  he  suggested  in  an 
offhand  way  to  Meers.  "It  looks  so  much  bet- 
ter all  in  one  lump." 

Of  course,  Mr.  Meers  was  agreeable  to  this 
eminently  respectable  suggestion;  but  when 
Wallingford  handed  over  his  own  check  it  was 
dated  a  week  ahead. 

"If  this  won't  do  you  I'll  have  to  give  up 
some  cash,"  he  explained  with  an  easy  laugh. 
"I'm  having  some  securities  negotiated  back 
East  to  open  an  account  here,  and  it  may  take 
three  or  four  days  to  have  it  arranged. ' ' 

Meers  heard  him  with  a  curious  smile. 

"I  beat  a  pleasant  stranger's  head  off  once 
for  putting  up  a  line  of  talk  like  that,"  he 
commented;  "but,  of  course,  this  is  different," 
and  he  took  the  check. 

He  had  become  an  enthusiastic  admirer  of 
Wallingf  ord 's  undoubted  genius,  and  at  noth- 
ing was  he  more  amused  than  by  the  caliber 
of  the  three  other  incorporators  who  had  been 
chosen.  Stock  valuations  were  at  once  made 

432 


"YOUR  FINE  LITTLE  WIFE  HERE  SWEARS  THAT  IT  WILL" 


for  these  three,  at  an  exaggerated  estimate  of 
the  value  of  their  concerns,  and  when  they 
came  to  Meers  himself  the  same  plan  was 
followed. 

"For,"  said  Wallingford,  "to  make  this 
strong  you  have  to  come  in  just  like  the  rest, 
and  I  have  to  take  up  the  balance  of  the  stock 
right  now  as  trustee." 

Meers  balked  a  trifle  at  that. 

"I  never  feel  so  cheerful  as  when  I'm  my 
own  stakeholder,"  he  stated  frankly.  "When 
I  hold  all  the  coin  it's  a  cinch  I'll  get  mine, 
but  when  somebody  else  holds  it  I  keep  trained 
down  for  a  foot  race." 

"Fix  it  any  way  to  suit  yourself,"  offered 
Wallingford  with  a  carelessness  that  he  was 
far  from  feeling.  "If  you  can  figure  out  a 
better  stunt,  show  it  to  me." 

Mr.  Meers  tried  earnestly  to  think  of  a  bet- 
ter plan  but  was  forced  to  concede  that  there 
was  none. 

"Oh,  well,"  he  gave  in  at  last,  "it  don't 
matter.  It's  only  for  a  week  or  so  I'll  have  to 
rub  salve  on  my  fingers  to  cure  that  itch." 

"Certainly,"  Wallingford  assured  him.  "It 
won't  take  more  than  a  week,  after  we  get  the 
stock  certificates  from  the  printers,  to  make  all 
the  transfers,  and  then  we'll  have  from  a  hun- 

»8—  Wallingford  433 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

dred  and  twenty  to  a  hundred  and  forty  thou- 
sand dollars'  worth  to  split  up.  If  we  can't 
make  that  yield  us  five  or  six  thousand  a  year 
apiece,  aside  from  salaries,  the  buying  and 
manufacturing  grafts  and  other  rake-offs,  we 
ought  to  have  guardians  appointed." 

"Fine  business,"  agreed  Meers  complacently. 

That  complacency,  which  meant  forgetful- 
ness  of  the  fact  that  all  the  stock  would  be 
temporarily  in  Wallingford's  hands  and  under 
his  absolute  legal  mastery,  was  what  J.  Rufus 
wished  to  encourage,  and  to  that  end  he  ar- 
ranged for  "secret"  meetings  of  the  Retail 
Cigar  Dealers  during  the  constructive  period. 
Here  the  promoter  was  at  his  best.  Singly,  his 
big  impressiveness  dominated  men;  in  masses, 
he  swayed  them.  Enthusiasm  was  raised  to 
fever  heat.  Even  the  smallest  among  these 
men  grew  large.  Individually  they  were  poor; 
collectively  they  were  rich.  Outside  the  con- 
solidation not  one  of  them  amounted  to  much; 
inside  it  each  one  was  a  part  of  a  millionaire! 
In  the  business  of  cigar  selling  a  new  era  had 
come,  and  its  name  was  Wallingford!  By  the 
close  of  the  second  meeting,  scarcely  a  small 
dealer  in  the  town  but  had  signed  the  cleverly 
worded  agreement. 

It  was  while  the  stock  certificates  were  being 

434 


WALLINGFORD 

printed  that  Wallingford,  who  almost  lived  in 
the  resplendent  carriage  these  days,  drove  up 
to  Ed  Nickel's  place  of  business,  at  a  time 
when  both  the  flabby  solitaire  player  and  the 
apathetic  watcher  had  gone  out  to  whatever 
mysterious  place  it  was  that  they  secured  food. 

"I  say,  Mr.  Vice  President,"  asked  Wal- 
lingford, addressing  the  amazingly  spruced  up 
Mr.  Nickel  quite  as  an  equal,  "do  you  know 
where  I  could  buy  a  nice  house?  One  for  about 
fifteen  thousand?" 

"I  don't  know,  I'm  sure,"  regretted  Nickel, 
pleased  to  be  taken  thus  into  the  great  Wal- 
lingford's  intimacy,  "but  there  ought  to  be 
plenty  of  them.  I  wish  I  could  figure  on  a 
house  like  that." 

"Stick  to  me  and  see  what  happens  to  you," 
advised  Wallingford  with  no  thought  of  the 
joke  he  was  uttering.  "There's  no  reason  you 
shouldn't  have  anything  you  want  if  you  just 
go  after  the  big  game.  Watch  me." 

"But  you've  got  money,"  protested  the  Vice 
President. 

"Did  I  always  have  it?"  demanded  the  emi- 
nent financier.  "Every  cent  I  have,  Mr. 
Nickel,  I  made  myself;  and  you  can  do  the 
same.  The  trouble  is,  you  don't  go  in  big 
enough.  You  have  only  a  thousand  dollars 

435 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

worth  of  stock  in  our  consolidation,  for  in- 
stance. You  ought  to  have  at  least  ten 
thousand. ' ' 

"I  haven't  the  money,"  said  Nickel. 

"How  much  have  you?" 

"  Just  a  shade  over  five  thousand.  Say,  man, 
I'm  forty-six  years  old  and  I  been  slavin'  like 
a  dog  ever  since  I  was  sixteen.  Thirty  years 
it  took  me  to  scrape  that  five  thousand  to- 
gether. ' ' 

"Saved  it!"  snorted  Wallingford.  "No 
wonder  you  haven't  but  five  thousand.  You 
can't  make  money  that  way.  You  have  to  in- 
vest. Do  you  suppose  Rockefeller  saved  his 
first  million?  Tell  you  what  I'll  do,  Nickel. 
Can  you  keep  a  secret?" 

"Sure,"  asserted  Mr.  Nickel,  with  the  eager- 
ness of  one  who  has  never  been  entrusted  with 
a  secret  of  consequence. 

"If  you  want  it  and  will  pay  for  it  on  de- 
livery next  Saturday,  I  can  scheme  it  for  you 
to  take  up  an  extra  five  thousand  dollars '  worth 
of  stock  in  the  consolidation;  but  if  I  do  you 
must  not  say  one  word  about  it  to  any  one  until 
after  everything  is  settled,  or  some  of  these 
other  fellows  will  be  jealous.  There's  Meers, 
for  instance.  He's  crazy  right  now  to  take 
over  every  share  of  the  surplus,  but,  between 

436 


WALLINGFORD 

you  and  I,  we  don't  want  him  to  have  such  a 
big  finger  in  the  pie." 

"I  should  say  not,"  agreed  Mr.  Nickel  em- 
phatically. "He's  too  big  as  it  is.  Why,  he 
pretty  near  runs  this  town." 

"He  can't  run  the  consolidation;  I'll  tell 
him  that!"  declared  Mr.  Wallingford  with 
much  apparent  heat.  "It's  my  project  and  I'll 
favor  whoever  I  want  to.  But  about  this  stock, 
old  man.  You  think  it  over,  and  if  you  want  it 
let  me  know  by  not  later  than  to-day  noon.  If 
it  isn't  spoken  for  by  that  time  I'll  take  it  my- 
self; but  remember,  not  one  word!" 

Mr.  Nickel  promised,  on  his  honor  as  a  man 
and  his  self-interest  as  a  favored  stockholder, 
to  say  nothing,  and  Wallingford  started  out. 
At  the  door  he  turned  back,  however. 

' '  By  the  way, ' '  said  he,  ' '  when  we  get  going 
I've  made  up  my  mind  to  push  the  Nickelfine 
and  the  Double  Nickel  brands.  I've  been  try- 
ing those  two  boxes  you  gave  me  and  they're 
great.  But  don't  say  anything.  Jealousy,  you 
know ! ' ' 

Mr.  Nickel  put  his  finger  to  his  lips  and 
smiled  and  bowed  significantly.  Fine  man,  that 
Wallingford !  Knew  a  good  thing  when  he  saw 
it,  and  easy  as  an  old  shoe  in  spite  of  all  his 
money.  Regular  howling  swell,  too. 

437 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

The  regular  howling  swell  was  at  that  very 
moment  on  his  rubber-tired  way  to  the  shop  of 
Alfred  Norton,  where  he  made  a  similar  prop- 
osition to  the  one  he  had  made  Nickel.  In  all 
his  manipulating  he  had  kept  careful  track  of 
the  gentlemen  who  had  or  who  might  have 
money,  and  now  he  made  it  his  business  to  visit 
each  of  them  in  turn,  to  talk  additional  stock 
with  them  and  bind  them  to  inviolate  secrecy. 
For  three  days  he  kept  this  up,  and  on  Friday 
evening  was  able  to  mop  his  brow  in  content. 

11  Fanny,"  he  opined,  "you  have  a  smart  hus- 
band." 

"That's  the  only  fault  I  have  to  find  with 
you,  Jim/'  she  retorted  smiling.  "What  have 
you  done  this  time!" 

"I've  just  tapped  Mr.  Joseph  0.  Meers  on 
the  solar  plexus,"  he  exulted.  "I'll  show  that 
gentleman  how  to  horn  into  my  game  and  take 
the  rake-off  that's  coming  to  a  real  artist!  He's 
dreaming  happy  dreams  just  now,  but  when  I 
leave  town  with  the  mezuma  he'll  wake  up." 

"I  thought  you  were  going  to  stay  here,"  she 
objected  with  a  troubled  frown. 

He  understood  her  at  once,  and  reached  over 
to  stroke  her  hair. 

"Never  mind,  girl,"  he  said.  "I'm  as  anx- 
ious now  as  you  are  to  settle  down,"  and  he 

438 


W  A  L  L I N  G  F  0  E  D 

glanced  at  the  fluffy  white  sewing  in  her  lap; 
"but  this  isn't  the  town.  I  had  a  nice  clean 
business  planned  here,  but  the  village  grafter 
tried  to  jiu-jitsu  me,  so  I  just  naturally  had  to 
jolt  him  one.  I'll  clean  up  about  a  hundred 
thousand  to-morrow,  and  with  that  I'll  go  any- 
where you  say  and  into  any  business  you  pick 
out.  Suppose  we  go  back  to  Battlesburg,  clear 
off  that  mortgage  on  your  house  and  settle  down 
there!" 

"Oh,  will  you?"  she  asked  eagerly.  "But 
who  loses  this  money,  Jim?"  she  suddenly 
wanted  to  know.  "I'm  more  particular  than 
ever  about  it  just  now.  I  don't  want  to  take  a 
dollar  that  isn't  right." 

Again  he  understood. 

"Don't  worry  about  that,"  he  replied  seri- 
ously. "This  money  is  legitimate  water  that  I 
am  sopping  up  out  of  a  reorganization,  just  like 
a  Harriman  or  a  Morgan.  The  drag-down  I 
get  is  simply  my  pay  as  promoter  and  organ- 
izer, and  is  no  bigger  percentage  than  other 
promoters  take  when  they  get  a  chance." 

He  had  never  taken  so  much  pains  to  justify 
himself  in  her  eyes,  and  she  felt  that  this  was 
due  to  a  new  tenderness.  What  if  the  wonder- 
ful influence  that  was  dawning  upon  their  lives 
should  make  a  permanent  change  in  him? 

439 


GET-BICH-QUICK 

There  came  a  knock  at  the  door.  Walling- 
ford  opened  it  and  was  confronted  by  a  tall 
and  stoutly  built  gentleman,  who  wore  a  blue 
helmet  and  numerous  brass  buttons  upon  his 
clothes. 

"Mr.  Wallingf ord, "  said  the  caller,  with  a 
laborious  wink  and  a  broad  brogue,  "could  ye 
step  across  to  the  Court  House  wid  me  a  few 
minutes  and  sign  them  papers?"  and  when 
Wallingf ord  had  stepped  outside,  he  added: 
"  'Twas  on  account  of  the  lady  I  told  ye  that, 
but  on  the  level,  I'm  after  arrestin'  yez!" 

"What's  the  charge?"  asked  Wallingf  ord 
with  a  tolerant  smile,  knowing  his  entire  inno- 
cence of  wrong. 

"Obtainin'  money  under  false  pretenses." 

Wallingford  whistled,  and,  still  unworried, 
excused  himself  for  a  moment.  His  statement 
to  his  wife  was  characteristic. 

"I'll  be  back  in  about  an  hour,"  he  said, 
"but  I  don't  feel  safe  with  so  much  wealth  in 
my  clothes  when  I'm  out  with  a  policeman," 
and  with  a  laugh  he  tossed  into  her  lap  prac- 
tically all  the  money  that  he  had — an  even  fifty 
dollars. 

Of  course  Wallingford  sent  immediately  for 
Joseph  0.  Meers,  and  that  gentleman  came  at 
once. 

440 


WALLINGFORD 

' '  Lovely  place  to  find  your  old  college  chum, ' ' 
the  prisoner  cheerfully  remarked.  "I  wish 
you'd  go  find  out  what  this  charge  is  all  about 
and  get  me  out  of  this,  Meers.  It  might  hurt 
the  consolidation  if  it  becomes  known.  There's 
a  mistake  some  place. ' ' 

1  'Oh,  is  there?"  Mr.  Meers  wanted  to  know. 
"I'll  bet  there  ain't  a  mistake,  because  I'm  the 
baby  that  secured  the  warrant,  and  I'm  going  to 
send  you  over.  Tried  to  double  cross  me,  didn't 
you?"  he  asked  pleasantly.  "Well,  it  can't  be 
done.  Any  grafter  that  tries  to  hand  me  the 
worst  of  it  is  going  to  find  himself  sucking  at 

the  sour  end  of  a  lemon, quick.  So  I  was 

to  be  the  mark,  eh?  Just  because  there  wasn't 
a  paper  signed  between  us  to  show  that  I  was 
entitled  to  half  that  surplus  stock,  you  was 
going  to  sell  the  bunch  of  it  and  make  a  quick 
get-away.  I  was  to  be  the  fall  guy  for  that  nice 
little  futurity  check,  too!  You  remember  that 
little  old  hundred,  don't  you?  Well,  it  got  you. 
I  was  hep  to  you  day  before  yesterday,  but 
your  date  didn't  run  out  on  that  check  till 
to-day,  so  I  waited;  and  I'm  going  to  send  you 
over  the  road  for  as  long  a  stretch  as  a  good 
lawyer  can  hand  you.  Now  stay  here  and  rot ! " 
and  Joseph  0.  Meers,  highly  pleased  with  him- 
self, walked  out. 

441 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

Jail!  Mr.  J.  Rufus  Wallingford,  to  whom 
tufted  carpets  and  soft  leather  chairs  were  not 
luxuries  but  necessities,  looked  around  him  with 
the  nearest  substitute  for  a  "game"  grin  that 
he  could  muster,  and  the  prophetic  words  of 
Blackie  Daw  occurred  to  him: 

"Our  turn's  next!" 

"It's  a  fine  joke  I  played  on  myself,"  he 
mused.  "Me  that  a  few  weeks  ago  had  a  mil- 
lion in  sight  and  that  two  hours  ago  had  a 
hundred  thousand  cinched  for  to-morrow,  to 
lose  out  like  this;  and  for  a  hundred  dollars!" 

That  was  the  rub!  To  think  that  after  all 
these  years,  during  which  he  had  conducted  his 
pleasant  and  legally  safe  financial  recreations 
with  other  people's  money  upon  a  scale  large 
enough  to  live  like  a  gentleman,  his  first  intro- 
duction to  a  jail  should  be  because  of  a  miser- 
able, contemptible  hundred  dollars!  Why  had 
he  forgotten  that  check?  Why  had  he  been 
fool  enough  to  think  he  could  swear  a  lot  of 
spineless  jelly  fish  to  secrecy?  Why  hadn't  he 
been  content  with  half  I  It  served  him  right,  he 
admitted,  and  unless  Meers  relented,  the  peni- 
tentiary yawned  its  ugly  mouth  very  close  to 
him.  At  any  rate,  he  was  now  a  full-fledged 
member  of  the  largest  organization  in  the  world 
— the  Down  and  Out  Club.  It  was  queer  that 

442 


in  all  this  thought  there  came  no  trace  of  re- 
gret for  what  he  had  done;  there  came  only  re- 
gret for  the  consequences,  only  self-revilement 
that  he  had  "overlooked  a  bet."  His  "con- 
science" did  not  reproach  him  at  all,  except  for 
failure;  for,  monstrous  as  it  may  seem,  to  his 
own  mind  he  had  done  no  wrong!  Nor  had  he 
meant  any  wrong!  With  no  sense  of  moral  ob- 
ligation whatever — and  no  more  to  be  blamed 
for  that  than  another  man  is  for  being  born 
hunchbacked — he  merely  looked  upon  himself 
as  smarter  than  most  men,  doing  just  what  they 
would  have  done  had  they  been  blessed  with 
the  ability.  Only  at  last  he  had  been  unfortu- 
nate! Well,  the  joke  was  on  him,  and  he  must 
be  a  good  loser. 

The  humor  of  the  situation  rather  wore  off 
when,  after  a  night  upon  a  hard  pallet  and  a 
breakfast  of  dry  bread  and  weak  coffee,  he  sent 
a  message  to  Ed  Nickel  and  learned  from  that 
indignantly  virtuous  citizen  that  he  would  have 
nothing  to  do  with  swindlers!  Then  he  sent 
word  to  his  wife  and  the  answer  he  got  to  that 
message  was  the  last  straw.  Mrs.  Wallingford 
had  quitted  the  hotel  early  that  morning!  He 
was  sure  of  her,  however.  She  would  turn  up 
again  in  her  own  good  time,  but  what  could  she 
do?  Nothing!  For  the  first  time  in  his  life, 

443 


GET-BICH-QUICK 

the  man  who  had  never  thought  to  have  need 
of  a  friend  outside  a  few  moral  defectives  of 
his  own  class,  realized  what  it  is  to  be  abso- 
lutely friendless.  There  was  no  one  left  in  all 
this  wide  world  upon  whom  he  could  make  any 
demand  of  loyalty.  Blackie  Daw  a  fugitive, 
Billy  Biggs  a  convict,  all  the  old  clan  scattered 
far  and  wide,  either  paying  their  penalty,  or, 
having  transgressed  the  law,  fleeing  from  it,  the 
universe  had  come  to  an  end. 

Hour  after  hour  he  spent  in  trying  to  think 
of  some  one  to  whom  he  could  appeal,  and  the 
conviction  gradually  burned  itself  in  upon  him 
that  at  last  he  was  "up  against  it."  It  was 
a  bad  mess.  He  had  made  no  deposit  whatever 
in  the  local  bank  upon  which  he  had  drawn  that 
check,  though  he  had  intended  to  do  so.  More- 
over, Meers,  to  prove  fraudulent  intent,  could 
show  his  intended  bad  faith  in  the  other  matter 
between  them;  and  besides  all  that  the  alder- 
man cigar  dealer  had  a  "pull"  of  no  mean  pro- 
portions. It  had  seemed  impossible,  the  night 
before,  that  he  who  had  dealt  only  in  thousands 
and  hundreds  of  thousands  should  be  made  a 
felon  for  a  paltry  hundred.  It  had  seemed  too 
absurd  to  be  true,  an  anomalous  situation  that 
a  day  would  clear  up  and  at  which  he  could 
afterwards  laugh.  Even  now  he  joked  with  the 

444 


WALLINGFOBD 

turnkey,  and  that  guardian  of  social  recalci- 
trants was  profoundly  convinced  that  in  J. 
Bufus  Wallingford  he  had  the  swellest  prisoner 
upon  whom  he  had  ever  slid  a  bolt.  The 
policeman  who  arrested  him  and  the  judge  who 
next  morning  remanded  him  for  trial  shared 
that  opinion,  but  it  was  a  very  melancholy  sat- 
isfaction. After  his  preliminary  hearing  he 
went  from  the  city  prison  to  a  more  "  comfort- 
able" cell  in  the  county  jail,  to  think  a  number 
of  very  deep  thoughts.  Not  a  friendly  eye  had 
been  turned  on  him  but  that  of  Joseph  0. 
Meers,  who  had  come  around  to  see  the  fun. 
Mr.  Meers  had  been  quite  jovial  with  him,  had 
handed  him  a  good  cigar  and  told  him  the 
latest  developments  in  the  Retail  Cigar  Dealers* 
Consolidation.  He  was  reorganizing  it  himself. 
It  was  really  a  good  " stunt,"  and  he  thanked 
J.  Bufus  most  effusively  for  having  started  it. 
This  was  "kidding"  of  a  broad-gauge  type  that 
Wallingford,  for  the  same  reason  that  a  gam- 
bler tries  to  look  pleased  when  he  loses  his 
money,  was  bound  to  enjoy  very  much,  and 
with  right  good  wit  he  replied  in  kind;  but  in 
this  exchange  of  humor  he  was  very  much 
handicapped,  for  really  Meers  had  all  the  joke 
on  his  side. 

Another  restless  night  and   another  dreary 

445 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

day,  and  then,  just  as  he  had  begun  to  sin- 
cerely pity  himself  as  a  forlorn  castaway  upon 
the  barrenest  shore  of  all  living  things,  there 
came  visitors  for  him,  and  the  turnkey  with 
much  deference  threw  open  his  cell  and  led 
him  out  to  the  visitor 's  cage.  His  wife !  Well, 
he  had  expected  her,  and  he  had  expected,  too, 
since  this  great  new  tenderness  had  come  upon 
her,  to  find  her  eyes  suffused  with  bravely  sup- 
pressed tears  as  they  now  were;  but  he  had 
never  expected  to  see  again  the  man  who  was 
with  her.  E.  B.  Lott!  the  man  to  whom  he 
had  once  sold  rights  of  way  to  a  traction  line 
which  he  had  never  intended  to  build!  one  of 
his  most  profitable  victims! 

"So  they  got  you  at  last,  did  they,  Walling- 
ford?"  said  Lott  briskly,  and  shook  hands 
with  him,  positive  pleasure  in  the  meeting 
beaming  from  his  grizzled  countenance.  "I 
expected  they  would.  A  nice  little  game  you 
played  on  me  up  in  Battlesburg,  wasn't  it? 
Well,  my  boy,  it  was  worth  the  money.  You 
really  had  a  valuable  right  of  way,  with  valu- 
able franchises  and  concessions,  and  the  Lewis- 
ville,  Battlesburg  and  Elliston  Traction  Line 
is  doing  a  ripping  business;  so  I'll  forgive 
you,  especially  since  you're  not  an  individual 
criminal  at  all.  You're  only  the  logical  de- 

446 


WALLINGFOBD 

velopment  of  the  American  tendency  to  'get 
there'  no  matter  how.  It  is  the  national  weak- 
ness, the  national  menace,  and  you're  only  an 
exaggerated  molecule  of  it.  You  think  that  so 
long  as  you  stay  inside  the  law  you're  all 
right,  even  morally ;  but  a  man  who  habitually 
shaves  so  close  to  the  narrow  edge  is  going  to 
slip  off  some  time.  Now  you've  had  your  dose 
and  I  shouldn't  wonder  but  it  might  make  a 
man  of  you.  Your  fine  little  wife  here,  who 
hunted  me  up  the  minute  she  found  out  your 
real  predicament,  swears  that  it  will,  but  I'm 
not  sure.  You're  too  valuable,  though,  to  coop 
up  in  a  penitentiary,  and  I'm  going  to  buy 
you  off.  I  can  use  you.  I've  been  in  the  trac- 
tion business  ever  since  the  first  trolley  touched 
a  wire,  and  I  never  yet  have  seen  a  man  who 
could  go  out  and  get  a  right  of  way  for  noth- 
ing, as  you  did,  nor  get  it  in  so  short  a  space 
of  time,  even  for  money.  We  expect  to  open 
up  two  thousand  miles  of  lines  this  coming 
year  and  I'm  going  to  put  you  on  the  job.  I 
can't  fix  it  to  make  you  such  quick  riches  as 
you  can  rake  in  on  crooked  deals,  but  I'll  guar- 
antee you  will  have  more  in  the  end.  It's  a 
great  chance  for  you,  my  boy,  and  just  to  pro- 
tect you  against  yourself  I'm  going  to  hire  a 
good  man  to  watch  you." 

447 


GET-RICH-QUICK 

Wallingford  had  already  regained  his 
breadth  of  chest,  and  now  he  began  to  laugh. 
His  shoulders  heaved  and  the  hundred  jovial 
wrinkles  about  his  eyes  creased  with  the  humor 
of  the  thought  that  had  come  to  him. 

"You'd  better  hire  three,"  he  suggested, 
"and  work  them  in  eight-hour  shifts." 

Nevertheless  there  was  a  bit  of  moisture  in 
his  eyes,  and  his  hand,  dropping  down,  sought 
his  wife's.  Perhaps  in  that  moment  he  vaguely 
promised  himself  some  effort  toward  a  higher 
ideal,  but  the  woman  at  his  side,  though  know- 
ing what  she  knew,  though  herself  renewed  and 
made  over  wholly  with  that  great  new  reason, 
though  detecting  the  presence  of  the  crippled 
moral  sense  that  was  falling  back  baffled  from 
its  feeble  assault  upon  his  soul,  pressed  her 
other  palm  over  his  hand  protectingly  and 
shook  her  head — for  at  last  she  understood! 

Upon  thistles  grow  no  roses. 

THE   END 


448 


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